My heart pounded so hard that I was sure he could hear it. Apparently, lust mixed with nerves was a potent combo. I’d never invited a man into my room. I’d never wanted to, and, for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why I’d chosen Julian to be the first.
Sure, he was unnaturally hot, but that probably had a lot to do with the whole being a vampire thing. He was also bossy and rude, which should have counteracted his looks. But for some reason, I couldn’t stop kissing him. It was like I’d unlocked some secret cache of hormones that I didn’t know were inside me.
He placed me gently on my feet, his fingers finding my zipper.
Oh my god, was I actually doing this?
I needed a minute to think My body was speeding forward before my brain could catch up. Julian leaned to kiss me, and I stopped him.
“Wait, Julian, there’s something you should know.”
His response was immediate. Julian stepped back and waited. He might have passed for nonplussed if it weren’t for his eyes. The electric blue that had struck me from across the room earlier tonight had disappeared. Now his eyes were black. I trembled, reminded of how the other vampire had looked as he fed.
It was clear Julian wanted to sleep with me. But did he plan to take more than my body?
Julian straightened and squared his shoulders before I could sift through how I felt about it. His eyes began to return to their breathtaking shade of blue. “Perhaps, this was a bad–”
“I’m a virgin,” I blurted out before I lost my nerve. Instantly, I wished I could take it back. My stomach clenched, humiliation finally trumping horniness.
“You’re a what?” He blinked rapidly as if I’d smacked him.
He was going to make me repeat the single most embarrassing moment of my life? No way. I would own this. I hadn’t been alive for a million years. It didn’t matter if I was a virgin or a hooker, I’d never catch up to his experience.
“A virgin,” I said firmly. “Is that a problem?”
He stared at me.
“I thought you should know before…um…well, you know.”
Yep, I was absolutely killing this moment.
“I don’t understand,” he said slowly.
“What do I have to do? Draw you a diagram?” I crossed my arms and hoped he thought my red face was due to anger, not mortification. “You do know what a virgin is?”
His eyes narrowed to slits. “I know what a virgin is,” he said dryly. “I just didn’t expect…”
I arched an eyebrow as he trailed away.
“You seemed…” He stopped and shook his head. “Actually, never mind.”
I’d clearly freaked him out. “It’s not a big deal. I just didn’t want to surprise you if–”
“Thea,” he interrupted me, placing his hands on my shoulders. “I’ve been alive for nearly a thousand years, and I can say, with absolute certainty, that it’s always a big deal.”
I found myself highly interested in my shoes. Julian had rough edges, but there was an unexpected softness to his words. “I still want to.”
“Want to what?” he asked.
“You know.”
“Thea,” he said, sounding exasperated, “if you can’t say it, you shouldn’t do it.”
Was he turning me down? I felt my lower lip quiver, and I bit down to stop it. None of this was going like I’d expected it to go. I had always assumed I would meet a nice guy and fall in love, or, at least, just get drunk and get it over with. I never expected to find myself arguing over whether I was ready. I was so annoyed that I found myself actually reconsidering. It wasn’t like I’d pictured finally sleeping with a guy while my roommates slept across the hall. But still, the rejection stung.
“I shouldn’t have told you,” I murmured to myself.
“I’m glad you did. You saved us both from making a terrible mistake.” His words raked across me like nails on a chalkboard. That’s what he thought? Sleeping with me would have been a mistake?
Tears smarted my eyes, but now they were fueled by anger. “Maybe you should go.”
“I’ve upset you.” He studied me for a moment like a serpent contemplating a butterfly. I couldn’t be more than a fragile, silly creature to this god.
“It doesn’t matter. You’re right,” I said, swallowing back an ache in my throat. “It would have been a mistake.”
His eyes narrowed, and I half expected him to strike. “You misunderstand me.”
“Oh, I understand you.” I planted my hands on my hips. It was hardly an intimidating move considering he had a good foot and a half on me.
“It’s more complicated than you realize,” he said, his mouth twitching as if he wanted to laugh.
Just what I needed, more half-truths and mysterious insinuations. The longer we stood there, the more adrenaline drained from my body. In its absence, all I felt was bone-deep exhaustion. It had been a very long day. “Look, I have class tomorrow.”
“Class?” he asked.
“I’m about to graduate from Lassiter,” I said. Why was I telling him this? He didn’t care. Also, had I really almost had sex with a vampire who knew virtually nothing about me?
“Music?”
I nodded, a pang hitting me as I thought of my cello. Then a terrible realization struck. My cello was unplayable, which meant I would miss my audition for the Reed Fellowship. I stumbled a few steps and dropped onto my bed. “Look, just leave. I worked all day, and I have to be up in a few hours. Thanks for getting me home and feeding me.”
“It was the least I could do, considering,” he said slowly. “Is something wrong? You seem quiet. I hope I didn’t offend you.”
“It’s nothing.” I waved off his concern, hoping he would leave soon. “I’m going to miss an audition. I’m sure I can reschedule.”
That was a lie. This wasn’t the type of audition I could simply rearrange. Julian didn’t need to know that. He already felt obligated to me, and look where that had gotten us.
“Thea, I–”
“Please,” I cut him off. “I just want to go to sleep.”
He tilted his head, but he made no move to leave. “Go to dinner with me tomorrow night.”
I sighed. My life wasn’t exciting, but it was busy. It wasn’t as if I could just drop everything to go out with him, especially since I wasn’t sure I wanted to anymore. “I work until late.”
“Another job?” he asked, displeasure rippling through his features.
“Yeah, not all of us have had centuries to invest. Look, you already said this was a mistake. Let’s just leave it there.”
“I fucked up,” he said abruptly. “All night. I’m sorry for that. Let me make it up to you.”
His apology knocked the arguments out of me. I wasn’t sure who Julian Rousseaux really was. Was he the handsome stranger I’d caught staring at me? Or was he the vampire who’d ripped a head off in front of me? Or, maybe, he was the guy who’d demanded I eat something before he delivered me safely home? I couldn’t keep up with him and his constantly shifting moods.
“I don’t know,” I said, at last. “And, honestly, I don’t get off work until after eight.”
“Think about it.” He drew his cellphone out of his pocket. “I assume you have one of these?”
I suppressed a giggle. He really had been asleep for the last couple of decades. “Yeah, I do.”
“How do I call it?” He waved the phone like it was a wand, and its screen lit up.
“Here.” I took his phone and opened his contact list to add my name. Of all the ways I’d imagined tonight would end, adding my number to a vampire’s cell phone hadn’t been on the list. Honestly, I wasn’t sure which one of us was in more danger in this city. I might not have known vampires prowled the streets until today, but he seemed equally lost.
“I don’t know why anyone would want a phone everywhere they went,” he grumbled.
I snorted, unable to contain myself any longer. Julian might look like a gorgeous thirty-year-old, but he definitely acted like an ancient vampire.
“What?” he asked suspiciously.
“Nothing,” I said with a shrug. “You just sound like an old man.”
“And that amuses you?” he said in a flat tone. It was clear he didn’t share my sense of humor regarding the matter.
“It’s just funny to see a big, strong vampire overwhelmed by a phone.” I smiled sweetly in response to his glare. “Still want to take me to dinner?”
“Yes,” he said through gritted teeth.
I couldn’t imagine why. “I’ll let you know.” I handed his phone back to him. “I texted my number, so I have yours, too.”
“Why?”
“So, I can text you to let you know what I decide.”
“I was going to call you,” he reminded me.
“Yes, but I leave my phone off at school and work. It’s easier if I message you.” But he continued to cast a shadowy look of disapproval at me. “Relax, it’s the twenty-first century. Girls can text guys now. It can’t have been that different back in the eighties.”
He grunted. I couldn’t tell if he was agreeing or disagreeing. At least, he’d stopped glowering.
“I should let you rest,” he said after a few moments.
I showed him to the door, keenly aware of his presence. Partially because I still couldn’t believe he was here, but mostly because he made the cramped space look even smaller. When I opened the door, I stepped to the side and pressed my back against the wall. Tonight had been a mistake. We’d both agreed on that. But what would happen now? Would he kiss me again? Did he really want to take me out?
Julian paused, his striking form filling the doorframe. Light from the hall spilled around him like a halo. He was beautiful, and I found myself unable to look away. But he was no angel. He was deadly. Why did that draw me to him even more?
“Thea.” He leaned down, bringing his face closer to me, and I found my eyes closing in anticipation.
I held my breath, waiting for the electric touch of his lips, but it never came. Instead, he laughed under his breath. “Don’t forget to lock your doors, pet. You never know what’s lurking on the city streets.”
My eyes snapped open, embarrassed that I’d mistaken his intentions and annoyed by his little nickname. Is that what he thought of me? I was just a helpless kitten? “Will do, old man.”
A low growl rumbled through him, but I didn’t wait for whatever clever comeback he’d fire off. I did exactly what he told me to do. I shut the door with him still standing there, turned the dead bolt, and hooked the chain. I doubted any of it would hold against him if he decided to take offense at the door being slammed in his stupid, gorgeous vampire face. Slumping against it, I half hoped he would knock it off its hinges and carry me back to the bedroom. But I gave up after a few minutes. Besides, if he had, someone would probably call the cops before anything happened.
The last thing I needed was my roommates cop-blocking me. I giggled at the thought. The fact that I found it funny meant I was edging from tired to delirious. I needed to go to bed and sleep until my head was clear. Pushing back onto my feet, I took two steps into the dark before someone rushed toward me.
