My shift at the dance studio had ended, and I rushed in my efforts to leave. Head down, I was pushing my dance sweater in my bag when my coworker, Mark, appeared in front of me. “You heading out?”
I gave him a smile, pushing my sweaty hair off my face. “Yeah.”
“Let me walk you out.”
I didn’t want to chat or linger or talk about work. “Sure.”
He walked me out to my vehicle, talking the entire time about some plans he had this weekend.
“That sounds fun.” I gave him a tight smile. I felt as if I were being watched. I scanned the parking lot, wondering if Viktor or one of Andrusha’s men were lurking around, but I saw nothing. I knew they still checked up on me from time to time. I didn’t mind, but I rarely saw them—I just sensed them.
Mark smiled. “You know, you can come along if you don’t have any plans this weekend.”
I paused, momentarily taken aback. I tried to recall what Mark had been talking about. Something about his weekend. “Uh, sorry, Mark.”
He gave me an easy smile and rubbed my upper arm. “Maybe next time.”
Flustered, I stared up at him. “Okay.”
After I got into my car, he lingered awkwardly beside my open car door. I couldn’t very well shut the door in his face.
I stared up at him. “Well, bye.”
He put his hand on the door and hovered before giving me one last smile and shutting the door.
When I got home, I grabbed my phone and Sasha’s leash. Together we headed for the off-leash park. I took off Sasha’s leash and threw his ball hard. This was our routine.
I took a deep breath and dialed Viktor’s number.
“Viktor speaking.”
“It’s Olivia.”
A long pause. “How are you?”
I cleared my throat, feeling anxious. “I’m good, how are you?”
“The same.”
I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry to bother you again. I was hoping you—”
He cut me off with a toneless voice. “I’m sorry, but you should stop calling me now.”
I clutched the phone with cold fingers. “Viktor, please don’t say that.”
He cleared his throat and then swore in Russian. “He’s free.”
My heart pounded with such a ferocity that it left me breathless. “What does that mean, he’s free?”
“He was released from prison.”
I stood there, looking around the dark park. My knees trembled so hard I thought they would give out. “When?”
“This week.”
He hadn’t come to find me. “Have you see him?” My voice sounded clogged.
“I have.”
I almost couldn’t swallow past the lump in my throat. “Is he okay?”
“He’s okay.”
This conversation was humiliating, but I needed the truth from someone. “Does he know where I am?”
Viktor’s silence spoke his discomfort.
“Viktor?”
“He knows, Olivia.”
I had believed that when Andrusha got out of prison, he would come and find me. The realization that he didn’t want to washed over me in devastating waves. I needed to end this call. “I’m sorry to have bothered you so much, Viktor.”
“You were never a bother.”
I looked around the dark park, feeling more adrift and lost than I had in a long time. “I don’t know what to do now.”
“I don’t know what to tell you.”
“Thank you for everything,” I said.
We ended the call, and I stood there, completely still, while tears streamed down my face, until Sasha pushed his cold nose into my hand.
Andrusha was a free man. He was somewhere in this city, living and breathing, and he knew where I was but hadn’t come to me.
It was almost too devastating for my heart to handle. I had been crushed when he wouldn’t let me visit him in prison and wouldn’t communicate with me or let me send him any messages, but part of me understood that he was trying to shelter me from that side of his life.
I had also believed with my entire being that he would find me when he got out. It never crossed my mind that he would get out of prison, and be free to see me, speak to me, and hold me, and that he would choose to stay away.
The next day, I sat on the back steps, eating my lunch. I was trying to process the emotions I was drowning in. Our goodbye had been so rushed and unfinished. I had always believed he’d show up, even if it was just to give us both closure.
But he had completely cut me off, out of his life, without looking back. I couldn’t even accuse him of leading me on. I hadn’t received a single gesture from him in fifteen months, and yet I had clung to the fantasy that he would make his way back to me.
The back door behind me swung open, and Mark smiled when he saw me. “You’re sitting out here alone? You should have told me. I would have joined you.”
I struggled to put on a bland smile. I snuck out here on my breaks exactly because I wanted to be alone. “I’m almost done.”
“No, it’s nice out here. Let’s enjoy the sun.” He didn’t sit down on the step but leaned against the railing. “You doing okay?”
“Yeah, sure.”
He shrugged. “You seem sad about something.”
Because it feels like my heart is slowly ripping in half. “Sorry if I seem distracted. I’m okay.”
“Well, if you ever feel less distracted, I’d love to take you out.”
I felt my cheeks flush. “I don’t think…”
He gave me a dimpled smile. “I know, but that might change.”
I started to pick up the remnants of my lunch. “I should get inside.”
Mark was a decent guy. He was stable, kind, and responsible. He was the kind of guy who would never show up in a strip club. He was too respectable. I should have been leaping in the air over the chance to date someone like him.
But after Andrusha, I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. No one had Andrusha’s energy or magnetism. No one compared. I don’t want anyone else.
Mark bent down and picked up my water bottle for me. “I’m a patient guy.”
“I think that you should find someone nice to date who isn’t me.”
He smiled. “Let’s give it some time.”
I shrugged and took the water bottle, wondering if my heart would ever be the same again.
Sasha and I were coming back from our nightly walk. The air was humid and heavy, scented with the spring blossoms that seemed to hang from every bush and branch. Sasha raced up the front steps of our house apartment, scrambling around the corner towards the front door.
I heard her give an excited whine. I came up around the corner to find Andrusha crouched down in front of Sasha.
My heart was pounding in my throat as frantically as Sasha’s tail.
Andrusha’s eyes met mine, and he slowly stood up, his eyes on my face.
His hair was shorter, and he looked bigger than I remembered, but he radiated health, vitality, and strength. I had forgotten how intoxicating his energy was. He felt like a riptide, dragging me out into an ocean of experience.
But I felt unsure. He hadn’t wanted to hear from me for months. He hadn’t rushed over here to see me. I wanted to fling myself into his arms—but nerves kept my feet planted and my eyes wide.
He didn’t move either. “Can we talk?”
I swallowed hard, praying he hadn’t come here to say goodbye. “Yes.”
He stood by as I unlocked the doors and ushered him into my cozy apartment. He stood in the middle of the living room and looked around my space with interest.
All this time worrying about his safety, and then he just shows up without any warning. “So you think you can walk in here and things are going to be the same?” I shot at him, unsure where all this inner frustration was coming from. “I called Viktor every week, asking about you.”
He turned his intense gaze towards me. “You know how many times you called him?”
“Does it matter? What matters is he never told me anything.”
“Sixty-three times. You called Viktor sixty-three times.”
My eyes flew to his face.
He held my gaze. “Knowing that you were still calling made that place survivable for me.”
“Why didn’t you let me know you were okay?”
He stood still, looking at me. “I didn’t want any part of that place tainting you.”
I took in a shaky breath. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
He tore his gaze away from me, focusing on the photos on my wall. “I need to get my shit together, Olivia. I still do.”
My entire body trembled in his presence. I itched to touch him, to hold him. “I don’t care about that kind of stuff.”
He gave me a wry smile. “I had a big plan. I was going to get out and get my act together before I let myself get near you. But Mark accelerated my timeline a bit.”
I blinked in surprise. “Mark, my coworker?”
“Do you have another Mark in your life who is trying to date you?”
“How do you know about him?” I thought about that night in the parking lot, when I could feel the presence of someone watching me.
His voice got low. “You think I would get back into town and not check on you?”
“Andrusha.” Emotion flooded my voice. “I missed you so much.”
His gaze held restrained emotion. “I want what’s best for you.”
“You’re what’s best for me.” I flew into his arms and then, finally, we were touching.
I moaned as his mouth covered mine, his big arms lifting me so my legs could wrap around his waist. My fingers tangled in his hair, and I gasped as his hot mouth moved to my throat, my ear, my shoulder, and then returned to cover my mouth.
“I missed this.”
“Me too.”
“I thought of you every day.”
“I forgot how perfect you taste.”
I wrenched my mouth from his. “I’m not dating Mark. The only person I want to be with is you.”
His eyes glittered. “I know, but I still used him as an excuse to come see you.”
I wrapped my hands around his head and pulled his mouth to mine. “Please get me naked.”
He groaned as he pulled his head back. “I came to ask you on a date.”
“Ask me later.”
His smile was a thing of beauty. “This time I want to do things the right way with you.”
I shook my head. “You did everything right the first time.”
He lowered me to my feet. “This time will be even better.”
I pouted. “Andrusha.”
“Would you let me take you out on a date?”
“When?” I breathed.
“Whenever you’re free.”
“I’m free tonight.”
He took me to a quaint little bistro that had tiny tables, the menu on a chalkboard, and an owner who walked amongst his guests. The food was impeccable, but I could barely eat. We couldn’t seem to take our eyes off each other.
“Tell me about your life,” he ordered with a smile.
“I teach at a dance studio. The owner is really amazing. She’s encouraging me to open my own school and has been mentoring me. A few hours a week, I help her with some of her administrative tasks for free, and in return, she teaches me the business side of things.”
“That’s smart.”
“She’s great. I’m learning a lot from her.”
“This is what I wanted for you.”
I toyed with my fork. “Sometimes Sasha and I hang out with Charlie, Mica, and Nadia. We go for walks with Sniper.”
His smile widened. “Mica never told me.”
“You don’t mind?”
He reached forward, and his fingers lightly touched mine. “Not at all.”
We stared at each other over our mostly uneaten meals.
“Tell me about you,” I almost begged.
He thought about his words. “I’ve had a lot of time to think.” His eyes lifted to me. “And I promised myself I wouldn’t come near you unless I cleaned up my act.”
“Andrusha,” I breathed.
“I started a business with Viktor. We put together the plans in the last year, but we’re just in the process of launching it. It’s a security firm.”
“That is amazing.” I tightened my fingers around his.
His eyes held mine. “The police seized most of my assets, but what they didn’t take, I invested. It’s a long story, but Amelia’s boyfriend invested in our company. It’s probably going to be a couple of years before we see a return on our investment, but the whole business is legal.”
He did this for me. My heart squeezed. “I missed you.”
He looked down at my hand in his. “I spent fifteen months thinking about all the things I wished I’d done differently with you. My biggest regret was not spending more time with you when I had the chance.”
I felt hypnotized under his gaze. “No regrets.”
“You now have my full attention, Olivia.”
My heart slowly thudded in my chest. “Do you think I can handle that?”
“I think you can,” he said slowly, tilting his head, “but you should probably get full disclosure about my intentions.”
His cheekbones looked so prominent in the candlelight. “What are your intentions?”
His eyes held mine. “I’m all in. You’re it for me, for the rest of my life. I want to build my life around you, around us.”
“Yes.” I couldn’t tear my eyes off his face. “I want that too.”
He gave me a slow smile. “Will I get a second date?”
“Depends. Do I get to plan it?”
He leaned on the table and grabbed my hand with both of his. “Only if you want to.”
