I‘m trying my best to convince myself that Wren and I are fine. I’m back on the team, even though I haven’t played my first game yet, and Wren’s showcase is coming up. She’s been training like an insane person so that’s why it took a lot of convincing for her to come along to this interview at Sophia’s house.
I’ve been friends with Sophia for as long as I can remember and she has been in her, what she calls, ‘influencer era’ for years. Becoming the leader of the NU Press has given her the perfect opportunity to make her dreams real. She gets to interview students from different subjects and by the end of our fourth year, she’s aiming to create a huge graduation video to show everyone. Since the hockey season is about to start, she’s coming around our team to interview everyone. The only thing about Sophia and this project is that she’s kept it very secret. We’ve had mini interviews before that she posts on Instagram and TikTok but since this is her big project, we’re interviewed and won’t get to see it until it’s completed.
She sets up her house into a comfortable interviewing space and the team and usually their other friends and partners join us so we can hang out afterwards. I know Wren’s not going to enjoy the whole socialising aspect of today so I try and get us there early.
We’re now driving towards Sophia’s house and Wren isn’t doing that angry humming thing. Instead, she’s silent, no doubt in her head about the showcase. Which is even more concerning because Taylor Swift is playing. I turn up ‘New Romantics’ and her face doesn’t even crack.
“Hey, can I ask you a question?” I ask.
“If I say no, are you going to ask me anyway?” she retorts. I glance at her and catch her playing with one of her french braids.
“Yes,” I say. “What would be the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?”
She laughs a little, the sound rushing through me like a gentle wave. “These questions are getting more and more random,” she says, but I shoot her a glance to continue. “I’d buy me and the girls a house where we could each have our own wing and then order as much pizza as possible.”
I grin. “Not even a salad? Wren, you animal.”
She laughs agai. “If I’ve won the lottery then I wouldn’t skate professionally. Just for fun. So I wouldn’t need to watch what I eat.”
“Do you want to skate professionally? Like, the Olympics and all that.”
She sighs a little. “I don’t see that as my end goal. I don’t know… It’s hard to explain.”
We get to Sophia’s house and I park on the sidewalk, not wanting to end this conversation just yet. I turn to her as she stares straight ahead. I can’t have her pushing me away again. I need to let her know that she can open up to me and we can actually have real conversations. “Can you try?”
She turns to me now, propping her leg up on the seat to get more comfortable. “I know everybody who skates at college dreams of competing on Team USA but I can’t see myself doing that. I can see myself skating and when it stops being fun, I’m going to stop. If that’s five years from now or in five days, I’m not going to force myself to skate. I know it sounds stupid and it seems like I have no direction but really I’m fine with just-”
“Seeing where life takes you?” I say, finishing her sentence and she nods, allowing herself to be vulnerable with me. “I get that and you don’t need to be afraid of admitting that. Not everyone has a five year plan like Xaiver does about the NHL.”
She nods again, glancing over to the house and then back to me. “Thank you for understanding that. And I just want to say that I am trying. With this, I mean. I’ve just got a lot going on right now and it’s hard to get out of my head sometimes.”
“You can let me into your brain, Wren. I’m never going to judge you.”
“I know that but this is something I need to work on on my own.”
She’s clearly keeping something from me and it’s not just stress about the showcase. It’s something more that she isn’t telling me but I don’t push her on it and scare her away.
“Do you remember what I said at the Drive-In?” I ask. “When you stress out about this, you stress me out. So please, can you relax for me? Soph will be able to tell something is wrong and your show is coming up.”
She unbuckles her seatbelt. “Thanks for the reminder,” she murmurs and I roll my eyes at her.
Sophia’s house looks even bigger in the daylight. I used to spend most of my days here when I was nose deep in bourbon. She’s one of the lucky kids who have always had a close relationship with their parents and have a childhood home near campus so she never had to move out.
When I get out of my side of the car, I grab Wren’s hand in mine and she melts into me. We’ve finally got over the first awkwardness of holding hands in public and after that kiss, we’ve become more comfortable around each other’s bodies. We step up onto the porch and I pause for a second, knowing that inside is going to be a hell of hockey players.
“Why are you preparing for this? It’s bound to be a lot worse for me than it is for you. This is your safe space. The last time I came here I had a panic attack,” Wren murmurs, tugging on my hand and looking up at me. Does she have to look so good all the time? Those french braids are doing absolutely nothing for me and rule number three. “Come on, Milesy. You’re a big boy, you can handle it.”
I smile and I don’t tell her how difficult it’s going to be to see the whole team together after the last interview we did all together we did with Carter. I don’t tell her that it’s going to take everything in me not to rip Jake’s head off the second I lay eyes on him. Instead, I squeeze her hand tighter in mine and step up to the door.
With that, the door swings open and the room erupts into cheers and music blasts from the speakers, no doubt with Grey’s playlist playing. The entire hockey team is here, crammed into the living room and the hallway along with a bunch of other random people I’ve never seen before. I know that the interviews take place in the basement that has been soundproofed so there’s no wonder why it’s so loud up here. I pull Wren with me through the crowd until we get to the kitchen, standing on opposite sounds of the island.
“Is it just me or are you getting really vivid deja vu?” I ask, remembering the night of the party. Wren laughs a little, picking up one of the waters that are on the island.
“If only you were choking over the sink again,” she drawls, shaking her head at me. I’m about to make a snarky comment but Xaiver appears, his arm around Michelle as they sport matching NU Bear’s jerseys. Michelle writhes out of his grip and pulls Wren into a tight hug. “Michelle! How are you?”
“I’m fabulous,” Michelle replies, pulling out of the hug and holding Wren at arms length. “I love your hair like this, Wren. Isn’t it so cute, Miles?”
“The cutest,” I say, no word of a lie as I watch her face turn a bright pink. It’s so easy to make her blush and I want to do it all the time. Xavier stands beside me, smiling, as we watch our girls gush over each other’s outfits. Well, my fake girl. Because that’s all we are. The more I tell myself that, the more I start to believe it.
“Those two are going to be best friends. No matter how you guys end things, you can’t make my girl upset about losing Wren. She’s, like, obsessed with her,” he says, low enough for only me to hear. Yeah, she’s not the only one.
“Can I be honest with you guys?” Michelle says, turning towards me and Xaiver. Wren watches her, clearly unsure about what’s going to come out of her mouth. “Wren is the best person you’ve dated, Miles.”
Wren laughs, throwing her head back. “You can stop with all the compliments, Michelle. You don’t have to try and flatter me,” she says, twisting the end of her braid between her fingers.
Mitch shakes her head. “No. I’m being serious. You bring out the best in him. I’ve seen him through many stages in his life and this is by far the happiest. Losing Carter has been hard for all of us but you’ve managed to make him somewhat happier.”
Wren stands there, frozen. This is what we want. We need people to be invested in us but this feels like we’re crossing a line somehow. I know she’s made me a happier person. Even if this is pretend, the way she makes me feel is so real that it scares me. Not the way that she turns me on or drives me crazy but the way that she talks to me, listens to me and even when she’s trying to push me away, she still tries to make an effort.
Before I can respond to try and save this somehow, Sophia’s voice echoes off the walls. Because she’s one of the most extra people I’ve ever met, she’s managed to connect a microphone to the speakers in the house. Now, this is an upgrade from last year.
We can’t see her from the kitchen but there’s no doubt that she’s standing on the table in the living room, making this into a performance.
“Hello, everybody,” Sophia’s voice booms. “I’m so glad so many of you could make it. If you’ve just arrived, refreshments are everywhere and so is the food. We’re going to get straight into it and I’m inviting the first five people into the basement where the group interview will take place. Afterwards, individual interviews will take place. If your name is not called, sit tight and you will be down next. First can I have Xavier Dawson, Harry Butler, Jake Callahan, Greyson Aoki-Park, and Miles Davis downstairs. Please, and thank you!”
Xavier and I look at each other and then back to the girls. “I guess that’s our que,” I say, nodding at Wren to come over to me and she does. “Do you want to stay up here or come down?”
“If Michelle is going then I am too,” she replies, beaming at her new best friend. We start to make our way through the crowds as I hold onto Wren’s hand as we go down the stairs to the basement. It shouldn’t be this nerve-racking. It’s just a stupid interview with my stupid friends. That’s it. “Miles?”
“Mmm hmm.”
“You’re squeezing my hand,” she whispers. “It hurts.”
“Shit. I’m sorry,” I say, releasing her hand so my grip is loose. I bring her hand to my mouth and kiss it as she blinks up at me with those killer green eyes. “Better?”
She nods. “Much better.”
When we get down to the basement, it looks a lot more professional than I thought. On one side of the room, there’s a white wall with a neon light that reads ‘Sophia’s Corner’ behind a couch that’s big enough to fit ten of us on there. On the seats on the couch, there is a sheet of paper with our names on them, which I’m assuming is the order Sophia wants us to sit in. I’m on one end next to Harry, Xavier, Grey and then Jake on the other end. I’ve not even bothered to look in his direction since we got down here, knowing that chaos would erupt if I did.
On the other side of the room there are brown chairs and tables filled with drinks and snacks for the people that have agreed to stand silently and watch the interview up close. Sophia’s director’s chair also makes this whole thing feel more official. You’d think we’re about to go live on air not for a graduation video with the amount of effort that she’s put into this.
We all take our seats and Wren and Michelle stand on the other side of the room, lingering around a table near where Sophia’s chair is. I try to get my heartbeat to settle when I notice the team photo that Sophia has hung up on the wall. She has one of all the major sports teams at NU, including the skating team which she probably took for the yearbook. In our picture, it’s the one where we’re celebrating our season win last year, Carter being held up by all of us with the trophy in his hands. I shake off the uncomfortable feeling and try to settle down. I look over at Wren and she does the dorkiest most adorable thing ever, smiling wide as she gives me a double thumbs up.
I can do this.
“Are you guys ready?” Sophia asks, setting up her camera on her tripod and pressing record before mouthing a countdown. “So, we are here with the first interview of the day with some of my favourite players from the North University Bear’s hockey team. We have Miles Davis on your right, followed by Harry Butler, Xavier Dawson, Greyson Aoki-Park and Jake Callahan. What a dream team, I must say.”
“When you’ve known each other as long as we have, it’s hard not to work together so well,” Xavier says, looking up and down the line. Everyone nods in agreement. “Of course, it was different for Haz over here, since he’s only just joined the team in first year.”
Harry groans at the nickname we’ve all got for him and we all laugh. “Just because I didn’t play with you guys in middle school or high school, doesn’t make me that new to the team,” he retorts.
“How does it feel being the baby of the team, Harry? It must be a lot different to playing hockey in Australia,” Sophia says, crossing her legs and getting into her serious position.
“It feels good. I mean, in my town, ice hockey was pretty uncommon so when my dad said we were moving here, it gave me the best opportunity to try out for a team,” Harry explains.
“And how have you been settling in?” Sophia asks curiously. She gets cut off by a loud groan coming from Grey. “Got something you want to say, Greyson?”
“Yes,” he concedes. “You’re asking all the boring questions, cuz. No one wants to know about how Harry enjoys the team.”
“First names only, Greyson Phillip Aoki-Park,” Sophia relays, pinning him with a death stare. “Moving on. How are you, as a team, planning on tackling the opposition in the new year? I hear you’ve got a very competitive season ahead of you.”
“Out hustle, out work, out think, out play and out last,” Xavier says, repeating our mantra that we have been using our whole lives. Obviously, Jake snorts at that.
“Come on with the BS, Dawson,” Jake laughs. “What we’re really going to do is beat the competition with whatever force we have. Hockey isn’t just a mind game, it’s a physical one too.”
“Great. Thank you for that insight, Callahan,” Sophia mutters, scribbling down notes on her notebook. I look over to Wren and she is not trying at all to hide the disgust on her face.
“You’re welcome,” Jake replies proudly.
“Okay, so, you all agreed to talk about this before coming so here is just a small warning before we get into it,” Sophia begins, not breaking eye contact with me and I know exactly where this is going. “You all lost a vital team member at the beginning of summer and I know it has not been easy for any of you. Some more than others. I grew up with Carter as well, and we all knew he was going to do amazing things. My next question is, how are you planning on honouring him during this season? Xaiver, would you like to go first?”
Xavier nods, looking at me before facing the camera. “Unlike some of the tactics Jake likes to us, Carter was the calmest one on the team. I don’t know how we managed to win every game with him even though he seemed to be the most chilled out and relaxed on the ice. While the rest of us were pushing into people, knocking them over, Carter kept a levelled head. That’s how I’m planning on honouring him, by keeping calm and spending as much time out of the penalty box as possible.”
We all nod, agreeing with the perfect answer. “It’ll be easier for some more than others, I assume,” Sophia starts, “Ahem. Greyson.”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever. I’m only in the sin bin because I like to play dirty for the win,” Greyson says easily.
We seamlessly float into a conversation of Sophia asking rapid fire questions before going back into the deeper ones. I don’t think I could do this if it was anyone else but because I’ve known her forever, talking to her feels easy. Fun, even.
I can’t decide if having Wren here is making it better or worse. She’s still standing with Michelle, watching me intently. I can tell that she’s listening to every word that I’m saying and I hope that it’s taking her mind off skating for once and allowing her to be with us in the moment.
Sophia asks us about how we balance hockey and school, where we see ourselves in five years and more hockey related questions. I stay quiet for the most part, only answering questions that everyone else gets stuck on. But Sophia’s next question catches me a little off guard.
“We all know that hockey is a team sport but what people really want to know is how you stay focused in the game. How do you ensure that you are on the right track and are going to perform your best as well as making sure it’s a team effort?” she asks.
I look down the line, hoping that someone is going to pipe up. “I think that this is Davis’ question,” Grey says, looking at me suggestively. Sophia nods and I feel everyone’s eyes on me in the room.
I take a deep breath and just let out absolutely everything.
“As everybody knows, Carter is my best friend. We grew up together and we were inseparable. I took his death hard and I didn’t let anybody in. I was drinking a lot – sorry mom,” I admit, remembering that if my mom comes to graduation, she’s going to know I’ve been underage drinking. Everyone in the room laughs quietly. “I lost motivation to train and I hardly ever went to the rink. But then I met Wren.” The smile that was on her face drops as I connect my eyes with hers across the room. “She turned my life around and she really saw me. She became the storm to the calm, quiet loneliness that I was in in the best way possible. She thought that I was hyperfixating on her instead of dealing with my problems but I managed to kill two birds with one stone and I got though some of my problems while also getting a gorgeous, smart, talented and just fucking brillaint girlfriend.”
“No cursing, Davis,” Sophia warns.
“Shit. Sorry,” I say and Sophia gives me an evil glare. “Wait, no. Fuck. Can you take that bit out?” Sophia shakes her head at me, disappointed. “All I’m trying to say is that having someone who cares about you by your side is what helps me stay focused because I know that I’m not only doing it for her but I do it for myself too so I can be the best version of myself for her.”
The room is eerily silent as I look at Wren, watching the way her features soften. Her eyes aren’t wide and panicked like they were when she first came here. Instead, her eyes haven’t left mine since I started speaking and her mouth is pinned into a warm smile, no doubt trying to decipher if what I said was true or not. Hell, I don’t even know half of the words that just came out of my mouth and where the truth lies within them.
I break eye contact with her, unable to bear the look on her face and focus back on the interview. Sophia asks the group a few more questions before letting us branch off before our individual interviews. I go over to Wren and she’s now alone as Xaiver has pulled Michelle away.
“You good?” I ask, standing in front of her. She nods. “Is what I said okay? You know, for the sake of the interview.”
“Yeah, it was perfect. I don’t know how you managed to make all that up on the spot,” she whispers, almost laughing.
“It wasn’t hard to talk about how much I enjoy spending time with you. Even when you give me a hard time,” I say, stepping in closer to her. I watch her audibly swallow as she blinks up at me. I tug on her braid, forcing her to tilt her head up to me and she looks way too good from this position. I lean down to whisper in her ear, “They’re watching.”
She lets out a shaky exhale. “Of course.” She pulls back, trying not to make it obvious that she wants to move out of my grip. Wren clears her throat, looking down at the floor. “I need to go to practice. Will you be able to drop me off?”
“Seriously, right now? Can’t you stay for a little longer?” I ask, shifting my weight on one foot to the other.
“I need to go. I’ve already missed out of a lot of time just being here,” she says, looking up at me. “If you’ve got to stay to do your individual interview, I can just walk.”
“I can do it really quickly and then I can take you. I’ll just ask Sophia-”
She cuts me off by rising on her tiptoes and pressing a kiss to my cheek. “It’s okay. You stay. I’ll see you soon.”
She doesn’t wait for me to respond before she’s already climbing up the stairs out of the basement.
