WE LIE in the darkness while everything in the world finally feels right again, with Vivi in my arms. The light from the moon slinks across my bedroom and shines on Vivi’s face, highlighting her beauty. My thoughts drift back to what Beckett said the other day about how what I’m feeling for Vivi is love, and as I watch her sleep, I know he’s right. I love this girl. It’s the only explanation I can come up with why I’ve been going so crazy lately and doing things out of character.
Hell, I’m willing to fuck up my career, which has always been the most important thing in my life, in order to be with her. This has to be love, and I wonder if she feels the same way about me.
God, I hope she does.
I push her thick, brown hair back away from her angelic face, and I whisper the words out loud to try them out while she’s asleep. “I love you, Vivi.”
A smile tugs at her lips, and she snuggles into me and sighs, like she’s been waiting for me to tell her this forever. “I love you, too.”
My heart squeezes in my chest before pounding. I guess she wasn’t asleep after all, but now that I’ve said how I’m feeling and she’s heard it, there’s no going back.
I lie there in bliss because it confirms Vivi feels the way I do. No one has ever said they loved me before, and it makes me so fucking happy that Vivi told me first. I’ve only ever felt love for a few people in my entire life, but it’s always been the type of love you have for your family—like with Beckett and his family, and the way I felt about my own mother even though she never loved me back. This love I feel for Vivi is different—more powerful and deep. It’s kind of fucking scary, if I’m being honest.
I press my lips to her forehead. “I’ll be a good man for you. I swear it.”
The biggest hurdle I’ve faced in my life has been harnessing my anger. When I was younger, my anger drove my mother away and caused her to hate me. Beckett and his father helped me channel my rage into playing sports, and I excelled at football because it was the one sport I could unleash all of my pent-up anger. Causing physical pain to others is not only accepted in football, but glorified, and I’m damn good at it.
Vivi turns her head and stares up at me with her stunning green eyes. “You’re already a good man, Zayn.”
I move my head from side to side. “I wasn’t always. If I were, my mother wouldn’t hate me the way she does, and I would have a relationship with her. She’s my only real biological family, and she wants nothing to do with me.”
Vivi pushes herself up on one elbow as she rests her head in her hand to face me. “Why do you believe she hates you?”
I lick my lips and then grab one of Vivi’s curls and pinch it between my fingers. “Because she told me she does.”
“What happened between the two of you?” she asks.
Typically, I never talk about my past with anyone, not even Beckett, and he witnessed most of it firsthand. He never brings it up because he knows I don’t like talking about it. But Vivi has no clue about the things I’ve been through, and to truly understand the way a person is now, you have to get to know their past—find out how they got the way they are. If Vivi and I are going to have an actual relationship, I want her to know me, really know me, so that means I’ll need to open up to her and tell her about the painful things that haunt me.
“My mother never really wanted to be a mother. She was angry I existed, but she loved the free money that came along with getting knocked up by a rich man. He was willing to pay child support in order to keep my mother from ever contacting him or his family about the illegitimate child he had with her. So nobody wanted me. I was a burden to both my mother and father.”
There’s a look I can only describe as pity on Vivi’s pretty face, and it’s one reason I don’t like to talk about myself. I don’t want people’s pity for having shitty parents because it makes me feel weak, like I’m a broken freak that no one wants.
But Vivi needs to know this part of me, so I keep going.
“Mom used to rotate boyfriends in and out of our house so frequently, I’d forget their names. Hell, she was always drunk or high most of the time, so I’m sure she forgot their names too. I was never nice to the men she brought around because most of them liked to smack her around, and I fucking hated that. It would enrage me, but there wasn’t much I could do about it as a little boy. The older I got, the bigger and stronger I got, and when I was fourteen, I was already six feet tall and was bigger than most of her boyfriends, so it made them think twice before hitting her when I was around.”
“It was good you were there to protect her,” Vivi says.
I frown. “Mom, didn’t think so. She called me a nosy bastard and told me to mind my own fucking business. Only she didn’t get she was my mother, which meant her safety was my business, and I would not allow someone to hurt her.”
Vivi traces circles on my chest absentmindedly as she listens to me talk. “Is it possible the drugs and drinking made her act that way? My parents were so violent when they drank and weren’t above knocking me into a wall if I got in their way, but when they would try to clean themselves up, they were different people. Unfortunately, those periods never lasted very long, and the violence always returned.”
I trace Vivi’s chin with my thumb. “The idea of anyone putting their hands on you makes me crazy. I won’t allow anyone to hurt you ever again.”
“I believe you,” she whispers. “I always feel safe when I’m with you. It’s one reason I love you.” She presses a soft kiss to my lips, and hearing her tell me she loves me is something I’m already addicted to. “So what was the final straw to make you move in with Beckett?”
I rest my hand on hers as it lies on my chest. “One man she brought home, he was very short and didn’t care for the fact a kid was bigger than him and was the man of my mother’s house. He treated me like absolute shit and encouraged my mother to do the same, sometimes adding she should’ve murdered me the moment I was born. I hated the guy, and he hated me, too. We were at each other’s throats a lot, and one day, things escalated. One day, I came home from school to find Mom bleeding from the mouth and nose, and one of her eyes was swollen shut. The guy was standing over her with his fists drawn as he continued to scream at her while she sat on the floor in the corner. I lost my fucking mind when I saw that and unleashed every ounce of hate and anger I had on him.”
“Jesus,” Vivi whispers. “Did you…kill him?”
I shake my head. “No, but I wanted to. My mother jumped on me, scratching my face and arms, beating me in the back, and screaming at me to stop hurting her man. I guess we made enough noise to alert the neighbors that some major shit was going on inside our house. When the cops showed up, Mom blamed everything on me to keep her boyfriend out of jail—blamed me for hitting her. They hauled me to juvie, and they waited to see if her boyfriend would die or not when he was in the ICU. He was on a ventilator for a couple of days, but he pulled through. After that, we went to court, and Mom sat on her boyfriend’s side and testified against me, calling me a menace and telling the court she hated me and never wanted me back inside her home again.”
Vivi’s lips pull into a tight light as she nods with understanding. “So Beckett’s parents took custody of you after all of this?”
“Yeah, and they’ve been my family ever since. Mom lived across the street for a few more years but eventually had to move because she could no longer afford it. Once Beckett’s family took me in, the child support my father paid went to them. Mom lost her meal ticket, and she had no further need to know me anymore. I haven’t seen her since I was seventeen and have no clue where she is now.”
Vivi wraps her arm around me and pulls me closer to her. “You had a shitty childhood—we both have—but the thing I’ve learned, thanks to the wise words of my grandmother, who was like a therapist to me, is you are not your parents. Just because they created you and gave you their DNA doesn’t mean you’re anything like them. You and me, we broke the cycle, and our future is what we decide to make of it.” She lays her head on my chest. “Not being in your life is your mother’s loss. You turned out to be an amazing man, and I couldn’t be more proud to love you and call you mine.”
That may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, but I don’t miss how she’s laid claim to me, and it makes me smile. “I’m yours, huh?”
“Well, yes, if I’m yours, then you’re mine. It’s only fair we both get to claim one another.”
“Seems fair.” I wrap my arms around her, and she stares up at me. The urge to tell her how I feel overwhelms me, so I say, “I love you.”
“And I love you, Zayn. So much,” she tells me back, and I have no doubt she means it.
For the first time in my life, I truly feel love.
After two rounds of some of the best sex I’ve ever had and a nap, the sun finally comes up, lighting up my bedroom. I could lie in this bed with Vivi in my arms all day, but Dobby is rather damn persistent that I drag my ass up and take him outside.
Dobby jumps up onto the bed and worms his way between Vivi and me, telling me with a low whine to get up. I scratch the top of his head. “Okay. Okay. I’m getting up.”
Rolling over, I shove myself up from the bed and stretch my arms over my head. I shuffle downstairs with Dobby hot on my heels, slide open the back door, and leave it so he can come and go as he needs this morning since it’s nice out. Then I head to the restroom myself.
After filling the dog bowl full of water, I head to the kitchen to wash my hands and start making breakfast for Vivi and me. I quickly whip up some omelets, adding ham and red pepper the way Vivi likes. I contemplate finding some sort of tray so I can bring all of this food to Vivi in bed, but the idea is shot down when I spot my girl walking downstairs wearing my T-shirt and her panties.
Vivi has that I’ve been thoroughly fucked all night look, and I love knowing I’m the one who makes her appear that way. It tempts me to take her again right here on my kitchen counter, but I need to feed her first before we go at it again.
“Mornin’, gorgeous.” I greet her with a smile as I flip her omelet onto a plate and push it toward her when she takes a seat at the bar. “Want some coffee?”
“Sure,” she says as she picks up the fork I’ve already laid out for her. She takes a bite. “Mmm. This is so good. If football doesn’t work out for you, become a breakfast chef.”
“I think you’re the only person on the planet who likes my cooking.” I chuckle. “Beckett would say you’re crazy for encouraging me. You know he hates my food.”
She shrugs. “Maybe Beckett’s taste buds are broken because I think you do a pretty good job.”
I set my plate on the counter close to her and then lean over and kiss her lips. “Thanks, babe, for humoring me. I know I’m not the best cook.”
We finish breakfast, and I’m always amazed at how easy conversation flows between Vivi and me. It never feels forced, and we’re both our real selves around each other. This must be what people mean when they say love is patient and kind, because it just feels good being with Vivi.
When we’re finished, I rinse our dishes and put everything in the dishwasher before I ask Vivi, “Since I’m off all day, what do you feel like doing?” I grab her hand and pull her against me. “Do you want to go out, or would you like to stay in?”
She wraps her arms around me and locks her hands together behind my back. “After all the drama from last night, I would prefer to stay here and chill since I’ve got work tomorrow and you have to head to the Devil’s building to review game film to prep for your game Sunday.”
“Don’t remind me about having to leave you this weekend. I would love it if you came with me to Cleveland to watch me play.”
She sighs. “As much as I want to, I can’t function on no sleep and make it through a full workday after the game. I’ll be at your next home game, though, as long as you get me a seat…and make sure it’s not next to Taber. I don’t want another repeat of the last time I watched you play.”
“I can do that, and I’ll get Bella a ticket too so she can hang out with you while I play.”
“She’ll love that because she genuinely loves the barbaric sport.”
I arch an eyebrow. “And you don’t love it?”
“No,” she says flatly. “I love watching anything you do, but the sport itself is so damn violent. I don’t like the idea of you getting hurt.”
I stroke her face and then smooth her hair away from her face with my hands. “Don’t worry, gorgeous. I’m too much of a badass to get hurt.”
“Promise?” she asks.
I tip my head down and kiss her lips. “I do.”
Before things can go any further and I act on my desire to lift her up on this counter, my front door swings open. Dobby’s head jerks up, and he rushes for the front door.
Beckett seems to always make an appearance any time there’s food around, yet he hates my cooking, which is harsh coming from a guy who eats it all the time because he refuses to cook for himself.
“We’re in the kitchen,” I call through the house, alerting him to where we are.
Footsteps echo in the foyer against the tiled floor as they head toward us. My eyes widen when I spot a man I don’t expect in my house as I stare over Vivi’s head. Every muscle in my body goes rigid.
“How the fuck did you get in here, Robbie?” I snarl, causing Vivi to gasp as she turns in my arms and spots her ex standing a few feet from us.
“I still have all the codes you gave me.” Robbie’s eyes narrow as they land on Vivi, who I still have in my arms only wearing my shirt and her panties. “This is who you’re fucking? I never took you for a whore, Vivi!” he shouts.
“Watch your fucking mouth,” I snarl in warning. “Call her that again, and I’ll rip your tongue out.”
Robbie curls his lip. “What? A whore? Because that’s what she fucking is! Gia Whitt posted a video of the two of you making out at the premier party with the caption saying, ‘Ew, I don’t kiss my uncle that way,’ and I had to come see for myself if it was true.”
“She did what?!” Vivi snaps. “Where did she post this?”
“On her Insta. I started following her after I met her the other night. I’m glad I did. Otherwise, I would’ve never found out my girlfriend is a fucking liar. I can’t believe you, Vivi.” Robbie spins on his heel like he’s going to leave, and I try to keep myself calm and not lose my shit on this guy, but if he keeps calling Vivi names, I won’t be able to hold back.
Robbie stops in his tracks and then turns back around and points his finger at Vivi. “You lectured me about loving money more than love, yet here you are, fucking my uncle for his money like a fucking prostitute.”
Once those words leave his mouth, I snap and charge at him. I promised Vivi that no one will hurt her, and I’ll be damned if I allow this little shit stain to continue to insult her without making him shut the fuck up.
