It’s been years since I was in this position.
No, over a decade.
It’s crazy how much the passage of time can change someone’s perspective about everything.
Eleven years ago, I would’ve melted if Daniel had so much as looked at me. If he’d touched me, I would’ve flown to euphoria land in no time.
Because of him, I was mentally and physically sick numerous times. Because of him, I hid in toilets and cried where no one could see the proud Nicole being weak.
And because of him, my life took a sharp dive for the worst.
But that’s been long over.
That’s in the past.
It’s strange how years and events can change a person. How our perspectives can flip one hundred eighty degrees as if it exists in a parallel universe.
I wish that were the case. I wish I’d first met him now and he was just my boss. Maybe then, he wouldn’t be such a jerk.
Maybe then, I wouldn’t be thinking about the way his fingers are wrapped around my elbow or how they burn through my shirt and reach the skin.
He’s always grabbed me by the elbow, almost as if he doesn’t want to touch any other part of me.
But that doesn’t lessen the impact of the gesture or how that small nook of my body is nearing the point of self-destruction.
I dare to slowly lift my gaze and search his in an attempt to wrap my chaotic mind around this.
But the moment my eyes clash with his, I wish I hadn’t looked at him.
I even wish I’d never met him again. I wish our ill-fated connection had died the day he metaphorically killed me eleven years ago.
Because the way he’s watching me?
It’s nothing short of domineering. His square jaw is set and his nostrils are flaring and those eyes that I once found solace in? They’re now judging me, worse than a criminal who’s being prosecuted in court.
Just like everyone else did back then.
Daniel is no different than them. If anything, he should be offered the leadership of my anti-fan club.
Yes, he’s a man now, but he’s still the boy who punched my heart and stomped all over it as if my feelings meant nothing.
He’s still the boy who gave me malevolent butterflies and caused my heart to be dangerously wild by merely existing.
He’s still the one person I can’t forget, no matter how much I attempt to.
“Can you please let me go?” I don’t know how the hell I sound calm when a wildfire is erupting inside me.
“Why?” His voice drops to an almost sinister edge. “Are you uncomfortable?”
“Yes. Surely you know this is sexual harassment.”
Daniel lowers his head so he can speak near my ear in a whisper-like range. “You of all people shouldn’t be talking about sexual harassment when you put a date rape drug in my drink.”
I go still, cold sweat breaking down my back and across my forehead.
This is the first time he’s shown an inkling of recognizing me. Ever since yesterday, I’d started to question myself and think that maybe he’d truly erased me from his life.
I thought that maybe I’d become invisible again and that I was only existing as a punching bag he could take his jerk attitude out on.
But no.
He remembers.
No clue why that fills me with equal parts dread and relief.
But that doesn’t matter right now, because his words echo inside me like a hungry beast.
“Is that what you think? That I put a date rape drug in your drink?”
“It’s a fact, not a mere thought. That night, you put a drug in a drink and I happened to take it, but you didn’t stop me.”
“You didn’t give me the chance to. Besides, that was ecstasy, which has the purpose of making someone feel good. It’s not a date rape drug, and I took one myself.”
I have no idea why I’m explaining this to him. I shouldn’t. I wouldn’t usually, because it’s useless. Daniel takes everyone’s word as fact except for mine.
I get it, he labeled me a liar, manipulator, and backstabber when we were kids, but it doesn’t hurt any less to know that whatever I have to say holds no value to him.
He tightens his hold on my elbow until it turns painful. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why did you take the drug? Was it so you and Christopher could have a good time? Did I happen to ruin your fucking plan, Nicole?”
A full-body shudder overtakes me, partly because of the way he said my name when it’s only been an impersonal Ms. Adler up until now. But mostly, it’s due to the fact that I’m going through a shock reaction.
I recognize it, even though it’s simmering in the dark corners I spent years burying and hiding from everyone’s reach.
So how come one insinuation from Daniel, one sentence, and the feeling is banging on the surface, trying to claw it open?
The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end and my breathing sharpens, moving in sync with the flutters in my stomach.
All I can smell is weed, strong and potent, and it’s mixed with cigarettes and the stench of musk.
I’m going to throw up.
Shit. Shit.
“Let me go,” I whisper.
“Did I hit a nerve?”
“Please.” I stare up at him at the same time that a tear slides down my cheek. “I know you hate me, and I’m fine with that. I’m fine with the way you treat me as if I’m a rock in your shoe. I’m fine with calling you sir and stomping on the last bit of my dignity to be your assistant, but I beg you, stop touching me.”
Any decent human being would do that. Any normal person would at least pause at the sight of tears that came out of nowhere, in spite of my attempts to never show them.
Daniel isn’t decent, though. Far from it.
Not only does he grip my elbow harder, but he also reaches a hand to my face.
I’m disoriented by the time his thumb wipes beneath my eye. Then he rubs them, his thumb and my tears, against his forefinger. But it’s not the gesture that makes me pause. It’s the fascination in his gaze, the way he looks like a researcher who just made a discovery.
It’s so rare to see Daniel enamored by anything. He’s always treated life as either a game or a chore—never a subject to be absorbed in. Never something to be fascinated with.
But he is now, as he crushes my tears between his fingers with both care and sadism.
“So you do cry.”
Before I can react to his words, he grabs me by my nape, the pads of his fingers closing in on the sides. It’s like a chokehold, but backward, and it’s so familiar that I can’t suck in air into my lungs.
Keeping me immobile, he leans down so his face is mere inches away from mine.
His eyes appear like a bottomless ocean in the middle of a night storm.
Dark.
Dangerous.
Deadly.
“Why the fuck do you think you can cry? Do you feel wronged? Victimized? Or maybe you still need sacrifices at your bitchy altar for old time’s sake. No matter what’s the case, know this, Nicole, I’m going to personally make your life a bloody hell. I’ll destroy everything you build and ruin any goals you’re aiming for. I’ll smash you to pieces and ensure you don’t have the ability to pick them up or mend them together. I’ll make you wish you’d never fucking showed up in front of me.” He releases me with a jerk. “Now get out of my fucking sight. I don’t want to see your face unless it’s absolutely necessary.”
My feet falter with the force of his shove and my heart spills on the floor metaphorically covered with dark splotches of blood.
But instead of hiding and crying like when I was young, I force myself to hold my head high. “Do you think you hate me more than I hate you? Do you think I’d ever choose to see your face, let alone work for an egotistical prick with narcissistic tendencies? Do you think I would ever put myself at your mercy—or the lack thereof if I had the choice? I’m only doing this to keep a roof over my family’s head. So you can show me your worst, but you won’t be able to break me or force me to quit, sir.”
He raises a perfectly thick brow. “Is that a challenge?”
“It’s merely information.”
“I can still fire you, Ms. Adler, so you best remember that the next time you choose to run your mouth or criticize me when you have no right to.”
I’m about to argue, but he cuts me off by snapping his fingers. “You’re still talking when you should have been out of my fucking sight a minute ago.”
I glare at him, but I stop myself from saying anything because I know it will just come out wrong.
And I might get myself fired.
As a compromise, I close the door not so gently on my way out.
I head to the cafeteria to have lunch. This is the only time I’m able to escape the twat’s orbit.
In the lift, two secretaries join me, but they ignore my existence as they chat among themselves.
Once upon a time, that would’ve bothered me, mainly because it meant I wasn’t doing a good job being noticeable, but that’s not the case anymore. I came to appreciate the lack of social interactions and being in the background.
It’s where predators can’t find you or hurt you.
I get my phone out to double-check what I should do for my jerk of a boss after lunch, but I can’t help focusing on the conversation the two women are having.
“Did Knox decide on his next pro bono case?” The secretary wearing gold-framed glasses asks her much shorter, black-haired friend.
“Not yet. He has a lot of options because of his recent win. How about Aspen?”
“She’s still deciding. You know how picky she is about which people she’ll represent. Besides, since Kingsley came back, he’s been interfering in her cases and making everything difficult.”
“Really?”
“Really. I feel sorry for her. It doesn’t matter that she’s the only senior female partner in the firm or that she’s close friends with Nathaniel. Kingsley is making her his target, and apparently, nothing will be able to stop him.”
“That’s so petty. Just because he owns the firm with Nathaniel doesn’t mean he gets to treat people like dirt.”
“Well, he is known to have a ruthless reputation, but the way he’s making an enemy out of Aspen is weird.”
“You never know what happens behind closed doors, girl.”
“True.” The secretary pushes her gold-framed glasses up her nose. “Anyway, because of the whole Kingsley drama, Aspen’s workload has doubled, so she’ll probably only offer pro bono legal advice, not representation.”
“Makes sense…” the other woman’s voice drifts off when they both get out of the lift.
It isn’t until the doors close that I realize I should’ve gotten out on this floor as well to have lunch.
The conversation I just overheard was more important than eating.
So instead of pushing the button to open the doors, I punch the highest floor number that’s dedicated to management and senior partners.
The lift asks for my access card and I swipe it.
Since I’m the assistant of one of the partners, I have limited access to the managing partners’ floor. I can get up during business hours and only onto the floor, not into the rooms.
Once the lift dings open, I’m thinking about the best way to approach Aspen or ask her for advice.
But my thoughts come to a halt the moment I step out of the lift. Not far from it, Aspen Leblanc and Kingsley Shaw are fighting.
And I mean full-blown fighting with loud voices that echo through the entire hall.
I saw their pictures on the virtual tour HR offered me, but they didn’t do them justice. Kingsley appears taller and more imposing in real life.
He’s what I call the epitome of American beauty. He has a masculine face, a proud chin, and a muscled body that only adds to his intimidation factor.
This man, who’s only in his late thirties, started Weaver & Shaw with his best friend, Nathaniel, and it’s known for its tremendous growth, not only nationally, but also internationally.
The New York branch is the biggest and the most important since the two founding partners use it as a home base.
Although Nathaniel Weaver is the managing partner, Kingsley still has equal power. So meeting him for the first time while he’s having a fight is awkward to say the least.
“I told you to stop meddling!” Aspen is facing him. She’s about my height but she couldn’t be more different looks-wise. Her shiny red hair falls to her shoulders and she has high cheekbones that could cut stones.
Kingsley slips a hand in his trouser pocket, appearing as laid-back as a monk when his eyes tell a completely different story. “And when did I meddle?”
“Meeting my opposing counsel for dinner is the definition of meddling. In fact, it’s treason.”
“Treason? What do you think this is? Some medieval war?”
“Might as well be, considering your barbaric methods.”
“Funny coming from a damn witch. You realize your kind were burned at the stake, right?”
“I’m so over your mind games, Kingsley. And I’m warning you to stay away from my work.”
“Sorry to burst the delusional bubble, but I don’t have time to waste on you, sweetheart. The counselor and I studied together, so I was just meeting an old friend.”
“Old friend, my ass. I’m telling you, asshole, if you don’t stop getting into my business, I’m taking you to the board.”
He laughs, but it’s malicious. And when it dies out, he looks like a demon, complete with metaphorical horns peeking from his head. “You can try, witch. I’m curious to see how far you’ll go.”
Okay, I really shouldn’t be here.
Just when I think about the best way to get back in the lift, Kingsley’s attention slides to me. Harsh and unforgiving. “And what do you want?”
I swallow. “I…came here to talk to Ms. Leblanc if that’s possible.”
“It is not. Disappear.”
She jams a finger at his shoulder. “Who the fuck are you to tell me who I should and shouldn’t talk to?”
“We’re not done yet.”
“Well, I am. So how about you disappear?” She switches her attention to me and I expect it to be as harsh as his, but it’s calm, neutral almost. “Follow me.”
I can tell Kingsley is displeased by the turn of events, but I choose to follow Aspen down the hall anyway.
This isn’t a chance I’m going to miss.
Once we’re inside her spacious office, Aspen pours two coffees from the machine, then sits on the dark red leather sofa and motions at me to do the same. “What did you want to talk to me about?”
“I…it’s…”
“I don’t have much time, so if you have a point, please make it so I can go to meet a client.”
“I heard from the other assistants that you’re offering legal advice.”
“Why would you come to me for that? Don’t you work for Daniel?”
How the hell does she even know that? I only started yesterday and Kingsley definitely looked as if he had no clue who I am.
“And if you’re wondering how I know, I make it my business to vet every employee who comes into the firm, no matter how small of a role they play. Now, tell me. Why didn’t you ask Daniel for legal advice?”
“We…don’t get along.”
“I’m still not convinced.”
“We go back and he hates me, so he definitely won’t help me.”
“I see. The fact that he insisted that you work for him makes sense.”
My head jerks up. “W-what? He insisted I work for him?”
“He put his foot to the ground like a child whose toy was taken.”
The information sinks in like acid at the bottom of my stomach. He really meant to torment me from the beginning. I must’ve looked like a clown the first time I stepped into his office.
Aspen crosses her legs with the elegance of a model and the confidence of a queen. “So what do you need the legal advice for?”
“It’s…for custody.”
“Go on.”
“The court mailed me from England because the child’s father is suing for custody when he never even wanted him. I…don’t even have the means to fly to England or leave Jayden alone. And if I do leave him with someone, wouldn’t that be considered neglect? If I don’t show up, can I lose custody?”
She’s not fazed by my word vomit, merely listening with staggering professionalism.
“Slow down and tell me the story from the beginning. I’m not licensed to give legal advice about law in England, but my friends from the London branch will be able to help.”
“You would help me?”
“Isn’t that why you came to me?”
“I did…I just never thought you’d agree to this so easily.”
A distant look crosses her eyes. “I know the feeling of losing a child, and I’ll do my best to keep you from going through the same experience.”
My heart warms. It’s the first time a stranger has ever given me unconditional kindness and I don’t know why that makes me want to cry.
I wish I had the courage to tell her how the whole clusterfuck with Jay’s father started and see if it could help me.
That bastard has taken so much from me, to the point that I have nothing left.
He’s almost worse than Daniel.
Almost.
