I stare out of the huge window into the darkness. It is so peaceful here. I wonder if I could ever get used to not living in the city though. The door to my room creaks open and I spin around to see Jax standing there.
“Hey,” he says quietly.
“Hey,” I whisper.
He walks to the bed and lies down. “Come here.” He holds out his hand to me.
“I need to shower,” I say, turning back to the window.
“Luce! Come here,” he orders, his tone a little firmer now.
I close my eyes and will my feet to stay right where they are even though I want nothing more than to lie there with him.
“I’m sorry,” he says and that’s when my treacherous body betrays me and I walk over to the bed and lie beside him. I don’t lie on his chest the way I usually would though. I mean, I have to show a little restraint here, right?
He pushes himself up onto one elbow and looks down at me, his fingers trailing softly over my stomach.
“I don’t want you talking to my father because I don’t want him to be a part of my life. Even knowing a little about you or Matthias means that he gets that little bit closer to me. I know that sounds crazy…”
“It doesn’t. I understand that.”
“He doesn’t get to share my life now. He doesn’t get to share you,” he says, his voice thick with emotion.
“Okay. I won’t talk to him again.”
“Thank you,” he whispers and then he lays his head on my stomach and I run my fingers through his hair. “My mom did everything she could to stop him drinking, but it was never enough. She wasn’t enough and neither was I. When he started beating her she decided that was it. She packed up mine and her things in her truck one day and we drove to LA to stay with her older sister. Just like that. No looking back. We went from this huge ranch in the middle of this beautiful country to sharing a one-bed apartment with my aunt.”
“That must have been tough.”
“My mom worked three jobs to get us our own place. It was a shitty apartment with no air con and no hot water half the time, but it was opposite a basketball court, so…”
“That’s where you met my father, right?”
“Sure is. His mom used to visit her old neighbors and he used to go with her.”
We lie in silence before he speaks again. “He never even tried to find us, Luce. He didn’t even get off his drunk ass to see where we’d gone. How can you just let your wife and your only son slip away from you like that? My mom stayed in touch with Molly. He could have just asked her where we were. He could have got himself cleaned up and come for us, but he didn’t even try.”
I curl my fingers in his hair and let him go on talking.
“When I was a kid and he was sober he used to talk to me about all his grand plans for me and him. How we’d train horses and expand the ranch. But he was full of bullshit. He could never see past the bottom of his next bottle. Even when Mom got sick he didn’t care. Not even a phone call. So, the fact that he got sober ten years ago, when neither of us no longer needed him is the biggest insult he ever gave me. If he could do that, why didn’t he do it when it really fucking mattered? ”
“I’m sorry, Jax.”
He looks up at me. “Don’t be. I have a better life now than I could have imagined. If I hadn’t moved to LA, I’d never have met your father—and then I’d never have met you.”
I smile at him. “Well that would have been a damn shame now, wouldn’t it?”
He pushes himself up until he’s lying on top of me. This is where he feels in control again and I know that’s what he needs. Leaning down, he runs his mouth over my breasts through the fabric of my dress.
“Jax,” I breathe. “I really do need a shower. I stink.”
“You smell incredible,” he mumbles against me.
“I smell of fire,” I whisper. “And sex.”
“Hmm.” He looks up at me. “You smell of me.”
“I do.” I bite on my lip.
“I like you smelling of me, Angel. I’d have you walk around permanently dripping in my cum if I had my way.”
“You’re a bad man, Jackson Decker,” I giggle.
He flips me over until I’m lying on my front and smacks my ass, making me squeal. “You’ve seen nothing yet, Lucia,” he growls as he starts to peel my clothes off. “Now be a good girl and try to be quiet while I fuck you.”
