I don’t know what compelled me to open my eyes. Probably the breathing on my face smelling faintly of jam, but regardless, I now understand why horror movies with children in them are, without a doubt, the most terrifying films of all. There is nothing quite like a silent child staring at you while you’re sleeping, or even worse, to wake up to.
Some questions come to mind pretty fuckin’ quick. Like how long have you been standing there watching over me like one of the ill-fated Grady sisters in The Shining?
Scared the ever-living shit out of me for about two seconds.
And then she smiled.
“Uncle Ethan is awake!” she yelled at the top of her lungs as she ran to the door, flinging it wide open.
“Zara! Shut the door behind you, please.” I sat up carefully, well aware I was nude and taking care to keep the blankets arranged. I was also alone in the bed, so I leaned around and looked toward the bathroom to try and catch sight of Brynne.
No Brynne.
“She’s downstairs talking to Mummy. They’re having coffees.” Zara poked her head back in.
“Is that so?” I said, wondering why on earth I sleep like the dead now and how long my niece had been hovering over me. Creep factor? About a twelve.
Zara nodded solemnly. “She came down ages ago.”
“What do you think of her?”
She ignored my question and tilted her head at me. “Did you get married, Uncle Ethan?”
I am sure my eyes bulged out, because Zara gave me a thorough looking over as she waited for a response. “Um . . . no. Brynne is my girlfriend.”
“Mummy and Daddy are married.”
“Yes they are. I was at the wedding.” I smiled and wished I could get out of bed and into some clothes, but she had me good and truly trapped.
“Why do you sleep naked?”
“Excuse me? Zara, I need to get dressed—”
“Daddy doesn’t sleep naked like you do. Brynne is nice. Will you take me to get an ice cream with Rags? He loves ice cream and I let him lick it and Mummy says that’s dirty but I let him anyway. Mummy said not to come in here, but I got tired of waiting for you to wake up. You’re the only person that’s still sleeping.”
Unbelievable. A five-year-old held me captive in a bed where I could do nothing but listen, mesmerized by her litany of observations, opinions, and requests, and praying for some way to escape. She gave me quite the disgusted look too with that last bit. Sort of along the lines of, “What in the hell is wrong with you, Uncle Ethan?” And really, I had to agree with her five-year-old logic too. A hell of a lot was wrong with me.
“Okay. I’ll tell you what, Miss Zara. I’ll see what I can do about the ice cream with Rags if you go on out so I can get up and get dressed.” I gave her my best eyebrow quirk. “Deal?”
“What about Mummy?” she fired off with absolutely no change of expression. This one could play poker with the big shots some day, no doubt about it. My niece was magnificent.
“What Mummy doesn’t know about ice creams won’t hurt her, I always say.” I wondered how long it would be before that declaration came back to haunt me. Probably about as long as it took for her to make her way downstairs, but hell, if it worked to get some immediate privacy . . .
“Deal.” She gave me a thorough perusal before going to the door and backing out, her blue eyes tracking me with a certain message. You better get your arse downstairs in the allotted time or I’ll be back in here.
“I’ll be down straightaway,” I insisted with a wink.
I waited a good long minute after she left before getting up. I used a pillow to cover my front and made a dash, clicking the bathroom lock before I hit the shower. The last thing I needed was to get caught by a child with everything hanging out. So Brynne was down talking to Hannah . . . I wondered what they were saying about me and hurried to finish.
The shower felt good. The hot water helped clear the cobwebs out of my head. Fuck that dream last night, though. The fact that I’d had another nightmare with Brynne right there to witness it really pissed me off. And while I was relieved it wasn’t as bad as the last time, I still hated the resurfacing of shit I so did not need to be dealing with at the moment. She would want to talk about it again . . . I’m not ready.
My hand brushed over my cock as I washed, reminding me what I’d done to her after that nightmare. She took everything I wanted to give her when it came to the sex, with no protest, no complaint, just willing and generous with her body every time, helping me to come down from the terror. She does it because she loves you. I had to wonder if her reaction had something to do with her past—the things she’d told me about her assault and how she had felt about herself when she was younger. Brynne seemed so confident to me most of the time, it was hard to imagine her feeling broken and vulnerable. My position was simple, really. I didn’t care about her past. It changed nothing in my feelings for her. She was the one—the one person I needed to be with. Now it was just a matter of convincing her of this fact. And I will . . . because I love her. I snapped down a plush towel for drying off as I stepped out of the shower.
I grinned into the mirror as I trimmed up my beard. The look on her face when I told her we should get married. Priceless. I should have used my mobile and taken a video. My smirk turned into a frown at the thought of the video sent to her last night. It reminded me I should touch base with Neil sometime today. I wanted details on the motherfucker toying with her. He wouldn’t be doing it for long, I vowed.
It nearly hurt to put myself back in the moment of last night. So many images flashed through my head—Brynne’s periwinkle dress, the pendant I’d given her around her neck, the disturbing text messages and video, the bomb threat, searching for her in a panic, and then her being ill on the side of the road. Christ! The whole thing was absolute madness. We needed a little peace and some rest. I was determined to get that for us this weekend if it killed me.
I immediately felt guilty for being so demanding with her in bed last night. Not a lot of peace and rest for my girl in there with me. I remembered the desperation to be inside her again . . . after that dream. Fuck! I was thankful I’d been less strung out than the last time, but still worried it was just too much. That I was too much.
On second thought, Brynne didn’t give off that vibe even after I’d told her about my plan for us to announce our engagement. She told me I was insane, true, but she wasn’t upset with me in any way as far as I could tell. In fact, she still took care of me after that—when I was wrecked from another twisted dream mixing all the bad from Afghanistan with worry about her. Totally. Fucked. Up. Shit. She’d said she woke me up because she didn’t want my nightmare to escalate. And what did I do for my sweet girl in thanks?
I fucked her again.
I’d taken her hard, and yet she accepted what I did to her and accepted me. She said it was okay. Yeah, she loves me all right.
I was well aware of how Brynne’s touch soothed me like nothing else had before. She was the only lifeline that I wanted to grab on to when I found myself in that state.
Just remembering how our session ended got my blood humming and my mind taking off. I went to find clothes and realized I thought about sex way too much now. A diversion was definitely a good idea. For now. When I got her alone again, well, then all bets were off that I could keep my hands off her. Highly doubtful. It was just another testament of how well we worked together and why I was going in all the way with my American girl. I’d never needed anyone like I needed her.
A long workout was definitely on the menu for me today, I decided. Some time just doing normal things with Brynne and my family away from jobs and other problems would be a nice change. I also wanted Brynne to have a good visit here. Maybe she would be up for a run along the sea path. I hoped she felt well this morning. I slipped into joggers and trainers and grabbed my mobile.
I decided to check in with Neil before I went down. It would ease my mind to ring him. Sometimes talking through a case was cathartic.
“You’re up late today, boss,” Neil announced after the first ring.
I grunted at him. “Maybe I’ve been up for hours, how would you know?”
“Doubtful, that. I’m surprised you didn’t call as soon as you got in last night.”
“I might have . . . if I wasn’t so exhausted from a long drive and less-than-restful sleep,” I retorted. “Oh, and Brynne was ill and had to be let out on the side of the road to be sick.”
“Christ, that’s unpleasant.”
“Agreed. The whole night was pretty unpleasant.”
“What’s wrong with her?”
“Don’t know. Stomach bug or something? She was sick at the gallery too.”
“You don’t suppose somebody tainted her food or drink, do you?”
I pondered the idea, even though it made me see red. “I can’t rule it out completely. Paul Langley needs a checking into. He does have her old mobile number and he was there at the gala, but he uses her new number now. You know, on second thought, he handed her a glass of water.” I wanted to get that prick in a room alone. I could find out all kinds of things, I’m sure. I tried to focus on my conversation with Neil. “The thing is, whoever sent the text message was there. Maybe not inside at the event, but he was watching me have a smoke. And that alarm was set off just a moment or two after the music video was sent.”
“Langley checked out when you looked into him before.”
“Don’t remind me, please.” If that motherfucker was involved, I swear he was a dead man. Brynne and I needed to talk about her history with Langley, a prospect that felt even more unpleasant than last night’s fiasco. “Just see what you can find out. Any luck on the caller location to Brynne’s mobile?” I’d left it for Neil to investigate, determined to have a weekend without focusing on her situation or my job.
“Some. The call was made from inside the UK. Whoever called her mobile was most likely watching you in real time and not on web cam from the States. I’m guessing you were thinking that was a possibility?”
“Fuck.” A smoke was sounding very appealing right about now. “A long shot, but I hoped. Well, it’s not Oakley then, he’s active duty in Iraq. Lurking around London would be a stretch when he’s dodging missiles in the desert. It’s not Montrose either, because he’s taking a well-deserved dirt nap. So that leaves the third in the video. That cocksucker is next on my list. We’ve got nothing on him yet. The file is accessible on the Q drive. His vitals are all there. Can you do a bit of digging on him? Find out what he’s been up to lately? Make sure he’s not been using his passport. Um . . . name is Fielding. Justin Fielding, twenty-seven, living in Los Angeles, if memory serves. I want to know if he went to the funeral for Montrose too. I’m betting he made scarce—”
“I got this, E,” Neil interrupted. “Have your weekend and try to let all this shit lie for a bit. I’ll get into it for you. Right now you have her safe and out of the loop. Nothing’s going to happen from Somerset.”
“Thanks. Appreciate it. Oh, yeah, can you toss some feed in for Simba?”
“He doesn’t like me,” Neil said dryly.
“He doesn’t like me either, but he does like being fed. And if you don’t he’ll start eating his tankmates.”
“All right. I’ll feed your surly and poisonous fish.”
“You don’t have to cuddle him, just throw in some krill.”
“Easier said than done. That creature is part piranha, I am sure.”
I laughed at that image. “Thank you, brave soldier, for going into battle for me by feeding my fish.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Hold down the fort for us, and you know how to reach me. We’ll be back in town Monday evening.”
I ended the call and headed out of the bedroom, eager to find Brynne. Time to face my girl and see what trouble I was in this morning from all of my bad behavior last night. I wasn’t really worried, though. My baby loves me, and I know how to give her what she needs . . .
I smirked to myself at my smug thoughts, opened the bedroom door and nearly stepped on my niece.
Zara was sitting on the floor, her back against the wall, waiting for me apparently. I caught my balance and crouched down to meet her at face level.
“Finally, you’ve come out,” she said disgustedly.
“Sorry. I had to make a telephone call, but I’m done now.”
She looked up at me hopefully. “Can we go get ice creams now? You said you would.”
“It’s morning still. Ice cream is for the afternoons, I’m sure.”
She wrinkled her cute little nose at me in response. I guess she didn’t share that pragmatic view.
I pointed to my cheek. “I did not get a nice welcome yet from my favorite princess.”
She reached up, put her little arms around my neck and kissed my cheek.
“That’s better,” I said. “Would you like a ride?” I gestured to my back.
“Yes!” She brightened her expression.
“Well, climb aboard then,” I told her.
She attached herself and hung her arms around my neck as I held her little legs tucked under my arms. I groaned, pretending to struggle to rise to my feet. I stumbled into the wall with exaggerated movements, being careful of her head. “God, you weigh a lot. Been eating a lot of ice creams, have you?”
She giggled and dug her heels into my sides. “Go, Uncle Ethan!”
“I’m trying to!” I grunted, pretending to crash into the walls as I stumbled along. “Feels like I have an elephant back there! Did you change from a princess into an elephant?”
“No!” she laughed at my antics and poked me harder. “Go faster than this!”
“Hold on tight,” I said, as we whooped and yelled our way down the grand staircase and into the family area.
My sister and Brynne were both waiting for us when we ducked into the homey kitchen. I’m sure all the screeching laughter preceded our arrival, but it was the look on Brynne’s face that gave me a kick. Her eyes widened at the sight of us, probably shocked to see me playing around like this.
“Hello, Han,” I said, going forward to kiss her cheek, Zara still clinging to my back and slightly choking at my neck.
“E.” She embraced me, her small form reaching to just under my chin as comforting as she had been for my whole life. For a boy who had lost his mum so young, I’d substituted for my older sister in some ways. She’d always mothered me anyway and we’d just adjusted our relationship in the only way we knew how to. I looked over at Brynne and winked at her. Zara giggled and bounced like she wanted her “horsey” to keep on going.
“Zara, did you wake up Uncle Ethan?” she asked her daughter with a raised brow.
I could feel Zara shake her head back and forth vigorously and had to bite back the incriminating grin threatening to spread over my face.
“He opened his eyes all by himself, Mummy,” she announced.
Brynne laughed. “That must have been interesting, I’m sorry I missed it.”
“Zara,” Hannah scolded gently, “I told you to let him sleep.”
“It’s all right,” I told my sister. “I didn’t lose more than a year or two off my life span, I’m sure.” I mock shuddered. “Remember those little girls in The Shining?”
Hannah laughed and delivered a punch to my shoulder. I turned to Brynne. “Morning, baby. I seem to have a little monkey on my back.” It felt good to be playful for a change.
“Oh, I’m sorry but we’ve not met before. I wonder if you might’ve seen my boyfriend around?” she asked. “Name’s Ethan Blackstone. A very serious fellow, rarely smiles and most certainly doesn’t tear around historic mansions shouting and crashing into walls with little monkeys on his back.” She tickled Zara’s ear and made her giggle some more.
“Nope. That bloke’s not around here. We left him back in London.”
She held her hand out. “I’m Brynne, nice to meet you,” she said with a straight face.
Hannah snorted behind me and peeled the still bouncing Zara off my back while I caught Brynne’s offered hand to my lips for a kiss. I glanced at her expression and saw a glassy look in her eyes as she smiled and rolled her lips together. Those lips. She did magical things with those lips . . . Mine.
Hannah tapped me on the shoulder from behind. “You look like my brother, and your voice sounds the same, but you’re definitely not him.” She held out her hand. “Hannah Greymont. Who are you?”
I laughed at her and rolled my eyes. “You need to have some fun, E. Go out more and meet people. Relax and enjoy life a little,” I said, mocking the words I’d heard from my sister on more than one occasion.
“Don’t get me wrong, I like seeing you horsing around and laughing like this.” Hannah held up a hand and gestured at me. “Just give me a minute to take it all in.”
“You’ll get used to it,” I said to Hannah while drawing an arm around Brynne and kissing her temple, breathing in the flowery scent of her shampoo. She always smelled so good to me. “How are you feeling this morning, baby?”
“I feel great.” She shook her head. “I don’t know what that was last night, but I feel totally fine today.” She took a drink from her mug. “Hannah makes a mean cup of coffee.”
“Yes she does,” I said, going over to pour myself some. “Have you eaten?”
“No. I waited for you.” Her eyes looked more brown than anything this morning. And she had a look in them that told me she wanted to discuss things. Fine with me. We had a lot to talk about. I had some convincing to do. Bring it.
“You didn’t have to wait for me . . . but I have an idea, if you’re interested,” I said, returning to her side with my mug of coffee, from which delicious-smelling steam was rising.
“What’s that, strange-man-who-resembles-my-boyfriend-but-can’t-possibly-be-him?” She teased me in a way that made me want to throw her over my shoulder and head back upstairs to our bedroom.
“Such funny ladies you all are this morning,” I said, giving each of them a look, including the five-year-old. “Where are all the men? I am seriously outnumbered here.”
“Scout thing. They’ll be home after lunch,” Hannah told me.
“Ahh, I see.” I turned back to Brynne. “You fancy a run along the sea path? It’s really beautiful and there’s a café down there where we can get something after.”
Her whole face changed into something indescribable, a mixture of beauty and happiness.
“Sounds perfect. I’ll just go change quickly.” She backed up and sailed out of the room with a grin. I loved when she was happy, and especially when I did something that made her that way.
“I want to come,” Zara said.
“Oh, princess, we’re running too far for you to come with us this morning.” I crouched down to face her again.
“You promised we could take Rags and get—” Zara did not look happy with her Uncle Ethan. Not at all. It did funny things to my insides too. Unhappy little girls were frightening as hell. Big girls too, for that matter.
“I know,” I cut her off and peeked up at Hannah, who rolled her eyes at me with arms folded. “We’re going in the afternoon. Remember I told you . . .” I whispered in her ear, “Ice creams are for the afternoon time, princess. Mummy’s watching us. You better go play with your dollies or something so she doesn’t get suspicious.”
“Okay,” she whispered back loudly, “I won’t say you’re taking me and Rags to get an ice cream in the afternoon time.”
I laughed silently and kissed her on the forehead. “Good girl.” I felt pretty proud of myself for handling that little problem so well. Zara waved good-bye as she went off to play and I gave her a big wink. I leaned back on my heels and looked up into the mocking gaze of my sister.
“You are nearly unrecognizable to me, Ethan. You have it bad, don’t you?”
I pushed up to my feet and reconnected with my coffee mug, talking a hot gulp before I addressed her comment. “It’s just ice cream, Han.”
“I’m not talking about you sneaking sweets to Zara, and you know it.”
I pegged her in the eye and told my sister, “Yeah. I have it bad.”
Hannah smiled sweetly at me. “I’m happy for you, E. Hell, I’m thrilled to see you like this. Happy . . . you’re happy with her.” Hannah’s gray eyes got watery.
“Hey, what’s this?” I pulled her into a hug.
She embraced me hard. “Happy tears. You deserve it, E. I wish Mum were here to see you like this . . .” Hannah trailed off, obviously choked up.
I looked over at the photograph on the shelf of the three of us together, Hannah, me and Mum sitting on the stone wall at my grandparents’ place. “She is right here,” I said.
