Two weeks later
I paced back and forth in my room in the ballet flats I’d slipped onto my feet. I didn’t own anything even remotely resembling sneakers, at my father and step-mother’s insistence.
With my shoes for the night packed into the designer tote slung under my arm, my lungs heaved with the panic that threatened to overtake me. By the end of the night, I wouldn’t be a virgin.
By the end of the night, I’d have experienced what it was to be normal for just a few hours. To do something foolish and impulsive purely for the sake of it, because I wanted to.
Glancing at the watch on my wrist, I blew out a breath as the time finally reflected ten at night. The quiet knock on my door came promptly, leaving me to move toward it as quietly as I could and slowly pull the door open. Christian’s kind face stared back at me on the other side, and he waved a hand at me to step out. ‘You’ve got everything?’ he asked, looking down my body with a furrow to his brow. ‘Where did you get that dress?’
‘Lydia has been filling my closet with clothes more appropriate for pleasing my husband,’ I whispered. ‘Is there something wrong with it?’ The dark and fitted dress hugged what I had for curves, extending down past my knees except for the slit up the thigh.
He rolled his eyes to the ceiling, muttering to himself before grimacing and shaking his head. ‘Nope. Great, let’s go,’ he said, turning to stroll down the hallway for the stairs.
‘Wait, we’re just going to walk out the front door?’ I asked.
‘Yes, hurry up or we’ll miss our window,’ he grunted, taking my hand in his and hurrying me down the stairs. One of my father’s security men stood there, facing the wall on the opposite side and diligently pretending he didn’t see us as we pulled the doors open and stepped outside.
‘What about my father?’ I asked.
‘Gone to the stables for the night. They brought in a couple girls from New York, so he’ll be occupied until morning,’ Christian said as he shoved me into the backseat of the waiting car. He climbed in beside me, tapping the back of the headrest and signaling the driver proceed down the driveway as I fought back the surge of nausea at the thought of my father being occupied with the escorts.
‘What about Lydia?’ I asked. ‘If she wakes up and notices I’m gone, this will all be for nothing.’
‘Sleeping pill in her wine. No one will notice you’re gone as long as you get back before morning. We should be safely back on the property by four a.m. Understood?’ he asked, nodding to my watch. ‘Can you set an alarm on that thing?’
I took my phone from my bag, setting an alarm for three in the morning just to be safe as the driver made his way down the road. Without a single glance toward the backseat, he seemed determined to pretend he hadn’t seen me. As if I wasn’t in his car, and he wasn’t defying my father’s very strict orders that I be kept at the house with very few exceptions.
Namely, when he or my step-mother accompanied me to required outings.
We pulled up to a hotel in the center of the city, and I quickly changed out my flats for heels before allowing Christian to pull me from the car. ‘Aren’t we too close?’
‘We can’t go too far if we want to get you home in time. Nobody will recognize you here. I’ve cleared the guest list, and aside from you, only hotel patrons will be allowed tonight. It may limit your—’ he swallowed down his distaste ‘—options, but it will keep you alive.’
I nodded, biting my lip hesitantly before lunging at him for a quick hug. ‘Thank you,’ I mumbled.
‘Don’t thank me just yet,’ he said, his voice catching with emotion. ‘Just be safe, yeah?’
‘Of course,’ I said, watching as he got back into the car and waited. Turning and striding into the hotel, I made my way to the elevators to go to the rooftop bar. With my heart in my throat, I almost couldn’t hear the quiet melody of the elevator music. The numbers on the panel rose one by one, lighting up as if counting down my last chance to change my mind.
There would be no backing out for me; not if I wanted to be able to look myself in the mirror come morning.
Having an adventure meant taking risks. I would just have to do whatever it took to make sure that I was the only one who paid the price for what I would do.
As the elevator doors opened, the steady thrum of jazz filled the night air. Stars twinkled vaguely overhead, drowned out even on the rooftop by the light pollution of the city. Deciding to make my way to the center of the space, I headed straight for the bar with my nerves threatening to tear me in two. The bartender’s eyes met mine briefly as I approached, and she smirked once before she went back to her work and poured a glass of white wine.
I sat on a stool, curling my hand around the glass of wine that landed in front of me. ‘I didn’t order this,’ I said, pushing it back toward her with a shy smile.
‘It’s on the house, honey. I know when a woman just needs a drink,’ she said.
‘Is it that obvious?’ I asked, raising the glass to my lips and taking a sip. The bitterness of the liquid caught me by surprise, coating my tongue in a dry flavor that wasn’t entirely pleasant.
‘Not a fan of wine?’ she asked with a chuckle, and I shook my head shyly.
‘Not a drinker of anything, to be honest,’ I said, forcing down another sip. I knew people swore by the way alcohol made them relax, and if anyone needed that tonight? It was me. I was about to lose my virginity to a stranger and risk certain death if I was caught.
‘You should be careful of your surroundings if you aren’t used to drinking, Little One,’ a male voice said behind me. I spun in the stool, the name that fell off his lips nearly making me tumble to the floor with the suddenness of the movement. My eyes landed on his the moment he reached out his hands to catch me around the waist, steadying me so I didn’t topple to the floor. His hands seared me through the fabric of my dress, an inescapable heat that sank beneath the surface of my flesh and dug straight into the core of who I was.
‘Sorry,’ I mumbled, sliding my ass further onto the stool. His hands never left my waist, one of his thighs tucked between my knees ever so slightly. Still, his gaze stayed focused on mine. Not on the heaving of my breasts as they shoved higher with each lungful of air I sucked back in my nervousness.
‘Exactly how much have you had to drink?’ he asked, his lips quirking to the side with the barest hint of a smile. Those stunning metallic eyes shone down at me, making my heart race in my chest. While I had no doubt that they were blue or some other enviable color, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the silver of Calix’s eyes.
Of his boyishly handsome face as he’d made me believe that someone in the world cared about me.
‘It wasn’t that,’ I admitted with a flush as I tore my eyes from his. My hand slid down the fabric of his suit jacket, clasping his forearm in my grip. I started to grip him so that I could push away his touch, but stopped at the last moment with a twist of my lips. ‘Nobody has called me Little One in a very long time. You surprised me, is all.’
‘Hmm,’ he hummed thoughtfully, grasping the stool next to me in one of his hands. He tugged it closer, settling on the seat and enclosing my legs inside his until I felt trapped. The movement didn’t fill me with fear as I might have expected, though, only serving to give me the sense that he would protect me from whatever dangers might be lurking around the room.
I took another sip of wine to steady myself, wondering how on earth women understood the rules of picking up a man. He might have been interested, but he also could have merely acted out of interest in being gentlemanly and keeping me from making a foolish mistake.
Perhaps he simply saw through the bravado I’d tried to don the moment I’d walked into the bar.
‘So not Little One, then,’ he murmured, and something inside my chest eased. I wouldn’t have been able to go to bed with a man who called me the same pet name as Calix. It would have felt like a betrayal to all that he’d meant to me once upon a time. ‘So what should I call you?’
I wrinkled my nose, running my finger over the base of my wine glass to calm the urge that wanted to make me fidget in my seat. ‘Nothing,’ I said softly. ‘No names.’
He raised his brows at me, huffing out a light, shocked laugh. He paused for a moment, studying my face as he tried to understand my motivation. I knew it must have seemed ridiculous not to give someone even my first name, but I needed to stay detached.
One night of sex. One time to feel like maybe I was using the man just as much as he used me.
‘If I don’t tell you my name, what will you scream when I make you come tonight?’ he asked, his full lips tipping into an arrogant smirk that caught the breath in my lungs. I bit my lip, turning my face away as my cheeks heated. ‘That is what you’re looking for, isn’t it, my beauty?’
‘I haven’t even told you my name, and you already think to own me?’ I said with more snap than intended. Doubt coursed through me, wondering if it was even possible to have even one pleasant experience. People did it all the time, so I had to believe there was someone in this bar who would be able to give me what I wanted.
He just might not be quite as breathtaking as the man in front of me, with his dark hair and sinfully light eyes shining down at me. ‘For tonight. I am not a man who plays games or beats around the bush when it comes to what I want,’ he said, leaning forward to rest his palm on the bare skin just above my knee.
‘And what is it you want?’ I asked, staring down at that hand.
‘The same thing I expect brought you here, sitting in a bar alone and swearing off names,’ he chuckled. Another man stepped up to us, opening his mouth to speak briefly before a single glare from my handsome stranger sent him scurrying away.
‘That was hardly necessary,’ I said with a laugh.
‘I don’t share,’ he growled in warning.
I lifted his hand off my knee, standing in the small space between his legs and grabbing my wine glass. ‘Well, I suppose it is fortunate for me that you don’t own me. I’ll seek my entertainment elsewhere.’ Moving to step out from the trap of his spread legs, I winced when he didn’t budge. Even with the crowd of people filling the rooftop and the bartender behind me watching us with rapt attention, dread filled me at the thought of having to deal with a forceful man.
I’d had enough of men who thought to take from me without giving a single thought to what I might want.
‘Release me,’ I hissed, watching as his eyes lit in response to the challenge in my voice.
‘If I were to do that, we would lose out on a very valuable opportunity that we are now presented with,’ he said, flashing me his perfect teeth in a broad grin. ‘You’re angry with me. I would very much like to have all that fire wrapped around me while I fuck you, my beauty,’ he added, stretching out a hand to cup my cheek in his hand. I jerked back from the contact, glaring at him as his hand followed and settled against the side of my neck. His thumb stroked over the delicate cord of my throat, leaving me with a feeling of vulnerability that I was all too used to. But whereas when my father hurt me all I felt was pain and fear, the stranger’s touch evoked something different altogether.
Heat bloomed between my thighs, my body warming in the way it did when I read romance novels in my bed at night. Biting my tongue to stifle my reaction and the moan that threatened to surface, I stared up at him in shock. I hadn’t pictured a hate fuck for my first time, not with being a virgin.
I’d imagined someone gentler, something sweeter, but there was no denying the reaction in my body and the appeal of his words. When I read, it wasn’t the sweet lovemaking scenes that forced my hand between my legs to relieve the ache, but the rough and passionate ones that left me breathless.
His touch promised all the things I’d read about; the very desire I’d only ever dreamt of having. He was silent as he watched me process my choices, studying the features of my face as if he could see every thought as it floated through my mind. I should have said no.
I should have called Christian to take me home before I made a mistake that I could never undo.
‘Do you have a room?’ I asked instead, my pulse thumping against his thumb where he stroked over it with gentle pressure.
He nodded, his light eyes turning wolfish as he drew his hand away from my neck and tucked it around my waist. The moment I was pressed into his side, he strode toward the elevators, guiding me to the place where he’d take what I would give and seal my fate.
For better or worse.
