I knew it was a good idea to come here. After Kennedy practically forced me to, I had no choice. Whether or not she sees me and shouts at me to get out, it was worth coming to see her preform. Every time I’ve been to see her, she’s completely mesmerised me. I tried my best to stay as hidden as possible so if she saw me, she wouldn’t freak out and I think it worked.
She won. She fucking won. It wasn’t a close call. It wasn’t a ‘she just made it.’ She won with flying colours. My Wren. With a complicated ass routine to ‘Flying,’ by Cody Fry. The last minute of the routine had every one of the edges of their seats as she turned and glided up and down the ice. She received a two minute standing ovation from the hundreds of people in the room when her routine finished. When they called out her name, she stood on the ice as they hung heavy medals around her neck and handed her a huge trophy. I could see Kennedy and Scarlett basically crying with happiness across from me as they hugged each other when she won. I think it was one of the first times I’ve truly seen Wren smile. Not a fake sarcastic one that she likes to throw me at my bad jokes but a real one. A real, toothy, red faced, Wren-type smile.
I just want, so desperately, for her to smile at me like that.
The second she walked off the ice, a huge grin still on her face, I sprinted down the steps to catch up with her. A part of me is telling me to wait but another part of me pushes forward. Maybe I should turn up to Kennedy’s party and say something then, but after seeing that performance, I don’t think I can wait any longer.
I get to the changing room door and without thinking properly, I push it open, the flowers I brought with me almost getting ruined in the process. Half of me was expecting her to have gone already. To have run out, leaving behind a cloud of smoke but she hasn’t. Instead, Wren is sitting on the bench staring at the trophy in her hands. I don’t need her to tell me I’m breathing loud when I inch closer to her. She turns around, and her face is red and slightly sweaty, her blonde hair sticking to her forehead.
“What are you doing? You can’t be in here,” Wren says without missing a beat as her smile drops. She stands up, placing the trophy on the bench and closing the space between us.
“You were fucking incredible, Wren. Like… So good. Congratulations.” Words fall out of my mouth at a stupid pace as I try and breathe properly. This is the first time we’ve been this close in weeks. Long and hard weeks. I hold up the flowers. ‘And I- I got you these ’cause I knew you’d win.’
She looks down at the pink and white tulips and a smile tugs at her mouth as she takes them. “Thank you, Miles. But seriously you can’t be in here.’ She tilts her head up to me as I tower over her. Her eyes flicker from each of mine until they land on my mouth for a second and her breath hitches.
“Why not? There’s no one else in here.” It takes her a while to register what I said but when she has, she looks around for a second.
“That’s true,” she says quietly as if debating her next move. She stares at me, her eyes dropping to my chest. Her mouth twitches. ‘You’re wearing the shirt.’
‘What?’ I ask before looking down at the shirt I got as a joke which says, ‘I heart my girlfriend.’ Was it risky to wear this? Probably? But it’s making her smile, so I’d do it again if in a heartbeat.
I barely register it myself as I crash my mouth into hers and she gasps, dropping the flowers to the ground. I don’t know what part of my brain told me to do that, but I let myself fall into her for a second. Wren’s mouth feels so welcoming, like both of ours belong together. It feels like coming home. Her hands reach around my middle, lightly gripping onto my shirt. I let my mouth explore hers quickly before pulling away.
“Shit. I wasn’t thinking. I’ve just missed you so much. I had to see you and I’m so sorry about everything. I want you so much, Wren, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this – us,” I stutter, taking a step away from her, not knowing what she wants. So, I continue speaking. ‘And I know you said you needed space but I feel like I don’t exist when you’re not around. I’m nothing without you. And maybe I should have grovelled more or tried harder but all I can give you is me for now.’
She looks at me for a moment, her eyes searching around my face as I ramble. She steps closer towards me, closing the distance I created, and she shakes her head lightly at the shirt I’m wearing before she pulls the neckline of it, drawing me in even closer. She kisses me softly once, tenderly, as if she’s still thinking about it before she comes back with more force. A strangled sound comes out from the back of my throat when her tongue sneaks into my mouth without warning. I don’t know how I’ve gone months without this. Months without feeling so complete. So, at home. When I notice my hands have been hanging at my sides, I reach up to her waist and I squeeze her tight. She gasps.
“Did I hurt you?” I mumble into her mouth.
She shakes her head passionately. ‘I’m just sore from practice.’ She walks backwards into the lockers until her back is flush against it. I use the opportunity to kiss down her bare collarbone and chest, taking my time to savour this moment again. The moment I got her back. Sort of. She whimpers softly when I bite at her shoulder.
“Miles,” she pants.
“Mm.” I bring my hand up to her thigh until it reaches her ass and I squeeze it softly.
“Miles, someone can come in here, like, any second,” she says more clearly. I press another kiss on her collarbone and her jaw before moving off her and taking a step back. When I look at her, her lips are parted, and her chest rises and falls quickly.
“You’re right,” I say. I open my mouth to speak again but it falls shut when I hear the door behind us open. Gingerly, I turn around and Kennedy and Scarlett are both stood in the doorway, staring at the space between us.
“Hey, we just wanted to say congratulations, but we’ve got to go back home to set the rest of the things up. You’re still going with coach, right?” Scarlett asks, her gaze shifting between as she speaks.
“Okay,” Wren gulps. I turn back to her, and her face is still red. “Thank you and I’ll see you there.”
“Okay,” Kennedy draws out before giving me an evil grin. “Miles, are you coming to the party?”
“I, uh, I don’t know if that’s-” I stammer, suddenly forgetting how to speak.
“Yeah, he’s coming and he’s also taking me home,” Wren interrupts nonchalantly as if we’ve already discussed this. I turn to her, and I can feel my own face heating up. “You can wait, right?”
I nod until my head goes dizzy. She smiles gently as she shoo’s us with her hands and we all walk out of the changing room. After Kennedy and Scarlett leave, I stand outside the door, running my hands down my face, laughing at myself at the absurdity of it all.
That’s when I realise that I really want this.
I want her and her shyness. I want her and the way she blushes. I want her when she’s sweaty from working out or when she’s stressed, tapping a highlighter in her mouth. I want her friends to catch us making out like high-schooler and we pull apart, knowing that all we want is to be touching at all times.
I want everything.
Anything she’s willing to give me.
*
After realising that she’s going to take more than fifteen minutes to change, I stand outside of my truck for Wren to finish getting ready. I don’t know what to do with myself. How am I supposed to go about this situation? I think this is her giving me that chance that my mom talked about. Even though I spent more time kissing her than asking for that chance. I had hoped that she would want to speak to me but that’s as far as I planned.
Finally, she comes out of the main doors, wearing pink shorts and a loose shirt, her hair tied back into messy bun as the flowers hang out of her sports bag. She rolls her eyes playfully when I open the door for her to get in. This is the Wren that I’ve missed. Who am I kidding? I’ve missed every part of her. Once she’s in the car, I go back around to my side.
“You didn’t have to do that,” she says, fiddling with the hem of her shirt, looking at the near empty car park.
“I wanted to.”
We’re quiet for most of the drive, not sure how to approach the elephant in the room. We’ve not spoken in almost two months after she wanted to end the contract and we just kissed in the changing room. I don’t know if she just wants to pretend that never happened or if she wants it to happen again. With the weird side glances she’s giving me, it’s hard to tell. I know I have to say something when we’re parked outside of her apartment and she’s not making an attempt to get out of the car. I angle my body to turn to her but she’s still facing straight ahead.
“Wren. I’m really sorry about the video and about what I said. I shouldn’t have gone to the bar that day and I especially shouldn’t have talked to a random stranger about our business,” I say in one go, barely breathing.
It’s better to get it all out now than pretend that we’ve been fine for the last two months. She looks at me now, the darkness making it harder to distinguish what colour her eyes are.
“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have pushed you away either,” she replies finally. “I’ve thought about it a lot over the last few weeks and I forgive you. I didn’t make it easy for you when I left that morning and I’ve never been good at communicating how I feel. It turns out that you weren’t the only one who was hyper-fixating.” She laughs a little and it’s the kind of laugh that could melt into my hands.
“I understand, though. You had a lot going on.”
“I think…I think I was just so afraid of what could happen that I never gave it the chance to actually happen, y’know?” she explains, her eyes suddenly glistening.
“I get that.” We’re quiet for a while. Lost between a moment of quiet and comfortable silence. “Are we going to be okay?”
“I want to give this a chance, Miles,” she begins.
“But…”
“But I’m still scared. I have, like, a gazillion things going on in my brain at all times and I don’t know how to handle it. If I can’t control it, how will this work?”
“Let me help you, Wren. You’re so used to doing things on your own that you’re pretty fucking stubborn. I want to experience life with you, no matter how bad it gets.’
“I want that. I want to let you in.” She places her hand on mine, holding it tight without breaking eye contact with me. I feel so at home in her hands. Like nothing else matters other than us in this moment right now. “Thank you for coming today.”
“Thanks for not shouting at me,” I say. She laughs and pushes me in the shoulder. Then something takes over her face. The lines in her face crease slightly as it becomes hard and worried.
“Shit, Miles. What about your games? Did you get into the finals? When is your last game?” she asks frantically.
“The seasons over, Wren,” I mutter solemnly. The memory of our last game runs through my mind on a loop. I’m surprised I’ve not thought of a reason to bring it up until now. ‘My parents even came to the game.’
“What? That’s great but I can’t believe it’s finished already.”
“Yeah, it finished last week,” I explain. She looks at me as if there’s more to say, her eyes looking into me with an expectant glare. A wide grin splits on my face before I lean into her and whisper in her ear. “‘We won.”
She pushes me away from her, pounding on my chest with her little hands. “You almost gave me a fucking heart attack. I’m so happy for you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there, though.”
“It definitely wasn’t the same without you but you’re here now.”
“You’re right. I’m here now,” she says, biting on her lip and looking at me the way that makes my dick jerk. Her eyes soften, a dreamy look in her eyes.
“But,” I drag out, placing my hand on her inner thigh. I drag my hand further up her leg until my hands are under her shorts, just reaching the line of panties. “I know how you can make it up to me though.”
“Oh, you do?”
I don’t have to make any more subtle comments until she’s straddling me in the driver’s seat. Her hands rub from my shoulders till they cup my face as she runs her thumbs just under my eyes in the gentle way that I like.
Cautiously, I pull back the seat so it can lie flat against the backseat. Wren places her hands on my chest, looking over at my face between each line – as if she’s trying to memorise me – before her mouth meets mine. It’s not frantic and desperate like our last kiss – it’s gentle and calming. Her body falls softly against mine in a sigh when my hands travel from her outer thigh up to her ass under her shorts. Her hands roam underneath my shirt as her mouth explores across my jaw and my neck at a painfully slow pace.
“I missed you so much,” she whispers into my skin. I swear I feel every hair on my body stand up when the words leave her mouth.
“I’ve missed you too,” I say back when I’m able to manage. She starts to shift down my legs, pulling up my shirt so she can kiss from my neck and down to my happy trail. An unknown sound leaves my mouth when she nips and kisses at my lower stomach. She starts to work at my jeans, and I take in a deep breath, ready for her to absolutely devour me.
A loud knock pierces through the heavy breathing. Her wide eyes lock with mine as she tries to sit up. We stay still for a few beats, breathing in each other’s faces, acting as if we didn’t just hear it. I sit up on my elbows with her and the knock sounds again at the window. It’s too steamy in here to see but I hear a familiar voice outside.
“Miles, stop trying to get your dick wet and just tell me which apartment it is,” Grey shouts, knocking rapidly on the window again. I wind it down slowly and when he catches Wren’s eye, instead of stepping away like a normal person, he leans his forearms on the window. “Hey, Wren.”
“Hi, Grey,” she says quietly, her words coming out more of a question. She tries to climb off me, but I keep her there, her back resting again the steering wheel.
“Dude, you could have texted me,” I say rolling my eyes.
“Yeah, I tried. It must have been hard to hear over all the moaning,” he retorts, tilting his head to the side. He looks at Wren. “Not you. It was mainly him.”
“Well, that makes me feel less embarrassed,” Wren says cheerfully. She flashes me a mischievous grin before turning to him. “It’s 407.”
