Exam week was hell. As expected.
It only dawned on all of us the week before that we’ve spent so much time doing everything but revising. Every time we met up for a study session, we’d all be ready and prepared to do two solid hours of studying. In reality, we spent a good hour with our heads down before one of us, usually Ken, had yet another story to tell that we needed to listen to. Immediately, our focus is broken and all we want to do is talk. We managed to pull through at the last minute and we all did pretty okay. Now it’s just the waiting game until we get our real results back.
The only thing that got me through last week was knowing that I’d be meeting my baby nephew very soon. Austin and Zion are finally settled in Oregon, and they’ve been waiting for baby Marley to show up. He took his time but ten days after his due date, he came out a healthy light skinned baby with the most hair in the world. I haven’t had time to see him yet, but I finally get to meet him today.
The flight was lonely without Miles’ awful singing, but it was sort of refreshing. Since Kennedy’s birthday party, we have not left each other side for any more than twenty-four hours. I didn’t know how badly I had separation anxiety from him but since we got back together, I’ve been latched on him like a koala. I can’t help it sometimes. Being with Miles is like taking a warm shower. It’s like having the first bite of a chocolate chip cookie when it’s all gooey in the middle. He is every good thing about this world, and he makes me feel like the best version of myself whenever he’s around. We thought it was best for him to stay in Salt Lake while I visit the baby, just to make sure that we’re both healthy enough when I meet him.
A weird rush runs through me when I land in Redmond. It’s strange to travel on my own but it’s even stranger to be travelling to see my nephew for the first time. I don’t get to be around many babies but the second I am, I’m hit with instant baby fever. There’s something so magical about pregnancy and birth but because I know it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, I will be steering clear from that for a while. Even when I’m in Zion’s truck, on our way to their new house, my knee can’t stop bouncing up and down.
“You okay, Emmy?” he asks, glancing at me, using the nickname he convinced Austin to start calling me. Zion has always been kind to me, even when I treated Austin like a bitch most of the time. He’s always had this calming energy about him. It helps that he loves books as much as I do too.
“I’m just excited,” I admit, unable to fight off the smile on my face.
“Austin is too. I am as well. You’re going to be the first Auntie to meet him,” he replies, looking over at me again before turning his attention to the road.
“Really? I thought Austin said your sisters were coming down.”
“Nah, they’re coming in a few weeks when the weathers a bit warmer for them. It’s not easy trying to adjust from the Jamaican heat to whatever you call this,” he laughs.
It’s a miserable day in Portland. I kind of hoped that the sun would come out so I could spend some time outside here, exploring. I’ve only been through Portland on my way to competitions so, I’ve not been able to just see the sights as they are.
I also hoped I’d get to meet Zion’s sisters. When the girls and I were in high school and Austin and Zion were dating, we were strange kids and got really invested in their lives. It fascinated all of us because we had never seen my uptight sister become such a chilled-out person. After our mini deep dive, we found that Zion has three older sisters all living where he grew up in Jamaica. They’re all Kumina dancers and as tween girls, we got obsessed quick. I never told Austin about my little obsession, but I was secretly hoping of gushing over them in person.
“Aw, that sucks,” I say. The car starts to pull into a cul de sac which I’ve recognised from the pictures I begged Austin to send me. When we’re parked, I turn back to Zion as I go to unclip my seatbelt, his leg is bouncing up and down. “Is everything okay?”
“I, uh, wanted to ask you something,” he begins. He looks up at me, his dark eyes searching around my face. “I’ve already asked your parents and they said it’s fine, but I wanted to ask you, now that you and Austin have got closer.”
“Ask me what?” I can hear my heartbeat thumping against my chest rapidly as I try to exhale.
“I want to ask your sister to marry me.”
Every thought I had in my mind shatters into oblivion. My sister. A married woman. With a baby. And though the baby was unexpected, this might be the best thing to ever happen to her. I’m surprised my veins don’t pop out of my forehead as I stare at Zion for what feels like an eternity, blinking at him.
“You know you didn’t have to ask me, right? But the answer is yes. I think you should ask her to marry you right now,” I ramble. “Oh, my God. This is insane.”
“I know,” he grins. “I just wanted to ask you, just in case.”
“You guys are perfect for each other.”
What’s even more perfect, is their son. Holding this tiny baby in my hands, I suddenly feel complete and he’s not even my baby. There is an overwhelming sensation that occurs when babies are around. This baby is going to grow up, he’s going to laugh, he’s going to cry, he’s going to make mistakes and he’s going to achieve great things. What makes the feelings all that more empowering is that he has two loving parents who are going to love him. What more will he need?
*
After spending a few days with Austin and her new little family, coming back home was bound to be chaotic. I was on edge, waiting for Zion to get down on one knee. But when I realised he wasn’t going to do it with his future wife’s little sister around, I kept my distance. I tried to time my trip perfectly so I could be back in Salt Lake when our grades are put in the system.
The girls and I all sat around the kitchen island, loading and reloading our grades while on FaceTime to Miles, Xavier, and Evan. After a few refreshes and crossing our fingers, the page loaded up with our grades.
We all passed. I don’t know how we managed to get through it, but we did. We found any excuse to have a group study session without actually studying. But somehow, those days when we actually put our heads down, paid off.
To celebrate, we got a table for the six of us at Juno’s. After hyping it up for so long, they finally agreed to eat here with me. It feels more hectic than just going here with a pregnant lady during the lunch hour. Instead, we’re crammed in a back booth, trying to shout at each other over the noise coming from the bar. I’m practically sitting on Miles’ lap as he sits on the outside of the booth. Across from him, Evan sits as far away from Scarlett as possible while she scooches up next to me. In between them, Kennedy and Xavier are squeezed in together.
“I just don’t understand how we all passed,” Miles says, taking a sip of his Coke.
“It’s because I manifested it,” Kennedy says as if it’s the most normal thing in the world, tapping onto her temples. “We didn’t chase. We attracted.”
“I’m just going to pretend that I know what that means,” Miles mumbles. He brings his hand under the table, squeezing my thigh and pulling us even closer together. His touch on my body has started to feel so natural. As if this was always meant to happen.
“Manifestation isn’t real,” Evan guffaws. Scarlett shoots him an evil look, but he misses it.
“I wouldn’t say that if I was you,” she singsongs. Kennedy pins him with an angry expression, and he slowly slouches in his chair. I’ve had countless conversations about astrology with her, so I’m not surprised when I zone in and out of the conversation.
My gaze automatically shifts to Miles. He’s watching between the four of them as they argue, not saying anything. Just observing. Something has changed in him, and I can’t figure out what. There’s still the sarcasm and the wit that I fell for, but he’s become more relaxed. Smoothed out. He doesn’t feel the need to prove anything, and he just exists. With me.
I have too. I don’t hate the idea of saying cheesy things every now and then to the people I care about. What I didn’t expect was for my life to turn into one of the rom com’s that I love. The ones that always feel so out of reach. But I fucking love every part of it.
It feels like that song, ‘golden hour’ that Miles always plays. The lyrics go through my head on repeat.
We were just two lovers, feet up on the dash, drivin’ nowhere fast. Burnin’ through the summer, radio on blast, make the moment last.
“Stop staring at me, you weirdo,” Miles murmurs, still watching the argument unfold in front of us.
“I see you’ve learnt my trick,” I laugh, nudging him with my shoulder.
“I don’t think I have. It was a fifty-fifty chance you were either asleep or looking at me,” he laughs, turning towards me and he adds sounding like Schmidt from New Girl, ‘Because who can resist this face, right?’
I shake my head at that gorgeous face of is, sticking my tongue in my cheek so I don’t laugh. My breath hitches when his hand moves even further up my thigh, but his face remains focused, as if he isn’t about to make this meal much more interesting. Instead of trying to ruin the night with my libido, I squeeze his hand between my thighs and his journey stops. I hook my right leg over his left one and his thumb starts to rub small circles on the inside of my thigh.
“Do you not think we’re close enough already?” I ask, trying to keep my voice low as the voices around us die down. I can feel their eyes on me, but I keep mine locked with Miles’ green ones.
“At every table, I’ll save you a seat,” Miles whispers.
If I couldn’t hear the way my heart started pounding in my chest, I’m sure it would have fell straight though my ribs. When the unsettling thrumming noise stops, a smile creeps up on my face before it turns into an ugly laugh. A real, shoulder shaking, laugh of disbelief. Miles’ face drops.
“Are you seriously quoting Taylor Swift to me right now?” I ask, barely able to let my laugh settle.
“Yeah, well, you already know how much I love you. I’ve said it when I was drunk, and I said it out of anger, and I knew you wouldn’t let me say it again on its own. That’s boring.”
“You just did.”
My words sound so far away from us. As if I’m floating outside my body, watching and letting myself slip into this moment where I never thought I would end up. Here, in a bar restaurant with five of my best friends, and my boyfriend telling me that he loves me for the first time. He loves me and I believe him.
“Oh, yeah. I did,” Miles murmurs.
I put my hand on his cheek tenderly, turning his face closer to mine. I act as if we’re the only people in the room. As if nothing else exists other than us, right here, in this moment. I press my lips to his and I kiss him softly. It’s the kind of kiss that could spiral out of control if you let it. The kind of one that leads to many more, but I don’t let that happen. Instead, I pull away until we’re centimetres apart.
“I’d save you a seat too.”
The second I let us slip away, we’re met with groans and gags from the rest of them. The only person who’s smiling is Xavier. Sometimes, I feel like he’s the only one out of all of us that actually understands what it feels like to be this in love. No matter how scary it is.
More music comes to mind. This time, it’s the first-dance remix of ‘Lover’ by Taylor Swift. When did I start doing this?
“Can you believe we’ve only got two more years of this?” Scarlet asks, nostalgia drowning in her eyes. Everyone turns to her and suddenly, the mood has shifted into a calming silence. “Like, we’re going to be doing real people shit soon.”
“I don’t think I’m ready for adulting yet,” Kennedy groans, shoving her face into her hands. ‘Do you think we’ll still be friends in five years from now?’
‘If Scarlett and Evan don’t kill each other before then, sure,’ Xaiver replies and we laugh. ‘You guys believe in different universes and shit, right?’
‘Of course,’ Kennedy beams. I nod and so does Miles, Scarlett and Evan.
‘Well, I think that in another universe we would still be friends. I think we’d make it to each other somehow. I mean, if it wasn’t for Wren and Miles, we wouldn’t be sitting here right now. Maybe you girls would be on one side of this resturant and us on the other, celebrating our grades, not even knowing that we’re existing in the same time frame. Do you ever think about that?’
‘Shit, man,’ Evan murmurs. ‘I think about that all the time. But actually hearing someone say it is crazy.’
‘I definitely think we’d still be friends in a different universe,’ Scarlett mentions and we all agree.
“I didn’t mean for this to go all existentialist, I just wanted to say that in a few years, I want to be living by the beach.”
“No one is stopping you, Ken,” I say with a shrug. “I’m getting out of here as soon as I can.”
“Me too,” Xavier sighs. “I want my own family.”
“Is that what Michelle wants?” Miles asks from beside me, his hand still on my thigh but I feel him everywhere.
“She’ll do anything I want to do. The same way you’d do anything Wren asks you to,” Xavier laughs but Miles isn’t. He looks down at me, a quiet smile playing on his lips.
“You are extremely whipped, my friend,” Evan says, shaking his head at us. I don’t have the energy to fight him on it and neither can Miles. He just looks down at me like we’re the only people truly existing now.
“I am,” Miles says proudly. “I will follow you around Barnes and Noble and hold your books for you for the rest of my life.”
‘Are you sure? I get a lot of books,’ I murmur, raising my eyebrows.
“And I’ll hold every single one for you.”
*
The rest of the meal goes by in a haze. We talk about the same four topics on rotate, somehow managing to put a spin on the same topic we’ve been discussing for weeks. The only constant I could focus on was Miles’ hand on my body. The way he needs to rest it on me as if I’m going to slip away. Even on the drive on the way home, his hand grips onto my thigh as he drives me and the girls to our apartment. When we’re standing in the doorway once Kennedy and Scarlett have gone inside, his hand rests comfortably on my waist as my back hits the door.
“I meant what I said earlier, Wren,” Miles says, breaking the comfortable silence.
“I know.”
“I’m going to say it again. I’m warning you before you freak out on me,” he says, raising his eyebrows. I pull him in closer from the hem of his shirt.
“I want to hear you say it again.”
The darkness of the hallway has given me more confidence than it should. I’ve been testing the waters, barley dipping my toes in, trying to feel how it would be. I want to jump straight in. I want to fall and never come back up for air so long as I get to spend it with him. I knew from the beginning that as much as I tried to avoid it, I was bound to fall for him. He’s my person.
“I love you, Wren. You’re my best friend and I love being around you. I love being there for you and protecting you even when you don’t want me to and I’m in love with you. So desperately. I don’t think I would ever be able to stop loving you. If you try to push me away again, I won’t let you. Because I’m in this, okay? Me and you.”
‘Well, how am I supposed to compare to that?” I laugh.
I don’t know why I joke. I don’t know why I can’t just say it right off the bat. Just tell him how I knew that I felt this way about him since we talked in the diner after Sophia’s party.
“I love you, too. You’re what’s good for me, Miles. In every universe, it’s me and you.’
“Me and you,” he repeats, smiling. It’s the kind of smile that makes my heart double in size. The kind of smile that makes this whole thing a little less daunting. When I think he’s going to lean down and kiss me, he pulls me into a tight hug instead and my arms wrap around his middle, holding him close so I can hear his heartbeat. “Are you still scared?”
“A little.”
“We’ll be alright.”
