Aunt Blair and I switch from a side plank to a meditation position.
Eyes closed, we just feel.
The sound of the birds chirping in the trees fills my ears like soothing music. The humid air sticks to my cheeks and ruffles my hair back.
For as long as I remember, Aunt and I have shared this moment of inner peace.
The only difference is that I can’t focus right now.
The confrontation I had with Aiden in the locker room yesterday keeps replaying in the back of my mind like a recurring nightmare.
My skin prickles with unease.
Or is it unease?
My body didn’t forget how close he got. How he touched me like he had every right to.
Since my return to school this year, everything has been spiralling out of control. The inner peace I’ve been doing my best to protect is being chipped, chewed, and thrown out. Or maybe it’s been crumbling for the past two years while I’ve been doing my best to be strong.
Or the ten years before that.
Damn Aiden to the darkest pits of hell.
He’s stirring a part I’ve been keeping under wraps from everyone. Hell, I’ve been shielding myself from that part, too.
Haunted memories.
Excruciating pain.
Dead eyes.
Every time I stare into his smoky gaze, I see a hint of the darkness I left behind. I’ll be damned if I let him or anyone else force me to remember that nightmare.
“Elsie?”
My eyes snap open to find Aunt sitting cross-legged in front of me. She’s staring at my clenched fists with furrowed brows.
“The idea is to relax.” She’s smiling but concern is etched on her creased brow. No wrinkles whatsoever.
Aunt is an ageless beauty, basically.
Her face hasn’t changed an inch since that day she took my small hand in hers and promised me a new life.
People believe in guardian angels, I believe in Aunt Blair and Uncle Jaxon.
“Sorry,” I smile back and take the bottle of mineral water she offers. “I’ve been thinking about a test.”
I do have a math test, but that’s not what’s occupying me right now.
Ugh. I hate lying to my aunt.
She pushes my bangs off of my forehead and behind my ear. Aunt and I are in yoga trousers. She’s wearing a sports bra while I’m in a sleeveless top. She shifted her mat so we’re facing each other instead of the green scenery of our back garden.
“You know we’re proud of you no matter what you do, right? It doesn’t have to be Cambridge if you don’t want to.” Her smile is warm but also pained.
Sometimes, I wonder if she sees my mother in my face. I’m becoming more and more a carbon copy of her.
“Blasphemy,” I laugh. “Don’t let Uncle Jaxon hear you say the words ‘no Cambridge’. Besides, I want Cambridge, Aunt. It’s my dream.”
She rolls her wedding band. “Don’t tell Jaxon and we’ll eat ice cream while watching a cheesy chick flick until we pass out.”
“Deal.”
We roll our mats, close the door against the garden’s chilly air and go inside.
Aunt lied about letting me eat as much ice cream as I want. She barely let me have two spoonfuls before her parent side took over. Ice cream isn’t good for my healthy food dosage.
We scroll through Netflix for ten minutes before we decide to re-watch Pride and Prejudice for the thousandth time.
The book is still better. Just saying.
Aunt answers her emails as we snuggle on the couch with popcorn — mine doesn’t have salt because… healthy.
Since Aunt came home today, Uncle will probably pull an all-nighter. Lately, they’ve been up to their necks in a new project. My heart squeezes knowing that I’ll be seeing less and less of them.
“You can work from your office, Aunt,” I offer.
“Nonsense.” She pulls me in so I’m leaning against her shoulder. “It’s girls’ night.”
We’re about half an hour in when I ask, “Aunt?”
“Hmm?” She glances at me then back at her phone.
“Have we lived in London before? I mean, my parents and I?”
She raises her head from her phone slowly, too slowly. “No. You were born and brought up in Birmingham.”
That’s also what I know. Since that accident, my memories have been wiped clean, but I remember Birmingham. The copper air. The suffocating, grey atmosphere and the smell of a lake.
“Why would you think you lived in London?” Aunt has abandoned her phone and is staring at me with an unreadable expression.
“Nothing. I just wondered if we came to visit you at the time?”
“Your uncle and I studied at Cambridge at the time. We didn’t live in London until we started our business.”
“Yeah.” I smile awkwardly. “I’m just flipping things.”
Aunt faces me. The look on her face is still unreadable, but it brings back a distant memory when her nose scrunches and she asks me the same question she did when I woke up in the hospital. “Do you remember anything?”
I shake my head.
“Do you want me to call Dr Khan?”
My shrink.
Since I was seven, my life has been shackled by two doctors. The heart doctor and the shrink.
“No, Aunt. It’s nothing.”
“You know that normal people talk to shrinks, right? It’s relieving and healthy.” She laughs. “Hell, I tell him more than I tell you or Jaxon.”
“I’ll think about it.”
A lie.
I’d rather not step into Dr Khan’s office again. I dislike having my brain probed.
Aunt ignores her phone for the rest of the film. Once we reach the end, I call it a night to revise my notes before sleep.
As I change into my PJ’s, I pause buttoning the top and stare at the hickeys Aiden left on my flesh.
In the past, whenever I looked at the scar, I’d have haunting flashbacks about the incident when I lost my parents.
Now, I don’t.
The flashback is still haunting, but it’s filled with deep grey eyes gnawing into my soul as he bit the skin and left his mark in an intrusive, intimate way.
I think a part of you likes this but because you’re such a good girl, you’re out to destroy that part.
I button the rest with jerky hands. I’m angry at myself, no, I’m furious. How the hell can I remember his words, let alone give them weight?
I meant it earlier. I didn’t want his attention, but on the flip, damning side, he’s having mine.
The fact that I’m starting to be invested in him creeps me out of my skin.
While a psycho, Aiden is a human being, and I can’t help wondering why he does everything he does.
Everyone has a motive, don’t they? No matter how much I’ve tried to shove Aiden into the black category, I’m only fooling myself.
I crawl into my bed, play Power by Bastille, and check my phone.
Kim sent me a message saying she’ll be driving her baby brother and therefore she won’t be able to pick me up tomorrow.
She sends a cute picture of Kirian clinging to her leg. Although Kim is a brunette, her brother has the most golden blonde hair.
Kim: Babysitting. Save me.
Elsa: *heart emoji* I’ll have that cute little elf.
We chat for a while before I head to Instagram. On RES’s official page, I find a picture of me taken by the school’s photography club. They had a perfect shot while I ran in practice. It’s from behind, but my name and the school’s logo are clear.
The tag reads. Great minds in excellent bodies.
RES has changed their policies over the years. Now, they’re constantly promoting that they’re not only about academics, but also sports.
Right after my picture, I find another one with more comments and likes. It’s about the football team, so no surprise there.
The photography club managed to snag a perfect shot of Aiden during practice when he was about to shoot and score. One of his hands flings back in symmetry with his left foot like he’s about to take flight.
It could be because he’s a leftie, but that posture is too… unearthly. Damn that perfect, aesthetic posture.
I zoom in to erase everyone in the pitch except for him.
After a few seconds of staring like a creep, I exit Instagram altogether and cover my head in exasperation.
I’m turning into something I hate because of the bastard.
My phone dings, and I lunge for it expecting it to be Kim.
Aiden.
Wait. Aiden?
Of course. He had my phone for a whole day after all. If he can crack the code, he can save his number.
I’m tempted to toss my phone and crack it to pieces, but curiosity gets the better of me.
I swipe the screen to read the text.
Aiden: Asleep?
I contemplate sending him a ‘fuck you’, but decide to ignore him instead. I seriously don’t know what he’s thinking by texting me.
It’s not like we’re old friends or even acquaintances.
Another text comes in.
Aiden: I’m not.
Obviously.
My phone dings again.
Aiden: I’m picturing you naked, screaming my name while I pound into your tight little pussy.
A tingle warms its way down my body and between my legs.
Aiden: If you don’t reply, I’ll keep telling you about my fantasies.
I purse my lips. He won’t get to me.
Aiden: I’m thinking about your pouty lips around my dick as I face-fuck you while you stare up at me with teary blue eyes.
The explicit image draws a shudder from my spine.
Aiden: I miss your full tits and how perfectly they fit in my palms. Are your nipples sore?
My nipples harden against the soft cloth of my PJ’s and I cross an arm around them as if he can see them.
Aiden: I know you’re not asleep, sweetheart. Last chance. You’ll regret it if you don’t reply.
When I remain silent, he sends another one.
Aiden: As you wish.
He stops sending texts. I wait for five minutes, but nothing comes out. My hands tremble as I put the phone on the nightstand.
Why did he stop texting?
Nope. I’m not allowing him to get under my skin.
In the morning, I wake up with my hand between my legs.
Again.
Shit.
I don’t usually remember my dreams, but I recall glimpses of this one. Dark grey eyes. Tears in my eyes and something thick in my mouth.
I take the longest, coldest shower I ever had and stumble downstairs.
“… maybe she’s remembering.”
I halt near the corner of the stairs at Aunt Blair’s worried voice.
“You’re overthinking.” Uncle’s sounds muffled due to something he must be eating.
So he did come home last night.
“Maybe we should try Dr Khan’s recommendations.” My aunt again. “She’ll be eighteen soon.”
Dr Khan’s recommendations?
And what does my age have to do with anything?
Dread lodges at the pit of my stomach. I don’t like where this conversation is going.
“Stop overthinking, Blair.” Uncle scolds. “I’ll go see if she’s up. She’ll be late for school.”
Aunt mumbles something, but I don’t hear it. I make a deliberate sound of my feet flapping against the floor as I round the corner with a big smile on my face. “Morning!”
I kiss Uncle on the cheek and let Aunt kiss mine. I drop my backpack on the chair and dig into the jam and butter. Special jam without much sugar and special non-animal butter.
My life is based on healthy food.
Appetite escapes me, but I force down tiny bites. If Aunt Blair notices I’m not eating, she’ll freak.
“Is Kim late?” Aunt asks.
“No, she has to pick up Kir this morning. I’ll take a taxi.”
“Nonsense. I’ll drive you, pumpkin,” Uncle says.
“No. You drive recklessly.” Aunt smiles. “I will.”
The bell rings. Must be Mrs Robinson next door. She loves baking and giving her muffins to neighbours. Although Aunt doesn’t let me eat them.
I take the chance to distract Aunt from my barely eaten sandwich. “I’ll open!”
Uncle gives me a look. “I will do it. Finish your breakfast, pumpkin.”
Busted.
“Why don’t you wear your hair down?” Aunt asks, smoothing my ponytail.
I take a sip of the orange juice. “It’s a hassle.”
Truth is, I never liked my hair down.
“Pumpkin?” Uncle’s voice sounds bemused as he appears at the threshold. “A friend came for you.”
“A friend?” Did Kim change her mind?
But then again, Uncle Jaxon doesn’t call Kim a ‘friend’.
My friend appears and I choke on the orange juice.
Aiden fucking King is standing in our dining room.
