You’re awfully quiet, Ignimitra’s voice wriggled its way into my mind.
I was a shell of myself. It was as if I had disconnected from reality, and I was flying overhead watching my body. This didn’t even feel real.
What’s there to say? I responded.
My well of words had run dry at last, it seemed.
Before this, there was always something to think about to distract me from facing what had been staring me in the face.
But now that I had made this decision, there was no escaping reality.
Well, Ignimitra was pensive. You can start by telling me how you feel?
Simple enough, right? Wrong.
It was a three-day flight to Parhagola from The Wilds, and we had been airborne for the better part of a day by this. There was nothing but time to kill. Being alone with my thoughts for all that time didn’t seem appealing.
I heaved a sigh, adjusting myself in her saddle.
We have deserted the Dragon Guard, I said to her. Out of all the ways I had expected my life to go, this wasn’t one of them.
A light laugh filled my thoughts.
She could laugh at a time like this? Ignimitra had been awfully calm throughout this all. This was one of the rare times when we weren’t feeling the same thing.
I don’t think this is a bad thing, she said. I rolled my eyes. I was certain that the first rule of the Dragon Guard was loyalty. I feel good about this decision.
Why? I pressed; my expression tinged with desperation. If she had something that gave her hope, I wanted to know what it was. What could possibly be good about this?
Another laugh. I cannot explain it. I just know that this is what are supposed to be doing. So, this was nothing more than a hunch? Great. Don’t you want to see Hakan again?
Her words brought me back to the last time I had seen my adopted father. My heart swelled a little at the memory. I had changed so much since then, and apparently, he had too.
I did miss him.
Yes, I said softly. But what if he doesn’t agree with what we did?
Ignimitra scoffed. He wouldn’t agree that you made the decision to save our lives? She raised her voice. Have you already forgotten what they were going to do to you when you landed in Tartaris?
I didn’t forget.
The chances that I would have been able to prove my innocence when all the evidence pointed to me were so slim. Even Avek had thought that, and I hadn’t told him about the missing sleep powder.
I guess this was a choice we had to make, I thought.
Ignimitra’s agreement was overwhelming. She felt so strongly about it, I could feel it filling my mind. If Hakan had been in Parhagola when the attack first happened at the Academy would you have gone back or flown to him?
I squinted at her question, but the wind wasn’t bothering my eyes.
Yes, for our friends…I began. The rest of the sentence didn’t come, for I was hit with the realization that I had stopped caring about the Academy months ago. Sure, I tried to pass our classes—but that had only been because we had been threatened with death. The friendships I had formed were all that kept me sane.
But not for the Dragon Guard, she said finally.
I nodded. My heart isn’t in it…I said, more to myself than her. It felt foreign to admit, strange to even consider. But it was true.
Ignimitra was satisfied.
But I had a question for her.
What about you?
I only regret that I wasn’t able to take Zelkor and Titan with me, she said simply.
If I had been able to take Solra, Irikai and Avek with me, I doubt I would have felt this bad about it. All my issues stemmed from abandoning them.
I agree with that, I said. We will figure that part out, I think. Avek believes that Pyralis will lose the war.
You believe him?
My throat worked, and I took a deep breath. Yes. Was I foolish to? Even the Rebels daring plan of attacking The Academy hadn’t been able to dampen the Headmaster’s resolve. The Guard was still strong. He seemed sure.
Nurik told me the same thing, she said. He seemed sure too, but he wouldn’t tell me what he was so sure about.
I shrugged. I wouldn’t expect them to share that.
Ignimitra paused for a few moments, recalling the exchange Avek and I had shared. We had used her body as shelter from the rife sea breeze on the shore.
You took that better than I expected you to.
What do you mean? I asked.
I thought you wouldn’t trust him, she said. I understand why he had to lie, but I didn’t expect you to understand that easily.
I scoffed this time. Is that an insult? I feigned indignation. She chuckled. I struggled with it at first, I admitted. But good people do bad things sometimes, right?
They do, she said simply. And it only seems bad if you are a loyal soldier. I felt ire rising within her. But as a mistreated dragon, I think he is doing us all a favor.
I considered her words. That night in their custody affected more than you tell me, huh? I stroked her neck. Is that where you go when you lock me out of your mind?
I tread as gently as I could.
Ever since that night, our relationship had changed. She was the same on the surface, but I caught glimpses of her apathy. Now was as good a time as ever to discuss how she really felt. All we had was time.
I’m sorry if I didn’t pay enough attention to your feelings, I continued in her silence. I’m ready to listen now.
At first, it seemed like she had retreated to the recesses of her mind again.
Yes, that is where I go, her voice was pained. It reminded me of how she had sounded after she had been injured by that Lightning Dragon in the Wastelands of Astraphotis. To think that this was caused by emotional pain saddened me.
I had never felt that helpless in my life, she said. Even when we were captured in Astraphotis, it was different. I knew what to expect of the Astraphotians. Ignimitra’s anger was evident, dripping from her words. Her wing beats reached a fever pitch. But those people were supposed to have been our kin. Suddenly, I couldn’t make excuses for them anymore. I felt like I saw them for what they really were.
I listened intently. My question was at the tip of my tongue, but I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to know the answer to it.
But it had to be asked.
There was more to this than I knew.
What didn’t you tell me? I gritted my teeth, feeling my own rage building in the back of my throat. I clenched my fists, using the bite of my fingernails against my palm to control myself.
Their testing was painful, she said. They used huge needles all along my body, injecting me with whatever it was that the alchemist had created. I was so weak that I couldn’t fight back. It seemed like it went on for hours. They told me that if I didn’t resist it, it wouldn’t hurt.
My eyes burned.
But because I did, it burned like being consumed by fire from the inside out. I had never experienced pain like that before. Every time they injected me, I felt myself slipping away. I was able to fight it off thanks to the serum that you had given me, I think. But each time it got harder. If they had injected me one more time, I don’t think I would have been able to resist it.
The tears fell, finally.
It sounded so torturous. She was stronger than I knew.
Suddenly, it all made sense.
I’m so sorry, Ignimitra, I sobbed. I didn’t know that it had been that bad.
It wasn’t your fault, she said. You risked your life to help me.
But you shouldn’t have had to go through that at all. I wish I had been there to stop them from taking you.
I’m sure they would have just taken you too, she surmised. That is the way they are.
I sucked in a breath, my lips trembling. With the back of my hand, I wiped away my tears. Ignimitra’s strength was impressive. Despite this, she had still served the Dragon Guard alongside me. She had fought on their behalf, even when they had nearly corrupted her mind.
I did it for you, she read my thoughts. I am loyal to you, Kaos. Not the Dragon Guard. Not Pyralis. You are mine.
My anger crested at her words, replaced with a softer heat that hugged my heart.
Thank you, I said. Now it is my turn to do the same for you. I won’t let them hurt you again, ever.
My mind travelled to Team 17’s dragons who had taken the serum.
What was it like for them?
I think they are suffering too, Ignimitra said. Even though I resisted it, the entire time it felt like I was at war with myself. You can’t win something like that, only delay the inevitable.
I agreed, thinking back to how casually they had told us of the serum.
If Solra and Irikai hadn’t accompanied us on the mission to help Ignimitra, I doubted they would have thrown it away.
How many other dragons in the Guard were being altered by it?
Did you hear anything that about why they’re doing this? Sure, the Headmaster had dreams of super dragons. But why? What was wrong with dragons as they were?
It was painful for Ignimitra to revisit these memories. Yet, she didn’t dismiss my question. The chamber seemed to suppress my power, she said. I couldn’t hear or smell much beyond the walls.
I tried to soothe her with calming thoughts. If you don’t know, that’s fine, I said. I’m sure we’ll find out sooner or later.
My heartrate sped up when I considered how we would find out. But I put it out of my mind as best as we could. There were more pressing matters at hand, like how we would be received in Parhagola.
We were going to act as if we had been separated from our team and thrown off course by a storm—it was the only way to explain Ignimitra and my uniform. Hakan would help us figure out the rest.
Parhagola was somewhat of an anomaly, as I had learned from Avek. Though they fell inside Pyralian territory, they had been able to negotiate for their own autonomy many years ago. How, nobody knew.
They didn’t have an envoy and there were no Royal Militia stationed on the island.
How would the people in Hakan’s village feel about our presence?
I thought back to the day when The Headmaster and Avek came to my village in search of Ignimitra. The villagers had been scared of them. I didn’t expect these people to react differently. More than likely, he had moved to a Tertaro village.
They would see me as a Deftero.
It was a lot to think about, and many of my questions I didn’t have answers to.
We have two days to prepare, Ignimitra chimed in. She was optimistic.
I pulled a smile. Yes, we do.
