“I don’t want to say goodbye ‘cause this one means forever”—In The Stars by Benson Boone
They wanted a small thing. Only family and Eira’s closest friends. But Eira didn’t want that. Of course she didn’t want a small thing.
I just bet Eira Carter began planning her own funeral the day she’s been diagnosed with leukemia. Not that anyone can blame her, really. She knew there was no chance in surviving it, it’s what the doctors have been telling her from day one.
Doesn’t make it any less sad.
The entire St. Trewery hockey team had to get their asses over to New York to make it to Eira’s funeral. Excuses to miss today weren’t accepted. Everyone had to come. Okay, except for the freshmen. They didn’t even know Eira. But everyone else… yup, they are here.
As Colin’s best friend, I had met Eira a hell of a lot more times than the rest of the team did, which got me a spot right in the front row.
I hate funerals. Haven’t been to a lot yet, but the ones I did attend, I can’t say I was thrilled to be there.
I’m not saying some people’s deaths are worse than others, but I am kind of saying it anyway. I mean, did anyone really grief over the death of a serial killer? I don’t think so.
That’s a bad comparison to what I was about to say.
What I meant to say is, I’ve attended my grandpa’s funeral a couple of years ago. He was old, fragile, and sick, it was bound to happen. But Eira was young. She was sick too, but barely above the age of sixteen. I’m convinced her young age has my heart torn into pieces worse than it was when my grandpa died.
My sister is standing right next to me, holding on to my hand tightly while I assume Colin does the same with hers.
It’s a miracle she was even allowed to be here.
Lily is supposed to be at a mental hospital, getting help for her suicidal thoughts and depression. Professional help, not just Colin taking her out on dates. It took about three parents, a whole hockey team and the letter from a sixteen-year-old, dead girl to convince the staff from said hospital to let my sister out for the day. Of course she’s being accompanied by two social workers, watching from afar, but it’s still better than my sister not being able to attend a funeral she is needed at.
Not that she is needed for the funeral, but she is needed to console her grieving boyfriend, the one that is trying his hardest not to let tears slip past his eyes as the clergy says a few words. And well, the letter did say Eira wanted Lily here, so there’s that too.
Soon after the clergy is done with his eulogy, family members follow, but I barely pay attention to what is said. At least until Colin stands in front of everyone, his hand still holding on to my sister’s for dear life as he tries to gather himself before speaking.
I can’t believe I didn’t even notice when Lily let go off my hand. But I guess when I was busy trying to sound out the voices of people talking and refusing to let myself get consumed by the ache in my heart, it makes sense.
“Eira was a lot of things,” Colin starts, looking over the crowd of people. “Wow, okay, I didn’t think I’d find seeing people at a funeral dressed in bright colors astonishing, yet here we are.” None of us is dressed in black as Eira wanted colors. He smiles at the lack of the color black, then proceeds.
“As I was saying, Eira was a lot of things. Mainly loud. She was so loud, I just bet people in L.A. could hear her laughter. I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed Eira complain about her illness. Sure, she had her days when she was sick of it, but other than that… my sister was living her best life even through everything that was happening. She kept smiles on her face, talked about how excited she was to start a new adventure. Because as we all know, when you die, you start another one.”
It’s not a proven theory, but it’s what Eira believed.
“My sister was so sure she was put on this earth for one reason, and she fulfilled her goal which is why she was supposed to die early. I have no idea what that reason was, besides clearly breaking my family’s heart, and then telling us to haunt us when we shed tears. God forbid her family actually loving her. But you know Eira, tears weren’t her thing. Neither was sadness. But she did love a good amount of drama.”
People chuckle through tears as Colin glares toward his sister’s casket. He lets go off Lily’s hand then walks right up to Eira’s dead body. He looks inside, then shakes his head letting out an extra-heavy sigh.
“You really had to come into our lives like a bomb and then dip out when it got interesting, didn’t you, enana?” He turns back to everyone, then rolls his eyes. “The audacity of this girl, I swear. She had us fooled. She was all about the drama, wanting to be the center of attention, she even made like a hundred people show up to a not-so-happy get-together about her. And guess who doesn’t bother being here? Exactly, my sister.”
“For so many reasons, I really hope she’s going on a great new adventure. I am praying for her that her new life is going to be so much longer, that her new family gets to spend more time with her and appreciates it as much as we all did. Maybe she’ll be re-born with a great singing voice, God knows she loved singing. Wherever she may end up, or already ended up, I hope she is okay.” Colin lets out a deep sigh. “But I’m telling you, if she’s still in ghost mode right now, she might as well be laughing at every single tear she has seen today. Or roll her eyes, cuss you out for wasting tears.”
Only Colin could make people laugh at a funeral. Though I know, despite the slim smile on his face, whatever is going on inside of his head and heart, it’s far away from happiness and laughter.
I know I’m far from it. My chest is hurting, my head is spinning in hopes for Eira that everything she expected death to be like… it’s just like it.
A couple more people go up on that tiny stage to say a few words, and with every other person, the heaviness around us seems to lighten as people no longer talk about how sad it is that Eira is gone, but about how much she loved laughing, how she would fall onto any soft surface all dramatically when she was about to ask a question, she knew wasn’t going to draw a good reaction out of the other person. They talked about her happy memories. The little moments in life people tend to overlook.
An hour later—I believe—the whole ceremony is over. The team is awfully quiet for once, yet they still somehow crack jokes despite looking like they’ve been run over by ten trucks and had bees sting their eyes.
We’re all invited to the Carter’s house for a little party in Eira’s honor. Yes, a party. Just like she wished.
Tears aren’t allowed, so she said herself. Repetitively. She wanted everything glamorous, big, and happy. Eira didn’t want to go with people crying over her death, she wanted them to celebrate her life.
As we all make our way out of this cemetery, a wisteria-colored bow on dark chocolate colored hair catches my attention.
She’s kneeling by a grave, currently exchanging old roses with her favorite flowers.
I don’t have to see the woman’s face to know it’s Sofia.
I have absolutely no idea why she’s here, whose grave she is visiting, but I do know I won’t stop thinking about it until I get an answer.
But that answer will have to wait.
Today is about Eira, not my weird connection to my old childhood crush.
