“Sorry I’m late, Mom.” I sit down opposite my mother in a restaurant that will probably bill us a crazy amount of money. Money that I wish I could invest in my company instead. I glance around at the widely spaced tables, the servers in tuxedos, the dim lighting. It’s beautiful, but it’s excessive.
“I was wondering where you were,” Mom says, crossing her arms. I smile nervously, hoping she won’t actually ask me where I went. I’m an adult, but I still haven’t mastered the art of lying to her face.
My little accident and subsequent visit to Dr. Grant’s office completely derailed my plans. I was going to dress up and do my hair for my standing dinner date with Mom. I know how much she looks forward to our dinners, and every week I try my best to look the way she wants me to, even if it’s just for one evening. Mom hates it when I look unkempt.
“I was working and lost track of time,” I tell her. Technically, that isn’t a lie. I have no idea how much time I spent in Dr. Grant’s office. All I remember is his golden-brown eyes, that chiseled jaw, and those hands of his… oh, those hands.
Mom shakes her head at me, and I sigh, hoping she won’t go into preacher mode, telling me that I should join the family business instead. My eyes roam over her, and the tiredness she exudes pains me. When was the last time I saw my mother laugh? I can’t even remember. Not since Dad left. That’s for sure.
I can’t ever end up like her. I need to make sure of it. If I can’t get my company to take off before I finish my PhD, I’ll have to find a job. There’s no way I’ll remain dependent on Grandpa, like Mom is. Or worse. Become dependent on another man.
I can’t allow myself to be in a situation where I’ll have to come running home. I love Grandpa, but I want to stand on my own two feet and be beholden to no one. I don’t want to end up like my mother, with no career of her own and a child in tow, knocking on her father’s door after she swore she’d never return.
“You work too much, sweetheart. I barely see you these days.”
“I’m sorry, Mom,” I murmur, feeling bad instantly. “I just really want to get this right, you know? This company… it’s my every dream come true.”
Mom nods, but I doubt she gets it. Even though there are so many businesses Grandpa would happily let her run, she has no desire to have a job of any kind. She wasn’t always like that, though. I still remember the woman she was before Dad wrecked our lives.
“I know, sweetheart. I get it, I do. But don’t forget to enjoy life, okay? All you do is work. When is the last time you went on a date? You’re going to end up alone at this rate. You don’t need a job. We have enough money, Amara. If you really want to do this whole running a business thing, just ask Grandpa to invest. Why are you making things so difficult for yourself?”
I freeze, trying my best to stay calm. “And what happens when Grandpa decides that he’s done entertaining me? What if he uses my company as leverage? You know as well as I do that Grandpa wants me to work for him. Do you really think he’d fully support me? The only way he’d provide me with funding is if I agree to work for him after a couple of years. I’m not willing to do that, Mom.”
Mom grits her teeth and looks away in anger. “Why not, Amara? Why do you insist on making life so difficult for yourself? Your grandfather is one of the richest men in this state, and look at you, going around begging for money for your little company. When will you stop making a fool of yourself? You’re not a child anymore, Amara.”
I swallow hard, my heart twisting painfully. “Is that all you think it is, Mom? Do you believe in me at all? Don’t you want me to chase my dreams? Don’t you want me to at least aim for independence? Do you truly want me to rely on Grandpa for the rest of my life?”
Mom sighs and runs a hand through her hair. “What’s wrong with that, Amara? Have you learned nothing from me? I’m a prime example of what happens when you follow foolish dreams, Amara. Be realistic. You have a good life — a better life than most. Be thankful and do your part. Gregory wants you back, doesn’t he? He’s young, but he’s got a bright future ahead of him. Give him another chance, Amara. Go on a date with him. Take the easy road. Both he and your grandfather are offering you so many opportunities, yet here you are, playing foolish games.”
I hate the helplessness I feel, the way my throat tightens up. “You want me to get back together with the guy Grandpa picked for me? The guy that approached me because I’m the means to a merger for him? What about my happiness? What about what I want? You followed your dreams, didn’t you? Why won’t you let me do the same? Surely you understand what it’s like to want independence? To lead a normal and happy life? You know what it’s like to rely on Grandpa and then have the rug pulled from under your feet the second you tell him you want to deviate from the path he’s set for you. He took away your inheritance and put you out on the street with a baby in your belly, and you still want me to just fall in line?”
Mom grits her teeth and stares me down. “And he took me back in with open arms, didn’t he? He knew I’d come back home, eventually. Besides, he was right. I was foolish to fall for your father. I missed out on the life I could’ve had because I chose to be with your father, and I can see you making the same mistake. Except in your case, it’s not a man you’re following. It’s a foolish dream. Grow up already, Amara. Count your blessings.”
I swallow down the anger that’s clawing its way up my throat. “Has no one ever told you that a gilded cage is still a cage, Mom?”
I hate that so many of our conversations end like this. I always have so much to say, so much to tell her, but as soon as we start talking, I end up swallowing down my words. She’s a hypocrite. She knows exactly what Grandpa is like. She couldn’t stand it herself, and she didn’t return until she was out of options. Had she gone back home sooner, our lives might not be as destroyed as they are.
She followed her dreams, but she’s undermining mine.
