I knew this would be hard, but I didn’t think it would be this fucking unbearable.
There’s always been an emptiness inside me—it comes with all the baggage of being an unwanted child. But I’ve managed it well through the years.
Or, I thought I had.
Turns out, I was only numbing it with no way to effectively deal with it. Which is why I’m here, in the middle of nowhere.
On the mountain.
I’ve done a lot of hiking and thinking, mostly about her.
The girl I left behind without a word because her dick of a father is testing me.
“Stay away for a while and take the time off as an overdue vacation,” he told me that day. “If she’s really serious about you, she won’t move on. But if she does move on, you will fuck off from her life.”
He also wants ten percent of my shares, which will give him the majority in W&S. We agreed to never sell our shares to outsiders or each other in order to keep an equal power balance. But he’s using the circumstances to twist my arm.
I agreed anyway. Fuck the shares and the firm; they don’t matter compared to her.
His other conditions included never letting her know where I was, talking to her, or even giving her any type of an excuse. The fucker wants her to be angry at me for ghosting her and hopes that will eventually make her forget about me.
But he sometimes forgets that she’s as headstrong as he is.
If she wants to leave me, she’ll do it on her own terms, not because of whatever the fuck he’s doing.
That doesn’t deny that the current situation is pure fucking torture. Being cut off from her bright smiles, easy laughter, and cheerful presence is similar to dying slowly. It’s different from when King first found out. At least then, I could see her at the firm and make sure she was all right.
Now, it’s a blank slate.
Now, I hang on to scraps of my memories of her and how she felt in my arms. I think of the colors she injects into my life and try not to let them darken like my soul.
It’s fucking hard, though. And on bad days, like today, it becomes almost impossible. The black ink I carefully locked inside me is spilling onto those colors and smudging them.
I take a swig of my water as I hike down from the peak. That’s all I’ve been doing lately, hiking and thinking about her. Then getting hard and fucking my hand to the memory of her tight heat.
Then I go through her social media like some sort of fucked-up stalker, just to make sure she’s all right. But she hasn’t posted anything for two weeks. Not even any fangirling updates about her favorite Twenty One Pilots or NF song of the week. Not even a throwback picture of when King took her to their concerts for her sixteenth birthday.
There’s nothing.
Only radio silence.
And maybe that’s what’s been darkening my mood even worse than being separated from her.
My feet come to a halt in front of the cottage. The last person I expected to see is sitting on the steps, flicking his lighter on and off. He stands out in the cozy setting with his black suit and menacing eyes.
“What are you doing here, King?” I remove my backpack and throw it to the side.
“Gwen said she’s pregnant.”
I stride toward him, my muscles tightening. “She is?”
“No, she lied to me so I’d bring you back. I confirmed it later, after I saw the doctor’s fake report. This has that witch Aspen’s fingerprints all over it since Gwen would’ve never lied to me on her own accord. That woman is already corrupting my little angel.”
I lean against the rails of the wooden stairs. “If you’re not here because of that, then why did you come?”
“Because she wouldn’t stop crying and that fucks me up. I don’t want to be the cause of her tears, even if I still want to fucking murder you.”
“Does that mean you approve?”
He stands up on the stairs so that he’s towering over me and flicks the Zippo shut. “She said you’re the best thing that’s happened to her since me, that she needs you in her life as much as she needs me. I don’t really have a say in the matter now that you’ve made your mark all over her. Besides, you’re my best friend. I know you better than anyone and I’m well aware that when you care about someone, it’s for life.”
“I’m serious, King. I would never hurt her.”
“Fuck right you won’t. If she cries because of you, I will kill you. For real. This place gives me inspiration for a good burial site.”
“I see the head injury didn’t reduce the crazy.”
“Fuck off.” He sits again, flicking his lighter, and I drop down beside him. He doesn’t kick me in the nut, so that’s a good sign.
“How is she?” I ask.
“Depressed. I knew shit was hitting the fan when she wasn’t eating her vanilla ice cream for a whole week. Can you believe that?”
“That’s a record.”
“I know.” He leans back on his palms and stares up at the sky. “I can’t believe I’m giving you my daughter, motherfucker.”
“I’m better than the kids who wouldn’t know how to appreciate her.”
“That’s true… Still, fuck. Thinking about you with her makes me all ragey.”
“It’ll get better with time.”
“Fuck you. I swear to fuck, Nate, I’m going to kill you if you hurt my little girl. I mean it.”
“Thanks.”
His head tilts to the side and he narrows his eyes. “I’m threatening to kill you and you’re thanking me?”
“I’m thanking you because you put her before you. You’re selfish as fuck, but not with her.”
“It was either that or lose her. And go fuck yourself, dick. I’m not selfish. You are.”
“I might have been once, but I’m not selfish when it comes to her. Even when I was an asshole, all I ever wanted was to protect her.”
“Yeah, no. We’re not going to have a heart-to-heart talk and paint each other’s toenails.”
I laugh and it’s the first real laugh I’ve had with him in a long time. “Instead of painting toenails, how about an actual match, not one-sided like the other time.”
“Prepare to be defeated.”
“I’m not holding back just because things have changed.”
“I’ll still kick your ass.”
“Like fuck you will.”
“Hey, is that any way to speak to me now that you’re my son-in-law?”
“It’s the only way to speak to a dick.”
He smiles a little and I smile back. We remain like that for a few minutes, watching the sky and listening to the birds.
It’s our modus operandi. Silence means more than words. He might be loud and a general asshole, but King also knows how to use and appreciate silence.
Despite his sharp words, he’s giving me a chance. And while he means it about killing me if I hurt Gwyneth, I can tell he’s also slightly relieved.
He’ll probably never tell me this, but deep down, he’s glad it’s me. King never thought anyone would be good enough for the daughter he sacrificed his youth for.
“Keep the shares, Nate. I was only testing you with them.” He flips his lighter closed. “I have one condition, though.”
“What?”
“You’ll make something up and have the board remove Aspen from W&S. If I do it, Gwen will hate me.”
“And you think she won’t hate me? Also, there will be no removing Aspen. She’s a senior partner and the best we have. Stop thinking with your dick.”
“I’m not thinking with my dick.”
“Yes, you are. I’ve been with you for over two decades and I know how obsessed you were with finding Gwyneth’s mother. Sure, you didn’t want her to be Aspen, but she is and you need to accept that.”
“Fuck no.”
I shake my head but don’t say anything.
King and Aspen aren’t my main focus. All I can think about is getting Gwyneth back.
She must be so angry at me.
