Rolling over in bed, I see Isla sleeping next to me and a smile touches my lips. Her face is relaxed and so innocent as she softly snores. After fucking her on the dining room table, we moved into her bed for the night and didn’t fall asleep until early morning. I don’t want to disturb her and wake her up, but I fucking hate leaving her right now. I need to go make everything better and fix things, but I’m afraid this might be the last time I get to see her like this.
She’s become my world—the most important thing. And dare I say, she’s more important to me than the game I’ve devoted my life to. My best friend, her brother, is still important, but it’s a different type of relationship. There was a point where I wasn’t sure I wanted to jeopardize that.
But now it’s already been ruined, I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to have to choose between the two of them. If I were to choose Isla, August would never forgive me and he would never approve. If I chose him instead of her, how the hell would she ever forgive me for that? She wouldn’t. Regardless of what happens when I go see August today, someone is going to get hurt.
Leaning toward Isla, I gently press my lips to her temple before pulling away. She moans softly, stirring in her sleep, but she doesn’t wake up. Grabbing the comforter, I pull the covers over her, tucking them in beneath her chin as I climb out of the bed.
It was wrong of me to go and sleep with her again, especially after August finding out what had been going on, but I don’t really care at this point. I needed to feel her against me one last time, just in case it were to be the last time. I needed the opportunity to fully savor her before I would never have a taste again.
I quickly get dressed and quietly slip out of the room without her waking up. Even though Cam told me to call, I ignore his instructions and send him a text message letting him know I’m on my way. It would be more respectful of me to let August tell me when he’s ready to talk, but fuck that.
This needs to be taken care of now. I’m not waiting around for him to give me his permission. We need to talk and hash this out before it gets worse. Before I get in deeper with his sister… although, I’m not sure that’s even possible at this point. She’s already worked her way under my skin and embedded herself in my soul. She crawled into my rib cage and made a home in my heart. There’s no way to get her out of there now.
When I get to Cam’s, he’s already waiting for me, sitting outside on his front stoop as he smokes a cigarette. He keeps it hidden from most people, especially our coach because that is something that would never fly with him being on the team. But when he’s really stressed out, it’s what he turns to, to calm down.
“How is he?” I ask Cam as I walk up to the stoop and lean against the railing.
He lifts his eyes, pulling his sunglasses farther down his nose as he assesses me. “Shit. He looks a hell of a lot better than you do. Did you not defend yourself at all?”
I shrug. “Why would I? I deserved everything he gave me.”
Cam shakes his head as he exhales a cloud of smoke. “Seriously. I can’t believe you slept with his sister, although I can’t say I’m fully surprised.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I ask him, watching as he puts out his cigarette and flicks it into the trash can a few feet away.
“Dude, do you forget that we’ve known each other forever?” He purses his lips as he stares at me. “I’ve seen the way the two of you looked at each other. I just didn’t think you would actually have the balls to go for her.”
Cam stands up and I follow him to the front door. As he pulls it open, August is already standing on the other side, as if he was just about to walk outside. He’s been expecting me, whether he wants to see me or not. And judging by the way he glares at me, I think it’s safe to say he isn’t thrilled to be seeing me right now.
I don’t miss the look of satisfaction that passes through his eyes as he sees the damage he left on my face. “Outside,” he growls at me, motioning with his head for me to stay on the front stoop. Cam brushes past him, staying silent as he walks into the house while August walks out.
I walk down the steps, stopping on the sidewalk as I turn around to face him. August moves away from the door, dropping down onto the top step as he tilts his head to the side and narrows his eyes at me.
“You wanted to talk, so fucking talk.”
Swallowing hard over the lump lodged in my throat, I nod. “I’ve been in love with her for a long time, August. I don’t expect you to understand, but none of this is random and it’s not personal. It started in high school, but we never did anything then.”
“Oh, how fucking noble of you,” he sneers, rolling his eyes. “That’s mighty big of you to wait until my sister turned eighteen before fucking her.”
“It’s not like that, man,” I tell him, the desperation evident in my voice. Pausing, I run a frustrated hand through my hair. “I want more with her, but I won’t do that without your blessing. You’re both important to me, but if you don’t want me with her, I can’t argue with you on that. I know I’m not the perfect person. Hell, you of all people know of all of my shortcomings. I can’t say I would blame you if you didn’t want me to date her. I’ve always told her that she deserves more than I could ever give her, but she never accepted that as an answer.”
August keeps his narrowed eyes on me. “She does deserve more. I know how you operate. When it comes down to it, the game will always be more important to you. Hockey is your first love—your life—just like your fucking dad’s. And when it falls to shit, I refuse to sit back and watch you destroy her life like your father did to your mother.”
Whoa.
His words hit me like a ton of bricks straight to the chest. The force hits me harder than his fists ever could and I’m left with nothing, staring at him as my eyes widen. It was a low blow and he knows it, the guilt instantly washing over his face.
My father was never a part of my life, but I was told the story from my mother. When she was pregnant with me, there were complications and she couldn’t move to the state where he got drafted on a team. One night when he was coming home to see her, he got in a car accident that ruined his career. He was never the same again and he left when I was only six months old, without ever reaching out again, until recently.
I don’t personally know the man and never really cared to, even after he reached out to my mom after all this time. But hearing this from August fucking hurts. He knows my father was never involved in my life, so how could he expect me to really be like him? Although, if there’s one thing I’ve been trying to do in my life, it’s to make sure that I wouldn’t end up like him.
August isn’t wrong. Hockey is my first love, the first thing that I fully dedicated myself to. It has always been my life, but I’m learning that there is more to life than just playing the game. When I really think about it after he said it, would I choose Isla over the sport? If something happened and I was in the same situation as my father, would I end up the same way he did?
He’s wrong in that fact. I would never leave my wife and kid just because my career was ruined. It’s not that important to me, when it really comes down to it. But as August’s words swirl around in my mind, I can’t help but think that he’s right.
“I would never do that to her,” I tell him, my voice low and quiet. “I would never fucking leave her and my kid just because of my career being ruined.”
“How could you possibly know that?” he demands, the guilt still swirling in his eyes, but there’s no way to backtrack now. “You can’t guarantee shit, Logan. You fucking told me I had nothing to worry about when I had suspicions of you two. You need to end shit with her now. Let her find someone else, someone who she can be happy with.”
I stare back at him, his eyes burning holes through mine. I don’t want to agree with him, but he’s never going to let me live this down. He’s never going to forgive me for this and if I try to further pursue things with Isla, it’s only going to make the situation worse. It destroyed our friendship and I don’t want to come between the two of them and their relationship.
“Okay. You want me to walk away from her, fine,” I tell him, the words bitter on my tongue as I spit them out. I instantly regret it because it’s not what I want, but he’s backed me into a corner. I have no choice but to submit. “You think she’ll be happier without me, then I will let her go.”
“Good,” he says, glancing at the ground as he moves his feet in his slides. “I just want her to have the chance to see there’s more to life out there. Her entire life has been hockey because of me. She doesn’t need to keep living this fucking life, bro. I just want her to be happy, but I can’t support it being with my best friend.”
I don’t fully understand his reasoning, but I nod anyway. He either spoke the truth about me ending up like my father or it was solely out of him being hurt. Either way, I’m not going to explore it. Not when it feels like my heart was just ripped out of my chest.
Not when I know that I need to go home and rip Isla’s from her rib cage.
“She’ll be fine,” August tells me, his voice soft and quiet. His eyes meet mine and he frowns. “It was just a crush that got out of hand. She’ll get over it and see I was right. And you’ll do the same, like you always do. You’ll move from one bed to the next.”
“Is that why you really don’t want her with me?”
August cuts his eyes at me. “I fucking know you, Logan Knight. You’re a good guy, don’t get me wrong. You’re my best fucking friend for a reason. But the two of you don’t belong together. You’ll hurt her in the end and then I’ll really have to kill you, and I’m afraid I won’t be able to do it.”
I stare back at him, his words fully sinking in. Maybe our friendship isn’t fully over and maybe it wouldn’t be if I dated his sister, but he’s afraid of when it would end. And because there’s no guarantee, he doesn’t trust that we wouldn’t break up—that this is a forever love. He’s afraid that I’ll hurt her and then our friendship would really be over.
“How do we get back to where we were?” I ask him, dropping down onto the bottom step as I stare at the cracks in the concrete sidewalk. “I know I betrayed you and broke your trust.”
“Yeah, you fucking did,” he breathes, a sigh falling from his lips as he rises to his feet. “End things with my sister and that’s a start.”
I hear him moving behind me, but as I turn around to look at him, he disappears back into Cam’s house without another word. He leaves me alone in the silence, with nothing but my thoughts and his parting words hanging heavily in the air.
I have no choice but to end things with Isla.
And she’s never going to forgive me.
