sweaty, and panting as our hearts beat against one another in our chests.
I lift one hand to stroke the side of Megan’s face.
“That was amazing. You’re amazing.”
I lean in and press a kiss against her lips. She’s still flushed from her orgasm, her pupils dilated, and her hair spread over my pillow like a glowing flame.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more beautiful sight.
“I can’t… my ears are ringing.” She giggles. “You sound far away.”
“I’m right here, Megan.”
And I mean it.
I’m right here with her.
All the reasons I thought I had for needing to keep away from her don’t matter right now. Nothing else matters, except this feeling, this moment, watching her as she smiles up at me.
I know I’m coming down from an intense high, but I can’t spoil it with thoughts of Joanna, thoughts of the million things that could be about to happen in my life that means I shouldn’t be here, involving Megan. The sickening thought that if my control is ripped away from me, she could get dragged down too.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, her brow furrowing.
I slide out of her and dispose the condom, then lie back down and wrap her in my arms, forcing the frown off my face.
“Nothing. I’m just thinking how fortunate I am right now.”
“Because you got laid by a younger woman?” She giggles, resting her head against my chest.
I wind a copper curl through my fingers, relieved she isn’t going to pry deeper.
“Exactly. Although saying it like that makes me sound like a dirty old man. I’m forty-four, Megan. I’m not dead.”
“You have a son four years younger than me.” She looks up at me, her eyes bright, biting her lip.
“Do you want to date him instead?” I ask, lifting my thumb to pull her bottom lip free.
She kisses the tip of my thumb.
“I don’t know. Is he as sexy as his dad?”
I narrow my eyes at her and put my hand around the back of her head, pulling her lips to mine for a deep kiss, which should erase any thoughts of other men from her mind, joking or not.
I groan when she breaks contact and rests her chin on top of her hand that’s found a home on my chest.
“What was it like? Having him so young? If you don’t mind me asking?”
“It was… a surprise. Me and Penelope, we were only eighteen, kids really. It was a summer fling before we went to university. Neither of us thought it would last. We were just having fun.”
“What happened?” Megan traces circles across my chest with her free hand as she looks up at me.
“She started feeling funny, sick mainly, tired.” Megan’s hand pauses mid-air for a moment before continuing its caressing. “Then her period was late, and she took a test, and that was that.” Almost twenty-seven years later, I still remember the craziness, the disbelief, the reaction from her parents as if it had happened yesterday.
“What did you do?”
“We both deferred university for a year, and she had Christopher. My mum helped a lot. We couldn’t have done it without her. I think it gave her something to focus on again after losing my dad. My brother was twelve then. He was going out with his friends more, and mum was lonely.”
“And then you got married?”
I blow out a long breath. “When I graduated. It seemed like the right thing to do. People kept asking when we were going to, and we just kind of got swept along with it.”
“How come you never had more children?” Megan asks. I pull her tighter against me and lean down to smell her hair. It smells like berries, forbidden fruit. The irony isn’t lost on me.
“We talked about it, but we weren’t in love. It’s hard to explain. I mean, we loved each other. She’s an amazing woman and mother. But we weren’t in love. Family is important to both of us, so we agreed to stay together for Christopher. I will be forever grateful to her for making that sacrifice for him.”
I stare up at the ceiling, waiting for Megan to respond. This got heavy quickly. How did we go from mind-blowing sex to me laying my past out to her? It’s not that I don’t want her to know these things. It’s nice to find someone who I can talk to so easily.
But if she knew everything… if she knew what she might be letting herself in for, maybe she’d be less inclined to stay for ‘pillow talk’.
“I think you both made a choice to do what you felt was right, out of love for someone else.” She raises her eyes to look at me. “I don’t think there’s a better reason in the world than that.”
I roll my lips as her words sink in. “No, no better reason.”
“So, are things going to be awkward at work now? Now, this has happened again.” She waves her hand between the two of us, gesturing at the ‘this.’
“Of course not. It wasn’t awkward before, was it?” I ignore her raised brow and smirk and instead slide my free hand up to stroke her breast. Her rosy pink nipple hardens the moment my thumb grazes it. “Besides, I won’t be making the same mistake as last time.”
“What’s that?” She sucks her breath in as I slide down the bed and draw her nipple into my mouth.
“This time, I’m not letting you go.”
She squirms underneath me as I switch to suck the other side.
“Do I get a say in any of this?” Her hands fist in my hair as I slide lower, rolling her onto her back and parting her legs with my hands.
“You can say all you want, Princess. Right now, I’m busy.”
As I swipe my tongue through her wet skin, tasting her sweetness, my determination grows.
I shouldn’t be here with her.
At least not until I sort some things out.
Speak to Joanna for a start.
But then, maybe all this head-fucking is for nothing.
Maybe I can have my Megan-cake and eat it. Sink myself into it and spread it across my face, indulge myself, like I’m doing with her pussy right now.
Because I know one thing for sure, I’ve never wanted to be selfish as much as I have since meeting Megan. I can’t get her out of my head. I don’t want to get her out of my head. Just like earlier when I kissed her on the terrace, I know with certainty this could end badly. She could get hurt, and I would never forgive myself.
Yet, I can’t stop myself.
She moans as I sink two fingers inside her and suck on her clit. My cock’s already hard, insatiable, screaming to be inside her again.
“Jaxon.” Her voice is light and breathy as I draw another moan from her, and her body
shudders.
I’m definitely going to hell.
“Have dinner with me Monday night?” I ask, catching Megan’s hand in mine as she’s about to disappear through her front door.
She turns back to me and gives me a smile that lights up her entire face.
We’ve been playing this game for fifteen minutes.
Each time she’s about to head inside, I touch her or kiss her again.
I can’t help myself.
“I would say tonight, or even tomorrow, but I have some work things on that I can’t reschedule,” I explain, holding my breath as I wait for her answer.
We spent all of Friday night together. She slept in my arms, which was a first for me. I can’t usually sleep so close to someone else. I like my space. But somehow, I didn’t want to let her go. Having her there felt right.
I swallow down the doubt that’s niggling at me, threatening to ruin the previous, perfect twenty-four hours. I don’t want to think about anything else at this moment.
Except for what her answer is.
“I don’t know. That sounds awfully like a date,” she replies, leaning against the doorframe and chewing on her lip.
I reach up and pull it from between her teeth.
“It sounds awfully like one because it is one, Megan.”
Her eyes glitter at me, and I know she’s teasing. “Okay, I accept your invitation. As long as there’s dessert.”
I cock a brow at her and open my mouth to answer.
“Not like that.” She smirks, pressing her fingertips to my lips. “I mean the sugar-filled, calorie-overload type.”
I kiss her fingertips as I draw her hand into mine, twisting it, so my mouth brushes the silky skin of her wrist. “Do I sense some kind of disapproval of my nutritious sustenance choices?” I wink at her.
She giggles and lets out a contented-sounding sigh. “Not at all. I love that you take such good care of yourself.”
“But?”
“But sometimes it’s fun to bend the rules, Jaxon.” She smiles as she steps forward and presses a gentle kiss to my lips as she says goodbye.
I go back to my car and sit there, staring at Megan’s closed door.
Bend the rules?
I’m pretty sure I’m breaking every one of them right now.
Mixing work and my personal life is something I’ve never done before, but that doesn’t bother me. Megan is a professional, and we aren’t always going to be working together. We will finish the White Fire project one day.
It’s the other rule I’m worried about.
The one that should have kept me away from Megan.
The one that should protect her, preventing any chance of her being hurt.
I still don’t know exactly what it is I’m playing with here yet. It’s like there’s a fucking game of tennis going on
in my head. One minute it’s all fine, and I believe there’ll be nothing to worry about. The next, I’m a selfish jerk for letting it get even this far with her, pulling her into something she didn’t consent to.
Maybe she’ll decide I’m not worth the trouble. That will probably be the best thing to happen. It’ll hurt like a motherfucker. I’ve only known her a short time, but I know enough.
Saying goodbye to her won’t be easy.
My grip tightens on the steering wheel as I start the engine.
There’s only one way to find out just how this shit-show is going to go down. I pull out into the road and use the car’s Bluetooth to make a call—the one I’ve been putting off for almost two months.
“Well, it’s about time.” Joanna’s tone drips with sarcasm as she answers.
My stomach sinks. If she hadn’t picked up, I could have avoided this.
But what good would come of delaying the inevitable?
I clear my throat. “Yes. I’m sorry. I’ve been busy with work.”
“So busy that you thought you could put this off?” She tuts, and I imagine her holding her hand out and inspecting her nail polish for chips. The way she does when she’s thinking.
“There is no this, Joanna,” I snap. If I say it enough times, maybe it will be the truth.
“Jaxon!” I can tell she’s getting angry; she rarely raises her voice. “You need to sort this out. You can’t bury your head in the sand and pretend it’s not happening.”
“That’s not what I’m doing. I’m calling you, aren’t I?” I reply, my voice level, calm. It seems to infuriate her even more.
“You’re exasperating. If Pen knew—”
“But you’re not going to tell Penelope, are you?”
“Of course not. I could never do that. What do you take me for?” She lets out a big sigh. “Look, Jaxon. Just come and see me, please. We can talk about this. And who knows, maybe you’re right. But you made me promise you, remember?”
My shoulders drop, and I unclench my fists. She’s right. I made her promise.
“Fine,” I force out.
“Good. I’ll text you a time, okay? Make sure you show up.”
“When do I not?” I say, but she’s already gone.
