Italy fucked me up a bit. The casual little threat Roisin threw Magnolia’s way — my natural instinct is to not let her out of my sight. But we’re just naffing, that’s what I told her.
If I send her to work with my security team, they’ll know.
If I drop her myself — like, why the fuck would I drop a girl I’m just shagging to work? I’m not Prince fucking Charming — they’ll know.
Best I can do is act like she means nothing to me. Pretty hard to do when she means it all.
That, and she’s like a dog with a fucking bone.
I said I’d get dinner with her family before we went to Italy, because before we went to Italy, I wasn’t trying to throw someone off the scent of how much I love her — myself, just. Kept putting it off, because why would I get dinner with the family of a girl I was ‘just naffing’?
The only redeeming thing here is Magnolia’s dad is Harley fucking Parks. And he’s not crooked, all his business dealings are above board. But he’s an internationally renowned partier.
Well, he was, before he married the maid.
Walk in to Julie’s over in Notting Hill, Bridget and their dad already at the table.
Give Bridget a kiss on the cheek, hug Harley as familiarly as I can, make a bit of a show of it.
I hate acting for a camera I don’t even know is there — better than the other method of dousing this fire, which is sending Magnolia off into the arms of her ex-boyfriend, which I also did the other day.
Organised a dinner at Carmelo’s for all of them, then told her I was running late and didn’t show.
Met up with her later at one of the clubs, brought her to Jonah’s office — we didn’t have sex, she gave me a little PowerPoint presentation on the evolution of sleeves — hated it. Even if I loved it. Kissed her a lot.
Asked Jonah to drop her home. He asked why, I told him not to ask questions.
Then I hooked up with another girl there — kissed her in a corner, felt her up, felt sick while I did it.
Doing it because I love her? To keep her safe? Fuck, what a life.
The stepmother arrives, Arrie Parks, and Magnolia’s grandmother with her. They weren’t invited.
Interesting decision on the stepmother’s behalf, and I watch her throughout the night trying to work out whether it was a guilt move or a power play… Having an affair with and marrying your boss is one thing, but to drag around the woman he left you for — it’s fucked up either way, and I can tell quickly that Magnolia’s attachment issues are a cross-generational problem.
The grandma is a great time, and I’d — I’m being completely serious — have her at any party of mine.
She offers me her hand and points to herself with her free one. “Bushka.”
I shake hers, point to myself with my other one too. “Julian.”
She points to herself again.
“Captain of Neighbourhood Watch.” Bushka tells me proudly.
“Well—” Magnolia starts.
Bridget shakes her head. “She’s not.”
Parks grimaces. “It’s more of a ‘binoculars and hole in the wall’ situation.”
“I watch.” Bushka nods.
“So,” Magnolia tilts her head. “It’s actually really more in the ball park of questionable legality.”
Bridget whacks me in the arm, beaming. “Which you know all about!”
I toss her sister a look. I like her a lot. She reminds me of my own sister.
And then their mum — met her a few times — she’s beautiful. Would have given Carla Bruni a run for her money. Pretty sure she did, actually. Honestly, if she wasn’t Magnolia’s mum, I’d probably have a crack. She’s a fucking smoke-show. Like mother, like daughter, I guess — with the eyes and the body and the sadness.
Kind of reminds me of my mum. Regret saying I’d have a crack now — they don’t physically look the same. Mum was blonde. It’s the lost thing.
And the drunk thing.
Arrie grabbed me by the face and kissed me. Slipped me a bit of tongue, actually.
Magnolia was mortified, flashed me an apologetic look. “Every family has one…”
“God, if I was a few years younger…” Arrie says, chin in hand and staring over at me a bit into the dinner.
Magnolia face twists up. “Or perhaps, I don’t know— were he and I not together…”
Bridget’s mouth falls open and I glance over at her. I’m surprised. Into it, but surprised.
Her cheeks go pink. “You know what I mean—” She shakes her head. I don’t, actually. Do want to figure it out though.
“Anyway,” the nanny says, clearing her throat, tossing Magnolia a conversational life raft.
After, I go back to her place with her. Pretty in my head about everything she said. Ignoring the last few weeks, that was exactly what I want to hear. In context of Roisin, it’s a fucking spanner.
I sit on the edge of a bed she bought in an antique showroom I took her to. It looks good in here… does something to me, seeing her liking the things I like. Buy things I like, want things I want. Like I’m rubbing off on her.
I stare over at her, pinch my mouth trying to figure out what to say.
“Together, huh?” I eye her, suspicious. And the suspicion is valid. I reckon Jo was right. She’ll set any heart she has to on fire just so she can stay warm.
“No, sorry—” She shakes her head, instantly embarrassed. “I know, that just came out— I know that you don’t date—”
Nod once. “I don’t.”
She shakes her head more, hands on her cheek — that’s Magnolia for peak embarrassed. “I really didn’t mean it like that.”
“How’d you mean it then?” I ask, jaw jutted out.
“Sorry.” Her eyes fall, staring at her hands.
I stand up, look for her eyes. “You’re in love with someone else.”
“I know.” She frowns.
That annoyed me, can’t tell you why. I wanted her to refute me or to hesitate or something… Anything to tell me I’m not completely out here in love with her on my own, but she doesn’t throw me a fucking bone.
“So then how the fuck might we be together?” I glare over at her.
She takes a step towards me, eyes big, bottom lip out.
“Don’t be cross at me.” She frowns.
Shake my head at her. “I am a bit—”
Then she gets annoyed at me. “Why?”
“I don’t know—” I scowl. “Because you’re so fucking annoying. You don’t know what you want. You want everything, you want nothing, you’re a fucking pain in the arse.”
She stares over at me, nose in the air, crossing her arms over her chest.
“That was a bit mean…”
I know what I want, it’s selfish to want it now, but I’ll take it for a minute while I can, so I grab her face, knock her backwards and lift her on top of her chest of drawers.
“What are you doing?” she asks without slowing down.
I take off her dress. “This.”
She looks confused. “Now?”
“Yes.” I unbutton my shirt.
She blinks, confused. “Why?”
I stare down at her, holding her face. “Because this is what we do.”
And then I kiss her again. “And don’t you dare fucking think of me—”
She sniffs, confused as I lay her down on her bed. “I’ll do my best…”
“We’re not together.”
“This feels like a mixed message,” she responds.
I give her a look, make sure she knows I’m serious. “You love him. I love no one. Yeah?”
I’m lying through my fucking teeth, but I am serious.
“Okay?” She shrugs, confused.
I wrap my arms around her.
“Okay.”
