Shame burns at the edge of my consciousness.
I just allowed the enemy to use my body for his own pleasure. And what’s worse? I enjoyed it. Everything he did made me ache for him. His rough treatment only made me want more. The way he praised me made my heart skip a beat. And the rapture in his eyes as he came down my throat, holding my hair so tight I’m sure he tore chunks from my scalp, it was like art. That’s the only way I can describe the way he fell apart above me, allowing himself to be vulnerable.
I was so mesmerized by the moment that I almost choked on his hot sticky cum before I finally swallowed it down.
As soon as his grip on my hair loosens, I pull away from him, scooting back until I hit the wall before bringing my knees up to my chest. I can’t believe I let him do that to me. I can’t believe I was so stupid to think he meant it when he said he wouldn’t force himself on me. But then I’ve always been the stupid Saint James. The expendable one even. Storm is the leader, Wynter is always so poised and perfect, and Rayne is the strong one. They each forged a role in the family, and I never did. Even the tabloids know it.
I’ve lost count of the number of articles the trash newspapers in the city have written about me. Every time I step out of the house, I’ve done something wrong in society’s eyes, and there’s always someone there to capture my mistakes. Except of course when I needed the paparazzi to be there the day Elijah stole me from my life and everything I love. The only time in years they’ve missed something notable happening, and it just so happens to be me being kidnapped by the cruelest man in the city. How convenient.
For long moments my breathing comes in fast and hard pants. Panic claws up my throat but it’s too overbearing for me to fight, and so I allow it to drag me down with it.
Tonight I was held at gunpoint and I thought that was the worst thing that could ever happen to me, but God, was I wrong. The worst thing that could happen to me was having my freedom taken from me, and on top of that, my freewill.
Elijah has taken everything from me. Every fucking thing. But I can’t allow him to take anything else, not without fighting like my life depends on it. Because if he lied to me about this, he’s sure to have lied to me about other things. Like what will happen to me when all of this ends.
“Snow?” Elijah’s voice startles me. It’s closer than it should be. I left him a few feet away and didn’t hear him move, but then again, I’ve often thought he moves like a silent assassin, it shouldn’t surprise me anymore.
I don’t look up at him, too ashamed of what I’ve allowed him to do to my body. Instead, I tighten my arms around my knees and bury my face as deep as I can into them. I can’t allow myself to fall apart in front of the man who holds my entire fate in his hands, even if I now know there’s nowhere in this house he can’t see me. Nowhere I can fall apart.
Rough hands brush up my bare legs and although my mind tells me to pull away, my body remains rooted in place. “Snowflake,” he whispers my nickname like a prayer. His hands disappear for a moment and the way my heart sinks at the thought of him leaving me after what he just did only adds to the shame tearing me apart piece by piece.
A moment later my body is lifted from the ground and my side rests against his chest. He presses a gentle kiss to my temple as he takes a few steps to the bed, carefully sitting back and keeping his arms wrapped around me. It’s just another one of the times I should fight like hell, but I don’t have any fight left in me. Not tonight at least.
Tears roll down my cheeks in heavy drops, mourning the loss of the life I thought I would lead. I thought I would eventually meet a nice man, probably one of Storm’s contacts, and he would treat me well enough. We would have two point four children and a dog and a white picket fence, and I would be happy. Maybe not in the way I was when I was wild and free, but happy enough. I’ll never have that chance now.
Elijah has taken all my choices away, everything I always thought my life would be is gone, and now my future looks very different. The wife of a Mafia king, forced to bear his heirs, and then when he’s done with me, when I start to age and there’s no use for me, he’ll kill me. If I’m lucky it will be quick and painless, but it depends how alike he is to his uncles.
His arms hold me so tightly I almost allow myself to pretend it’s not him, that it’s someone who genuinely cares for me and my feelings. He holds me for so long and so tight that the tears eventually dry, and all that’s left is the shame he forced upon me.
Elijah shifts beneath me and my fingers cling to him. As fucked up as it sounds, he’s the only thing holding me together right now, even though he’s the reason I’m falling apart in the first place. “I’m not going anywhere, Snowflake,” he murmurs against the top of my head. “Let’s get you into bed.”
He doesn’t wait for me to say anything, instead he lifts me carefully from his chest as if I weigh nothing and lays me beside him in the middle of the bed. Immediately I curl into a ball, as if the movement can protect me from the events of the night. But even I know there’s no protecting myself from my new reality.
The bed dips beside me and his overheated body curls around my back. I should pull away and lay as far away from him as the bed will allow, but the monster behind me is all I have now, and the sooner I accept that, the easier it’s going to be for me in the long run.
“We’re getting married next weekend. I’ll have someone come to help you plan everything. You can have anything you want, I don’t care how much it costs, but you will be my wife.” There’s no room for argument in his tone, nothing I can say or do to change his mind. All I can hope for is that I can make his life even an ounce as awful as he’s going to make mine.
“Okay,” I whisper.
“You’re going to be happy here, Snow.” One of his arms snakes beneath me and rests on one of my bare breasts, while his other forces my legs apart enough that it can cup my pussy. “So wet and needy for me,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to the place below my ear. “Are you ready to ask me nicely for what you need?”
“I don’t need anything from you.”
He chuckles, his breath whispering across my skin. “Little liar.”
