I dreamt that night.
Rafiq looked up at me from a table. He was shaking from fear. His face was bruised and bloody. He spoke calmly.
“Me for the girl?”
A ripple of love was fast on the heels of my shame. The feeling was quickly overrun by an old anger, a rage that had kept me alive when death had been a far better option.
“No. Not just for the girl. You… made me love you. You betrayed me.”
Rafiq laughed, loud and rich, before his laughter devolved into gurgling coughs.
“Betrayal again. It’s always betrayal with you, Khoya.” His words sounded in my mind as though he were flesh and blood again. “You lie, boy. I didn’t make you love me. One cannot force love. What you gave, I earned.”
I held a knife in my hand; I knew I did. However, as is the nature of dreams, it disappeared once I tried to plunge it into his thigh. I had so much anger, so much rage, and nowhere to put it. Rafiq found it more than amusing and it only fueled my hatred.
“I gave you all you earned when I put a bullet in your heart!”
Rafiq coughed up blood as he laughed.
“You are the man I raised.” Slowly, his laughter subsided and he looked on me fondly. “I know you washed my body. I know you buried me in accordance with the law. I know you wept for me.”
His words wounded me despite knowing there was no way for him to know I did those things. Worse, it hurt knowing they were true.
“Why won’t you die?” I asked with venom. Rafiq smiled wickedly.
“You can’t kill me, Khoya. Not again. I’m all you know. I am your mother. I am your father. I am your brother. I am your friend. I’ll always be here. You’ll never be rid of me.”
As much as I loathed it, I was free to weep in my dreams and I did.
“How could you have done all those things to me? You stole my childhood. You stole my destiny.”
Rafiq, suddenly unfettered, rolled onto his side and sat up. The bruises on his face had healed and clothing had magically appeared on his body.
“That’s not what’s bothering you, Caleb. I betrayed you, yes, but that’s not why you killed me, is it?” I couldn’t look at him while I processed my shame. “You would have killed me anyway. You would have killed me because it’s the only way I would have let the girl go. You would have betrayed me, Khoya. We are not so different, and that’s what eats at you.” He raised a hand and ruffled my hair as he used to when I was young. My chest ached.
I pushed him with all my strength, knocking him backward over the table and onto the floor. I leapt into the air and landed on top of him. I punched him. Repeatedly. My fists felt ineffectual; I couldn’t get the force I required to beat him to death. Switching tactics, I held his neck in my hands and tried to squeeze the life out of him.
Rafiq’s maniacal gaze fell on me.
“I am a god here! You’ve made it so.”
“Just fucking die! Die! Die! I hate you! I wish you were alive so I could kill you all over again!” I dug my fingers into his eyes, growing hard as blood oozed onto my fingers. Rafiq tried to fight me this time. His hands pushed against me, his legs flailed, and his body twisted as he tried to buck me off. “I can kill you, Rafiq. You’re not a god. I feel nothing for you.”
Rafiq’s body went still under me.
“Master?” I heard a voice behind me. I turned and saw Livvie. She was wearing a white robe that reached the floor. Her hair was loose and unruly. She wore a slave collar at her throat. A wave of overwhelming guilt slammed into me.
“Livvie? Don’t look!” I turned my head toward Rafiq. His body had disappeared. Only a large bloody stain remained. My hands were covered in blood and gore. I wiped my hands on my thighs, but the blood wouldn’t come clean. “Don’t look,” I said and I was sobbing again. “Don’t look.”
Livvie’s footsteps approached and I could actually feel the weight of her arms wrapping around my shoulders. Her warmth descended on my back.
“It’s okay, Master. I know why you do it. You can’t help who you are.” I hunched over and her weight followed me.
“Don’t look.”
There are moments that define our lives. At the time, most of mine were comprised of people I had murdered or enslaved. I’d done something about the slaves. I couldn’t take back the murders. I didn’t want to. However, my subconscious was not appeased by my belief in justifiable murder. I enjoyed it a little too much, my subconscious admonished. I was a little too “well-adjusted” for someone inured to such treachery.
I woke to find Livvie’s body wrapped around me. Her chest was pressed to my back and her arm lay covetously against my chest. Her warm breath skated against my neck. I smiled to myself. So far, each moment with her seemed to be better than the last.
Panic lingered in my chest, but I had grown accustomed to the nightmares. I am nothing if not adaptable. What I found more frightening than the dream was the voice in my head telling me I’d never let Livvie go. Mine. Mine forever.
If you’re sighing with contentment, you’re either one sick fuck or you don’t grasp the seriousness of the situation. While I no longer kill, I am a killer. A killer in love is a very dangerous thing.
I laughed softly because Livvie was spooning me.
“Mmm,” she sighed. Her fingers caressed my chest. She pressed closer, her lips finding my neck and leaving a sleepy kiss. I reached for her arm and stroked it with my fingers.
“Are you awake?” I whispered. There was no way I was going to be able to go back to sleep. My dick was hard and Livvie was much too soft.
“No,” she grumbled. I chuckled.
“If you’re not awake, I can’t have your pussy for breakfast.” She twitched behind me. Her foot stroked my leg.
“Never stopped you before.” She undulated against me.
“Oh?” I held her arm and rolled over. Her breasts felt hot against my naked chest. It went nicely with the silky feel of her thighs as I slid my cock against them. “Do you mind if I help myself then?” She bit her lip and tried not to smile. She was more than awake but determined to feign sleep. Her lipstick had faded, but red stain remained. Aside from the disorderly mess of her long hair, she looked every bit the goddess of the night before.
“Mmnmyeah,” she muttered.
“You’re fooling no one,” I whispered against her neck. She didn’t respond.
I pushed my own hair from my face. Livvie had been playing with it before we fell asleep and I hadn’t bothered to tie it back up. It was annoying, but I traveled with a Swiss passport and it helped me look the part. I often traveled with a snowboard, though I had no idea how to use it.
I buried my face in her neck and inhaled. Her head fell to the other side, exposing her throat to me in clear invitation. Beneath me, her legs drifted open. The head of my cock missed the silk of her thighs but compromised by rubbing against the sheets. I’d get back to her heat soon—no rush. I took my time kissing the long line of Livvie’s throat. She moaned and undulated against me. Her feet found the backs of my knees and rubbed.
“That feels good,” she sighed.
“Shh, you’re supposed to be asleep. I’m having my way with you.” I used my thumb to trace her nipple until it was a hard little pebble.
“Well, could you take advantage of me a little faster?” Her arms wrapped around me and pulled me closer. Her intention to get me to suck on her nipples was obvious, but I ignored it. I’d already made reservations at a different restaurant.
“Don’t make me gag you,” I threatened. There was a non-verbal response from her, a slight tensing perhaps, but I was too otherwise engaged to think on it. I kissed and sucked my way down her chest and briefly stopped to tease her nipples with the tip of my tongue. I kept my pressure light. I didn’t suck or lave. I wanted the air to do my teasing as I continued my way south.
Livvie’s hands found their way into my hair and she grabbed handfuls of it. It hurt. I decided I might have to cut it if she was going to use it as makeshift handlebars. Then again, I couldn’t blame her. I loved grabbing hold of her hair too. I decided payback would be more fun (and no one even had to die, which was a bonus).
Finally, I decided if she wanted me to pick up the pace, I would. I had waited too damn long already. I reached for her hands and disentangled her fingers from my hair.
“Let’s put these somewhere a little less dangerous,” I whispered against her taut belly. Holding one hand on either side of her hips, I pinned them there and shifted myself toward her pussy. I put my mouth on her without hesitation.
“Caleb!” she cried out. She pressed her feet into the mattress and pushed away from my mouth. I tugged her back down by her wrists and continued my assault on her clit.
I moaned against her. I loved the way she writhed on my face and I could already feel her getting slick. I traced her inner lips with my tongue. It wasn’t long before she was using my grip on her wrists and her feet in the mattress to leverage herself closer. She wanted me to put my tongue inside her… and I would, when I was good and fucking ready. In the meantime, I enjoyed the smell and taste of her. Some men don’t eat pussy. I think those men are pussies.
I sucked Livvie’s clit into my mouth and licked her hard. I was rewarded with pain as she dug her fingernails into my wrists. She’d been pretty feisty since our reunion. I’d been slapped, teased, threatened with pepper spray, had my hair pulled, and then I was pretty sure she’d drawn blood. I didn’t know what to make of it, but I decided I’d try fighting fire with fire. I squeezed her wrists until her fingers unfurled and she let out a whine.
I let her wrists go and sat back on my heels. Livvie’s legs were wide open, her chest heaved with arousal, and her wet pussy begged to be fucked. It also didn’t escape my notice that she hadn’t moved her hands. I think that might have turned me on more than anything else.
“Flip over. Lift that sexy ass in the air.” I swallowed past my arousal.
“Yes, Caleb.” She rolled onto her stomach and adopted a posture I recognized immediately. I’d taught it to her.
I felt like someone had stroked my cock and punched me in the chest in chorus. Was it wrong to enjoy the view? Did she think I hadn’t changed? Did she know I regretted ever forcing her to obey such commands? Why was I so damn turned on? Was I still the same man who got off on breaking her?
Not the time for ethical quandaries, asshole.
Shaking free of my thoughts, I placed one hand at the small of Livvie’s back and held my dick with the other. I lined up my cock with her slick opening and thrust halfway inside her. I pulled back and thrust again. I didn’t stop until my hips met her ass. Livvie cried out and fisted the sheets in her hands.
“God!”
I ran my hand up her spine, pressing her down. I jabbed her with my hips against her ass. They were short thrusts that had us both in a frenzy of lust. I leaned over and whispered in her ear.
“Do you like that?” She whimpered but didn’t reply. It incensed me. I was reminded of a cheetah that had just spotted a bolting rabbit. I wrapped one arm under Livvie and grabbed a handful of tit. So close to her face, I reveled in every little gasp, moan, sigh, and whimper as I slammed myself against her harder. “I asked you a question. Do you like it?”
She bit her lip and her eyes squeezed shut. She had to be enjoying herself because I could practically hear and feel how wet she was. She refused to answer me. It was starting to mess with my head. The night before, I’d told her I loved her and she hadn’t said a word. The pattern was disconcerting and I decided if she was trying to piss me off, it was working.
I lifted my weight off of her. I gripped her hips and slowed my rhythm. I looked down to watch myself sliding in and out of her. Indeed, she was sopping wet. Her shy little asshole beckoned. I smirked as I wondered if my next action would get her talking. I traced the puckered hole with my thumb. Her hips jerked, but then settled. I stepped it up a notch and let my thumb press its way inside her ass.
“What about that, Pet? Will that get you talking?”
“Mmm.”
“That’s it? That’s all I get?” I became less angry. She liked it. She wanted me. She wanted the things I was doing to her. But for reasons yet unbeknownst to me, she couldn’t come right out and say it. Or maybe she’s turned on pretending she doesn’t. I had to shake my head to make the thought go away. It was too much to think about right then. I pulled my thumb out and held on to Livvie’s hips. I went at her hard until I felt her shake and shudder around my dick. I came inside her again and collapsed on the bed next to her.
“God, I am starving! I want breakfast so bad,” Livvie murmured into the sheets. Her forehead was plastered with sweaty hair. I laughed.
“She speaks!” I pushed the hair off her forehead and she closed her eyes to enjoy my touch. What a strange pair we made.
“For a minute there I didn’t know if I wanted to come or bolt out for pancakes.” She smiled at me. “You certainly take it out of a girl.”
“Hmm, I put some back in, too.” I winked. “We have to check out of here in about fifteen minutes. We slept late.” I knew it wasn’t going to be a problem, but I still liked to give Livvie a hard time.
“Crap. That’s hardly any time to take a shower and I only have the clothes from last night.” She flipped over and huffed toward the ceiling. I rolled onto my side and propped up on my elbow.
“We could go to my flat. It’s close.”
“How close?”
I grinned. “Next door.”
Her eyes got huge.
“You dick!” she laughed. “I thought you had a house.”
“People say ‘come to my house’. It doesn’t mean they actually live in a house. I live in the hotel… but not in this room. You can’t blame me for being cunning. And… we can order room service.” I smiled broadly and waited for her reply.
Thank goodness for whatever hormones make women so agreeable after you’ve laid them right, because that’s all it took to get her to agree. Also… pancakes.
