“Thanks for letting us stay,” I say to Hudson and Louisa two days later at breakfast. “I appreciate it.”
“Yeah, ditto,” Xeno adds, wrapping his arm around my waist and pressing a kiss to the top of my head.
“Did you sleep better last night?” Louisa asks, looking between us both. We’re standing at the far end of the dining room, away from the others. Xeno holds a mug with his free hand and the smell of expensive, freshly roasted coffee wraps around us. It’s weirdly comforting.
“We did, thank you.” My cheeks heat, but there’s absolutely no judgement in Louisa’s eyes, just warmth and understanding.
“I’m glad.” She smiles gently then flicks her gaze to Xeno. “That look tells me that perhaps you didn’t?”
He shakes his head. “Dax and Zayn not being here might’ve freed up the bed, but I woke up with York practically crushing me. The bastard used me as his personal cuddle toy. I think he thought I was Tiny. The arsehole got a bit of a shock when he woke up to find a fist in his gut.”
Hudson’s lip twitches in amusement and Louisa grins.
“Funny, Bryce has a habit of doing the same in his sleep. Normally it’s Hud who bears the brunt of his affection.” She wiggles her eyebrows then smothers a laugh at the look Hudson gives her. “You know it’s true, Hud.”
“Luckily for everyone I’m very tolerant,” he replies, his cheeks tinge pink a little at Louisa’s insinuation. We all know she’s talking about morning wood. I don’t think there is a guy on this planet who doesn’t wake up with a boner. “You get used to it after a while. Comes with the territory.”
“Yeah, I guess it does,” Xeno replies with a smirk.
A smile pulls up my lips, but it falls quickly. How can I feel joy, however small or fleeting, when Lena is hurting so much? I glance over at her. She’s sitting at the dining table with York by her side. All morning he’s been trying to distract her with conversation, talking about everything and nothing despite her lack of interest. He’s taken it upon himself to help her deal with her grief and I couldn’t love him any more for it. If anyone can break through her cloud of grief, York can.
“She’s so withdrawn. She’s barely talked these past couple days and hasn’t even questioned why we’re here. It’s not like her,” I say, watching Lena as she pushes her food around her plate distractedly, only to drop the fork a moment later, giving up entirely on eating. I frown.
“It’s going to take time,” Louisa says, squeezing my arm gently.
“She’s not eating either,” I reply, stating the obvious.
“She will. You’ll make sure of it.”
I nod, heaving out a sigh as I meet Louisa’s gaze. “I’m sorry I didn’t get a chance to meet Max and Bryce. I wanted to thank them before we left today. It can’t be easy opening up your house to a bunch of strangers. I’m sorry we brought trouble to your door.”
“You’re not strangers. I feel like I know you all already. Eastern has told me a lot about you, and Hudson thinks very highly of you all. Besides, this isn’t going to be the last time we see each other now, is it? We have plenty of time to get to know each other.”
“Wait, you think highly of me?” Xeno questions Hudson with a smirk, trying to come off unbothered by the compliment.
“Is that really such a surprise?” Hudson responds.
“Yeah, actually it is…” Xeno shifts on his feet, cutting Hudson a guarded look before breaking out into a smile. “Well, you aren’t the arsehole I originally thought you were either.”
Hudson laughs, shaking his head. “Thanks, I think… So, what are your plans? You’re welcome to stay longer if that’s what you need. The kids’ grandfather is happy to have them for a few days more.”
“Thanks for the offer, but we’ll be heading off today. Dax and Zayn have had our flat thoroughly checked over and it’s clear,” Xeno explains.
“Good to know. I’ve got my contacts at Interpol checking on the lead the guys informed us about yesterday. We owe that kid Jefferson,” Hudson says, lowering his voice. “As soon as I hear anything, I’ll be sure to let you know.”
Louisa frowns, shaking her head. “Not here,” she says, flicking her eyes to Lena before looking at me and changing the subject. “Are you certain you don’t want to stay longer? I know Grim would be upset if we let you leave before you were ready to, and right now it’s best not to anger Grim given her current condition,” Louisa says with a wry grin.
Hudson smirks, humour in his eyes. “Oh, I dunno, watching Beast piss Grim off is probably the funniest thing I’ve seen in a while. I’m not sure he’ll survive the pregnancy. Bryce reckons he won’t make the third trimester. Max thinks she’ll shoot him before the fourth month is over and I reckon she’ll string him up by the balls the week before the baby’s due. ”
Xeno smirks and Louisa gives Hudson a shove. “Hey, don’t be such an arse. Making bets about a pregnant woman! You wait until I speak with Max and Bryce.” She clicks her tongue in annoyance and female solidarity.
“I might be interested in wagering a bet myself. What are the odds?” Xeno asks casually, adding fuel to Louisa’s ire. She raises a brow at him, unimpressed, and I swallow a laugh. I like this woman.
“Seriously, these men!” she says, reaching for me once more. Her warm fingers wrapping gently around my arm. She’s very touchy feely, and for a brief moment I imagine the kind of mum she is to her kids. A good mum, kind. I bite on the inside of my cheek feeling all kinds of ways that I don’t want to pick apart right now. “Anyway, getting back to the point in hand, I just wanted you to know that we’re genuinely happy for you to stay here longer if you think a change of scenery would help Lena to heal. It’s not going to be easy for her to go back home given what happened there.”
I swallow hard, tears pricking my eyes at her kindness whilst the violence I feel brewing inside gains traction. The concoction of such conflicting emotions is a heady one, poisonous in its intent. I feel myself unravelling, their kindness my undoing.
“Pen…?” she questions gently.
Forcing the feelings aside, I plaster on a smile. “That’s really kind of you, but Lena and I are moving in with the guys for the time being.”
“Forever,” Xeno corrects me.
Hudson nods in approval. “That’s probably wise. Grim’s men will continue to guard your sister when she’s at school, and now that Gray has been introduced properly he will become her personal bodyguard.”
“What will I tell her? Right now she’s distracted by her grief, but eventually she’s going to question what’s going on,” I say, chewing on my lip.
“You might not agree with me, but I think you should tell her the truth. It may be a shock to hear, but in the long run it will be better for her. Secrets have a habit of getting all twisted up if they’re not shared. She might accept Gray better and understand the gravity of the situation more,” Hudson suggests.
“I don’t know if I can,” I reply, following Hudson’s gaze, my stomach churning with anxiety at the thought of breaking the news to her.
Gray is currently sitting opposite Lena, his dark blonde six o’clock shadow covering his cheeks and chin. With a shaved head on one side, and a curtain of blonde hair on the other, he’s attractive in a silent, thoughtful way. I can’t get a good read on him. Right now, he’s nursing a black coffee, his unreadable gaze focused on Lena who’s staring off into the distance, the fluffy scrambled eggs and bacon left untouched before her. My heart squeezes in pain. Seeing her like this hurts.
“I’m considering taking Lena out of school for the time being. She’ll have questions then, I’m sure…” My voice trails off as I sigh heavily. The pressure of keeping her safe weighing heavily on my shoulders. “The guys have offered to pay for a tutor until this whole situation has been dealt with.”
Xeno squeezes me tighter, understanding how hard it is for me to let them help financially. He made the suggestion as we were getting dressed earlier, and whilst I hate taking Lena out of school and away from her friends, it would be for the best until we can guarantee her safety.
“Given the circumstances, I think that’s a good idea. I have a friend who could help in that department. She’s a retired teacher. I’ll give her a call if you want?”
“I’d appreciate that…” My voice cracks, overwhelmed with everyone’s kindness. It’s not something I’m used to. How fucked up is that? I’m tearing up because of kindness, something that I’ve been woefully lacking my whole life.
“Hey, it’s okay, Pen,” Xeno murmurs.
“I’m fine,” I say tightly, brushing off his concern with a forced smile, whilst inside I battle with a sudden, fierce anger. Anger at my mum for never loving me. Why did she hate me so much? Why didn’t she save me from David’s wrath? Why did she drink to escape?
Those questions have always burned in my mind, and now I’ll never have the opportunity to find out. I’m not foolish enough to think Mum and I would ever have fixed what was broken, but eventually I would’ve confronted her. Xeno, sensing my imminent breakdown, hauls me closer to his side.
“Come on, you should eat too. You can’t take care of Lena if you barely have the energy to stand upright,” he reminds me.
Louisa nods, her eyes cast with worry. “Yes, please, eat. There’s plenty to go around. I hope you like—”
“Pen?! PEN!” Lena stands suddenly, her chair toppling over from the force. My skin prickles at the sound of her misery and heartbreak. It scratches down my spine, piercing my gut and fanning my rage, the violence and my need to lash out at the man who did this to her, to us.
“Lena!” I call back, shrugging out of Xeno’s hold and rushing forward.
Her head whips around, her eyes frantic until she focuses on me. They’re filled with a never ending sadness so deep that I fear we both might drown.
“Hey, Lena…” York says softly, reaching for her hand with gentle fingers and empathy, but she shakes him away, focusing only on me.
On the other side of the table Gray stands, concern etching his features with shadows and lines. I’ve only spoken a handful of words to him, but the way he looks at Lena tells me he’s a good man, that her sorrow affects him too, just like it does all of us.
“Pen!” Lena cries as I pull her into my arms and hold her close. Her wails of grief fill the air and make the hair on the back of my neck stand. I break with her, for her, but there are no outward signs, just unending sympathy and a hate that expands and billows until I feel sick with it. I’ve always hated David, I’ve wished him dead countless times, but I’ve never wanted to make that happen with my own bare hands until now.
“Hush, I’m here. I’m here.”
“She’s dead, Pen. She’s gone!” she wails, her tears wet and warm against my cheek. Her body doubles over in agony as grief tries to drag her to the floor.
“I know, Lena. I know,” I murmur, supporting her weight as I ease her back into the chair York has picked up off the floor and placed behind her.
“She’s never coming back, is she?” she asks me as she cries for a mother who loved her fiercely but never extended that same kind of love, any kind of love, to me. “Pen, tell me this is all a dream. Tell me Mum’s okay. Please.”
I shake my head, blinking back my own tears, refusing to let them fall, determined to remain strong, unbreakable. I dig deep, knowing that all I can do right now is tell her the truth.
“Mum’s never coming back, Lena. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
