“What can I do?” He asks again, and there is something close to panic in his voice. Emotion clogs my throat, threatening to suffocate me, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t swallow it down.
I try to speak. To tell him it hurts too much. I don’t want to live like this. But I choke on my words, unable to get them out. I scream, choking on my tears as Dominique holds me in place, a wild look in his eyes. One hand grips the back of my neck, the other clutches my hip. “Kasey, I don’t know how to fix this. How to fix you. What can I do?” He is almost begging and Dominique never begs but …
Nothing. There isn’t anything he can give me that will make this go away. Nothing that will bring my mom back.
“I don’t want to … feel like… this. It hurts… too much,” I finally manage to tell him.
He curses and a nerve jumps in his neck. “One night. I’ll go to the store, get a fifth and you can drink yourself into oblivion if you need to, but only for one night. You got me? You get one pass. Will that help?” I nod. Yes. A night of oblivion. A chance to forget.
“Okay, we can do that but, for that to happen, I need to run to the store and I’m not leaving you here, alone like this. You have to come with me. You can wait in the car and I’ll be quick, but I’m not leaving you here alone. Will that help? Do you want to forget for one night?”
I do. I really, really do, but it’s a temporary fix. I know Dominique well enough to know he’s serious when he says one night. That’s all I’ll get and tomorrow, when the sun rises, all my pain will still be there, only magnified by a hangover.
I pound my fists against his chest. “That’s not—” a shuddering breath, “—enough.”
“Fuck. Kasey, you have to work with me here.”
I shake my head. No. “A week,” I plead. “Let me forget for a week.”
He moves his hands to either side of my face, leaning in until we’re only an inch apart, our foreheads almost touching.
“No. You can’t go down that path or you might not come back.”
“I don’t care,” I wail.
“I do.”
Tears spill from my eyes and hopelessness slams into me. “I hate you,” I tell him. “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.”
“I hate you, too,” he tells me, but the way he says it doesn’t sound like he’s telling me he hates me at all. It sounds like he’s saying something else entirely.
“I don’t want to feel like this anymore.” I don’t want to feel at all.
“I know, baby. I know. If I could make the pain go away, I would. Fuck, I’d do anything to make it go away right now.”
There’s that endearment again. I know it means nothing. He’s just being nice to me. Using comforting words, but what if it’s more than that? Or what if it can be more than that? At least for a little while.
I reach for him, shifting in his lap. “Please.”
He holds me tight against his chest. “Anything, Kasey. Help me out here. What will make it bearable right now? This very moment? What else can I do? I can’t see you like this and not do something. I have to do something.”
I don’t let myself think about it. I lean back in his embrace and when he tilts his chin down to look at me, his eyes full of concern, I kiss him.
He responds immediately, his hold shifting until he’s grasping the side of my neck and angling me for a deeper kiss. Hot. Desperate. I pour everything I’m feeling into that kiss. My hurt. The pain. The anger over it all.
Our teeth clash. Our tongues duel. He slides his fingers into my hair and devours my mouth. There is no other way to describe it, and the longer he kisses me, the further the pain fades into the background. It’s still there, lurking in the shadows of my mind. I’m not naive enough to think kissing Dominique will make it go away forever, but it helps. It gives me something else to think about. Something else to feel.
But, I need more.
I shift until I’m straddling his lap and rock myself against him.
He groans, breaking the kiss. “Kasey…”
I see my own need reflected back in his eyes. He wants this just as much as I do. We may not get along. Hell, we might even hate each other, but this, this he can do. This will help.
“Are you sure?”
My eyes narrow and I shift on his lap, grinding against the hard-on he’s sporting beneath me. That should be his answer.
“Fuck.”
He captures my mouth again. After that, it’s a flurry of frenzied movements as we tear at one another’s clothes.
He lifts my shirt off and cups my breast through the thin lace of my bra. I arch closer to his touch, throwing my head back as he squeezes me in his hand.
“We should move,” he mumbles against my lips, but I don’t let that deter me. I slide my hand into his sweats, wrapping my fingers around him and giving him a firm stroke.
“Jesus Christ,” he hisses.
The next thing I know he’s on his feet, my legs wrapped around him. He carries me to his room, closes the door behind him, and then tosses me on his bed, my back sinking into the soft mattress. He doesn’t miss a beat. In a flash, he’s on me. His powerful body pressing firmly against mine.
He kisses me again and I gasp, his tongue seeking out my own and sliding into my mouth. I moan. He tastes so good. Like coffee and spice. His shirt rubs against my skin and I immediately hate it. I don’t want anything between us. I need to feel his skin on mine.
I claw at his shirt until he relents and tugs it over his head. Then I reach for the waistband of his sweats.
He smacks my hand away and seizes control. Unhooking my bra, he bares me to him before hooking his fingers into my panties and peeling them off. He doesn’t bother with my skirt. What would be the point? With my breasts on full display, he runs his thumb over my nipple before sliding down my body to take one in his mouth.
I whimper.
He peppers kisses across my chest before swirling my other nipple with his tongue.
“Dominique, please.”
He glances up at me, his eyes an even darker shade of brown than usual. He watches my face as he kneads my breasts, cataloging every gasp and moan I make. He pinches and pulls on my nipples.
“You’re so fucking responsive.”
My breathing is heavy as he slips further down the bed until his broad shoulders are nestled between my thighs. He spreads my legs open, and as his face stares down at my sex, his warm breath fans across my skin. I could die and go to heaven with the way he is looking at me right now, his gaze hot and hungry.
He doesn’t give me the chance to speak. To get nervous. He locks his hooded gaze with mine and presses a hungry kiss to my core, using his thumbs to spread me open even more.
“Shit,” I gasp.
He chuckles, sliding his hands under my thighs and cupping my ass as he tilts my pelvis closer to his mouth. “You like that?”
My teeth sink into my bottom lip, and I nod.
He leans in again and his mouth latches onto my pussy. I cry out, throwing my head back against the bed. He licks my slit before spearing his tongue inside me, and after only a few strokes, the pressure begins to build.
My pussy clenches and my legs quiver as he teases me, licking and sucking, but never putting enough pressure on my clit to throw me over the edge. I thrust my hips up to meet his touch, my body desperate for more friction.
I’m wound so tight I feel like I’m about to snap. “Dominique!”
He grabs my hips and begins to eat my pussy like a man starved. It only takes another minute until I’m crying out and bucking against him, but he doesn’t let up. He locks onto my clit, my body hyper aware and overly sensitive as wave after wave of pleasure slams into me.
Limp and sated, my legs shamelessly drop to the bed. I struggle to catch my breath.
I expect Dominique to stop. To climb back beside me, but he stays rooted between my legs. His mouth still between my thighs. When I feel like my heart is no longer at risk of beating out of my chest, he flicks his tongue over my sensitive clit. I moan. Dominique presses his palm over my stomach, holding me down as he devours me all over again, only this time he nudges one thick finger inside me.
My muscles tense, legs quivering. I groan as he strokes me. “Oh, god.”
“Fuck, you’re tight,” he murmurs against me right as a second orgasm hits me out of nowhere and I grind against his hand, riding out my release.
Dominique leans back, his eyes taking me in. “Better?” he asks, rising to his feet.
He still had his pants on. Why is he still wearing clothes?
Despite the fatigue, I push myself up to my elbows. My hair sticks to my neck and forehead and I brush it back away from my face. “Off,” I tell him, and tilt my chin toward his pants.
He doesn’t move. “Dominique,” I growl. “Are you going to stand there or are you going to fuck me?”
His eyes darken, a savage expression passing over his face. “I don’t think we—” He hesitates. “We don’t need to do that. I can make you feel good in other ways.”
Common sense dictates I listen. I haven’t slept with anyone before, and a grief-induced fuck fest isn’t how I imagined my first time, but I’m past the point of caring. I want this. Need it.
“If you don’t want me—”
“I’m not saying that.”
I swallow and can feel myself being pulled under again. A mess of emotions swirling inside me. No. No. NO!
I blink quickly as I bite out my words. “Then what are you saying?”
He rubs his jaw, my release still glistening on his lips. “You want me to fuck you?”
“Yes.” I thought I made myself clear already. “I’m not going to force myself on you. If you don’t want this, want me in this way, I can find someone else—”
“The hell you will,” he snarls.
Dominique shoves his pants down and steps out of them, his cock hard and at attention. Oh my god, he’s huge. A thread of doubt worms its way inside of me. Will it fit?
Without breaking eye contact, he leans to the side and retrieves a condom from the nightstand. He tears the foil packet with his teeth and shamelessly rolls the condom onto his shaft, before stroking himself.
“Say it again,” he grinds out as he climbs onto the bed, positioning his cock at my slick entrance. “Tell me what you need.”
“I need you to fuck me.”
He makes an animalistic sound in his chest, and the head of his cock slides between my folds but without entering me.
“If you regret this in the morning—”
“I won’t,” I assure him.
Blind desire flashes across his face, but rather than sinking into me as I expect, he sits back on his heels and flips me onto my stomach. My heartbeat kicks into overdrive as he pulls my hips toward him until I’m on hands and knees.
“Dom,” my voice quivers with need.
His cock rubs against me from behind.
I shift my hips back and turn my head to look at him. His face is locked in concentration, his expression almost predatory. “Spread your legs for me.”
I do what he asks, widening my stance. He presses a hand against the center of my back. “Tilt your ass up,” he orders, before sliding that same hand down between my legs. I try to tamp down on my nerves as Dominique presses a finger inside me, rubbing the walls of my pussy before he retreats and lines up his cock. Goosebumps break out across my skin and he leans forward, scraping his teeth over my bare shoulder as his hips thrust against me, his cock buried to the hilt in a single powerful move.
I cry out, a sharp stab of pain spearing into me.
He stills. “What the fuck?”
My legs tremble, but I manage to blindly reach back and grab hold of his wrist. “Don’t.”
“You’re a virgin.” He sounds both pissed off and in awe.
Not anymore. I think to myself, but don’t say the words aloud.
“Why would you… why didn’t… fuck.”
My body is tight, my muscles clenching against the intrusion. I force myself to take a deep breath and relax.
Dominique leans over me, his forehead resting between my shoulder blades. “What were you thinking?” he whispers against my skin.
“Dominique?” I say through clenched teeth.
“Yeah?”
“Move.” He pulls back and for a second I think he’s going to withdraw all the way. “Not stop,” I clarify, and he stills. The head of his cock barely inside of me. “I need you to move.”
He flexes his hips, an inch sinking back into me.
I moan.
He curses.
“Your first time shouldn’t be like this,” he growls. “It should be with someone you trust. Someone—”
“Dominique.” I give him a second. Looking back, I meet his conflicted gaze. “I trust you.”
His nostrils flare. “You do?”
I nod. “Yes. Now please, fuck me already.” He sinks in another inch, his eyes carefully watching me for my reaction. He’s stretching me to my limits and I can scarcely breathe.
He goes a little deeper.
My body is tight, my muscles clenching against the intrusion.
He pushes into me agonizingly slowly until he’s sheathed himself fully. He gives my body a second to adjust and then he moves. In and out as he continues to thrust inside me. I grind my teeth together against the pain. It’s not a lot, but enough to be uncomfortable. His body blankets me, his chin resting against my shoulder, breath against my ear. “Relax into it. Let me make you feel good.”
I do what he says and force myself to relax, the tension in my body melting away to be replaced with tingling sensations. “That’s it.”
He leans back, hands gripping my hips as he increases his pace.
I gasp when he hits a particularly sensitive spot. I moan. My mind goes blank and all I can think about, all I can feel, is Dominique moving inside of me.
I push back on my knees, meeting him thrust for thrust, and then I’m coming again, my release spilling out of me on a guttural moan.
He slides out of me and flips me onto my back before sliding right back in, barely missing a beat. He hooks one arm under my knee, lifting my leg up and out to achieve a deeper angle.
I cling to his shoulders as he pounds into me, neither of us saying anything over the sounds of our flesh coming together. One of his hands cups the back of my neck and I stare into his eyes, even as I raise my hips to meet him.
His thrusts come faster, his face tight with tension as he surges inside me. “This what you need?” He forces out the words. I know what he’s asking, so I don’t hesitate to answer.
“Yes. More. Over and Over.” I want to fall asleep from exhaustion. I don’t want to lie here and think about my dead mom. About the pain or how helpless I feel. “Fuck me and don’t stop. Okay? Not until I pass out. Until neither of us can go anymore.”
A tremor moves through him and he nods. Good. We’re in agreement.
His mouth crashes down on mine. His tongue licking against my own and his teeth scraping over my bottom lip. At some point the sun sets and the light coming through the windows dims. His forehead rests against my shoulder and my hands cling to his back, nails digging in when he stiffens and groans, pumping out his release.
He slumps against me, our breathing loud in the room. He takes a moment to catch his breath before sliding out of me. I hiss, but don’t say anything. Dominique pulls off the condom, leaving to get rid of it before pulling another one out and setting it on the nightstand. I’m not sure how long a guy needs to recover, but he doesn’t let me think on it long before he’s reaching for me, his fingers sliding between my legs. First, he inserts one finger. Then a second. He works his fingers inside of me, rotating and rubbing every inch inside of me as he thrusts them in and out.
He adds a thirds and I cry out, his mouth crashing over mine and swallowing my cries.
I don’t know how long he finger fucks me. Long enough for me to come again and for him to get hard. When he pulls out of me, he licks my juices from his fingers and slides the new condom over his cock.
He positions himself at my entrance again and I nod, letting him know I want this. Want more. He slides into me, a curse slipping past his lips.
“Yes,” I tell him. “Don’t stop.”
We fuck two more times before we’re both incapable of moving. After he disposes of the condom, I push up to leave. My legs feel like rubber and my head spins, but I think I can make it back to the guest room, only Dominique stops me.
He slips back into bed beside me and grabs me from behind, pulling my hips against his. My back to his front.
“Sleep,” he grunts, tucking my head beneath his chin.
“But—”
“Sleep.”
I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and for the first time in a long time, I do what Dominique tells me to do. I sleep.
