If somebody had told me a year ago that I’d be watching my sort-of-boyfriend play ice hockey – for fun – and not be complaining, I would’ve laughed in their face. Because that’s exactly what I’m doing.
I’ve always thought ice hockey was a cool sport, I even tried it out a few times in middle school but it was more the boys and the typical culture that threw me off. That was before I met Miles and his friends who are actually the most sweet people I have ever met.
Once I finished practice today, Miles insisted that I come over to watch him practise. He’s been having FaceTime calls with my dad, helping him get back into the swing of things which has been great for him. It turns out my dad has a lot more knowledge and experience that he’s let on.
The girls and I are sitting behind the players bench; Scarlett on one side, her feet up against the board, Kennedy on the other side of me, her legs crossed, drawing on her Ipad and I’m in the middle, strangely very interested in the game.
Maybe it’s just because Miles is playing and I haven’t seen him play before. Or maybe I’m just finding an excuse rather than admitting that I could watch him here all day as he shouts at people on the team. He hasn’t regained his captain status yet but he’s acting like it. He’s barking out orders, getting himself riled up as he takes of his hamlet to run his hands through his hair and fuck me if it doesn’t turn me on. After knowing what every inch of his body looks like and the thoughts that are constantly circling his brain, it’s hard not to find everything he does attractive.
I put my feet up to the board, leaning back as they huddle together as Coach Tucker explains some very confusing tactics to them.
“Are you actually enjoying this?” Scarlett asks, completely horrified.
“I think I am,” I admit and I can’t hide the smile on my face if I wanted to.
“Dick-whipped,” Kennedy murmurs, not looking up from the sketchbook she has on her Ipad.
“I’m not,” I say back to her, but she shrugs. I turn to Scarlett. “I know Jake is an asshole but didn’t you ever feel that way about watching him play? I mean, all hockey players are hot without even trying.”
She laughs. “No, jesus. I didn’t feel anything for him other than the way he did when he was inside me. I hardly ever went to see him practice. Those weren’t a part of the terms and conditions of our arrangement.”
“And what exactly was your arrangement?” Kennedy asks.
“The same as it always is,” Scarlett starts. “We were just sleeping together but when he started to parade me around because of who my family are, I called it quits. That doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt when he cheated on me. That fucking sucks no matter who the person is.”
“I’m still really sorry about that. He’s just an awful person,” I say, remembering the way he acted at Sophia’s house for the interview. “You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to. You know? If seeing him is hard.”
She sighs, leaning back in the chair, crossing her arms against her chest. “Nah, I like watching your boyfriend shout at him.”
And at that exact moment, Jake pushes Miles in the chest but he doesn’t fall back. Instead, he pushes back, causing Jake to fall into a few other people on the team.
“You better watch it, Callahan,” Miles warns. It’s empty in here so his loud, deep voice echoes off the walls.
“What are you gonna do?” Jake retorts. I inch closer towards the boards, trying to see them better. “You’re girlfriend’s watching. You wouldn’t want her to see you get beat up, would you?”
Miles steps closer into him, my heartbeat racing but Coach Tucker holds his stick between them, pushing them apart. “You guys better keep it friendly or else you’ll both be on the bench.” I can hardly see their faces but I’m assuming they’re glaring at each other as they skate away, getting ready to do the drills Coach Tucker has asked them to do.
“Also,” I say, turning to the girls, trying to keep my voice low as I resume our conversation. “He’s not my boyfriend. I don’t know what he is but we’ve never actually talked about real labels.”
“Maybe you should before your over-active brain starts to think of every possible thing that could go wrong,” Scarlett says, digging into a packet of M&M’s.
“Believe me, I’ve already started doing that,” I mutter.
“Do you want him to be your real boyfriend?” Kennedy asks.
“I want everything that comes with having a boyfriend. I mean, who wouldn’t. But we’re both so busy. He’s got this hockey season coming up and I’ve got comp season around the corner and then finals are coming up,” I ramble. “I just don’t think I’m emotionally and physically available for a relationship right now.”
“But are you physically and emotionally available for a fake one?” Scar asks.
I sigh. “It’s different when it’s fake. There are no real feelings at stake and we know we have to make it work if we want to get what we want. When that becomes real, it’ll be more dependency and commitment.”
“Wren. I’m sick of you saying that your feelings aren’t real because they are,” Scar groans. “You’ve slept with him. Correct?” I nod. “And you somehow find his personality charming?” I nod again. “And he looks after you, you look after him and he’s not the worst company to be around?” I nod. Again. “So what are you so afraid of?”
“Of it not working out,” I blurt out. “Of him realising that I’m not what he wants.”
“I hate to sound like a cliche,” Ken starts. “But isn’t it better to have tried than not to have tried at all?”
“In movies, TV shows and books, yes. But these are my real feelings and there’s a very real possibility that if this becomes more serious, he’ll realise that this isn’t going to work out,” I say, feeling the weight drop off me the second the words leave my mouth. “We’re just taking it light and breezy.”
“Ah yes,” Kennedy says in her posh British accent. “The classic ‘Light and Breezy.’ What are you? Advertising a summer drink at Starbucks? As a romance writer, you couldn’t think of anything better to determine your relationship status?”
We all laugh at that.
Honestly, who are Miles and I kidding? We’ve known each other for five months, we’ve been fake dating for most of them and we’ve slept together. We will not be able to take this light and breezy but what is the alternative? I don’t know but I’m willing to find out. The last thing I want to do is regret not trying at all.
We watch the team go through their drills, Miles taking the lead once again. I can’t tell if he just enjoys telling people what to do or if it’s actually part of his role. They start to play a quick game, zipping up and down the ice. It’s hard to keep track of who is who with the amount of gear they have on so I’m only guessing. Kennedy has finally put down her Ipad and she’s actually seeming interested. Scar is doing the thing where she’s pretending that she doesn’t care but I can hear her muttering under her breath every time Miles’ team misses the shot.
When Miles gains control of the puck on one end of the ice, he hardly looks up as he dodges the opposite team, moving quickly and efficiently. And he looks so hot as he does so. The other team has pretty much given up at this point, not even trying to defend his shot. But right before he has the perfect opportunity to get the puck into the goal, he manoeuvres closer to where we are sitting and he picks up his stick, pointing it right at me and he winks.
He fucking winks at me. Dimples popping out and all.
And I almost die.
“This one’s for you, baby,” he says before regaining control of the puck again and hitting it straight into the net. Half of me wants to scream in embarrassment as the rest of the team laugh and the other half of me wants to get down onto the ice and kiss that stupid grin off his face. Instead, I sit there and smile at him, feeling slightly on top of the world at this moment.
When they go back to playing, Scarlett leans into me, whispering, “Whether he did that for show or not, that boy is head over heels for you, babe.”
And that is exactly what I’m afraid of.
