I slip out of bed, glancing at Amara in my bed. The last couple of days have been perfect, and the thought of going back to what we were before terrifies me. I can’t see my life without her anymore.
I sigh as I slip out of bed and make my way to the kitchen, surprised to find my sister sitting at the kitchen counter, a fuzzy robe wrapped around her.
“Can’t sleep?” she asks.
“How’d you know?”
Aria smiles, a knowing look in her eyes. “You’ve always been this way. You’ve never been able to sleep when you’re worried, and ever since yesterday you’ve had that look in your eyes. The one that never used to leave your eyes when we were younger, the gaze that told me you weren’t sure if we’d have enough money for groceries, if you’d be able to stay in school.”
I sit down next to her, a deep sigh escaping my lips. “I didn’t realize you were aware of all of that. I tried so hard to shield you from it, Aria… but I… I failed you. I failed you in so many ways, and I see it more clearly the older I get. I don’t know how you turned out so wonderful considering our past, but I’m so incredibly proud of you, kiddo.”
She looks at me, her eyes watery. “Noah, I turned out this way because of you. Because you taught me to work hard no matter what life throws at us, to value the things we have, and to put family first. If not for you, I don’t even know where I’d be now. You are and always have been my role model. I’m proud of you too, you know?”
I look away, unable to hold her gaze. I wish I were the man she thinks I am. She’s Nyx, a notorious hacker and vigilante. She built her platform without me even knowing. I didn’t realize what she was up to until Grayson mentioned her platform and her username. He didn’t realize who she was, but I did. I knew the second I heard the name Nyx. She’s brilliant, and so is Grayson. Hell, even Amara is going places. It’s just me that’s not.
“You’re quiet,” she murmurs. “Tell me, Noah. What has you so worried? Amara is lovely, and she’s as crazy about you as you are about her.”
I sigh and turn to face her. “It’s not that simple, Ari. I work for her grandfather, and he’s made it clear she’s off-limits to me. You don’t understand… the opportunities Harold Astor is giving me are unreal. I’m not like you, Ari. I can’t get where you and Gray are without connections, without help. He’s opening doors for me I can’t even reach by myself. Being with Amara is guaranteed to ruin my career, and I’ve worked so hard to get where I am today. But it isn’t enough. I don’t want to be a salaried worker bee. I don’t want to be just another one of Amara’s family’s employees. I don’t want to be the help.”
She nods. “So let me invest in you. Let’s buy you a clinic. Would that help?”
I smile at her. “I love you, Ari, but I need to do this by myself. Besides, a single clinic doesn’t compare to what I’m managing now. It’d be slightly better than being a salaried doctor, but it still…”
“Who are you trying to measure up against?” she asks, a frown on her face. “I’m all for ambition and I’ll support you in any way I can, but Noah… you’re incredible, just as you are. Who is making you feel as though you aren’t good enough?”
“You don’t understand,” I murmur, and she doesn’t, she can’t. Aria is brilliant in her own right. Even when she was doing an underpaid job she hated, she had her platform and the prestige that came with her pseudonym. If she never found a job she loved, she’d still have left her mark on the world. But I? I’m just doing the bare minimum. I always have been.
She’s right to say I compare myself to others, but it’s only because I know Amara eventually will. Whether I like it or not, as I am now, I can’t give her as much as Gregory could. When it comes down to it, I don’t have anything to offer her. I own my home, but I haven’t paid off the mortgage yet, and I still have student loans to pay off. I can’t maintain the lifestyle she’s gotten used to. She tells me she grew up poor, but I know from experience how hard it is to go from being well off to suddenly being poor. When Aria and I lost our parents, our entire life was turned upside down. We were okay, but it was never easy. I can’t put Amara through that type of hardship.
“Has Amara… has she told you much about her family?” Aria asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I turn to look at her and nod. “I’m quite close to her grandfather, and her mother occasionally drops by my office with lunch. They’re both kind good people. It was unexpected, really. They’ve welcomed me with open arms, and I truly count myself lucky for it.”
Aria nods and looks away. “What about her father?”
I shake my head. “All I really know is that he was a janitor, and her mother was disowned for choosing to be with him. He left them when she was younger, and that’s all I really know. He’s been contacting her recently, and she’s been ignoring him. She doesn’t like to talk about him. The first time he texted her, she had a full-blown panic attack, so I try not to probe.”
Aria nods, her expression pensive. “I see,” she murmurs. “Do you love her, Noah?” She turns to look at me, her gaze tense.
“Yes,” I say, my voice calm and certain. “There’s much I’m not sure about. Hell, I don’t even know what my future looks like, but this I know. I love her. I shouldn’t, but I do.”
Aria smiles. “Then that’s all that matters. Amara is not her family. She didn’t choose to be born into that family, but she did choose you.”
Her words remind me of the words Amara uttered when I tried to distance myself from her. She begged me not to punish her for who her family is. Those words held true then, and they do now too.
“I know she isn’t,” I murmur, exhausted. “I know, Ari… but I can’t escape her family, not right now. I want the future Harold is offering me. I want it with my heart and soul. This opportunity, it’s the chance of a lifetime.”
Aria smiles at me. “Noah, you can have both, you know?”
I smile and raise my hand to her face, tucking her hair behind her ear. I’ve always loved Aria’s naivety. “I can’t, sweetheart. I wish. Harold specifically told me to stay away from her. He doesn’t want us together. That man… he’s powerful.”
Aria crosses her arms. “So am I,” she says, her eyes narrowed. “I can find dirt on him. I’ll happily destroy him if he threatens your happiness.”
I burst out laughing and shake my head. “And ruin the relationship between Amara and her grandfather? You can’t, Ari. I’ll find a way, okay? I just need some time. I don’t know what to do, but I’ll find a way.”
She nods. “I’m here, you know. My offer stands. It always will. There’s nothing I won’t do to ensure your happiness, Noah. I see how happy she makes you, and I want that for you. Don’t let anyone take that from you.”
I nod and cup her cheek, barely recognizing the woman sitting next to me. When did she grow up? She’s still that little girl to me… the one that didn’t speak for years, the one that’d check all locks in the house three times before going to bed. Yet here she sits, making me more proud than she’d ever realize.
“I won’t,” I promise her, hoping I can keep that promise.
