My eyes flutter open and it takes a moment for the blurred bright white room to come into focus. A persistent annoying beep repeats in my ears.
Shit, where am I?
I feel as though I am floating on clouds, my body numb, bar the warm tingling covering my left hand. I can barely swallow. My throat is so dry. Letting out a small cough sends shooting pains through my ribcage.
Jesus Christ, was I hit by a bus?
Panic rises in my chest. I keep blinking in an attempt to clear my vision. I need to see so I can calm down. Images of Jamie standing over me, grinning sadistically fill my mind. Ropes burning into my wrists. My arms pinned behind me. The cold blade. No, no, no please don’t let him be here.
“Baby. Sienna!” The ragged voice I instantly recognize booms to my left. I don’t have the strength to turn my head, but I know he’s here. I know he’s the warmth I feel around my hand.
“She’s awake. Someone! Fucking get in here and help her for fucks sake!” he bellows.
Always my protector.
His blood-shot eyes stare back at me, pure panic and guilt etched across his features. His face provides some relief from the bright clinical lights burning my eyes.
“Champ,” I barely manage to croak out.
“Shh Princess, it’s okay. You’re okay.” His voice shakes as he talks.
Knowing he’s here brings me instant calm, the white walls, the beeping, and his panicked face. I’m in the hospital.
“Ah, Sienna, you’re back with us, Dear. How are you feeling? Does anything hurt?” a neutering female voice questions as I scan the room to pinpoint where she is. By the glass door, I spot a small middle-aged lady with thick black-framed glasses and a jet black razor-sharp bob. A stethoscope snakes around her neck, covering her white cloak. She gives me a smile as she walks over.
“I-I” Letting out a cough, I try again.
“I feel numb,” I croak. “What-what happened to me?”
“You were brought in two nights ago after the attack. You sustained a nasty head injury which caused slight swelling on the brain. We’ve kept you here in intensive care to monitor the swelling, which I’m pleased to report has significantly reduced. You do, however, have two broken ribs and some nasty bruising on your arms and legs, and stitches on the cuts on your abdomen.”
I hear her words, but can barely focus on what she is actually saying.
“So, I’m going to be okay?”
“We want to keep you here for a few more days to monitor the swelling on the brain. As you have been dipping in and out of consciousness, we want to monitor to watch for any bleeds or further swelling. In the meantime, we will keep you propped up with painkillers to alleviate some of your discomfort. Run some further blood tests just to keep up on your vitals. Before we can think about discharging you.” She speaks, barely moving her gaze from her clipboard.
“For now, we need you to rest and recover here. Your knight in shining armor could do with a break. He hasn’t left your side since you were admitted.” A smile forms on her lips as she speaks, nodding towards Keller perched next to me, gripping my hand so tight it’s as if he thinks he’ll lose me if he lets go.
“Thank you, Doctor.”
“Great, get some rest and I’ll be back on my rounds in an hour to check on you.” Moving the clipboard from her face she offers me a soft smile before leaving.
I stare at the door, wracking my brains to piece together what happened. Jamie’s voice taunts me.
“This is what you get for being a fucking whore, Sienna. I told you to come back to me, but you wouldn’t listen. I can’t wait for Keller to see you like this. Like the pathetic, useless bitch you are.”
I remember him throwing me across the room like a rag doll; the men shouting at him to stop as he continued to kick me in the torso, over and over again. Each blow exploding pain throughout my body. I remember wanting to save my baby, the heartache that I couldn’t, almost killed me.
“Sienna? How are you feeling, Baby?” Keller’s soft voice brings me back to him.
I manage to turn my head enough to take him in. The look of a defeated man utterly breaks my heart. His jet black hair is disheveled on top and there’s a few day’s old stubble over his face. His dark blood shot eyes are even darker as the circles shadow beneath. He looks broken. I’ve broken the strongest man on the planet.
His rough hands stroke my cheek as I sink into the feeling. Even now, his touch shoots electricity through me, almost bringing me to life.
Realization hits me like a tonne of bricks.
He murdered Jamie with his bare hands.
He’s a hitman for the Mafia.
Luca is the fucking mafia.
I told him to kill Jamie.
This broken man before me, with tear-stained cheeks, killed a man to protect me.
Not one part of me feels any fear. I know deep in my soul, this man would do anything but hurt me. He is my protector.
“If you want me to leave, I’ll go. I know you are probably petrified of me. I’ve hidden so much from you. You have every right to be pissed at me. But know this, Sienna, I would do it all again in a heartbeat for you. This is me, you’ve seen it all. There is no mask anymore.” His voice catches as he speaks, and a single tear trails down his face.
This man carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and has never had anyone to share the burden, never had anyone to accept him for who he truly is. No matter who he is or what he’s done, he is my Keller. My Champ. I’ll love him not despite his flaws, but for them. Without him, there would be no life. He saved me, now I have to save him from himself.
“Keller, I need you to listen to me and listen to me properly. You are not a bad person. Yes you may do horrendous things, but deep down that’s not the true you. I told you I wanted it all, not just half of you. I will always love you, no matter what,” I say as a sob catches in my throat.
His face remains still, emotionless as he takes in my words. Each second he doesn’t respond feels like a lifetime.
“Fuck Sienna,” he winces as he runs his hands through his hair, covering my hand with both of his and bringing his head down to them, hiding his face from me.
I feel like he’s pushing me away. Why hasn’t he told me he loves me back?
“Keller, please talk to me.” Desperation is clear in my voice.
I can’t lose him. I can’t live without him. Why isn’t he saying anything?
“You’re scaring me, Keller. Please just say something. I need you,”
His tear-filled eyes lock on to mine, pure agony seeping through. Leaning forward, he places a soft kiss on my lips, the kind of kiss you give when you’re saying goodbye to someone, not telling them you love them back.
“You are my Queen, Sienna. I worship the ground you walk on every fucking day. I’m not worthy enough to be your King. You nearly died because of me and I almost didn’t make it to you in time. I can’t live my life knowing I put yours in danger. As long as you are alive and safe, I’ll be okay. I knew I couldn’t keep you, but I tried anyway. I’m so fucking sorry, Sienna. You have brought me out of the darkness. I promise I will work day and night to maybe one day be the man worthy of your love. But just know I love you. I love you more than life itself. I love you enough to know I have to let you go. I will literally be ripping my own heart out and stamping on it. I’ll take that, knowing you can live your life free and happy.”
“No, no, no, Keller, don’t do this. Don’t do this to us. Please. I’m begging you!” Tears stream down my face like a river. A knife feels like it’s being shoved into my chest.
A deep sob escapes him as he continues. “I am so fucking sorry. I hope one day you can forgive me. You will always be the only one to ever own my heart. Don’t ever forget that. Never stop being my perfect little firecracker.”
He stands, tears freely rolling down his cheek as he bends over and places a single, gentle kiss on my forehead.
I can barely breathe. All the air is gone, My heart feels ripped out with it. I feel empty. Alone.
“Am I not enough for you? Why can’t you just love me and be the one man to stay in my life? Stop pretending like you aren’t worthy of my love. You are. How am I supposed to go on with my life without you? You own my heart as much as I own yours. You’re throwing in the towel on the one fight that could give you the world.” Wiping the tears away with the back of my hand, I sniffle.
Bile rises in my throat as he can barely look at me, the man who can single-handedly strangle someone until they take their last breath. Doesn’t have the balls to look me in the face and dump me.
“You can at least look me in my fucking eyes and tell me you don’t want me. Be a man and tell me like you mean it. Tell me we are over.” My voice gets louder and louder as I speak.
“Don’t you dare ever say you aren’t enough.” He snaps. “I’m the one that isn’t good enough for you. A darkness like mine will never leave me, no matter what I do. You deserve light. You deserve everything. That’s why we have to be over, Sienna.”
I let out a defeated sigh.
“Just leave Keller, join the rest of the men in my life that walk straight out the door. I’m done being the girl that wasn’t quite good enough.” I pull my gaze from him. The more I look at the hurt etched across his face, the more my chest aches.
I hear his heavy footsteps slowly make their way to the door as it flings open and slams shut. As it does, I let out the breath I have been holding in and close my eyes, let the tears fall like a waterfall, letting out a blood curling scream as I realize I have been left with nothing, not even a working heart. I wrap my stomach tightly and crouch over as I rock back and forward, letting it all out.
My distress must have been heard out in the hallway as the doctor comes running through the door, all flustered. Rushing to my bedside and wrapping me up in a warm embrace. I feel nothing. I feel dead inside.
“Shhh, Sienna. It’s going to be okay,” she hushes as she strokes my hair. She then places her small hand gently on my arm, wrapped tightly around my stomach. The tears keep on coming until my body eventually gives up and I let my body sink into the darkness.
“The baby is okay. We have some more tests to do, but so far everything looks fine.”
I snap my eyes to hers, the blood draining from my face as my hand cradles my stomach.
Our baby.
That’s the last thing I think of as the world fades into darkness.
