It’s all fucked. What’s the point? Besides, it’s not like I’ll be missed.
Whatever. I’m doing it. At least then, I won’t feel. And this incessant ache? It’ll finally be gone.
My decision made, I dig my bare feet into the pine needles and leaves scattered beneath me—my own personal runway into freedom. Freedom from this dark abyss that threatens to take me under. Every. Damn. Day.
God, I’m tired. So damn tired.
Like a siren’s call, the wind beats against my face. She’s telling me it’s time.
And as if in answer, my heart picks up its beat, helping me realize that this is the most alive I’ve felt in ages. Good. I welcome it. Right along with the pain from the branches now piercing my soles.
With every stride forward, my body gains speed, and that’s when I see it—the cliff’s edge.
Feet carry me into the light, where I may finally breathe and be free. A little longer. Just a few more steps.
But because life is nothing but cruel, my relief is denied and I’m forced back down into the pain of this world by a large body blindsiding my own.
I’m knocked onto my ass, the scattered twigs now digging into my back, reminding me that I’m still on this torturous plane.
“Maverick,” I grunt, barely able to breathe as his large body smothers me.
“What the fuck, Melissa! What in-the-actual-fuck were you thinking?!” My brother’s best friend finally peels himself off my small frame, but only enough to assess my face—for what? I have no clue.
I say nothing. There’s nothing to say.
“Answer me, little girl or I’ll drag your scrawny ass right to your brother and tell him what I found you doing.”
My eyes narrow, face scrunching up right before I bust out in hysterical laughter—all while this massive man straddles me, as if his body weight will keep me from flying off the cliff not ten feet away.
“You,” I cackle, “you think…” more uncontrollable laughter, “You think that telling my brother is going to scare me? I was just about to plummet into darkness, and you think that ratting me out will get me talking?”
Deep amber eyes blink down at me, and I see Maverick is at a loss for words—which isn’t saying much. This is the most he’s said to me in the five years I’ve known him. He’s a loner and his only friend is my brother, another recluse. I swear, they’d be happy holed up in the woods for months at a time, not giving a damn about the world around them.
Finally, something registers on his face and his bulky frame eases back. I’m thinking he’s about to leave me in my state of hysteria—I’m too much for anyone to deal with, let alone someone like him—but his next actions surprise the hell out of me. He drags me onto his lap, his massive arms wrapping around me as he brings my head to his chest with one hand while the other grips my lithe body to his.
And on a harsh whisper, Maverick delivers the words that will forever change my trajectory on this fucked up planet.
“Now you listen to me, and you listen to me good.” His chest rises with a deep inhale before his next words fall on the exhale. “Life isn’t perfect. Far from it. At times, it can be absolutely devastating and downright painful. But that isn’t the constant and it isn’t what we should hang onto… You see, life is like a rollercoaster, and just as deeply as you feel these lows—I promise you, baby doll—the highs will be equally as breathtaking and worth every fucking second of the hell you endured to get there.”
My chest is so heavy right now, my throat tight. I can’t help it. All of the darkness inside of me pours out, my eyes burning with the onslaught of tears raining down my cheeks and onto Mav’s shirt.
“Ssshhhh, baby. It’ll be okay. You’ll find your light, I promise.” His calloused grip drops to my neck and squeezes. “Once you feel how good life can be, you’ll cling onto those moments with all you hold dear. Those moments, as small and as fleeting as they are, they’re worth living for.”
Maverick presses his lips to my temple, the action making my ugly sobs now come out in full force. “No. They’re not for me. I can’t feel them. I never have.”
“You just haven’t been listening, baby doll.” Strong hands grip my biceps and turn me until I’m straddling this strange feral version of Buddha. “Dig your toes into the ground and close your eyes, feeling the ground beneath you.” I do as he says and once he’s satisfied, he squeezes my hips and continues. “Okay, now take in a deep breath and feel the coolness entering your body, filling it with energy…” Once again, I comply, and once again, I get a little squeeze of assurance. “Good girl, now exhale and let all that darkness out.”
My heart gallops in place. These seemingly small things filling me with curiosity for more.
“This. You will always have this. No matter how fucked up life is around you, you’ll always have the earth to ground you. Take it. Use it. Let it center you and help you find your focus. Come out of it stronger and show that situation who the fuck is boss.” Pillowy lips press to my forehead and a shiver runs through me. Something I’ve never felt before, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hungry for more. “You’re the boss, baby doll. Go grab life by the balls and make it your bitch.”
“Make life my bitch,” I mumble into Maverick’s shirt, repeating my newfound mantra.
I have no clue how this man managed to turn me upside down in a matter of minutes, but for someone who’s spoken all but two words to me before, he’s sure as hell made up for the lack of communication just now.
Begrudgingly, I pull back. “Okay.” Wiping at my tear-stained face, I feel a stream of snot drip out of my nose. Thank you, Life. You fucking bitch. With a pointed index finger, I shove at his hard chest. “But just so you know. If I don’t find these moments you speak of, I’m holding you personally accountable.”
Maverick throws his head back, his throaty chuckle lighting up every part of my body and flooding me with confusing emotions. “Deal, baby doll. Deal.”
This has my brows reaching up toward my hairline. “So quick to make a deal with the devil I see. You do know that if I come after you, I’m dragging both of us over that cliff?”
My new life coach continues to chuckle as he lifts us off the ground, never missing a beat as he throws me over his shoulder before punctuating his sentence with a swat to my ass. “I’d like to see you try, little girl. I’d tie you up before you even got to step a foot into these woods.”
Holy fuck. He was being playful but the thoughts that popped up into my head were anything but. I’m talking about Fifty Shades of Broody Mountain Man… and I’m not mad at it. Nope. I’m hungry for more.
“Now, let’s go see about moving you out of that shithole. There’s no way I’m letting you go back with Bruce after that stunt you pulled. If your father isn’t going to be watching out for you, then I’ll make sure Ericson is.”
My body freezes at his words. He’s right. There’s no way I could go back home, but I’m not moving in with my brother. He’s a park ranger and sharing a tiny cabin with that slob is already giving me the itch to run.
As a matter of fact…
“Not. Happening.” I wiggle with all that I have, managing to find a ticklish spot on the beast of a man. Jackpot. His weakness. One I exploit until he’s dropping me like a hot potato, the small move causing him to stumble.
With as much speed as I can muster, I rise up and run—run as fast as my battered feet can carry me. Thank you, Clover High Track Team. Who knew those skills would come in so handy.
“What the fuck, Mel!” He’s howling behind me but I’m not stopping. I’ll find my own way out of this, and it definitely isn’t going to be shacking up with my brother.
And as the road comes into view, I see her. My classmate, Koko. Technically Mila Kournikova, but they call her Koko for short.
Perfect.
With a boost of energy I didn’t know I had, I dash toward the car and notice the older version of her behind the wheel. Her eyes are glassed over as she talks on the phone, but I don’t even stop to think before wrenching the rear passenger door open and jumping inside.
“Melissa?” She looks down at my crouched position on the floorboards, her mother oblivious to what’s going on behind her or not even caring.
I whisper-shout. “Turn back around! My brother’s best friend is about to pop out of those woods. If he asks, you haven’t seen me.”
Mila nods, her petite frame turning to face the road as her hand drops a large coat over the back—the perfect cover from nosy mountain men.
She doesn’t owe me anything, nor do I have anything to give her. This small act of kindness is all her, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t warm my chest, loosening some of the bitterness I hold inside.
Mila is doing me a solid. Just because she can. I think I love her already.
And as I hear the window roll down and my new best friend cover for me, I know that I really do. But more than that, I’ve finally found it. My first moment of light in this fucked up world.
