“if this is what it’s like falling in love / then I don’t ever wanna grow up”—Kid In Love by Shawn Mendes
October 2008—Age Seven
“Sofia, sweetie, we have to go,” my mom says as she comes walking into my now empty bedroom.
My sister Julia is happy that we’re leaving. She said she didn’t like our home anyway, but I like it here. I don’t want to leave for Germany.
I heard it’s cold there and all the people are mean. My older brother Lukas told me that. And I believe every word Lukas says because he is smart. He is already going to middle school. But Julia is a lot smarter because she started high school this year. But Lukas is my favorite sibling, so I trust him more.
But the good thing is, I already know a little German. My mom is from Germany, so she taught me before.
“I don’t want to go,” I tell her through tears. This is so unfair. All of my friends are here. I even go to school here. I don’t want to take the plane to school every day. I would much rather walk with my two best friends in the whole wide world.
Tears stream down my face when I look up at my mother. “I don’t know where Phoenix is.”
Phoenix is my favorite stuffed animal. He’s a frog and I don’t like frogs, but Lily does. Aaron, Lily’s brother, gave him to me as a goodbye because he knows I will leave very soon.
Want me to let you in on a little secret?
I named him Phoenix because that’s Aaron’s middle name, but Lily can’t know I named him that. She doesn’t want me liking Aaron, so I don’t. But I still named him Phoenix.
“Did you forget him at Aaron’s house yesterday?” Mom asks even though she knows I wouldn’t remember it even if I did forget him there. I shake my head, convinced that I had Phoenix still when I got back home. “We’ll stop by at his house on our way to the airport, okay, sweetie?”
Seeing Aaron one last time before we leave? That I can do. I have to do.
I will miss Aaron a lot. He annoys me sometimes, or rather every time when I see him, but he’s my best friend’s brother and I like him. We always skate together, but not as often anymore because Lily can’t see him. We still meet up though.
I don’t know why that is.
Now we only ever skate together every Monday and Friday for a little while because he has hockey training. I’m already at the ice rink because before his hockey training, I always meet with my Coach and Lily for practice.
I love skating, especially with my best friend.
But you know what I don’t like? Aaron always calls me “Icicle”. It’s so annoying. My name is Sofia, not Icicle. Don’t tell Aaron, but I kind of like that he has a nickname for me.
We’re at Aaron’s house now, but Emerson said he isn’t inside yet. He went outside to have an eye on Ana because her mom had to use the restroom. Lily said we don’t like Ana.
Ana is still a baby, of course we don’t like her. Babies are loud and cry a lot. I know because my brother told me I always cried when I was born.
“Icicle!” Aaron yells all excitedly when he comes running into the house. “I thought you already left for Germany.”
I shake my head quickly. Aaron makes me nervous. I never know how to act around him. I really like Aaron a lot, but I can’t tell Lily.
“We’re on our way now, Phoenix,” I say. I always call him by his middle name because it makes him look at me madly. He doesn’t like being called Phoenix.
“Don’t call me that!” His eyebrows dip into a mad frown just at the same time as he crosses his arms over his chest.
I giggle because that is what he makes me do a lot. But then I start to cry because I remember why I’m here. Almost instantly does Aaron wrap his arms around me.
“Don’t cry, my Sofia. We’ll see each other again, I promise.” I smile but he can’t see that. Aaron doesn’t know whether we’ll see each other again or not, but I love that he promised we will. “When I’m old enough, I will come looking for you, my Sofia.”
I hope he will. Even though I’m only gone for a few years.
“I lost my frog,” I tell him. I didn’t tell Aaron I named the frog Phoenix. I’m scared he would make fun of me for it.
Aaron looks at me, then smiles widely. “That’s not a problem, Icicle. You can have mine.”
He takes my hand in his and pulls me upstairs into his room. Aaron has a huge bedroom, but I don’t like it very much. His walls are covered in posters of hockey players, and he has clutter all over his floor. Mostly pucks he stole from the arena or hockey games his father took him to. He even has sticks all around his bedroom, but very little toys. But I know he has a lot of toy cars around here somewhere.
“I will give it back, okay?”
“No, keep it so you will never forget me, Icicle,” he says as he hands me his frog. It’s not the same I have. Well, it is, just in different clothes.
Mine wears a hockey uniform, which is another reason why I named him after Aaron. Aaron’s frog wears a light purple dress. He insists the color is called wisteria, but we all know it’s light purple.
It doesn’t matter because this color is now my very favorite one.
“What’s her name?” I ask, taking the frog from him.
“Uh”—Aaron kicks a sock on his floor into the next best corner —“Violet.”
“Are you lying?” He is lying. Aaron would never call the frog Violet when he insists the dress is wisteria.
“Yes.”
“Sofia!” Aaron’s dad yells from downstairs. “Your mother is waiting.”
Why can’t I just stay with the Marsh’s? Or with Lily. I don’t want to go so far away from home.
Aaron and I both walk downstairs, holding each other’s hand. I’m still crying, more than I was before. And it only gets worse when we reach the last step where Aaron hugs me one more time.
Right before my mom and I leave, Aaron kisses my cheek after he whispers, “Remember, we’ll get married one day.”
I hear a click, but I ignore it because Aaron is giving me one more thing.
“I forgot to give it to you yesterday,” he says as he lays a necklace into my hand. “It’s one half of a heart, I have the other one. Promise you won’t ever take it off.”
Looking at the Lego piece attached to a thin silver chain, I feel a teardrop drip from my nose. “I promise.”
