On Monday, Uncle, Aunt and I are having breakfast together when I say, “I want to see Dr Khan.”
Two pairs of eyes snap from their tasks. Uncle pauses drinking his morning coffee and reading from his tablet. Aunt stops packing my lunch, her hands shaking around the container.
“Are you having nightmares again? What did you see?” Her tone is almost hysterical.
“Stop it, Blair.” Uncle abandons his coffee and tablet on the table and rises to his feet. I face him as he clutches my shoulders and says in a cool voice, “Are you all right, pumpkin? Why didn’t you call us when you had the nightmares?”
I can’t help noticing the difference between Aunt and Uncle’s reactions. Her eyes are shifty and she keeps opening and closing the container as if she’s not aware of what she’s doing. Whenever the topic of my nightmares resurfaces, Aunt never asked me if I was okay. Her first question was always ‘what did you see?’
Uncle, on the other hand, always asked if I was fine.
It’s weird.
In everything else, Aunt cares about my wellbeing more than Uncle. She’s the one who acts like a Nazi to make sure I eat healthily.
Maybe she doesn’t think that my mental state is part of my health.
Either way, I’m not in the mood to talk about my episode on Saturday.
I smile and hope it comes out convincing. “It’s not about the nightmares. I just want to talk about the stress of exams.”
Aunt’s shoulders droop and she stops opening and closing the container.
Uncle’s brows furrow. “You never had exams’ stress before, pumpkin.”
“Everyone is competitive at school and I keep thinking that maybe someone will push me out of the top ten per cent,” The lies tumble from my mouth so easily.
Strange. I always hated lying to them, but not today.
Uncle nods. “I’ll book an appointment.”
“Thanks, Uncle.”
Neither of them needs to know about my plans with Dr Khan. I’m changing tactics about the whole psychotherapy.
Uncle kisses the top of my head. “You know you can talk to us any time, pumpkin, right? You don’t have to hide anything as you did with your relationship with Aiden King.”
Just hearing his name slashes pain through my chest. Since he walked out of my house on Saturday morning, there has been no trace of him. He didn’t call or send me his usual crude texts.
I’ve seen pictures of him on Instagram after the game on Saturday night. Elites won two to nil and Xander scored both. It’s so rare for Aiden not to score at a game.
When I said what I said in the bathroom, I didn’t expect he’d just walk away.
He’s not the type to walk away.
I kept telling myself that he’ll come back to pester me as usual. He’ll barge into my life like he has every right to.
He didn’t.
And that hurt more than I care to admit.
I nod absentmindedly at Uncle who goes back to his seat and resumes drinking his coffee. I sip from my juice. It tastes bitter and I want to spit it back up.
Aunt places the container in my bag and touches her collarbone. “Don’t take this the wrong way, hon, but maybe you’re stressing because you have a boyfriend?”
Uncle stares at her from above the rim of his cup.
“What? She never stressed before. It isn’t a coincidence that she’s starting to stress now that she has a boyfriend.” She faces me, a warm glow on her face. “It’s subconscious, Elsie. Your attention span will be unknowingly divided. You can’t possibly give your studies one hundred per cent of your energy like you used to.”
“Drop it, Blair,” Uncle’s voice is low with warning.
“No, she’s right.” I set my juice on the table. “I shouldn’t let anything come before my studies.”
“Right?” Aunt smiles with a victorious gleam as if she were waiting for someone to agree with her. “He’s not good for you, anyway.”
I perk up. “What do you mean?”
She gives an awkward laugh. “His last name is King. Their world is different from ours. It’s better to end it now before you grow attached to him.”
Too late.
Uncle sighs with exasperation, pinching his nose. “She has the right to make her own decisions.”
“I just don’t want her to get hurt or to sacrifice her future over some boy drama.” Aunt shoots back.
My phone dings.
Kim: I’m here.
Thank God.
I stand up and sling my backpack over my shoulders. “Kim is here. I have to go.”
“Take care, hon.” Aunt smothers my hair back. “Teamwork.”
Uncle gives me a tight smile, apparently still angry with Aunt.
“Teamwork,” I echo back, kiss them each on the cheek and head out.
Aunt and Uncle’s voices rise as soon as I’m at the front door.
“She’s not a child, stop treating her like one,” Uncle says.
“I don’t want her making mistakes, okay?”
“Mistakes? Come the fuck on, Blair. Are we going down that road?”
“She’s my niece, okay? Mine! You wouldn’t be in her life if it weren’t for me so stop interfering, Jaxon.”
“Eighteen is right around the corner. I can’t wait to see what happens when the other shoe drops.”
My feet falter at the last sentence. What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Kim texts again. I open the door and step into the windy air. My ponytail blows in front of my face.
“Morning, Ellie.” She’s smiling wide, appearing in a good mood.
“Hey, Kim.”
Her smile drops. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I’m fine.”
“Hell to the no.” Her expression softens. “Tell me.”
Where do I even start? I was ditched after giving up my virginity? My nightmares are becoming terrifying? Aunt and Uncle are fighting because of me?
Everything is tumbling over my head, and I can’t seem to find a way out. I want to cry so hard, but that will ruin Kim’s good mood.
Due to her own family and school drama, she rarely has a good mood. I don’t want to ruin it for her.
“Menstrual cramps,” I say. “I think I’m getting my period soon.”
“Aww, that sucks!” Kim drives out of the driveway.
It isn’t completely a lie, but it isn’t menstrual cramps that hurt with every move. I’m still sore from Saturday.
I haven’t been able to move without feeling Aiden inside me.
I try to listen to Kim talking about her family dinner, but my mind keeps drifting back to how Aiden left without a word.
At first, I was ashamed to be abandoned like that.
Then, I had another feeling that’s more in tune with Aiden’s character.
He only approached me for sex after all. Now that he got what he wanted, everything was over.
Good riddance.
If I can spend the rest of senior year in peace, then I’ll consider my virginity a sacrifice.
The familiar pressure of tears builds behind my eyes.
I just wish he hadn’t lied to me and made me feel like I meant something.
Fucker.
“By the way,” Kim’s voice cuts through my thoughts. “I heard Mum and Dad talk about something super weird yesterday.”
“Yeah?”
Kim’s attention remains on the road as she speaks, “Remember when I told you that Aiden’s mother died of an accident?”
He’s the last thing I want to talk about, but I can’t help the curiosity. “What about her?”
“So Dad was saying that Alicia was suicidal, anyway, so her death wasn’t a surprise. However, Mum said that Dad doesn’t understand. Alicia wasn’t suicidal, she only wanted to save her baby.”
“She wanted to save her baby?” I echo.
“I know! Weird, right? Aiden is an only child and he was at a camp. What baby was she trying to save?” Kim’s voice drops to a whisper-yell because she doesn’t know how to whisper properly. “Unless she had a child outside of marriage. Maybe she was off to meet her lover and Uncle Jonathan sent a PI after her. There was a chase and she crashed.”
“Whoa. You watch too many Korean soap operas, Kim.”
“Most families’ problems are because of secret births. Just saying.”
Soon after we reach the school, Kim switches subject to our upcoming tests.
However, Alicia is all that occupies my thoughts.
I keep thinking about something I read in a psychological thesis the other day.
Most if not all mental issues start at childhood.
I dislike umbrella terms that gather mental health problems, but that one stuck with me. The more I think about it, the more it rings true.
A person is formed of jigsaw pieces and if you want to really know anyone, then start at the pieces that formed his childhood. They’re the base. Everything else is built on that.
Uncle Jaxon, for example, had a healthy childhood. Lawyer parents. Steady income. Football team player. He grew up into a stable, ambitious adult. It’s his parents’ expectations that set him out to be competitive.
Aunt Blair and Mum had a poor background and a violent father when he’s on the liquor. Unlike Mum, Aunt left Birmingham as soon as she was eighteen. She worked hard for a scholarship so she could leave all that rubbish behind. She never returned to Birmingham until the accident that took my parents’ lives. Her poor background pushed her to strive for perfection. Anything less is an insult to her intelligence.
No matter how much of a perfectionist she is, a bit of her childhood seeps into her adult version. She’s hotheaded and results to yelling when she doesn’t get what she wants.
Even subconsciously, she’s replicating the violence her father exerted on her.
It’s an endless vicious cycle.
I’m sure that Aiden’s behaviour has something if not everything to do with his childhood.
Starting with Alicia. She’s beginning to sound more and more like a mystery.
Stop.
I want to bleach my head. Why am I even bothering with him anymore?
Still, as Kim and I walk the hallway, I can’t help searching for the jet black hair and those metallic eyes.
We arrive at our class. Cole and Ronan are in deep conversation. Or more like, Ronan is in a one-man show while Cole reads from a book.
Upon seeing us, Ronan grins. “Bonjour, mes demoiselles.”
Cole nods in acknowledgement.
I smile back as I slide into my seat and bring out my notebook and pencils.
“Wanna party at my place?” Ronan waggles his eyebrows at me, the insinuation of what happened at his last party clear.
“Holy hell.” Kim’s whisper-yell draws my attention.
I follow her field of vision and my heart stops beating.
Aiden walks into the classroom with Silver hanging off his arm.
