“slide across the floor, I’m forever yours”—dancing in the kitchen by LANY
Colin and Lily have been staying here all week long, taking busses and trains to see the country, or rather Bavaria. Well, at least they’re out of my hair, right? Because I fully planned on spending as much time with Sofia as humanly possible. Only Sofia.
Having Colin and my sister around once or twice isn’t bothering me but imagine if I had to deal with them every single day until New Year’s when I could use that time more wisely. I mean, fucking my girlfriend or going on little dates sounds much more intriguing when it’s just the both of us.
Anyway, we’ve spent all day with them today, so when they finally decided to go to sleep, I was a little relieved to have some alone time with Sofia… only that she went to bed as well. So, now it’s two in the morning and I am here, standing in the kitchen and drinking a glass of warm milk with honey to hopefully get sleepy as well.
Five minutes must have passed since I’ve been standing here, and yet I feel nothing. Nothing except for that aching erection in my pants. I’m not even horny or anything, it’s just… Sofia has changed in front of me, and I caught a glimpse of her perfect boobs. Ever since then, my dick’s been a slight problem.
“Can’t sleep?” a sweet voice comes from behind the open refrigerator door, followed by a little giggle that travels right through my body.
“Not really,” I answer Sofia, setting the mug in my hands down just before she stands in front of me. She lays her hands on my naked torso, slightly tracing her fingers over the ripples of my abs. “I thought you fell asleep?”
Sofia shakes her head. “I tried, but my brain just won’t shut up.”
“What’s your brain complaining about?” I take her into my embrace, soothingly stroking a hand up and down her back while leaning my chin on top of her head.
“Too much,” she admits, nuzzling her head right into my body as her arms close tighter around me. “I can’t stop thinking about what I will say to my grandma when I go to see her.”
So she did decide to try and sort her problems out. That’s a start, no? A good one.
I can’t help but smile a little at the thought of Sofia wanting us to work out. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t want to try and face her fears, right?
Ah, well, she should find closure even if it wasn’t for the chance of an us. And being with me isn’t nearly as important as her health.
“I’m not sure if it’s smarter to see her the second we’re back in the U.S., or when I have to leave again.”
Leave again… I don’t want her to leave, ever.
My body tenses, something in my chest starts to hurt just thinking about having to say goodbye to the love of my life.
No. No. Not love of my life. Not yet. She… She can’t be, right? That’s impossible. We’ve only just met again. We’ve only recently started dating. I can’t think of her as the love of my life, that would be insane.
I knew she was my soul mate, came to terms with that ages ago. But love of my life? No. Not yet. Please. For my own sanity, I cannot consider her to be just that when it’s not one hundred percent guaranteed she’ll also stay in my life for the rest of it. To let me love her for the rest of it and beyond.
“I think it’s time I give us both the chance to figure some things out. Get closure, maybe? I don’t know, but I want to see her. I want to speak to her.”
“Sounds like you’ve made your mind up about it?” Which I do hope she did. Not for the sake of Sofia and me finding a way to make my promise come true, but for her own good. Sofia needs closure, with me still in her life or not.
“I have.”
Pushing Sofia away just enough to take her hands in mine, I twirl her around. “Dance with me, Icicle.”
“Now?” I nod. “Without music?” Another nod. “In the middle of this kitchen, with no light except the one from the refrigerator?” And one more time, I nod.
“It’s either that or a quick fuck in the shower.”
“Can I get both?”
“You can get anything you want from me, Sofia.” I keep one of her hands in mine as my other lays on her hip. “Just say the word and it’s yours.”
I can barely make out her expression, but the faintest blue light ever highlights the smile on her lips, the same chubby cheeks I love seeing more than anything being highlighted like whoever’s out there to make miracles happen wanted me to see it again, knowing it was my favorite sight.
Well, seeing Sofia is my favorite sight, but that smile… it’s getting damn close to my favorite.
We move to no sound other than our breathing and the sound of bare feet on kitchen tiles. The only other sound is the beating of my heart, beating in a rhythm that I am praying is the same as Sofia’s. She can’t hear my heart beating, and neither can I, but I can feel it.
Never have I hoped for someone’s heart to beat in the same pace as mine, wanting the same as me, yet here I am, silently begging the universe to never take my Sofia away from me ever again.
I’m not sure when I started to need her in my life, but I finally realize that I do. I need her to breathe, to feel happy and complete.
Both our eyes fall to my wrist as I hold her. I’m still wearing her wisteria-colored ribbon around it every single day, and I do not plan on ever taking it off. Ever since I took it from her, I’ve been wearing it without having had it off, with only a few exceptions. I do not wear it for hockey, for multiple reasons. For one, and probably the most important one, I am not even allowed to wear any kind of bracelets, rings, or necklaces during practice or games. Other than that, I only take it off to work out as I don’t want it to get all sweaty and disgusting.
“Aaron?” she says quietly, looking up at me through her lashes. Her voice is the most beautiful one I have ever heard, and hearing her say my name never fails to make my heart skip a beat or two.
“Sofia?” I push a strand of hair that fell into her face back behind her ear.
“Can you promise me something?”
“Unless you want me to leave you and move on, yes.” I doubt I could, even if I tried to. Leaving her and moving on? No, it’s impossible.
“If we do somehow manage to make your promise become reality, promise me not to say, ‘I love you’ for the first time on my birthday.”
We stop moving, but despite the little anxiety and shock in my bones, I still reach my hands up to her face, cupping it. “Why not?”
“Because I would never be able to celebrate one happy birthday again if we broke up. It would be ruined for all of eternity, haunting me. It would remind me that there was a time when you loved me, and we were together. You would have made a special day in my life more special and then took the magic away without leaving crumbs.”
I kiss her, gently, deeply, like this is the last time I’d ever get to kiss her. As we part, the words, “I promise” leave me in a whisper. With the kiss that follows, I also promise her not to say these words for the first time on any day that is supposed to be special to her. Like Easter, Christmas, or any other holiday that exists. Though, it wouldn’t make a difference because when I say those words, they’ll be forever, and there will never be a way back from them.
