I turn off the truck’s engine and take a deep breath. Lucia places her warm hand on my thigh and squeezes reassuringly. She doesn’t seem nervous about this at all. I’m fidgety as hell though and I hate it. This isn’t a feeling I’m used to and I don’t plan on feeling it often.
“He’s going to be thrilled,” she whispers.
I look in the back seat at Matthias’ smiling face. I mean I adore this kid, and I know he loves me, but that was when I was Uncle Jax, and not the guy dating his mom. And if he’s not okay with this, then I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do—I can’t give up Lucia, but her son is her number one priority and I have to respect that.
I unclip my seatbelt.
“Are you coming inside, Jax?” Matthias asks.
“Sure am, buddy.”
“Cool. Can we play dinosaurs?”
“Yep.”
Lucia climbs out of the car and unbuckles him from his seat. “Jax and I want to talk to you first though, munchkin.”
“Am I in trouble?” he stares, wide-eyed.
“No,” she laughs and shakes her head.
“Come on. Let’s go. We might even go for ice cream after.”
“Ice cream,” he squeals. “This is the best day ever.”
I can’t help but smile at the kid. I sure hope he still thinks that in a few minutes’ time.
When we get up to their apartment, the three of us sit at the small table in the kitchen. Matthias stares at us waiting for us to speak. I wonder what we’re going to say to the kid but Lucia just comes right out with it.
“So, munchkin, we wanted to tell you that Jax is my boyfriend now.”
“Boyfriend?” he frowns.
Fuck!
“Yeah. It means he’ll be here a lot more. And he’ll have sleepovers.”
Oh thank fuck. He’s frowning because he doesn’t understand what a boyfriend is.
“Sleepovers?” he grins. “In my room?”
She laughs. “No, in my room.”
“Aw,” he pouts.
“But I can still play dinosaurs with you before bed,” I add.
“Okay,” he shrugs.
I look at Lucia. “Is that it?” I whisper.
“What did you think was going to happen?” she whispers back.
“I feel kind of underwhelmed.” I grin at her and she laughs.
“Wait for it.” She winks at me.
Matthias sits in silence for a few minutes and I obviously forgot how this kid’s mind works.
“Are you going to kiss?” he suddenly asks.
“Lots,” Lucia replies.
“Like Papa and Nana?”
“Yes.”
He makes a slightly disgusted face which makes me laugh and then I sit back and watch as Matthias asks his mom one hundred and one questions about what she just told him.
“Can we get a puppy? Like Blue?”
“No.”
“Will Jax take me to kindergarten?”
“Sometimes.”
“Will we have sleepovers at Jax’s house?”
“Yes.”
“Can we go to the beach in Jax’s truck?”
“Yes.”
“Will Jax have his own toothbrush?”
“Yes.”
The questions are endless and she answers each one with patience and a smile—I can’t believe how much I love this woman. But then he directs his final question to me.
“Will you be my new daddy?”
I sense Lucia bristle beside me. I open my mouth but for a few seconds nothing comes out. How the hell do I answer that? I go with my gut and hope I’m saying the right thing.
“If you want me to be, buddy, it would be my honor.”
He smiles at me but Lucia pushes back her chair and walks to the kitchen counter. I look over at her but she’s facing away from me with her hands splayed on the worktop. I can tell from the rhythmic movements of her shoulders that she’s crying.
Fuck! Have I blown this already?
“Why don’t you go round up some dinosaurs in your room and we’ll play before dinner?” I wink at Matthias.
“Sure.” He jumps from his chair and runs off to his room.
I walk over to her and stand behind her, placing my hands on her shoulders. “I’m sorry if I overstepped, Luce. I should have let you take that one, too.”
She shakes her head and a loud sob escapes her throat. “Luce?” I plead. I pull her up and turn her to face me and she buries her head against my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist and squeezing me tightly.
So, I haven’t fucked up? “What is it, Angel?” I press a kiss on the top of her head.
“This is too much, Jax,” she breathes.
I sigh deeply. I shouldn’t have rushed this but I want to spend the rest of my life with her and her amazing kid. How do I pretend that I don’t? “You want to go slower?”
She looks up at me, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “No.” She shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I’m not making sense.”
“Then take a deep breath and tell me what’s going on, Luce.”
She nods, taking a few deep breaths before she speaks. “Have you ever wanted something so badly that you think about it all the time? Like you almost want to wish it into being? And then when it happens you’re not sure if it’s real because it’s so perfect that it must be some kind of dream or a trick?”
“Maybe,” I frown at her.
“This is it, Jax. I wanted you for so long and wondered what it would be like to have you tell me that you love me. But more than that, I used to watch you with Matthias and wish that you were his father instead of Blake. I had this fantasy about how we would all live in a house by the beach and you would bring me coffee in bed and read bedtime stories to our kids.”
“Kids?” I arch an eyebrow at her. “As in more than one?”
“Yeah. Like six or seven,” she laughs softly.
“No way.” I shake my head. “Three. Tops.”
She smiles. “Four.”
I lean down and kiss her soft lips and she melts into me as I explore her mouth with my tongue. She tastes so sweet and I can’t wait to explore the rest of her later. This right here is everything I ever wanted and didn’t even know that I needed.
“Gross!” Matthias shouts and I pull back from her and smile.
“You really want three more of them?”
“Not yet.” She smiles. “But yeah, one day.”
“Hmm. I’ll see what I can do.” I wink at her and the smile she gives me makes me feel like the happiest man on the planet.
