I haven’t seen Poppy since I kissed her when I was supposed to be helping her study. In my defense, I told her that I was going to kiss her and I gave her an out. If my brain remembers correctly, it was actually her whose lips collided with mine first.
Either way, she’s almost been more distant since that moment and I’ve been mentally beating myself up since. I should have known making a move would spook her, but I couldn’t resist her. Fuck, it’s so hard being around her and knowing we can’t be more than this. I need to work on this friends thing, but I don’t even know where to begin.
Poppy’s texts and phone calls have been short the past few days, but I’ve been trying to give her some space. She extended an olive branch, even after we kissed, and invited me along to an appointment. She made it clear that it wasn’t one with an ultrasound, so I wouldn’t get to see the baby. Just a routine exam for them to make sure she’s measuring correctly and to listen to the baby’s heart.
Either way, she really didn’t have to include me in this appointment if she didn’t want to, but she did. And I meant it when I told her that I wouldn’t miss this appointment. It still doesn’t feel real, but hearing the heartbeat… my brain can’t even comprehend the thought.
Poppy is waiting outside of her house, her pregnant stomach covered by her thick winter coat as she strides over to my car and hops in. She tried to argue with me about it, but I insisted on driving her. Anything that I can do to lighten her load—even if she doesn’t want my help, she’s fucking getting it.
“Hey,” she says softly, a smile on her lips as she climbs into the passenger seat of the car. I watch her as she pulls the seat belt across her body, strapping herself in. “Thanks for picking me up.”
“Of course,” I tell her, pulling away from the curb after she’s situated in her seat. “I figured that if I drove, it would be harder for you to turn me down when I ask you to get dinner with me after the appointment.”
Her head whips to the side and I can feel her glare on the side of my face. I continue to stare out the window, a smile playing on my lips as I focus on the road. “You’re impossible,” she mutters, shaking her head as she turns away from me. “You know how hard it is for a pregnant chick to turn down food?”
A chuckle rumbles in my chest as I pull the car out onto the freeway. “I was hoping that’d work to my advantage too.”
Poppy laughs and the sound is like music to my ears as it fucks my eardrums in the best way possible. She relaxes in her seat and it brings me a sense of joy, knowing she’s comfortable with me. That’s all I want… for her to feel safe and like she can let her guard down.
And maybe at the same time, she can let me in.
The drive to the doctor’s office isn’t far and before I know it, we’re pulling into a parking spot and walking into the building together. Poppy leads the way and I fall into step behind her, following after as she leads me into the office. She steps up to the front desk and I hang back, finding a seat as she checks in for her appointment.
The waiting room is empty and I’m thankful for that because I feel like I could break out into a sweat at any given moment. The anxiety and nervousness never really fully hit me until this moment. Today I get to hear my baby’s heartbeat and nothing solidifies its life more than that.
Poppy finds me over by the windows and sits down in the seat next to mine. I glance over at her, my nostrils flaring, chest rising as I inhale deeply, attempting to calm my nerves. Her eyes bounce back and forth between mine, her brows drawing together slightly. “Are you okay? You don’t look so well.”
I swallow roughly, giving her a small smile. “I’m good. Just fucking nervous.”
“It will be okay,” she assures me, her voice soft and gentle as she places her hand on top of mine. “What are you nervous for?”
Instinctively, I turn my hand over, her palm soft and warm against mine as I lace my fingers through hers. “This just makes it more real, you know? I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Are you having second thoughts about this?” she asks, just as the nurse pops out through the doorway and calls her name. Poppy goes to pull her hand from mine, rising to her feet, but I don’t let go of her as I stand up too.
“Never,” I swear, shaking my head as I squeeze her hand.
Her eyes drop down to our hands linked together before finding my gaze. A wave of emotion passes through her deep blue irises and I’m lost for a moment, caught up in the waves as they crash against the shore in the depths of her ocean. The nurse clears her throat, interrupting us with a smile on her face as we begin to walk toward her.
Poppy and I follow her down the hall, to where she stops to weigh Poppy, and we head into the exam room. Poppy climbs onto the table in the center of the room where the nurse checks her vital signs and asks her how things have been going. Poppy relays to her that everything has been going well and as normal as to be expected.
The nurse glances over at me. “And who do we have with us today?”
“That’s August,” Poppy smiles, her bright blue eyes touching mine. “He’s the father.”
I watch the nurse as she grabs some receiver-looking thing with a wand and squirts some lube onto it. She walks over to Poppy as she pulls up her shirt and exposes her round stomach. The nurse looks over at me, a smile forming on her lips. “You ready to hear baby’s heartbeat, Dad?”
My heart skips a beat, my breath catching in my throat as I walk over beside Poppy and take her hand in mine. “I’ve never been more ready.”
Poppy smiles up at me, her eyes scanning my face as I direct my attention to the nurse as she presses the wand against Poppy’s stomach and moves it around. She pauses for a moment, a rapid whooshing sound coming through the receiver she holds in her hand.
“There it is. There’s baby’s heartbeat and it sounds perfect.”
My heart swells, growing three times its normal size, and tears prick the corners of my eyes as I meet Poppy’s gaze. Her expression is soft, her eyes warm as she stares at me with so much fucking emotion on her face, I want to kiss it away.
Finding out that Poppy was pregnant was a shock and something I wasn’t prepared for. Hell, I still don’t know if I’m prepared to be a father, but this—this changes everything. Hearing the baby’s heartbeat makes this real and I can’t imagine things being any different right now.
Except for one thing… but I’ll get to that eventually.
We finish up at the doctor’s office and Poppy makes her next follow-up appointment, handing me a card with the date and time in case I want to go along. Which, hell yes. I won’t be missing any more appointments with her. I’m really in this—and deep.
I let Poppy pick the restaurant we end up at, since I’ve heard pregnant women tend to have different cravings for food. I’m not a picky person, so whatever makes her happy is good with me. She picks an Italian restaurant, since she told me that pasta has been her go-to lately.
“Thank you for coming with me today,” she tells me after we place our orders and the server disappears. “I know this is still probably a lot for you to adjust to, but it was nice having you come along.”
I stare back at her, deep into the oceanic depths of her eyes. “I told you, I’m all in, Poppy.” I pause, a smirk forming on my lips. “Even if we are just friends, I want to be as involved in the pregnancy and the baby’s life as possible.”
Poppy smiles back at me, the emotion welling in her eyes as she takes a sip of her water. “You know, if I’m being honest, I was afraid of having to do this alone. It’s not that I was doubting my ability to, but after growing up with divorced parents, I swore I never wanted that for my children if I ever had any. Knowing that you want to be a part of its life brings me more comfort than I could ever explain.”
My heart fractures for her, at the thought of her having to grow up like that. It’s something that I would never be able to understand, after coming from a home where my parents were together and were the perfect role models for what a happy marriage should look like.
I hate the thought of how she must have felt, planning on doing this alone and the fear she had of me not wanting to be involved. I’ll admit, I was shocked at first, but walking away from this was never an option. The moment I knew about her being pregnant, I was locked in.
Poppy doesn’t want anything between us, other than being friends, and I respect her decision. I am okay with that, as long as she lets me be a part of her life. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want more. And even though it pains me to admit it, I want there to be strings, instead of none attached.
I want more of her. I want all of her, in every aspect of my life.
“So, I know you’re not really into sports, but I have a game this weekend and I was wondering if you would want to come.”
Poppy tilts her head to the side, a smile curling on her lips. “I would love to come and watch you play.” She pauses for a moment, taking a sip of her water as her eyes search mine. “You’ve never asked me to come before…”
My throat bobs. She’s right, I never asked her because before, all we were was a fling. She was someone to occupy my time and distract me from the monotony of life. But everything has changed since we were in that place. She’s more than that now.
A nervousness fills me under her gaze and I shrug, attempting to brush it off. “I never thought you would want to before, but since we’re friends, I thought maybe you’d want to come.”
“Friends…” She chuckles lightly, her eyes bright as her smile touches them. “I would love to, August.”
We’re just friends.
I can’t push her past that point because if I do, I’m afraid I might lose her forever.
