As I walk in the door of the apartment, I notice that it’s already dark and quiet inside. My mind is still reeling from the disaster of an evening and I’m even more confused than I was before. There’s a part of me that wishes I wouldn’t have seen Poppy, that I could have finally let her go… but then my mind travels back to the most important part.
The fact that she’s fucking pregnant and I’m almost positive it’s mine.
I don’t know what Poppy has been doing since we were last together, but she practically confirmed she found out she was pregnant right after we stopped talking and hanging out. We never really discussed it at the time, because we weren’t exclusive, but I don’t think she was seeing anyone else… I don’t really know, though, without her coming clean.
And, obviously, telling the truth doesn’t seem to be her strong suit.
After we went out to talk and she abruptly got pulled back into the restaurant for her shift, I collected myself and got my shit together before I went back in to Bailey. She seemed pretty confused and disappointed by the entire situation with Poppy, even though she didn’t know everything and didn’t have the backstory.
I didn’t tell her what had happened in the past, but I told her that Poppy was someone I used to see and seeing her pregnant caught me off guard. When Bailey asked me if it was my baby, I told her the truth—that I don’t know, because truthfully, I don’t. And just the thought of how Poppy left me hanging with that unanswered question made my blood boil.
It made my anxiety rise higher than it has ever been and I feel like I’m coming apart at the seams. I so badly want to just pick up a bottle and drown my sorrows and pain right now, but I’m trying to be better. I have a game in the morning and getting shitfaced to try and deal with my emotions isn’t good for anyone. Especially when I’m trying to get my shit together and stop traveling down the path that I’ve been heading down.
Bailey didn’t seem too comfortable with the entire situation between Poppy and I. I can’t say I blame her and until I get the answers I need, I’m not in the right headspace to get involved with someone else. When I explained that to Bailey, she was more understanding than I anticipated her being.
Instead of continuing the night like it was a date, we simply took the time to get to know each other on a platonic level. She didn’t disagree when I asked her if we could go somewhere else because I no longer felt comfortable at the restaurant. Poppy pawned our table off to another server and while I was grateful to not have to face her anymore, I couldn’t stand being in her presence. She was still floating around the restaurant, avoiding eye contact with me the entire time.
I needed to get her away from there and have a real conversation with her, but I needed to approach this differently than I had in the past with her. I already scared her off once, and I wasn’t about to do that again. Seeing me was just as much of a shock to her as it was to me, so even though space isn’t my thing, that’s what she needs right now… but this isn’t over. Not until I get the answers she owes me.
And depending on what they are determines what the hell happens from here.
Bailey and I ended up at a diner instead, leaving a tip on the table before we went there, even though we never got around to ordering any food. It was the least we could do for taking up a table. We went to the diner, got some breakfast for dinner, and called it a night as just friends. It was the right thing to do and I was glad that she wasn’t mad, and instead agreeable.
I walk through the silent apartment, fighting the urge to begin pacing as I head into my bedroom. Stripping down to my boxers, I climb under the covers and pull them up to my chin as I flop onto my back and stare at the ceiling. I know sleep won’t be finding me tonight, but tossing and turning for hours is better than drowning myself in a bottle.
My alarm begins to go off, beeping loudly on my phone, but I’m already awake. Swinging my legs over the bed, my feet hit the hardwood floor as I grab my phone and turn off the dreadful sound. Sleep found me in small increments throughout the night, but every time I started to fall into a deeper state of slumber, my dreams forced me awake.
They were more like nightmares, and that’s something I struggled with in my teenage years. No one was really ever able to figure out what the root cause of them were, but it was suspected that it had to do with my anxiety. And given the chain of events last night, it’s safe to say my anxiety isn’t exactly in check right now.
As I roll my bag out of my room, I see Logan already in the kitchen, making protein smoothies for both of us. He has a pair of sweats and a hoodie on, since we usually change at the rink in the locker room. I’m wearing basically the same outfit, with my hood pulled over my head in an attempt to shield myself from life.
“How did last night go?” Logan questions me, his blue eyes searching mine as he hands me my smoothie.
I take a small sip and shrug. “It wasn’t what I anticipated, but we both agreed we’re better off as friends.”
Logan narrows his eyes at me, grabbing his keys from the counter as he heads over to the door where our sticks are propped up. We both grab ours and wheel our bags through the front door. “Did something happen?”
“I don’t really want to talk about it right now,” I tell him, attempting to keep the irritation from my voice. There’s no reason to project it onto him, but right now I don’t need him questioning me. Especially at six o’clock in the morning when I barely got any rest.
Logan doesn’t question me any more, dropping it as we fall into an awkward silence and load our stuff in his car before taking off to the rink. It’s a home game today, so we don’t have to travel far, but we still have to be there early enough to warm up.
When we arrive at the arena, Logan still doesn’t say anything, silently handing me both of our sticks as he pulls our bags from the trunk. We each take our own, wheeling them into the locker room in silence. The guys are already there, acting like it’s not the ass-crack of dawn right now.
I don’t really talk to anyone and the air seems to shift in the locker room as Cam attempts to talk to me, but I brush him off, telling everyone that I didn’t get much sleep, so they know better than to fuck with me. We all get dressed and head out onto the ice for warm-ups.
Logan skates over to me as we shoot a few practice shots after stretching. “Did you hear the news about King?”
I look over at him, my eyebrows drawn together in confusion. Hayden King was one of our friends from high school, one of the guys we played hockey with our entire lives growing up. When we left for college, Logan, Cam, and I ended up here and Hayden went up to Maine to attend school there. We still keep in touch, but not as much as when we were playing together all the time.
“He’s transferring to Wyncote. Some shit must have happened in Maine and he needed to get out.” Logan shrugs, raising his eyebrows suspiciously. “He didn’t tell me what happened, but his parents were able to pull some strings and get him on the team with the season already started.”
I’m not surprised. Hayden comes from money, and money talks. Plus, with his skill on the ice, our coach would be an idiot not to take him on the team. I’m excited to see one of my oldest friends and play with him again, but I can’t get the fucking thought of Poppy out of my head.
“Yo.” Logan’s voice is loud as he hits me in the thigh with his stick. “Did you hear a word I said? What the fuck’s going on with you?”
My eyes meet his as he glares at me through the cage of his helmet. “Is Isla coming to the game?”
Logan’s eyebrows draw together. “Yeah, she was driving separately because she didn’t feel like coming early while we warmed up.”
“Maybe we can go get lunch then? I need to talk to you guys after the game…”
Logan tilts his head to the side, eyeing me suspiciously. Warm-ups are over and we’re being ordered off the ice so the Zamboni can come out and clean the ice before the game. Logan skates beside me, his eyes still on the side of my face. “About what? What’s going on, August?”
I swallow hard over the lump in my throat. “When I was out with Bailey last night, I saw Poppy.” I pause, glancing at Logan as he stops short, before continuing to skate beside me. “She moved back with her parents. She’s been here the entire time—so fucking close in North Point, I just had no idea.”
“I’m glad you found her, but what do you expect to happen now?”
“I don’t know, man,” I mutter as we walk down the tunnel into the locker room. “But she’s pregnant.”
Logan’s eyes widen, his lips parting slightly. “Oh fuck,” he breathes, his voice barely audible. “This changes everything.”
No truer words have ever been spoken…
