It’s been three days since I came back to Papa’s house and it feels like two months.
Maybe two years.
Being in the unknown about Babushka’s and my fate is slowly killing me. Rai promised that she won’t let anyone hurt her, but even she has no say whatsoever when Papa decides how things will go.
I have no access to my phone, which I predicted, and I threw away the one I used as Jane, so no one can retrieve it. Also, since Papa found out that the way I got all those funds was through hacking, he had Vladimir confiscate my laptop as well.
So I’m sort of cut off from the world, but I’ve figured out a way to follow Sandra’s case, and it’s through the most traditional way possible. TV.
I don’t want to watch it in the main hall since anyone can walk in, so I sneak into the staff’s quarters.
Distinct chatter in Russian reaches me from the kitchen, where many guards sit down for snacks or meals.
I slip into the adjoining room and leave the door ajar so I can continue listening to the rumble of their voices. The moment they stop talking, I’ll know I have to leave. The last thing I want is for them to report my sneaking around to Vladimir. Or worse, Papa.
He’d really lock me up in my room this time.
I turn on the TV and scroll to the local news channel, keeping the sound as low as possible.
My heart pounds when images of the Bell case fill the screen. Sandra is mobbed by reporters, but Knox singlehandedly pushes them off her and tells them his client has no statements to make.
This was during yesterday’s hearing. The reporter says that they’re being backed into a corner and the testimony of an important witness from Switzerland is very likely to be rejected. That leaves Sandra’s side with fewer options and their mission is starting to look impossible.
My feet tremble and it takes all my strength to remain standing. I know, I just know that the Bratva has something to do with it.
It doesn’t matter that I left, Kirill and especially Adrian won’t stop until they get what they want.
I press Pause on the picture frame that shows Knox grabbing Sandra’s elbow while he and Lauren guide her away from the crowd.
It’s a bit blurry, but I can see every line of his face and the cut of his jaw. I can even see the frown in his forehead and that perturbed look in his eyes. My shaky fingers reach out to the screen and I run them over his face, lingering on his cheek and mouth.
God, I miss him.
I miss him like I’ve never missed anyone before, and the knowledge that this ache will never disappear splinters the bones in my ribcage and digs them into my heart.
As I look closer at him, I notice something is wrong. I don’t know if it’s how dark his eyes are or how stiff he appears, but it’s there and I can’t look away from it.
The need to find out what’s wrong and make it better overwhelms me. But what can I do when I’m under house arrest?
“So this is the reason you returned.”
My body goes rigid at that familiar voice. The chatter of the guards from the next room is still ongoing, so I thought I was safe.
But I can never be safe from Adrian. I slowly turn to face him and he’s leaning against the wall, watching me and the TV screen as if he’s been here for a while. Maybe ever since I first got here.
I didn’t sense him. I couldn’t have even if I’d tried, because he moves quietly and takes action just as secretly.
But apparently, I’ve lost all semblance of fear, because I stride toward him. “Are you the one behind this?”
“Behind what?”
“Making him lose.”
“So what if I am? In fact, last time I checked, you should’ve been our spy at Weaver & Shaw. Instead, you decided to come back without informing me. Isn’t that very bold of you?”
“I will not let you use me against him. Never.”
“Does that mean you wouldn’t care if the rest of the brotherhood found out what you did?”
“I don’t care. Papa is already punishing me, so if there’s another one I have to take, I will. Yes, I stole from V Corp, but only so I could protect my babushka. She raised me and gave me the affection no one else did, so I wasn’t going to abandon her at her old age.”
Something flickers in his eyes—a brightness, a recognition, or maybe it’s an understanding. Now that I think about it, Vladimir once told me that Adrian had a better relationship with his stepmother than his birth mother when he was young.
So he must know what it feels like to have that sort of a bond with someone not related to you by blood. Instead of taking the aggressive route, I force my body to relax. “Adrian…please don’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“Let a sexual predator get away with his crimes. Even if Matt is of business value, he still committed a crime that he needs to be punished for.”
“It’s not proven yet.”
“It can and will be. All I’m asking is for you to stop interfering and you’ll see justice take its course.”
“You still believe in that empty concept?”
“It’s not empty.”
“Yes, it is. You’re a hopeless dreamer, Anastasia, and I have a piece of advice for you. Crush those vain dreams or they’ll eventually crush you. There’s no room for them in this world.”
“You don’t believe that, or you wouldn’t have married Lia.”
A muscle works in his jaw at the mention of his wife, but I don’t stop. “She is a dreamer, too, right? And you liked that about her, or you wouldn’t have gone against everyone and chosen her.”
“Stop,” he grinds out. “Bringing my wife into the conversation won’t give you any extra points. If anything, it’ll deduct them.”
“Fine. Take it as if I’m begging you and stop meddling, Adrian. Please.”
“Let’s say I agree to that. Do you think your father will let this slide? He doesn’t believe in justice any more than I do.”
“Yes, he does. He killed my stepfather because he killed my mother.”
“That was not justice. It was cold-blooded revenge.” He pauses. “But here’s the thing, if you convince Sergei to cut off Matt, I’ll back off.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I can also forget about the whole mess you made by stealing from V Corp if you do another thing for me.”
My throat is suddenly dry, but I ask anyway, “What type of thing?”
“I don’t have anything in mind right now, but if I need your hacking services in the future, you’ll provide them. No questions asked.”
That can range from a mild operation to something absolutely dangerous, but I don’t care. At least Adrian would be by my side, and he’s one of the best allies I could ever have. He might as well be the deadliest around here and I have to be smart about siding with him.
“Deal.” I offer my hand.
He shakes it with a slight twitch to his lips. “Good luck convincing Sergei.”
“I thought you don’t believe in luck.”
“I don’t, but if there’s such a thing, you’ll need lots of it.”
He’s right, I will.
But instead of only feeling intimidation, a sense of determination washes over me.
I might not be Jane anymore, but I’m not the weak Anastasia who bowed her head and went with the flow either.
This time, I’ll make a change.
Deciding something and actually doing it are completely different.
I spend the whole day pacing and avoiding confrontation with Papa.
So I’m basically hiding in order to come up with a plan. Rai is working, so I can’t even ask her for backup.
Vladimir is a little mad at me for disappearing, not that I blame him. But even if he weren’t, he’s too loyal to Papa to take anyone else’s or my side over his.
While I’m thinking about the best way to broach the subject, a knock sounds on my door, startling me. I’m surprised to find Papa’s senior guard standing there like an impenetrable wall.
“Do you need something?” I ask in Russian since that’s the only language allowed in this house.
“The Pakhan is asking for you.”
The nerves I thought I had under control bulldoze to the surface. I wipe my clammy hands on my floral dress and follow the guard down the hall.
Why is he asking for me when he treated me as if I were invisible over the last three days? He even refused to have meals with me, and I pretended that it didn’t split me open.
Rai told me he’d eventually come around, but I didn’t think he’d do it this fast.
The guard opens the door to Dad’s office and steps aside to let me in.
It’s vast and has tall bookshelves that extend from the floor to the ceiling. I’ve always been apprehensive about this place. It’s only ever been meant for business, and for ruining people’s lives.
My movements are careful as I walk in, my hands sweatier than they were earlier. Before I can wipe them on my dress, however, I’m caught off guard by the man sitting across from Papa.
His dark hair is mussed, as if he couldn’t have cared less about brushing it when he rolled out of bed this morning. Not only that, but the first few buttons of his white shirt are also undone. I don’t remember the last time he’s ever worn a complete suit or a jacket.
He’s rugged that way, an absolute rebel, and extremely volatile.
Damien Orlov.
One of the four kings who reign over the Bratva, the youngest of them all, and the most violent.
No kidding. I’ve heard horror stories about him dislodging a man’s head from his shoulders with his bare hands. I also witnessed him going on a killing spree at Rai’s wedding as if he were on a “who kills more” competition.
Those with violent tendencies and a potent bloodlust like him are a wild card. It’s why Vladimir and Rai monitor him so he doesn’t spiral out of control.
Papa has always been wary of his potential, despite what he does for the Bratva. Everyone in and outside of the organization calls him a dark horse and it’s not empty words.
Finding him alone with Papa is a surprise, to say the least. He’s usually either bickering with Kirill or flirting with Rai—attempting to, anyway, because she only has eyes for her husband.
Stopping near the entrance, I say, “You asked for me, Papa?”
At my words, Damien faces me with a frown. “Why did no one tell me you were back? I thought you preferred Russia and the fucking cold over New York. Is that not the case anymore, Nastyusha?”
I swallow, clearing my throat. Only those close to me call me by the Russian endearment version of my name. Namely Babushka, Rai, and Papa—when he wasn’t mad at me. Even Vladimir has never used it.
But Damien informed me once that he’ll call me what Rai does and I’ll have to deal with it.
“She returned to where she belongs.” It’s my father who answers him before he tips his head to the chair that’s across from Damien.
I approach them carefully, then sit down, wondering why he has both of us here when that’s never happened before.
“That’s good and all, but why did you ask for me first thing in the morning, Pakhan? I kind of need my beauty sleep after killing five motherfuckers last night…or were there ten? I lost count with all the screams and begging.”
“It’s almost afternoon, not morning,” Papa says.
“So what? It’s been a while since you’ve been in the field, but let me tell you, it takes some time to recharge before the next killing spree, Pakhan. So do me a tiny favor and make it quick.”
I stare at Papa, but he doesn’t appear angry. Damien is probably the only one who gets away with being insolent to everyone, his own Pakhan included.
Okay, everyone but Kirill. They’re always at each other’s throats.
“I just need you to agree to something and then you can go back to sleep, Orlov.”
“Consider it done,” Damien says with finality.
“Good. Then you’ll marry my daughter in a month’s time.”
A shudder goes through me and my heart shrinks in my ribcage.
I’ve always known that Papa wanted to marry me off within the Bratva. Rai took the fall for me once and got married to her ex-nemesis, but she couldn’t do that every time. Sooner or later, Papa would married me off to the one he found most suitable, which is part of the reason why I left.
I just didn’t want to be in this life forever, caught in the middle of violence and shootouts and betrayals.
But as I stare at Papa, I know my fate is sealed, because he’s already made a decision about this marriage and I have no say in it.
Unlike me, however, Damien isn’t fazed. If anything, he appears bored. “What’s with everyone matchmaking me? I’m not husband material last I checked… Or am I?”
“Just do it.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?” Papa asks.
“Because Rai matchmade me with some Yakuza princess and I might have given her father my word to go along with it. Now, I’d drank too much vodka at the time, so I don’t really remember the details, but Abe’s already acting as if I’m his son-in-law.”
“I never agreed to that marriage, so consider the agreement null and void. You’ll marry a Russian.”
“Fine, but you’ll get Abe off my back. He’s a bit clingy, so good luck with that.”
“Leave it to me. I’ll take care of it.”
“Wait a minute.” Damien faces me, his expression turning serious. “I have a very important question to ask first. Do you drink vodka?”
“A little.”
“Better than nothing. Now, if you don’t need me, I’m out of here. And, Pakhan, do us both a favor and only call for me in the evenings from now on.” He starts to leave, then leans in to whisper so only I can hear, “I’ll give you a chance to ruin this marriage before I ruin you, Nastyusha.”
Then he stands to his full height and gives me a sadistic smile before he stalks out the door as lazily as a giant black cat.
“Start preparing for the wedding,” Papa says as soon as the door closes behind Damien.
“Papa, please. I know you’re mad at me and that I did something unforgivable, but you don’t have to do this.”
“On the contrary, I should’ve done this a long time ago. If I had, you wouldn’t have had the chance to be a thief and a backstabber.”
“I didn’t backstab you, Papa. I was only looking out for the woman who took care of me when you weren’t there, when you didn’t even know I existed and I had to hide from my stepdad so he wouldn’t hit me with a belt.”
“So you’re blaming me now? Am I at fault for taking you away from that life? For offering you a better one?”
“It’s not better, Papa. I can’t…I can’t live in the midst of danger all the time. I can’t stay on my toes and avoid the outside world because I could be attacked at any second. I might survive the first time or the second, but what about the rest of my life? What about when you’re gone and I become an even bigger target?”
“You’ll be no target if you marry Damien. Everyone is too scared of him to even think about attacking him.”
“I don’t want to, Papa. Please.”
“Then what do you want? A certain lawyer who’s currently going against us in court?”
My lips part. “How…how do you know about him?”
“Adrian told me everything.”
Of course, Adrian would be playing both sides. I was foolish to believe he wouldn’t.
“I also heard you want him to win.” His expression becomes closed off. “Against us.”
“He’s defending a physical and sexual abuse victim, Papa, just like my mother was. If she ever meant anything to you, if I mean anything to you, please stop interfering. You killed an abuser once. Don’t let this one walk free.”
“So you want me to think you’re doing this for the girl, not a certain…” he trails off, staring at a file in front of him. “Knox Van Doren.”
Something slashes my insides at the thought that Papa already has a file on him. Was it Adrian again? Or maybe Kirill?
“He has nothing to do with this,” I murmur.
“He better not or he’ll be collateral damage.”
“Papa, don’t…please.”
“He’s not what you think, Nastyusha.”
“What do you mean?”
“This case is personal to him.”
“How could it be personal? He doesn’t know either Sandra or Matt.”
“No, but he’s well-acquainted with Sandra’s circumstances since he went through something similar himself. My people went to a lot of trouble to get me this information since his foster father practically buried it, but he couldn’t have hidden it from me.”
“What are you talking about, Papa?” I realize I’m shaking, my fingers clasped together and sweat gathering between my brows. “What information are you talking about?”
“His mother was a prostitute and a drug addict.”
“He already told me that.”
“Did he also tell you that when her body no longer had any value, she prostituted her two children to pedophiles?”
I gasp, my hands going to cover my mouth. The information Papa just revealed ever so casually crashes against my ribcage and splits it open.
Despite my attempts to reject it, to tell him it’s not true, many pieces of the puzzle fall into place. Like how Knox doesn’t like to have sex from the front, Teal’s overprotectiveness, and especially his stiffness ever since he met Sandra.
I thought it was him being an asshole, but it must’ve been because she triggered him somehow. Because her story brought back awful memories from his own past.
Oh, God. I was clueless.
So damn clueless.
“He’s not for you, Anastasia.”
My mouth falls open as I stare my father square in the eye. “And the man who kills a village for dinner is? What type of logic is that, Papa?”
“Damien will protect you.”
“He won’t care about me enough to protect me. Down the line, he might become no different than my stepdad. The man whose file you have in front of you, however, does. Even when I lied to him and hid my identity, all he did was take care of me.”
“An outsider is out of the question.”
“Rai married Kyle and he’s British.”
“Kyle might have been raised in England, but he’s not an outsider. His father is one of our leaders.”
“But…”
“My decision is final. Don’t make me get rid of him.”
“Papa!”
“Do as you’re told, Anastasia. Marry Damien and cut any relations with this lawyer and I’ll spare him. I’ll even stop backing Matt.”
A tear slides down my cheek because the decision I’ll have to make will burn me alive.
