I was in the lunchroom at the hospital, sitting amongst nurses and doctors, absently eating the fresh strawberries I’d picked up at the farmer’s market over the weekend. I was doing everything in my power to keep my mind off the one thing in my life that was good before it all went away, but here I was, eating her favorite fruit and bringing Ash’s beautiful smile back to my mind.
“Jake,” Missy, the RN, called my name with a laugh. “Did you hear that?”
I lifted my chin and smiled. “Yeah, Tanner is all comedy today.” I smiled over at my usual attending physician.
“Somebody has to be. All you’ve done is read articles from the journal of medicine for the past two weeks,” he teased. “Man, where’s the Jake that keeps us all entertained?”
“Prepping for a child,” I said with a smile. “God knows this poor baby is in trouble with me as its father.”
“God help us all,” Jenny, another physician, teased.
“The question is,” I said as I rose, “can the world handle another Jake?”
“Shut up,” Lisa said, one of my favorite RNs. “Has she found out what the baby is?”
“Yep. Apparently, she live-streamed it all on social media,” I said with a shrug. “It’s a bouncing baby boy.”
“She did tell you first, though, right?” Lisa asked. She was the only one who knew the challenge on my hands with Liz.
“I joined her on this particular visit after she asked me to.” I smiled at the group, who was doing their best to stay away from the bullshit of my personal life. “See, I’m not that big of a jerk that’s being plastered all over the internet these days, am I?”
“You can say whatever you want.” Chi laughed. “You’ll always be a jerk, Jake.”
“You of all people know that first hand, Tan.” I glanced at the group. “Enjoy the rest of the day.”
With lunch out of my way, I walked out toward my office. The media was still swarming like bees outside, and I honestly had no idea why it would interest them when I walked from the hospital building to my office. What the hell kind of story was that going to give them? These people were insane. Almost as insane as the woman carrying my child. I was doing my best with her, though. Once I’d accepted the entire thing, I found peace with it. Soon after I’d lost Ash, of course. Either way, the child was mine, and the little guy deserved to have a good father in his life. That’s what I intended to be.
“Dr. Mitchell,” Sandy said after I walked in and turned toward my office, “you have a call from the Heart Institute.”
My eyes widened. “I’ll take it in my office,” I said, knowing this may be the donor heart I’d been waiting for. I walked in and hit the speakerphone button before I could sit in my chair. “Give me good news,” I said, having worked with this heart care unit multiple times.
“We have a heart, Dr. Mitchell. We need to go over the final details, and the helicopter will be on its way. Is your patient prepared?”
“I’ll call him as soon as we finish, yes,” I said.
“We’ll keep you updated. It should be there in an hour or so for cross-matching.”
“I’ll have the transplant team called in and prepared to receive it. Thanks, Allison,” I said to the woman who’d always brought good news from this institute.
I hung up and hit the intercom to the reception desk, “Sandy.”
“Yes, Doctor.”
“I’ll be a few more minutes. I was just informed that we have a heart for Mr. Taylor. Can you please call out to the transplant team? The helicopter will be arriving with it in an hour or so. Please put the staff on alert and prepped for the heart and Mr. Taylor’s arrival.”
“Absolutely. This is wonderful news,” she cheered.
“Thanks, Sandy.”
Next came my call to Mark.
“Mr. Taylor?” I said when he answered the phone. I missed his tone, his relaxed mood, and just being around the man. I lost a whole lot more than Ash in saying the hateful words I did to Liz that night.
“Mr. Taylor again now, Doc?” he asked in his humored tone. “To you, it’s always Mark.”
“Very well, then, Mark…” I smiled through the phone, not understanding how this man didn’t hate me more than Ash did after learning the truth about what I’d done. “We have a heart. Can you be down here within the next couple of hours?”
“No kidding?” I heard his laugh, but it was hoarse as if he were crying.
“Yes, sir. And if I find everything is matching up, we’re going to be transplanting tonight.”
“Carmen!” he yelled, not listening to me but making me smile. “It’s Jacob.”
“Go on,” I heard Carmen’s voice, wondering if Ash was getting this news as well. “What’s he got to say, mi amor?”
“We have a heart! Can you believe it?”
Carmen squealed an array of words in Spanish as Mark laughed, and I couldn’t believe that I, myself, had tears of joy for all of them too. I hadn’t realized how much I missed this family. I cleared my throat, pulling myself together.
“Can you be down at Saint John’s within the next two hours?” I asked. “I’ll be heading over to you once the heart arrives and we start running tests against your antibodies,” I said, trying to regain control of the call.
“Yes,” Mark said, and I could hear the smacking of Carmen’s lips meeting his. I could visualize the woman, climbing all over Ash’s dad in her contagious excitement of this news that Mark would most likely be well on his way to a new heart and new life. “Thank you, Doc.”
“You can thank me when we’re confirmed the surgery is happening,” I said. “You do remember our discussion about this, correct? Don’t get me wrong, I’m as excited as you all, but if the antibodies don’t take, we have to wait for another.”
“I know,” Mark said, his voice riddled with excitement. “We’ll be on our way. Carmen, call Ash. She’s going to flip.”
With that, we hung up. My lips and throat were suddenly dry with remorse that I couldn’t be with Ash to see the look on her face when she learned her dad was most likely getting his heart transplant. I couldn’t be a part of this at all, except to be the doctor who successfully helped this family get a great man back and healthy again.
I walked over to my office fridge, pulled out a water bottle, and almost downed all of the contents. Over the last week or more, I’d finally pulled it together, and now I was collapsing again. I leaned back against the wall, letting the cold surface calm me down. I wasn’t going down this road again. I knew it was best for Ash to move on as she had. I knew I was a dumbass male-slut for putting myself in this position. I’d accepted the consequences of my actions for how I reacted—pissed or not—to Liz that night. Thank God Ash erased that recording; the last thing I needed was that shit in the media’s hands. I had to forgive the malice of Liz, setting me up like that. Hell, I’d tried to bait her in with money myself, so I wasn’t getting on my high horse about who was more despicable.
Focus, Jake. I snapped out of this frame of mind. This wasn’t about me. It was about Mark and his family. I also had patients to treat and a heart being flown in. This was a big night, and it was barely getting started.
Holy shit, it’s going to happen. I smiled at all of the bloodwork, the screenings, and the fact that after every little intricate piece that had to come together in this complicated puzzle; it was a perfect match.
“The patient has been informed?” I asked the nurse while heading to change into my scrubs.
“Yes, Doctor. Most of the transplant staff has met with him. He’s waiting on your final word,” my charge, Becky, said. “Dr. Chi is scrubbing in.”
“Excellent.” My mood was encouraged that it all came together and so quickly. There were too many times that the antibodies of the patient would not allow the heart to be a match. It was my worst enemy sometimes, and until we had Mark on that table, I had to be sure this heart was ready to go. Time was of the essence now.
“Someone in here shopping this place for a heart?” I asked, walking into Mark’s room, seeing Carmen, Joe, Clay, and then my eyes fell on Ash.
Her eyes were filled with tears. Those same tears I saw in her eyes that day I took her up the coast on the bike. She was so beautiful it was painful to stand here as Dr. Mitchell and force myself to ignore the woman I’d forever love and focus on my patient. I smiled at everyone in the room but returned my focus to the critical matter at hand.
I walked toward the computers that were monitoring Mark. I quietly studied them, bringing the room that was once filled with nervous, excited chatters to silence.
“Well, do we still have a date tonight, Doc, or are you going to leave me hanging here?” Mark said in that tone I loved about the man.
I turned to him, standing at his side. “I’m not standing you up tonight, Mark. The date’s still on.” I smiled at him and Carmen, who was at the other side of the bed. “You think your heart is up for a date with me?”
Goddammit, lame choice of words.
“I know the ladies can’t handle you, but I think I can.”
I chuckled, signing off on one last lab, and glancing back at the monitors. “The question is, can I handle you?”
Carmen laughed. “Bring him back to us, Jacob,” she said sincerely, her eyes darting over to my right where I knew Ash sat.
I turned back to see her smiling and the look in her eye that made me come undone at times. “I’ll bring him back.” I looked back at Carmen. “Though I’m only hoping you’re all ready for this guy once he has a new heart.”
I used that to make my exit, and I glanced back at Mark. “One last hurdle awaits. We’re moving you in and quick. We can’t keep your new heart waiting all night.”
Once everything was set in place with the transplant team, that’s when the final assessment of Mark’s new heart would be done. “Mark, you’re getting the good stuff, my friend, we are definitely a go. You ready for this?” I asked, nodding toward the team with the waiting donor heart and walking back over to Mark.
“You’re a good man, Jacob,” he said, and it was too sentimental for me.
“You’re already getting high on the good stuff,” I said.
I watched tears stream out of the corner of his eyes. “I can’t thank you enough for this. For everything.”
I nodded toward the anesthesiologist, maintaining supreme professionalism. Mark was sending out words that would naturally affect me in ways I truly needed to hear from him after losing his daughter, but now was not the time for that. I had to compartmentalize this and focus. It would be a long night, and by morning, we’d be finished. Taking out the heart assist and bringing in the new organ was easily an eight to ten-hour surgery, and it was close to ten. These were the nights that I learned to function without sleep a long time ago. My mind or body wouldn’t go near exhaustion. This is what I lived for.
“Lights out for you, Mark. I’ll see you in the morning,” I said, and then soon after, Mark was out, and we were ready to go to work.
“I believe it’s my turn for music,” Bethany, part of my transplant team and my right-hand surgical nurse stated while I went through my medical tools.
I looked at her through my headgear and magnifying glass loupes. “God help me, Beth. The last time you were up, we were stuck with that love-channel station. I’m not doing that again.”
The room softly laughed while I returned my attention to Dr. Chi. “Can’t it be your turn?”
He smirked. “Love is in the air, Dr. Mitchell. New heart—new life.”
“What if we all took a vote?” I suggested, making the cut and beginning the surgery. “Perhaps anything but Diana Ross all night long? Doctor’s orders,” I tried with a smile while making a smooth cut to begin the process of opening Mark’s chest.
“We voted for love songs.” Chi chuckled. “Sorry, Mitchell.”
“Then love songs it is,” I said, following Chi in preparing the opening and getting this intricate surgery underway. “That heart waiting for a new body better approve,” I teased as I heard Lionel Richie’s and Diana Ross’s duo of “Endless Love” come over the speakers to the OR. Just my damn luck. I could only be humored as to what Ash would have thought of this entire situation. Good God, “Endless Love”? I knew the woman I loved would have given that smile I longed to see again in response.
“Time in?” I asked.
“Eight hours in surgery, doctor,” an intern answered.
The heart was in, and we were at a critical point. “Bypass machines off,” I said. Chi nodding and glancing toward the technicians. “Let’s get our beat.”
As many open-heart surgeries as I’d done and attended, this part was the part that astounded me the most. It would never cease to give me a feeling of utter excitement, watching a transplanted heart, not beating, and then—as we waited—it began to beat on its own. It was a miracle, and a miracle I would never take for granted.
Slowly the left and then right, the heart started beating and quickly got up to a rhythm that matched what the body desired in feeding blood to all organs of the body.
“We have a heartbeat, and it’s happy that it’s found a new home,” I announced. “Can we please flip it to Iron Maiden or something else? Celine Dion isn’t adding to my happiness.”
“The heart will go on,” Chi said.
We both went back to work. “Yeah, funny, but unfortunately, that song of hers isn’t playing. Nice try, though.”
“We can turn it to it,” Beth said at my side.
“You can turn it, period,” I winked at her. “Grab my cell, please?”
She did and helped me unlock it. “Call Carmen,” I ordered the phone.
“Jacob!” she answered on the first ring. “Please tell me it’s all good, baby boy.”
“We have a heartbeat, and all of the monitors look great, Carm,” I said.
I heard the room erupt into cheers and smiled at Carmen’s knack for always throwing people on speakerphone without telling them.
“What’s this baby boy nonsense?” I questioned, everyone on my side hearing it too and laughing.
“I’m proud of you, is all.” She sniffed. “Is that Celine Dion in the background?” She chuckled, and I eyed Bethany while taking the scalpel from her.
“Beth got to pick the music for the surgery,” I said.
“Beth, mija, how are you?”
“Great, Carmen. We’re taking care of your man in here,” she said.
“Ladies,” I interrupted, “can we play catch-up when my patient is in recovery?”
“He’s just upset because we’ve had it on love songs all night.”
Carmen’s cackle was enough to make me laugh. “Laugh it up, Carm, and I’ll slow down.”
“Get to work, Jacob. Thank you for updating us; we’ve been restless with worry,” she said. “Oh, you’re on speakerphone too.”
“I gathered that. You guys get comfortable and rest. We’re doing the easy stuff now.”
“Yeah, you call it easy, we know it’s highly—”
“Carmen,” I lowered my voice, “no need to concern those waiting around you.”
“True,” she said. “He’s in good hands. I know this.”
“Thanks; we’re moving forward with the process now.”
That’s when we hung up, and I ensured everything was functioning properly. Mark was well on his way with a functioning new heart, and another beautiful miracle had taken place for Saint John’s. It was the kind of success story I wished the media would focus on. These were the stories I would give anything for people to hear about. Not the stories that played a role in ruining my personal life.
