Aunt and Uncle barely come home for the entire week.
They usually change their clothes, fill the fridge with food, and then they’re off again.
I hate the house when neither of them is here — especially when it goes on for consecutive nights like this.
It’s frigid and… cold.
Kim spent a few nights with me — and Kir. We studied, binge-watched the last season of Lucifer, and we goofed around to Coldplay.
Although she has more electric taste in music than me, we agree on Coldplay.
For the past week, I somehow managed to convince Kim to sit with me at the football team’s table.
I was both shocked and proud of her when she sat at the same table as Xander and pretended he didn’t even exist.
“You sure you can’t stay? It’s Friday night.” I ask from the doorway as she sits on the steps to tie her shoes.
“I’d love to, but I can’t let Kir down.”
“I know.” Her dad returned from his endless diplomatic trips and her mother is finally out of the studio. They promised Kirian a family dinner a few months ago, and this is their only chance to make it happen.
“My house is usually dead so I understand what it feels like when it’s alive.” I sigh. “Have fun. Text me pictures of Kir.”
“You bet.” Her lips twists. “I hope those two will be parents for fucking once and not disappoint him.”
“Kim…”
“Doesn’t matter. Kir has me.” She throws a dismissive hand as she stands and faces me with a strange expression. “You know you can talk to me about the whole King thing, right?”
I hate how my chest flips at the mere mention of his name.
“The whole King thing?”
“You know, the part about coming all over his face? Twice?”
My cheeks heat and I wish I could hide in a hole. “Here I thought you’d forgotten about that.”
“Hell no.” She chuckles, nudging me. “I was waiting for you to fess up.”
“I’m just…” I hang my head against the wall. “I don’t know. He’s so intense and I feel like if I give in to him, I’ll never find a way out. Not to mention that he’s distracting me. Cambridge is just around the corner and there’s no way in hell I’m letting anything take it away from me, especially not some boy drama, but…”
“But?”
“But I feel a sick type of relief whenever he comes to find me, corners me, and takes away the decision. Isn’t that crazy?”
“All the best things usually are.” She grins.
I jab her shoulders playfully. “You’re not helping.”
“Ellie, you’re my best friend and I love you, but you’re too… safe.” Kim’s voice shifts to the grownup tone she uses with her little brother. “You’ve been living your life so much by the rules, it’s like you’re a thirty year-old woman wrapped in an eighteen year-old body.”
I should be offended, but I’m not.
“That’s not true,” I tell her.
“Not true?” She gives me an ‘Are you shitting me’ look. “You didn’t touch the ice cream even though your aunt isn’t here. I’m sure a bite or two won’t kill you, but you don’t even want to consider going against your aunt’s wishes.”
“Those types of food rot the body.”
“Do you hear yourself? You sound just like your aunt — and that’s not a compliment.”
“Kim!”
“I mean, look at your interests.”
“What about them?”
“You picked up yoga because of your aunt. You like football because of your uncle. Hell, you’re going to Cambridge because they’re alumni. ”
I cross my arms. “Aunt and Uncle saved me from the alternative of foster homes. They gave me a safe, healthy upbringing. If it weren’t for the heart surgery they paid for, I would’ve died. There’s nothing wrong with wanting them to be happy.”
“Sure. You’re totally right.” Kim leans against the wall. “But have you thought that maybe you’re living your aunt and uncle’s lives, not yours? Maybe that’s why you’re so inexplicably drawn to King.”
“What? How?”
“You’ve always lived by the rules. He doesn’t. He’s free in ways you aren’t. Maybe that’s why you’re attracted to him.”
Kim’s words strike so deeply, I visibly flinch.
“You know, in the summer camp, this Buddha priest chap told us an interesting tidbit,” she continues.
“What?”
“Souls are attracted to each other.”
After saying goodbye, I stand rooted at the entrance, her last words playing like an echo in my head.
Souls are attracted to each other.
Aiden’s soul is black, so what does that make mine?
I’m about to head inside when I catch movement. A black car is parked across from the house right under the streetlamp. The windows are tinted so I can’t see inside.
The car has been there for the entire day before I went to school and after I returned.
An ominous feeling creeps down my spine. It’s like I’ve seen that car before.
Where?
I bolt the door and activate the alarm system.
The house feels so calm, eery and… cold.
I sit down for dinner, but I’m not really hungry. I eat anyway so Aunt won’t feel upset if she finds the boxes as she left them.
Have you thought that maybe you’re living your aunt and uncle’s lives, not yours? Kim’s words return and I shoo them away.
I need to eat, because unlike no one knows, my heart is acting up again. I know I should visit Dr Albert soon, but I need to participate in the track competition first.
The other time, Dr Albert mentioned another surgery. Not only will I kiss track running goodbye, but I might lose precious months that I should use to prepare for college.
I intend to live this year to the fullest, and then when it’s time for the surgery, I will have it.
While I’m eating, I play chess against myself, knocking the black king a few times.
See, I love playing chess. Kim was wrong, not all my interests are linked to Aunt and Uncle. Even if Uncle Jaxon first taught me chess.
After a few rounds, I push the board away and retrieve my phone to check the school’s website.
Then I recall it’s the weekend.
My finger hovers over Instagram. I don’t even pretend to scroll in the feeds, I go straight to Aiden’s profile.
He hasn’t posted anything after that picture of us kissing. It’s so unlike him considering that he posts at least once a day.
When I first saw the picture, I was too mortified to study it properly.
Now, I’m calmer.
Almost.
I zoom in and see how entangled we really are. The look of utter possessiveness and rogue claiming on his face. The look of abandonment on mine.
Some screw was loose at that time.
I scroll down to the comments. No girls gush all over him on this picture. Most are friendly teases from the football team.
Ronan wrote, You better be sorry for stealing my show that night, King.
I blush, remembering how he caught us.
My pulse spikes when I make out the last comment. It’s only minutes ago and it’s from Silver.
Side dish until the actual menu comes.
I stab my fork at the empty plate. What in the ever living hell is her problem? First, I’m a peasant then I’m a side dish?
And the bastard didn’t even delete her comment.
I hit home and throw the phone on the table. With a few calming breaths, I take my plates and do the dishes as calmly as I can manage, not bothering with the washer. I almost break the utensils.
With the water still running, I grip the sink’s edge with both hands as I breathe heavily. I always thought jealousy was for weak, insecure people, but apparently, I’m turning into one, too.
It’s blinding and downright scary how much I want to hurt her for messing with what’s mine.
But then again, Aiden isn’t mine.
Not really.
So I’m being all pissed off about nothing. And that pisses me off more.
I finish the dishes and retreat to my room to study. It’s the only logical thing in my life at the moment.
An hour or so later, I crawl into bed, trying not to think about how Aiden has been bringing my special food every day. How he made sure we’re seen in the halls together so no one bullies me anymore. How he brings me water after practice. How he watches me with that concern when I’m running as if he knows my heart isn’t doing so well.
I shouldn’t appreciate the thoughtful gestures, but I do, and they’re tumbling my defences worse than anything else.
Unable to resist, I check Instagram again. I scroll down to Silver’s comment, but it isn’t there anymore. Not sure if she deleted it or if he did.
My phone vibrates with a text.
Aiden.
I sit up in bed, my heart somersaulting inside its cavity.
Aiden: Can’t sleep. I’m thinking about you.
I should pretend to be asleep, but I just can’t. I’m feeling so off tonight and I’m afraid that if I close my eyes, nightmares will barge in.
I type back.
Elsa: I can’t sleep either.
Aiden: Why?
Elsa: I’m scared of going to sleep sometimes.
I regret that as soon as I hit send. He doesn’t need to know that.
The three dots appear and disappear as if he’s thinking about what to say.
Aiden: I don’t like to sleep either.
I sit up straighter.
Elsa: Why?
Aiden: It’s boring.
Elsa: *eye roll emoji* Really?
Aiden: Remember that ghost I told you about? It visits me often when I sleep.
Is the ghost his mother?
Before I can reply, he sends another text.
Aiden: How about we distract each other?
Elsa: I don’t like the sound of that.
Aiden: Trust me. You will like it. Eventually.
Aiden: What are you wearing?
Elsa: Seriously? *facepalm emoji* we’re playing this game?
Aiden: Tell me.
Elsa: Fine. PJs with little rabbits on them. Not sexy at all.
Aiden: Let me be the judge of that *wink emoji*
Aiden: Besides, everything is sexy on you.
I try not to blush, but I freaking do.
Aiden: Give me more. What are you wearing under the PJs?
I bite my lower lip as I type.
Elsa: Nothing.
Aiden: Fuck. Now, I want to be the rabbit PJs.
Elsa: And what will you do?
Aiden: Aside from rubbing against you until you come? I have to think of other options PJs have.
Heat blooms between my thighs, and my fingers tremble when I type.
Elsa: What if you were here with me? What would you do with the PJs?
Aiden: Is this a trick question?
Elsa: I want to know…
Aiden: First of all, I’ll rip the thing off you, then I’ll bite your nipple and suck on it until you beg me to stop. I’ll finger fuck you until you come all over my hand, but I won’t stop.
My hand slips under the waistband of my shorts and plunge into my slick folds.
Elsa: No?
Aiden: No. While you’re coming down from the wave, I’ll eat your pussy until you scream all over again. Then I’ll release your hair and hold you with it while I fuck you until both of us pass out.
I rub up and down harder with every word in his texts. It’s not my hand, it’s Aiden’s mouth that’s driving me insane. His fingers inside me, his cock down my throat…
I come with a cry and muffle the sound into my pillow.
My cheeks are so hot, I think they’ll explode.
I can’t believe I just brought myself to orgasm thinking it was Aiden.
My phone vibrates one more time.
Aiden: Don’t sleep.
Ashamed of what I just did — or what he made me do, I groan and stand up, abandoning my phone on the nightstand.
Opening the balcony’s window, I let the chilling air fill my senses. The first droplets of rain hit my nose, and I close my eyes, tipping my head back to let it rinse me.
Cleanse me.
My nostrils fill with the scent of the earth after the rain and I inhale it in.
When I open my eyes, the black car is still there.
My lips tremble as I abandon the rain and crawl back into my bed.
Whimpers come from the basement.
My little feet follow the sound. I’m whimpering myself, but them whimpers from the basement are louder and more in pain.
Mmmmm.
Mmmm…
Mmmm —
I dart my eyes back expecting the boogieman to follow me down here. Ma says I should never be here because them monsters hide in places like these.
Ma looks like a monster sometimes when she’s talking about him. The one who shall not be named.
Her eyes look black like them Da’s friends.
Sometimes, she hugs and squeezes me till I think I’m joining the one who shall not be named.
“Elsa?”
Oh. No.
If Ma finds me, she’ll squeeze me to death again. I don’t like them monsters in her eyes because Da won’t stop hitting her when she has them monsters.
Then his monsters and her monsters become the same.
Them whimpers turn into moans. I stop at the basement’s door and peek through the opening of the key.
Them monsters took another person like the one who shall not be named.
This time, I have to help them. I have to stop them monsters in Ma and Da’s eyes.
“Elsa!!” A blow smacks my back.
My head hits the door and something warm and red trickles down my temple.
I look back and see them monsters.
They’re black.
They’re murky.
They have hole eyes.
My lips tremble as I’m struck again.
Blow.
Blow.
Blow.
“You’ll pay for that, Elsa.”
I wake up with a start. Sweat trickles down my spine, sticking my PJ’s to my back. I dart my eyes to the side and shriek.
A shadow looms over my bed.
