Mia
It went well. He loved it.
I type into the chat box while sitting at the bar in the club. Garrett had some work to do, and I wasn’t quite ready to leave. So even though I told him I was catching an Uber and going home, I detoured to the bar instead. He doesn’t like it when I linger around the club long or go anywhere alone, but I am my own person, and he doesn’t own me.
So here I sit, sometime past two in the morning, texting a stranger on the internet who gave me a butt plug that I just wore while having sex with my stepbrother.
Can we say…what the fuck?
Did you like it? he asks.
Yes, I reply. It made everything feel even better.
Good.
I’m sipping on a glass of white wine while I ready myself to type this next part. Truth be told, I knew this was coming. These feelings for Garrett are real, and I see him slowly opening up to me. Even if he wants to deny it or claim that he doesn’t want a girlfriend, there’s something real between us. And I can’t ruin that by talking to someone else.
I have bad news, I say.
I’m listening.
We have to stop talking. Things with him are just getting good, and I don’t want to risk it.
What about your job? Are you still going to be a camgirl? he asks.
I don’t know, I reply.
Do you want to?
Honestly, yes. I loved it and sometimes, I miss it. Feeling sexy and strong and desired.
He doesn’t make you feel those things?
Hmm. Does he? Garrett puts my pleasure first, I can see that, but there’s something only I can give myself. And I don’t just mean pleasure…but power.
I don’t want to get that from him. Does that make sense?
Yes, it does.
Well, I think you’re sexy and strong and desired.
But you don’t think I should be a camgirl anymore, I reply, finishing his statement.
Of course I don’t. He probably doesn’t want you to either.
My mouth twists as I read the messages, an uneasy feeling settling in my gut. It’s like they both want to own a part of me but that doesn’t leave much of me to own for myself. I don’t want to feel like property, like I can’t do what I want.
On their terms, no less.
And Drake is right—Garrett would definitely not want me performing anymore.
“Can I buy you a drink?” a dark voice says from three seats away. Turning toward him, I pause, staring at the definition of a silver fox: broad, sharp features in an expensive-looking suit with a thick white beard and a smile that nearly knocks me off my barstool.
“Um…I—’
“Back off, Ronan. She’s with Garrett,” the cute bartender says to the man as he passes him gold liquor in a glass tumbler.
“Garrett?” the man replies as he rakes his eyes over my body, “I didn’t know Garrett had a girl.”
“He didn’t—doesn’t,” I stammer. “But yeah…we are sort of…”
He laughs, deep and sexy. I never considered myself into older men, but holy hell…that could change. “It’s okay. I get it. I’m not going to piss off one of the owners. Especially not Garrett.”
“Why do you say that? Especially not Garrett.”
He scoots onto one of the closer barstools as he leans toward me. He smells delicious, like rich cologne and aged bourbon.
“Because I like Garrett. He makes me laugh. Always smiling, making sure everyone is having a good time. I like that about him. He’s a businessman but also a people person. Not something we come across very often.”
I nod, taking the last sip of my wine. Geo is refilling it before I can even set it down. My last drink of the night before I have to either call a ride, for real this time, or drag Garrett out of here. Will we sleep at his apartment again? It’s become a habit lately. Something that makes me feel like this is more than sex.
“Does he treat you right?” Ronan asks.
I swallow. Does he? I think back to the conversation with Drake, and the reminder that they both want things for me that I’m not sure I want for myself. Does Garrett even know how to treat a girl right? He’s great in bed, and like he said earlier tonight, he doesn’t treat me like a thing to fuck or claim or just enjoy. I’m more than that to him.
But when it comes to commitment and relationships, I feel like I’m giving more than I’m getting.
“You’re thinking about that question far too long,” Ronan continues.
“I care about Garrett very much,” I reply. “And I know he cares about me too.”
He leans in with a crooked grin. “That didn’t answer my question.”
Pressing my lips together, I nod. “I know, but that’s all I’ve got right now.”
Heaving a long sigh, he lifts his glass to his lips and swallows it down in one long gulp. Then he drops the glass on the bar and turns toward me. “I’ve been married twice and in love more times than I can count, so here’s my advice for you.”
I straighten my spine and turn toward him.
“Love isn’t shit. It’s not worth a damn thing. But time, attention, priority…those things are real, and until a man gives you those, don’t give him the time of day, beautiful. Now, don’t tell Garrett I said that. Like I said…I like him. Hold him to it, though.”
I feel myself tensing, forcing down a gulp as his words hit hard.
“Thank you,” I reply softly.
He smiles as he rises from his barstool and waves to the bartender. Then his hand brushes my back as he leaves, and I’m left staring into the half-empty wine glass in my hands. Time, attention, priority. The three things I’ve always wanted from my stepbrother. For him to notice me. For him to care and let me into his life. I just want to matter enough to him.
Even when I was too stubborn to show it or ask for it.
I suddenly realize just how accommodating I’ve been. How easy I’ve made this for him and how little I ask for. And if I don’t start asking for more, for what I really want, I’m never going to get it.
“All done?” Geo asks as I finish my wine.
“Yes,” I reply, and maybe it’s the two glasses of wine or the pep talk from the silver-haired sex machine that just left, but I’m feeling bold. Empowered. And ready to show Garrett that I’m not some lovestruck virgin who will wait around forever.
“Geo, how do I go about renting a room?”
His perfectly-shaped eyebrows shoot up to his forehead as he stares at me. “You want to rent a room…with someone?”
“No. Alone. A voyeur room.”
That makes the look of surprise in his expression melt into a mischievous smile. “I can help you with that.”
I learned a long time ago that basing your decisions off of the standard of what normal people would do leads to a very boring life. The first time I ever went into a private chat on the cam, I was terrified, but I didn’t show it.
So what if other people think it’s crazy? Why would I deny myself something I wanted to do because other people thought it was weird? People who weren’t even involved.
Getting a voyeur room in a sex club by myself is crazy, but it’s been on my mind since the first time Eden led me down here. An idea I brushed away a hundred times because of how weird other people might think it is.
Well, fuck that. I don’t play by anyone else’s rules.
Geo was able to rent me the keycard for the room and showed me where to enter and how to adjust the lights if I want it darker or brighter. Brighter makes it harder to see the people on the other side, so I decide to leave it dark. I want to see them watching me.
Naturally, I chose a room with toys.
Once I enter, the door closing behind me, I walk up to the glass facing the hall. There are about six people I can see from here. And they’re all watching other rooms, paying no attention to me.
I imagine at any moment Garrett is going to find out I’m in here, and it will be over before it even began. So I might as well make the most of it while I can.
Staring at the window in front of me, barely able to see the people on the other side, I slip my light blue dress off my shoulders, one side at a time, letting it fall to the floor. Underneath, I have on a white bra and purple silk panties. Being half-naked in the window draws the attention of one of the women staring into the room next to me. I have no idea what’s going on in there; I can’t hear or see it.
As she steps up to my room’s window, the tingle of excitement I was anticipating skates down my spine, landing between my legs in warm arousal. While she watches, I explore the room slowly, browsing the clear shelves against the wall. There is an assortment of vibrators and dildos, among other things.
As my fingers brush each item, deliberating my decision, I notice the woman moving in the corner of my eye. Turning toward her, I notice her pointing to an item high on the shelf.
With a twinkle in my eye, I pick up a pink silicone wand vibrator. Looking back at her, I gesture toward the vibrator to be sure this is what she was pointing to.
With a smile, she nods.
Behind her, a man approaches, watching me too. That tingle down my spine hits harder.
Biting my lip, I press the power button on the vibrator. It’s a quiet buzz, subtle and soft enough to make my body light up with excitement.
On the lowest setting, I graze the vibration over my right breast, letting the hum wake up my bloodstream, causing my thighs to clench. Letting my head hang back, I slide the silicone down, over my belly, and just tease my clit with a delicate touch.
Even on the lowest setting, this toy is effective.
It’s definitely right for my first time in the room. I don’t really want to go overboard.
So with the couple still watching, I carry the vibrator over to the bed. But she’s pointing at something again, grabbing my attention. This time, she’s gesturing at something hanging from the wall. Turning toward the black clamps hanging from silver chains, I grin.
“This?” I ask, picking up one of the nipple clamps.
With a lustful gaze, she nods again. Her boyfriend is stroking her arm and then her neck, but she’s still watching me.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, facing the window, I unclasp my bra, letting the fabric fall away as I touch the vibrator to my nipples again, causing them to harden with arousal. Once they are stiff peaks, I take the clamps and watch the window as I slip the first one on.
With the low light outside the room, I can see both the faint outlines of the people on the other side and my own subtle reflection. And I watch myself as I clamp the second one in place, the pain sending flames of excitement to my panties. I’m wet and ready to touch myself.
Leaning one hand back on the bed, I pick up the vibrator and stare at my own faint reflection as I press the buzz to my clit. I look amazing in the window, metal clasps hanging from my breasts, and my thighs clenched together. The woman I see in that reflection is strong and empowering and beautiful, regardless of how thick her thighs are or how round her belly is.
When I feel the first wave of pleasure, easing off so I don’t come too soon, I notice more than just the four original eyes. There is a crowd now.
I feel them watching. I feel their arousal from watching me. And it spurs on my own.
My panties stay on as I increase the intensity of the vibrator, pressing it harder against my clit and falling back onto the mattress. My back arches and my hair hangs over the black cotton of the sheets as I grind myself against the humming silicone between my legs.
The sensation of the clamps and the eyes and the vibration quickly becomes too much and soon, I’m soaring through clouds of euphoria. My orgasm carries me away, so intense I have to clench the sheets tight in my fist, letting out a guttural cry so loud, I know they can hear me on the other side of the glass.
When I finally pull the vibrator away from my body, I have to lie still on the bed and wait for my heartbeat to slow down before I stand. When I finally rise from the bed, I’m practically on top of the world, buzzing with excitement and pride.
Then, without warning, the door to the room swings open, and I’m left staring at a furious-looking Garrett.
