The restaurant is relatively quiet when I first get there with my parents. Camilla, Logan’s mom, is already here and seated at the table. The three of us sit down with her, placing an order for our drinks as we wait for August and Logan to get here after getting showered and changed after their game.
“How is everything going, Isla?” my father asks me as my mother and Camilla fall into a quiet conversation among themselves. I haven’t really spoken to my father much since I moved here for school, although I’m sure that my mother has kept him well-informed.
I shrug, giving him a small smile. “It’s been an adjustment, but it’s all going well. I’ve been enjoying my classes so far and have made a few friends.”
“Good.” He smiles, flashing his white teeth at me. “I know it isn’t what you’re used to, but I feel better knowing you’re living with your brother and Logan.”
Grabbing the glass of water in front of me, I take a long sip, swallowing hard before nodding. “Yeah, it’s been nice having them around.”
“Have the two of them been staying out of trouble?”
My eyes widen slightly. I’ve never been a very good liar and tend to give it away on my face every single time. I’m about to answer him, when August and Logan come striding toward the table, both of them sporting matching black and blue eyes. “Why don’t you ask them yourself?” I smile softly, glancing down at the menu in front of me in an effort to avoid the entire conversation.
“August…” My father’s voice is low, his tone scolding. “What the hell happened to your face?”
I lift my head as my mother gasps and August and Logan both sit on opposite sides of me at the table. All three sets of eyes from our parents are on August, assessing the damage that was done to his pretty face. Logan snorts and grabs a menu before he begins to look at it.
“I may or may not have gotten into a fight,” August offers, a crooked grin forming on his face. He picks up his glass of water and takes a sip. “It’s no big deal, though. Everything is good.”
“No big deal?” my father snaps at him, slamming his menu down on the table. Camilla tears her eyes from August, glancing at Logan before she looks at my mother. She shakes her head in disappointment and sighs. “You do know that anything you do off the ice can also affect your play time, right? I hope you realize how much is at stake here with these little mishaps you’ve been having. I wasn’t going to say anything, because I know that you’ve been doing better, but I heard about you being late to practice.”
August narrows his eyes at him. “How do you know that?”
“That’s beside the point. August, you need to take this seriously. I don’t know what happened, but college seems to have been the worst thing for you.”
“Dennis,” my mother says softly, her hand reaching for his on the table. “Why don’t you give him a chance to speak?”
My father glances at my mother, his eyes wild with rage, but she instantly brings him back, calming him as he stares at her for a moment. His eyes fall shut and he inhales deeply before opening them again and looking at August. “What’s going on, August?”
No one needs to address Logan’s face because we all witnessed the fight he got into on the ice. It was a little more aggressive than necessary, but he was clearly working through something… but I’m the only one who knows what is troubling his mind.
August shrugs as he nervously plays with the napkin in front of him. “Sometimes shit just feels heavy, you know? I don’t know, I guess I was enjoying myself a little too much. But I realized that I’ve been on the path to jeopardizing everything and have turned things around.”
“He’s been doing well,” I offer, interjecting when I know it’s not my place, but I hate seeing my brother shrinking under our father’s scrutinizing gaze. “He got a little distracted, but I’ve seen him making changes already.”
It’s a little white lie and I can feel Logan’s eyes on the side of my face, but our parents don’t need to know that. They don’t need to know that he literally just got that shiner last night. I know my brother well enough to be able to trust him and believe him when he says he’s going to make changes and do better. I believed him this morning and I need them to believe it too.
“I know how college can be,” our father says, glancing between the three of us. “There are many distractions, you’re trying to figure out where you’re going in life, and the two of you are juggling a demanding sport. But, both of you have a future that can be built off of how well you perform while you’re in college. I can’t have you forgetting that, August. Both of you,” he pauses, looking at August and Logan, “have so much riding on what happens over the next two years. Don’t fuck it up.”
Logan all but chokes on his water, August looks like he wants the floor to open up and swallow him whole, and I’m sitting here feeling awkward as hell. Logan’s father wasn’t around since he was a baby. My dad took Logan under his wing and was the closest thing he had to a father growing up. He has always had high expectations for him, just like he does for August.
I feel bad for both of them, listening to them get scolded like children, but honestly, my brother needs this. Maybe not Logan as much, because he weirdly seems like he’s become the more responsible out of the two. These are the moments in my life that I really hate hockey and what it does to some people.
August and Logan are more than just the star players everyone gets caught up in viewing them as.
My mother interjects, telling the boys how they both played so well at the game and how much she enjoyed being able to come watch their first game of the season. Camilla does the same, but makes sure she slides in a little remark about how Logan was a little out of hand with the fight.
He doesn’t say anything in return, and our server arrives back at the perfect time to take all of our orders for food. Everyone takes their turn, telling the server, and she thanks us before she disappears into the back of the restaurant. Everyone falls into a lighter conversation as we move away from the topic of August’s recent indiscretions.
I can feel the tension radiating off Logan as he falls silent, keeping to himself most of the night instead of engaging in the conversation. I don’t miss the way that Camilla gives her son questioning looks throughout our meal. She knows that something is off with him too, but she doesn’t bring it up in front of everyone. I’m the reason why he’s behaving the way he is.
If he wouldn’t have just blindly agreed with my brother this morning, things wouldn’t be like this between us. Although, he used it to his advantage tonight and I can’t help but feel a sense of pride after seeing him play. He played his ass off, even though he got into a pretty gnarly fight, and he still had the spotlight on him during the game.
Shaking my head to myself, I push the thoughts out of my mind. I’ve let Logan cloud my mind for far too long and even though I don’t want to, maybe I need to just let him go completely. As much as I want to explore more with him, the way he acted this morning left a bad taste in my mouth and I can’t let myself forget about that.
If he was so concerned with my brother and their friendship, he would say something to him before he finds out about us. Logan was making no attempt at opening the doors for that conversation, so it only makes sense that he was just using me again like he used to. He wasn’t pulling the same destructive shit that my brother was, but in his own way, he wasn’t doing anything better. He was just using me as a distraction and I deserve more than that.
I refuse to be anyone’s distraction or dirty secret anymore.
It’s time that I stand up for myself and have some self-respect.
We all finish up dinner and head outside for goodbyes and hugs before parting ways. My parents climb in their car as Camilla disappears over to her own. August slides behind the wheel of his car and I hop into the back as Logan gets into the passenger’s side. My parents picked me up earlier and gave me a ride to the game before dinner, so it only made sense for me to ride home with August and Logan now.
“Talk about a shit show of a dinner,” August mutters as he pulls the car out of the parking lot. He glances at me through the rearview mirror and narrows his eyes. “You know, it would have been nice for you to give me a heads-up that dad was going to rip me a new asshole.”
My eyebrows pinch together as my face scrunches up in distaste. “Or you could just get your shit together so you wouldn’t have to have anyone on your ass about the dumb decisions you’ve been making lately.” I pause for a moment, sighing as I shake my head. “I didn’t know he was going to say anything, but you had to have known he would be coming for your jugular after seeing your black and blue eye.”
August frowns. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, I know it isn’t your fault. And honestly, I had it coming. I know I need to keep my head down and keep my focus on hockey, like Logan.” August glances over at him, who has been silent the entire ride, staring out the window. “Seriously, bro. I haven’t seen you with a girl except for your random hookups. How do you not let yourself get attached?”
“Would you really say you have any attachments?” Logan questions him, still staring out the window. “Other than Poppy, you’ve always just been playing the field.”
“Ugh, don’t even start with that Poppy shit. I’m pretty sure she’s never going to talk to me again.”
Logan shrugs, glancing at August before he looks back out the window. “Maybe that’s a good thing. Less distractions, less attachments.”
“You’re right,” August agrees with him and my stomach rolls as I try to block both of them out. “I’m gonna follow your lead from now on.”
I all but choke on the breath that gets caught in my throat. August really has no idea what his best friend has been doing behind his back and I’m quite certain he never will know. It’s better that he doesn’t at this point, because Logan has made his stance evidently clear.
It was all a mistake.
And it’s never going to happen again.
