My demons aren’t yours to fight.
I will not cry.
I will not cry.
I take a deep breath, fighting the moisture in my eyes and the pressure building behind my nose.
I’m not that girl. I’ll never be that girl.
The crowd seems to thicken the harder I try to push myself out of the maze.
So what if Dan insisted I celebrate his first win as part of the team?
So what if I didn’t want to go back home for Dad to force me into a dinner with Victoria?
Coming here was a big freaking mistake.
Or maybe it wasn’t.
Maybe I had to see Nicole between Levi’s legs to finally snap out of whatever madness that’s taken over me.
Still, my chest aches so much, it’s a struggle to breathe.
Why the hell does it hurt this much?
“Here’s my girl!” Dan enclasps me in a hug out of nowhere, reeking of alcohol. “Ro, Xan, did I introduce you to my BFF?”
“Why, hello there.” Ronan — number thirteen — grins with sparkling brown eyes. “Why have you been keeping such a good-looking lady to yourself, Danny boy?”
“Yeah, Danny. Sharing is caring,” Xander grins and it’s too sickeningly charming. He has classic pretty boy looks, blond hair, blue eyes all complete with dimples.
“I’m Ronan.” He takes my hand in his and places a kiss on the top. “Don’t believe everything you hear about me.”
“It’s usually much worse,” Xander finishes for him.”
“Now, hands-off, Astrid, you pigs.” Dan swats them away as if they’re flies. “She doesn’t like sex.”
I jab him, an involuntary blush creeping along my skin as I mutter, “Thanks for broadcasting that, bug.”
I should probably take him away before he spills all my secrets. Dan is a chatterbox when he’s drunk.
“Wow, okay.” Ronan fakes a gasp. “We need to fix that. I volunteer, mademoiselle.”
Xander pushes him out of the way. “I’m a month older than you and therefore, can go first.” He smiles. “If the lady would have me, of course.”
“My house. My rules.” Ronan puffs his chest then looks at me. “Why don’t you choose?”
I’m speechless, not knowing what to say to that.
“How about a drink instead?” Dan shouts.
“Hey, I’m a drinking king.” Ronan pats his chest. “No one can beat me.”
“Astrid can.” Dan massages my shoulders. “She has a weird high alcohol tolerance.”
That’s it. I’m taking a taxi and hauling Dan’s arse home.
Ronan eyes widen. “My hero.”
“Wait.” Xander gets impossibly close until I smell blueberry pie on him. “You’re that girl Captain brought into the pool house at the beginning of summer, aren’t you?”
Yup. The night I ruined my invisibility.
Why did I have to stumble into Levi back then?
“Oh. That one.” Even Ronan’s smile falls and the air shifts from playful to tension-filled.
“She’s an artist and hates athlete so screw off, Ro, ” Dan continues in a half-slur.
“My mother is into collecting,” Ronan offers with a half-smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Do you want to see?”
“Dan?” I ask. I need to talk to him and stop him from broadcasting my damn life to his football friends.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
Ronan directs us while Xander disappears with one of the girls. They all seem to be throwing themselves at the football team tonight.
Like a certain Nicole.
No. Nope. My mind isn’t going there.
Pressure perches on my chest whenever that image pops back in my head.
Dan leans on me, laughing and hooting whenever one of his teammates pass by or waves at him.
We go inside the room Ronan directed us to. It’s an office with a mahogany desk and chairs. All the walls are covered in impressionist artwork sorted from lighter to darker. All of them are shades of white, grey, and white.
Interesting choice of colours for a woman. Ronan’s mother must be alpha to the bone.
“What is it?” Dan blinks, fingering a Buddha bronze statue.
“Can we go home?”
“Now?” His brows scrunch. “The party just started.”
I want to mention that he’s been getting into too many parties lately, but I don’t want him to think I’m making all of this about me again.
“I know you don’t like these scenes,” he approaches and clutches my shoulders. “But it’s our last year, remember? We’re having all the fun so there will be no regrets. Wait.” He wipes under my eyes. “Were you crying?”
“No, yes, I don’t know.” I bite my lower lip and then I just blurt it all out, from this morning about my fight with Victoria and Nicole straight to when I found the same Nicole sucking Levi’s dick.
“Fucking Nicole,” he breathes out. “I can’t believe he took the exhibition off the table.”
My head bows as Dan stands against the desk with me.
“And then she sucked off Captain.” He sounds soberer than he did a few minutes ago.
He didn’t ask the question, but I nod anyway, my chest tightening at that image.
Daniel remains quiet for a beat. “Why do you care who sucks off Captain?”
My head jerks up at that. “I… don’t.”
“You most certainly do.” He smiles a little with a sense of bitterness. “Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so upset right now. Do you like him?”
“Of course not! He’s a fucking bastard who thinks he’s entitled to everything. I hate his type, remember?”
“Yeah, but maybe you noticed he’s not exactly that type?”
I did and I hate him even more for it. Why did he show me layers of himself if he was going to have Nicole suck him off?
“You know…” he trails off.
“What?”
“I heard this from Ronan when he was drunk, but it seems that Captain is under a lot of pressure from his uncle and maybe that has to do with why he’s bothering you?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“Hey, little bugger. We’re not supposed to be running away from our problems, remember?” He nudges my shoulder. “Or there will be no marathoning Vikings.”
“That’s torture.” I smile, giving him a bro hug. “Go ahead and have fun. I know you’re dying to shag someone.”
“Thank fuck,” he chuckles. “But seriously, are you going to be alright?”
“Yeah, I’ll just spend some time here and then come find you?”
“Give me time for a quickie.”
I jab him. “I didn’t need that image.”
He laughs. “See you, crazy.”
“Duh, crazy.”
Takeaway by The Chainsmokers filters from the door as Dan slips out then closes the door behind him, muting the outside world.
I continue leaning against the table, staring at the opposite wall and the clash of white and black. It’s like a yin and yang. Good versus evil. Angel versus the devil.
I try to focus some more and read into it, but all I keep seeing is Nicole’s smug smirk and Levi’s black one. He must’ve been out of his mind with desire for her.
Maybe he’s already having sex with her right now.
I seal my eyes shut, urging the images to disappear.
Too late. I painted the picture and now, it refuses to go away.
I can’t believe I was worried about him earlier today.
Why? Just why would I care about that scum?
I should be focusing on more important things. Such as my hit-and-run accident and trying to remember any snippets from that night.
The chaos from the party filters back into the room. I open my eyes, happy that Dan returned for me. Maybe he had too many drinks and decided to go home.
My breath catches in my throat when the door closes and Levi advances towards me with sure, wide steps.
A chaotic string of feelings pushes through me. I want to hit and claw at him. I want to scream at him, but that will only show that I care, so I pretend to watch the painting of good versus evil as I ask, “Aren’t you supposed to be with Nicole?”
He grabs both my hands in his stronger one. “I’m supposed to be right fucking here, princess.”
