Emmy and I had fallen into a routine over the past week or so. We spent almost every night together, usually at my place, and in the morning, we would go to the barrel racing course at Rebel Blue. She would run the course for an hour or two. Sometimes I would stay with her the whole time and sometimes I wouldn’t, depending on what needed to happen on the ranch that day.
Watching Emmy ride was mesmerizing. When she was on Maple, she had absolute control. She was so focused and steady. There wasn’t anything that could shake her.
I tried not to think about how bad her accident must have been if it took that sense of security away from her.
Pretty damn bad.
I hated thinking about how she was all alone in Denver for a month before deciding to come home.
We had created this bubble. Inside of it, it was just the two of us getting to know one another. Even though I was grateful for all the time we were spending together, there was a part of me that was starting to feel guilty.
I didn’t know how much longer I could do this without telling Gus. If he found out I’d been keeping this secret, he’d probably think it was because I was just dicking around with his sister. That’s how it looked, especially when my track record with women wasn’t great.
There was also a smaller part of me that worried Emmy wanted to keep us a secret because she didn’t feel the same way I did.
But I couldn’t think like that.
When I came back to the arena after taking care of some things at the stables, Emmy and Maple had finished up their session. Emmy was sitting on the dirt, and Maple had laid down next to her and had put her giant head in Emmy’s lap.
Horses were basically just big dogs.
“How’d it go?” I asked as I approached.
“Okay. Still nothing under twenty seconds, but I feel good.”
“Good,” I said. I squatted down next to her so I could kiss the top of her head. “I’ve gotta get over to the bar, but I wanted to see you before I go.”
“I’ll ride back with you.” Emmy got up slowly, making sure not to jostle Maple in a way that would startle her. We moved away from Maple to give her enough room to get up without risking her bumping one of us.
I pulled Emmy into my arms and held her there for a second, knowing I might not get the chance to do this when we made it back to the stables because someone could be there, and the thought of leaving her without touching her had me tied up in knots.
I pulled back so I could kiss her, soft and slow, just the way she liked it. Before things could heat up, my phone buzzed in my back pocket.
We were always getting interrupted.
It was probably Joe.
Emmy gave me one more peck on the lips before pulling back, knowing it was probably something to do with the bar. She tried to walk back toward Maple, but I held her to me with an arm draped around her shoulders. I wasn’t ready to let her go just yet.
I answered my phone without looking at it. “Hello?”
“Luke, honey.” It was a woman’s voice, and it was shaky and sad. My body went rigid, and Emmy must’ve felt it because she looked up at me with concern written all over her face.
“Mom?” I asked. Emmy’s eyes widened. I didn’t talk to my mother. I had tried for a while, but I’d given up after too many disappointments.
“Yes, honey. It’s me.” My mom continued to talk on the other end, and it was like the world slowed. I hadn’t heard from her in so long. I could barely recognize her voice. Had she always sounded this brittle?
After I hung up, Emmy gave me a squeeze. “Everything okay?” she asked. I didn’t answer her for a minute, unsure of what my answer meant for me. “Luke?” She moved one of her hands up to my face. “Everything okay?”
I didn’t look at her, just out into the distance of Rebel Blue.
“My mom’s husband—” I started. “He was supposed to be home from his truck route a few days ago, but he never came back.”
EMMY
After the phone call from Luke’s mom, we got back to the stables as fast as we could to get Maple and Friday settled.
When we got them situated, Luke told me he’d call me later as he was walking away, but there was no way I was letting him go into that house, the house that made him feel like he wasn’t worth anything, all alone.
That’s how I ended up in Luke’s truck, in the middle of the bench seat, with my head on his shoulder and our fingers intertwined.
He was tense. I’d never seen him like this. Ever. It was unnerving to watch someone who was so even-keeled be wound so tight.
Luke and I had talked about his family when we started our riding lessons, which seemed like forever ago now. I knew he didn’t give a shit about his step-dad or his brothers, but he still cared about his mom.
Lydia Hale lived in a trailer that was about twenty minutes away from Rebel Blue. The closer we got, the tighter Luke held onto my hand. I didn’t think he knew what to expect going into his old home.
I didn’t even know the last time he was there. He completely stopped sleeping there when he was sixteen, and moved all of his stuff out on his eighteenth birthday.
Luke rolled his truck to a stop in front of the house, and I lifted my head from his shoulder. It was lawn ornament central. He cut the engine but didn’t make any move to get out of the truck.
“Emmy, you don’t have to come in there with me.”
I turned my face up to his and brushed his hair out of his face. “You’ve been there for me since I got home. I don’t want you to have to do this alone.”
“I didn’t grow up like you did, Emmy,” he said with a sigh.
“So?”
“So, I don’t know what it’s going to be like in there, or what she’s going to be like. I don’t want to put you in a situation that’s going to make you uncomfortable.” When he looked at me, there was pain in his big brown eyes. It broke my heart.
“I’m not a princess, Luke. I can handle it. I’m here for you.”
Luke sighed. “There’s nothing I can say to make you stay here, is there?” I shook my head, and Luke kissed my forehead. “Alright then. Let’s go.”
We got out of the truck and walked to the front door, hand in hand.
When Luke knocked, it only took his mom a few seconds to answer. I hadn’t seen Lydia since I was in high school, and she looked mostly the same, but with more wrinkles. She was petite, with blonde hair that had mostly faded to gray and blue eyes. Her hair was cut short, right above her shoulders. She had a lit cigarette between her fingers, and her eyes were puffy from crying.
Luke didn’t look anything like her. He looked just like Jimmy, which had probably made it even harder for him to survive in this house as a kid.
“Luke, baby, I’m so happy you’re here.” Lydia stepped out of the house and gave him an awkward one-armed hug.
“Hey, Mom.” He didn’t let go of my hand as she hugged him.
She pulled back and set her gaze on me. “Clementine Ryder? Is that you?” She looked me up and down, her eyes stopping at Luke’s hand in mine.
“Yes, ma’am,” I said.
Lydia pursed her lips. Was she upset that I was here with her son?
“Well, I wasn’t expecting more company, but come in.”
Yeah, she was definitely annoyed at me being here. Luke gave my hand a squeeze, which I returned as we walked into the house.
The front room was littered with beer bottles and Coke cans. The TV in the corner was playing old episodes of The Newlywed Game, and it smelled like smoke.
Lydia settled into a rocking chair next to the couch. There was another chair next to her that was empty. I assumed it belonged to John. Luke led me to the faded burgundy couch, and we sat down together. He still hadn’t let go of my hand.
“Mom, tell me what happened. Where are JJ and Bill?”
Luke’s brothers.
Lydia let out a shaky breath, the kind that told you someone could start crying again at any moment. From what Luke had told me about John, I didn’t think there was much to miss, but I was trying not to be insensitive about her loss.
“I haven’t heard from him in days.” John was a truck driver, so it was normal for him to be gone for longer periods of time. If Lydia was worried, that must’ve meant something. “The trucking company hasn’t been able to locate his truck. Last time they could find it, it was near the Nevada state line.” Lydia took a drag of her cigarette. Her hand was shaking. “The boys are out, but I couldn’t stand to be here alone. It’s so quiet without John.”
“I’m glad you called me,” Luke said. “I didn’t know you even had my number.”
“I found it with John’s things. It was on a note on his desk.” Probably from the last time Luke called him and tried to get ahold of his mom.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I know John means a lot to you. I’m sure he’s fine.” Luke’s voice didn’t really convey any emotion. He was probably trying to cover up the disdain he had for his step-dad.
“Mrs. Hale,” I jumped in. “Is there anything we can do for you while we’re here? Make you dinner or anything?”
Lydia took another drag of her cigarette and blew the smoke in my direction as she surveyed me.
“I don’t need anything else from the Ryders,” she said sharply. What was that supposed to mean? “Your lot already took my son away from me, and now I see you’ve got your claws in him.”
Luke squeezed my hand again.
“Mom. You know I couldn’t stay here,” Luke said fiercely. “Don’t hate the Ryders for giving me what you couldn’t, and I’m not going to stay here if you talk to my girl that way.”
My girl.
Something about that felt so significant. I’d been people’s girlfriend before, but I never really assigned any weight to the word. When Luke said I was his, though, it meant something.
He continued, “And considering it’s been years since I’ve seen you, that’d be a damn shame.”
Lydia contemplated his words for a minute, all while keeping her eyes on me. This woman really wasn’t a fan of my family—or me, apparently.
“Fine,” she said eventually.
After that, Luke relaxed a bit. I sat there while he and his mom talked. He told her about the bar and his house, about how he had fixed it up. The more they talked, the more Lydia brightened. I think she was proud of her son, and her anger with me might have been a projection of her own guilt.
Luke stood from the couch and went to the kitchen to grab his mom a soda. I followed, not wanting to be left alone with her. Punching an old woman in the face was not on my to-do list today.
“I’m sorry about that,” he said as soon as we stepped onto the old vinyl floors of the kitchen.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. Are you sure we shouldn’t try to get her to eat or something?” My dad fed us when we were sad. Or happy, for that matter. It was one of his ways of taking care of us, and I’d picked up on it.
“There’s probably nothing here to make.” Luke grabbed a Coke out of the fridge and set it on the counter before starting to rummage through the kitchen. Under the sink, he found a box of garbage bags and pulled it out. “But I am going to clean up a bit.”
“I’ll help you,” I said. We went back out to the living room, and Luke gave Lydia her Coke and started picking up the bottles, cans, and trash throughout the room. We filled up three garbage bags, and Luke set them by the door for us to take out when we left.
While we were cleaning, Lydia disappeared into another room, but re-emerged a little while later.
She had a stack of photos in her hands, and she handed them to Luke. “I found these when I found your number. I thought you might like to have them.” Luke took them from her, and we sat on the couch again.
The first photo was of him in a cowboy hat with one of those horses on a stick. He was adorable.
“How old were you here?” I asked him, taking the photo from his hands.
“I don’t know. Probably five or six,” he said.
Lydia nodded in her chair, indicating that was right. She had warmed up to me a bit. Probably because I’d cleaned her house.
“He always wanted to be a cowboy,” she said.
We continued through the photos. There were pictures of fishing and playing outside, an excellent one of him wearing a cowboy hat, and a few Halloweens. There was even one of Jimmy holding him as a baby, but he moved past it too quickly for me to really look at it.
We got to a photo of a boy in a high chair eating a cake. A birthday cake, from what I could tell.
“Oh, I love this picture. You loved your birthday,” Lydia said. “Thought it should be every day.”
Luke stayed quiet, and I noticed his shoulders sagged a bit. He handed the photo back to Lydia. “That’s not me, Mom. That’s JJ.”
As if on cue, the front door opened and a tall–but not as tall as Luke–blond man walked inside. He was wearing a dirty mechanic uniform. It was JJ. Even though I’d never met him, I knew who he was. He was the same age as Gus, and he worked at one of the auto shops in town. There were two—the one you wanted to take your car to, and the one where JJ worked. He also had a side business that was less than legal.
The first words out of his mouth were, “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“JJ,” Lydia said, “Luke came to check up on me.”
Luke grabbed my hand and we stood from the couch together. He positioned himself in front of me as we started walking toward the door.
“I’ve only been gone for a few hours and you let this bastard back in your house?”
“Good to see you, too, JJ,” Luke said with a sigh.
“Shut the hell up and get out of my dad’s house,” JJ barked.
Asshole.
“Look, man, I just came to check in on my mom. She called me and she didn’t want to be alone. Now that you’re here, I’ll go,” Luke explained. “I’m sorry about your dad. I hope he turns up soon.”
Luke started pulling me toward the door, but JJ blocked his path.
JJ wasn’t built like Luke, and I was confident Luke could shut him up with one punch, but I didn’t think he would. Not in front of his mom, at least.
It was funny. On Teddy’s birthday, I was so mad at Luke for punching someone. Now, I wanted him to lay his brother out flat.
JJ’s eyes were on me. “Emmy Ryder,” he said coolly. God, why did every member of Luke’s family seem to hate my guts? “What are you doing here with this loser?”
“Don’t fucking talk to her,” Luke said. There was venom in his voice now. I’d never heard that from him before. I wondered how much disdain for his family he kept underneath the surface.
“How does Gus Ryder feel about his right-hand man fucking his little sister?”
If Luke were a cartoon character, there would be smoke coming out of his nostrils right now. I didn’t care about what JJ said to me—he was an idiot—but Luke did.
“I told you not to fucking talk to her.” With one hand, Luke pushed JJ out of the way. Hard. JJ stumbled, and I knew if he came back at Luke, things would escalate. “Emmy, let’s go.” He started to lead me out of the house, but I turned back to JJ.
“You know, you should really stop being such an asshole,” I said. “Mess with the wrong person and someone might let it slip to the sheriff you’ve been dealing more than just weed out of your trailer.”
JJ looked at me, stunned only for a second before he said, “I never want to see either of you at this house ever again. Get the fuck out.”
Luke and I went out the front door, and before JJ could slam it shut, I looked back at Lydia. She had tears in her eyes.
Luke pulled me down the walkway, getting me to his truck as quickly as possible. Once we were there, he pressed me against the driver’s side door and kissed me hard. There was something different about this kiss. It meant something.
I just didn’t know what.
When he pulled back, he rested his forehead against mine. “What was that for?” I breathed.
“No one’s ever stood up for me before,” he said.
His words cracked my heart wide open. Luke Brooks, and his big heart, deserved so much more than the people in that house. He was kind, hardworking, and sincere. I wrapped my arms around him and held him to me. He buried his face in my shoulder, and we stayed like that for a while.
When we got in the truck, I took my place in the middle of the bench, and Luke draped his arm over my shoulder. Since we were on the town’s back roads, we rolled the windows down and let the late summer air flow through the truck.
“Do you want to talk about what happened back there?” I asked.
Luke sighed. “I’m sorry about JJ,” he said.
“You have nothing to apologize for. You deserve better than them, Luke. You’re more than just Lydia and Jimmy’s mistake.” I looked up at him, but he kept his eyes on the road.
He was quiet for a long time, until we pulled into the gravel drive in front of his house. When he cut the engine, he laid his head on the steering wheel and let out another sigh. I rubbed my hand over his back.
“That sucked,” he finally said. “Is it bad if I hope that John just stays gone?”
“No,” I responded.
Luke lifted his head from the steering wheel and looked at me. It didn’t feel like I was looking at Luke, the thirty-two-year-old man. It felt like I was looking at Brooks, the fifteen-year-old boy who would’ve done anything for a family.
I saw him so clearly at that moment. I brought my hand up and brushed some of his rogue dark hair out of his face before kissing him softly.
When I pulled back, he said, “Thank you for coming with me, Emmy.”
“I’d go anywhere with you,” I responded.
I meant it.
