When I get back to the apartment, the reception is dark. The porter has gone home for the evening, and the lift, as per usual, is broken, so I trudge up the six flights of stairs to our floor. When I reach the boys’ apartment door, I see that it’s been left ajar. I can hear the low murmur of voices. Pushing it open gently, I peer inside.
The guys are still streaming. Luke is hunched over his laptop with a massive pair of headphones over his ears and his head in his hands. Josh is frowning at his phone, and Zack is slumped in his armchair, looking absolutely exhausted as he speaks into the microphone set up on the coffee table. My heart aches as I look at them, emotion flooding through me. I’ve missed them so much.
I shift my weight, and all three of them look up. Zack stops talking immediately, his eyes going wide. He stands, and his massive knees knock his mic off the table with a clatter. He doesn’t even seem to notice, staring at me like I’m a ghost.
He looks… destroyed. His eyes are swollen, and his thick beard is tangled. There’s a coffee stain on his shirt.
In short, he looks like a man who’s spent the last few hours recounting the biggest trauma of his life live on air. And for what? For me?
It takes me a second to realise Josh has stopped talking, too. Silence stretches between us, interspersed with gentle pings from tweet and email notifications on Luke’s laptop. I glance at the glowing screen. They’re getting multiple comments and messages a second. How many people are listening to this right now?
“Hey,” I say, my voice scratchy. “Um. Your mics are still on.”
Apparently, my words break the spell. All three men blink. Josh sighs, turning back to his mic.
“Okay, guys. She’s just come back in,” he says, his voice like gravel. “I… I think it’s time for us to go now. We’ll be back this Wednesday. Thanks so much for all of your support, and have a good night. I… ” his eyes trail back to me. “Thank you.” He disconnects the recording.
We all stand quietly for a few more seconds. None of us knows what to say. Eventually, Luke clears his throat, glancing down at my suitcase. “We weren’t sure if we’d catch you before your flight.”
“You were cutting it fine.”
“I know.” Luke points under the coffee table, where a bunch of water bottles and snacks have been stacked in a basket. “We were all set to keep going until you got off the plane. We said if you hadn’t contacted us in forty-eight hours, we’d call it quits.”
My eyes widen. “Forty-eight hours? You were going to stream for two full days?”
“What else could we do?” Josh asks, his voice sharp. “Jesus, Layla, we would’ve done anything to talk to you. Anything.”
“Well.” I look at the floor. “Here I am.”
“You’re not going to America?” Zack asks, his blue eyes still boring into me.
I cross my arms over my stomach. “The offer has apparently been rescinded. Anna Bardet is a big fan of the show. She didn’t want the cheater who lied and broke all of your hearts to be a member of her organisation.”
All three men flinch.
“Oh, God,” Luke says. “I am so sorry. One of the guests at the wedding released the pictures. We tried to get them taken down, but by the time we realised, it was too late. And then when that reality star tweeted about them… they were everywhere.”
I nod slowly. There’s another awkward silence, and then Zack finally breaks.
“Oh, for God’s sake,” he grumbles. “Why are we all just standing here?” He crosses the room in two big strides, opening his arms for me like he wants to scoop me up.
I take a step back. “No.”
He stops in his tracks, his face crumpling. “Layla?”
“I…” I look between the men, taking in all of their concerned faces. I don’t know what to do next. On the taxi ride home, all of my thoughts were focussed on getting back here. But now that I’m actually standing in front of the men, I don’t know what I want. Every atom in my body is screaming at me to just step forward into Zack’s arms, but I don’t think I can.
I’m scared. I don’t trust them anymore.
I take a deep breath. “I heard what you were saying on the livestream,” I tell them. “And I understand, now. I can see that none of you were trying to hurt me.” I glance up at Zack. His jaw is tight, his fists clenched at his sides. “I didn’t realise how bad your own issues were. But… that doesn’t mean I want things to go back to the way they were.”
“What?” Zack’s voice sounds strangled.
“I want to be friends again,” I practically beg. “You three are the best friends I’ve ever had. I want that part of our relationship back. I want it to be like this stupid podcast never even happened.” I swallow thickly. “But I don’t want to date you anymore.”
