After unpacking all of my things and putting them where they belong, I drop back down onto the plush mattress. I’m not sure how much time has passed since Logan and August left for practice, but I’m mentally exhausted already.
I would be lying if I said I would rather live in a dorm than in their apartment, but what happens the first time Logan brings a girl home? It’s not like it would be any different from high school. He had a few different girlfriends during his time there and it never made a difference.
That’s just how Logan was. He couldn’t be serious about anything other than hockey. He was flakey and afraid of commitment. Maybe he was right that night… I tried to give him my virginity because I was desperate and pathetic. All I wanted was for him to love me. Now, looking back at how his past relationships went, Logan was right when he said that I deserved more than him.
I wouldn’t want the relationships that those other girls had with Logan. And if there’s one thing that will always remain untouchable—it’s our friendship. Things are better this way and that’s what I need to be my driving force. My mantra and constant reminder. We’re just friends and that’s all we can ever be.
My eyes grow heavier as I settle deeper into the comfortable bed, and I eventually let them fall shut as the soft hum of classical music lulls me to sleep. It’s a dreamless sleep, which is unusual for me, but today was a long day, one filled with more surprises than I had anticipated.
I’m not sure how long I’m actually asleep for, but the mattress dips on both sides of me. Since I’m half asleep, it’s confusing and I think I might just be imagining things. Or maybe it was the way I was lying. But then the smell hits me and I know I’m not alone.
I shift in the bed, rolling onto my side as I slowly wake up. My brother lies on the bed next to me, smelling like a dirty hockey bag. My nose scrunches and I close my eyes, a groan falling from my mouth as I roll back in the other direction. The smell is just as strong on the other side and I peel my eyelids open, only to find Logan sitting on this side of my bed.
“Come on,” I grumble, sitting up in a sleepy daze. “You two know how badly you stink right now. You couldn’t at least get a shower before coming in here?”
Logan’s lips curl upward, revealing his straight white teeth. His hair is damp with sweat and I want to run my fingers through it. Even though he smells like the musty smell of hockey, he still looks so goddamn good. The stench doesn’t even come close to how he looks right now.
“You know that you’ve missed this smell.”
A giggle slips from my lips, but I quickly swallow it back, scrunching up my face. “You mean the smell of sweaty balls? No thank you. It was nice not having to live with this smell.”
August rolls out of my bed, hopping onto his feet. “Well, welcome back to living with hockey players, little sis. You lived your entire life with this smell, don’t even act like you’re not used to it.”
I roll my eyes at him as he rounds the side of the bed, standing there as Logan stays seated on the edge of the mattress. “Can the two of you just go and shower so we can get food?”
“Did you decide what you’re hungry for?” Logan asks me as he rises from my bed, and August slips out of my room.
Shaking my head, I give him an apologetic smile. “I don’t know what’s good around here. I was thinking maybe you guys could just take me somewhere that you both like.”
“Babe, you’re not twenty-one yet…” His voice trails off for a moment as he tilts his head to the side. My heart skips a beat at the sound of that word coming from his mouth. It’s been so long since he called me that, but he acts unaffected—like it didn’t even happen. “Although, there is a sports bar nearby that has good food and an actual restaurant part.”
I swallow back my heart as it attempts to climb into my throat and nod. “Sure. Anything sounds great.”
Logan gives me his infamous smile. “Perfect. We’ll head out as soon as we’re ready.”
“Okay.” I smile back at him, my voice quieter than I intended. Logan’s grin falters, his eyebrows drawing closer together. He hovers in my doorway for a moment, tilting his head to the side as he assesses me. I watch as his lips part slightly, as if he wants to say something, but he doesn’t. Instead, he sighs, shaking his head to himself before he ducks out of my room.
I flop onto my back on the bed, the air leaving my lungs in a defeated breath. If I were smart, I would tell my brother that I want to go stay in the dorm room that I was supposed to. I hate the way Logan looks at me, because I secretly love it. The way it makes me feel, knowing I have his attention.
And it’s as if every time the smallest moment happens, I’m reminded it could never happen. How am I supposed to let go of my feelings for him when he’s sleeping in the room across the hall from me? We’re just friends.
As if he can hear my thoughts, Logan pokes his head back through my doorway. “Hey, Isla?” His voice is soft and gentle, but his ocean blue eyes are full of torment. “Can we talk after dinner?”
My heart constricts and my breath catches in my throat. I swallow over the knives lodged in my throat as I glance over at him and nod. My trust in my actual voice is nonexistent in this moment. Logan presses his lips together and tips his head before he leaves again.
My eyes are glued to the doorway, but my mind is running a mile per second. Whenever someone says they want to talk, it never seems to be about anything good. I have no idea what he could possibly want to talk about, but the thought alone already has my stomach doing somersaults.
This is going to be one hell of an awkward dinner.
Reluctantly, I climb out of bed and force the butterflies away from my stomach. They’re not the good kind of butterflies either. They’re the nervous ones that scratch away at your insides because you have no idea what is really coming for you. It’s anxiety inducing and I hate it. I quickly change my clothes, changing into a pair of leggings and a loose shirt before sliding my feet into my white Converse.
I walk across the room to where a full-length mirror hangs on the closet door and give myself a once-over. My long hair hangs in soft waves around my face and I run my fingers through the strands, working out any tangles from my nap. Satisfied with the way it looks, I push it back behind my ears and look over my makeup.
It’s a light natural look, with a nude shade of eyeshadow, and mascara that makes my long eyelashes look borderline fake. I walk over to my dresser and grab my makeup bag before grabbing my blush and contour. I refresh the makeup that got messed up from rubbing my face on a pillow and spritz myself with some perfume before heading out of the bedroom.
August is already dressed, wearing a clean pair of jeans and a gray sweatshirt that has the Wyncote Wolves emblem on it. His hair is still damp, hanging over his forehead as he tilts his head down to look at his phone in his lap. He taps away, not noticing me at first as I sit down at the table across from him.
I glance down the hall, seeing that the bathroom door is still closed and the light shines from the small space between the bottom of the door and the floor. The sound of the shower cuts off and I hear the glass door open and close. My mind wanders, knowing that Logan is naked in there right now.
What the hell is wrong with you, Isla? Fucking get it together.
“Earth to Isla…” August’s voice grabs my attention and I quickly tear my gaze away from the hallway and look at him. He raises an eyebrow at me, but doesn’t call me out. That doesn’t even come close to erasing the embarrassment as the heat creeps up my neck and spreads across my cheeks. “You didn’t hear a single thing that I said, did you?”
I shake my head, swallowing roughly. “Sorry, I’m just a little distracted today.”
“Right,” he says suspiciously, narrowing his eyes for a moment before his face relaxes. “I asked if you and Logan figured out where we’re eating?”
“Oh, yeah.” I pause, clearing my throat as I nervously shift my weight in my seat. “He said something about some sports bar that has a restaurant too.”
August smirks, nodding as he sits back in his chair. “O’Hallarans. There’s this sexy bartender that works there that I’ve been meaning to catch up with.”
I don’t hear Logan as he walks up behind me, but I can smell the faint scent of his cologne and shampoo as he enters the room. “Poppy?” Logan chuckles as he walks past both of us at the table and stops by the island in the kitchen. “I think you fucked that up last time, man.”
“Fuck you,” August growls at him as he gets up from his seat. “If anyone fucked it up, it was that dumb-ass chick you brought home that night I finally got Poppy to come hang out.”
My body falls rigid and I so desperately want to cover my ears, but I can’t draw that kind of attention to myself. I don’t want to hear about Logan and another girl. My heart clenches in my chest and my lungs burn as I hold my breath.
“Bro. She was fucking trashed. I couldn’t leave her at the bar and she refused to tell me her address.” Logan shakes his head, rolling his eyes as he grabs his keys from the counter. “I didn’t know she was going to be all over your dick.”
I glance back and forth between the two of them, thoroughly confused at this point, but I let out the breath I was holding. Logan’s intentions may have been different that night, but if the girl was more interested in August, it brings me a sense of relief. I need to check myself. Logan isn’t mine…
“Yeah, well, you owe Poppy an explanation then,” August informs Logan as he walks toward the front door. “Clear that shit up for me, okay?” He pauses and glances at me, still sitting at the table. “What are you doing, Isla? Let’s go.”
