“but if it ain’t you, it’s a lie”—Always Been You by Jessie Murph
For someone who claims to be smart, I sure as hell am stupid as fuck.
Who in their right mind says sharing a room with the woman you’re attracted to is alright? Mind you, a woman that you’re fake-dating and wants absolutely nothing to do with you otherwise. Except for being friends, maybe? Even that is cutting it.
Sofia wanted to go to sleep the second we went back to her room after dinner, which, frankly, I understand given how it went down. She was pretty quick to fall asleep, too. Or maybe she pretended to be asleep so I wouldn’t speak to her. Either way, she is asleep now.
I’ve been lying in bed for hours, trying to fall asleep as well. It appears to be impossible. Not sure if it’s jetlag or the mere fact that Sofia is lying too close to me. I’m not kidding, she is far too close. So close, my blood is starting to rush to a certain area that is not supposed to get up while her ass is a couple of inches away from my crotch.
I don’t have it in me to turn over, facing the other side. It has many reasons, one being I don’t want to move too much because I don’t want to risk waking her up. And two, I simply don’t want to face the other way. When I do, I can no longer look at Sofia, even if it’s just the back of her head. But sometimes she turns over and I get to see her face. She looks so peaceful when she’s asleep, and far too beautiful. Who the fuck looks good sleeping?
Anyway, I grab my phone to check the time, praying it has only been a couple of minutes that felt like hours, but to my horror, it’s five in the morning. I haven’t closed my eyes even once, not sure if it’s a smart idea to try now. I’d sleep in and never get used to the time difference.
Might as well get up then. I hear someone talk in the hallway, so if I’m lucky, maybe Sofia’s parents are up, and I have someone to talk to.
Though, just as I am about to sneak out of bed, Sofia turns over in her sleep. My breath gets lost in my lungs when she swings one arm over my body, followed by a leg.
I freeze, being so still, I can hear my own heartbeat.
Sofia’s head presses against my chest, and for a short moment there I pray to everything holy that she will never leave again.
The heat of her body rolls over my skin, tickling on the surface and bringing a surprising calmness to me. I can feel her deep in my bones, every inch of my body begging me to never let her go ever again. Screaming for me to keep her safe, protect her from her stupid sister and that godawful ex-boyfriend of hers ‘til the end of time.
When she sniffles and mumbles something in her sleep, my muscles relax, and I give in to her touch. Allowing her to use me as her pillow. When I think about Sofia ever using her actual pillow ever again, I would love to rip that pillow into a million different pieces until her only available option is me.
But that might be a step too far.
I’m not a jealous man. I don’t care who someone talks to or hangs up with. What they wear and how many other guys stare at them. But apparently when it comes to Sofia, I gladly become a pillow-serial-killer.
“All my fault,” she mutters, her body twitching. I can assure that flinch was not her being cold but caused by whatever the hell is going on in her dream.
Even when we were younger, Sofia used to stammer one word or two when she was asleep. Lily used to tell me all about it, and I had experienced it sometimes when Sofia spent the night at my house or I at hers. But never had she been twitching or clutching her hands together.
Her grip on my shirt tightens, soft whimpers leaving her. They almost sound like the tiniest of sobs.
My arms find their way around her body, holding Sofia tightly against me, as I hope it will somehow make her nightmare go away.
I wish I could climb into her dream and fight whoever or whatever makes her cry in her sleep.
Never have I thought I’d be the possessive kind of guy but holding Sofia in my arms right this moment proves me differently. Knowing she’s comfortable enough with me to fall asleep in one room with me, then subconsciously rolling over in her sleep to find shelter in my embrace sure as fuck makes me want to rip off everyone’s head that dares disturbing what’s mine. She might not be mine yet, but she will be. Eventually. Hopefully.
After a little while of me gently stroking a hand up and down Sofia’s back, she eventually calms. Her tense body relaxing, brining an instant relief to me as well. I don’t want her to be afraid of anything, not even in her dreams.
Another couple of minutes pass, me just holding Sofia close to me while she sleeps in peace… at least until she detangles herself from my body and rolls over again. The loss of her body pressed to mine almost makes me pull her back into my embrace.
But I’m not that crazily obsessed. If we’re somehow finding a way together, it won’t be because either of us forced it.
Finally, I sneak myself out of the bed, stretching when I stand. For a moment there I want to rush out already, escape a sleeping Sofia and force my eyes to look elsewhere because I cannot fucking take it anymore. But then I remember that I promised myself something.
I promised I would help Sofia. I promised I would do anything imaginable to make her look good. Make her seem more loved than her sister could ever imagine possible for anyone. Make Sofia’s birthday next week as special as it gets with no way of a proposal being able to top it.
And if making all this possible means allowing myself to fall, then so be it. Even if this will end in a heartbreak.
So, I take a deep breath and grab some fresh clothes from my suitcase—the one I don’t plan on unpacking. With trying to make as less noises as possible, I quickly change, grab my wallet, and rush out of the room to find the bathroom, brush my teeth, and go downstairs.
I’m happy to find Peter and Karin awake, sitting in the living room just casually talking because I need to ask them for directions. As soon as they notice me, Karin’s face lights up with a smile before she motions for me to sit. Having a talk with my fake-girlfriend’s parents wasn’t planned, but I suppose it is on the agenda now.
However, I don’t walk over to them. I decide to keep some distance between Sofia’s parents and me. They wouldn’t hurt me, I know that much, but still. I am not taking risks here.
“You’re up early,” Karin says. “I’m just going to assume it’s jetlag.”
I nod, though I’m only half convinced it’s that. “I’m not used to being six hours ahead of my usual time.”
Karin chuckles, appearing to be the nice mother I remembered, all the while Peter looks at me with narrowed eyes. It’s like he’s waiting for an explanation from me. I wouldn’t know what he wants me to explain, so as long as he doesn’t ask questions, I’ll keep my mouth shut.
“Where are you headed?” Peter then asks, nodding toward the wallet in my hands.
I look down, fidgeting with said wallet before my eyes meet his again. “I was going to ask you for a flower shop nearby…”
His eyes narrow even more. I swear, he barely even sees me anymore, that’s how narrowed they are. “A flower shop?”
I nod, slowly. “Yes, uh…, I just want to get Sofia some flowers. She seemed a bit too upset for my liking after dinner, so I figured why not put a smile on her face right after she wakes up.”
“You and your gifts,” he chuckles, shaking his head. “You know she still has that frog you gave her.”
“I have mine too.” Well, I have hers, technically. I snatched it from her before they left for Germany. I know I had one that I put into some clothes Sofia would always wear, at least color-wise, but I needed something of hers with me while she was gone.
“You do?” Karin smiles widely. I only manage to nod before she speaks again. “There’s a rise lantern festival tonight. A few villagers are getting together for it. It’s nothing big, but I’m not sure if it might be a bit much for you, but we would love to see you there.”
Please. “I still play hockey, some of my games are televised. I think I can handle a festival.”
“Not sure, son,” Peter says. “Not everyone here speaks English. Well, mostly the older people don’t. And Sofia’s friends can be a bit… much. People will stare at you and Sofia and talk. They’re nice and all, but it’s not the kind of festival you’re used to. Besides, televised hockey games aren’t the same as people being all up in your business at a festival.”
I shrug. If Sofia is going, so will I. Then there will be some people talking about me, staring and do God knows what… big deal. I’ll get through it. Hopefully.
Eventually Karin tells me the name of the nearest flower shop, offers to type it into google maps for me so there’s no way I’ll get lost. I happily hand my phone over for that. I’d rather run around with freezing hands as it’s felt like twenty-three degrees outside than get lost in the cold… in the dark.
I’m not afraid of the dark, but I like to be cautious walking around a town I’ve never been to at five in the morning with snow covering ninety-eight percent of the paths.
“Get a hot drink from the bakery next door. They sell an amazing hot cocoa, though you might want to try using a translator app to order it. I doubt Martina speaks English,” Karin tells me, handing me back my phone. “You can try, but she might throw you out instantly.” Just great.
