Faking with Benefits : Transcript 3

JOSH: Hello everyone, and welcome back to episode 447 of Three Single Guys. First of all, I’d like to congratulate Beth, Cyrus, Sebastian and Jack on their engagement. They’ve emailed into the show several times over the years, and we just received news that they’re finally tying the knot, so congratulations!

ZACK: And thanks for sending another wedding invite for Josh to add to the weird collage he has on his bedroom wall.

JOSH: Shh. Now, this week, we polled our listeners to see what you’d like to see in next month’s episodes. Aside from the numerous people who suggested we all make a sex tape… 

LAYLA: You wish, creeps. 

JOSH: …The number one request was that Luke join in the segment. 

LAYLA: Hey, did I mention that I used my womanly wiles and convinced Luke to join the segment? 

LUKE: It was your womanly wiles, was it? 

LAYLA: Yep. I batted my eyelashes at you, and you fell at my feet. Now I have three fake boyfriends. I guess this means my lessons are working, right? 

LUKE: I stand by my statement that you never needed lessons. But, yes, from now on, I will be joining in this asinine experiment. 

JOSH: We love you, too. Let’s see… the second biggest request is that Zack do an episode on grieving a partner. Layla, I believe this was your idea, wasn’t it?

LAYLA: Only if you want to. You guys get so many questions about grief, I think you could lead a whole episode on it. 

ZACK: (Doesn’t respond)

JOSH: … okay. I guess that’s a no. We also had several people saying that Layla should join our listener advice segment. So, while you’re here, love, would you like to read out a listener email? I’ve got one for you right here. 

LAYLA: Sure. (Paper rustles). Okay. ‘My boyfriend’s always asking me to ride his face — but I’m a bigger girl, and I’m worried I might hurt him. From Curvy in Kentucky.’ Okay, babe. I don’t know how strong the human head is, and I don’t think it matters. There’s no weight capacity. Just sit on his face, and if he dies, he dies. 

JOSH: (Coughs violently)

ZACK: Damn straight. Bury him alive. Lucky guy. 

LUKE: The human head can withstand up to about five hundred pounds of pressure. But that’s not really a weight limit, since in this position, you’d be kneeling, with your weight balanced on your knees. If you struggle to hold your balance, try holding onto your headboard.

LAYLA: Nope. Don’t listen to him. You don’t have to kneel. Sit on his mouth like a throne. Enjoy your ride, doll. Josh, do you need some water? 

JOSH: I’m fine. I just didn’t realise you were so experienced at sitting on guys’ faces. 

LAYLA: I’m not at all, actually. Hopefully, I will be one day. Very, very soon. 

(A brief pause. A chair scrapes back) 

LUKE: Alright, I think we’re done for the day. You’re coming with me. 

JOSH: Thanks for emailing, Curvy in Kentucky. You’ve given us a lot to think about.