A knock on the studio door has the desired effect of an ice cold bucket of water thrown over us. Gray’s entrance, and the familiar rumble of Beast’s voice on loudspeaker, cutting short the much needed conversation between the five of us.
“What is it?” Xeno snaps.
“Beast’s on the line. He needs to speak with you. All of you. Now.”
“We’ve just got back from Hudson’s place, what the fuck could be so urgent that it can’t wait until tomorrow?” York asks in irritation.
“Is Rocks on fire urgent enough for you?” Beast growls through the loudspeaker.
“What the fuck?!” Zayn exclaims, striding over to Gray and snatching the phone from him. “Say that again, Beast.”
“Rocks is up in flames. I called the second I found out. You need to get your arses over there ASAP! Grim and I are on our way there now,” he says, before ending the call.
For a moment Zayn just stares at the phone in his hand, in shock like the rest of us. Gray is the one who forces us into action. “I’ll stay with Lena and Pen. You go,” he says.
Zayn’s head snaps up and he looks over at the others before shaking his head. “I want the other ghosts who’ve been watching over Lena stationed outside the flat and the entrance to this building. We’re not leaving until they get here.”
Gray takes the phone back from Zayn and punches out a text message. “Done. They’ll be here in ten.” Focusing his attention on Xeno, Gray’s eyes flick between the sheathed knife in my hands and the bloodstain on Xeno’s t-shirt. He frowns.
“I think you’re needed in the lounge,” Xeno says, effectively dismissing him.
“Pen?” Gray asks, focusing on me now.
“Don’t overstep,” Zayn warns, his voice tight.
“I’m just doing my job.”
“Your job is to guard Lena. That’s your job,” Dax reminds him.
Gray nods. “No disrespect intended,” he says, but he doesn’t leave. Instead, he looks at me, a question in his eyes.
“I’m good. We’re good. Please just go be with Lena. I need a moment with them,” I say quietly.
He hesitates for a moment then nods. “Lena’s calmer,” he says a little awkwardly. “I thought you should know.”
“Thank you, Gray.”
With one last terse nod of his head he turns on his feet, leaving us alone once more.
“I haven’t got a problem with Gray watching over Lena, but Pen is our responsibility, not his,” Dax grinds out the moment the door shuts, a streak of possessiveness showing.
“I agree, but now isn’t the time to lay down ground rules,” Xeno says, snapping his head around to look at Zayn. “Get your shit. We leave as soon as the ghosts arrive.
“And us?” York asks, folding his arms across his chest.
“I need you both here, just in case.”
“In case of what?” I ask, not liking the sound of this.
“I’m covering all bases, Tiny.”
“You think David’s behind this?”
“I don’t believe in coincidences.”
“You think he’ll come for me… Right now?”
“We have to assume the worst. At the very least, this is him trying to fuck with us. Fuck with you,” Xeno says, resting his hands on my shoulders and squeezing lightly.
“Well, it’s working…” I reply, hating that it’s the truth.
“He knows your weaknesses and your strengths, Tiny. Physical violence never broke you as a kid, so he’s trying to grind you down with emotional warfare and mind games. Don’t let him get inside your head like that. Nothing’s changed. We stay strong. We dance. We fight. Right?”
Chewing on my lip, I drop my gaze to the blood stain on his t-shirt. Reaching for the hem, I lift it up and inspect the wound. It’s a small cut that sits in the centre of his chest, right over his heart. The blood has already started to congeal. “You should see to that before you go,” I say, gently feathering my fingers around the edge of the wound and avoiding his question altogether. It really isn’t more than a scratch but that means nothing. This wound is as significant as all the other invisible scars Xeno wears on the inside. That thought pulls me up sharp. Do I really want to be that person who scars him some more? The truth is, I don’t. I don’t want to hurt any of them, and turning my back on dance will hurt them more than I ever imagined it could. Lifting my eyes up I look between the men I love.
“Fuck, I’m sorry…”
“No need for apologies, Tiny,” Xeno responds, grabbing the back of my neck and pressing a hard kiss against my lips before pulling back. “This is what we do, right? We’re there for each other, no matter how fucking ugly it gets.”
“Yes,” I agree.
“Good.” Xeno nods, then jerks his chin at Zayn before striding out of the studio.
“We’ll be back as soon as we can,” Zayn says, taking my hand and squeezing it firmly. He drops a gentle kiss to my lips. “We’ll talk when we get back, okay?”
“Okay,” I agree watching him leave.
“Fuck!” Dax curses, expressing my thoughts exactly.
It’s been one thing after the other but, really, what did we expect? David is a bastard. “This has him written all over it,” I remark coldly. “Hit hard, then hit even harder. He wants us on our knees and he’s doing a good fucking job at getting us there.”
“He’s trying to get us on our knees. He won’t succeed. This bond we have, it’s unbreakable,” Dax counters.
“So what now?” I ask, feeling at a loss. This last hour, let alone the past few days, has been a fucking rollercoaster. I’ve felt every emotion in the book and then a few more. I’ve got emotional whiplash and all I really want to do is sleep and forget for a few precious hours, but I refuse to do any sleeping until Xeno, and Zayn have returned home. I won’t rest until they’re back.
“How about a dance…?” York asks after a beat, a smile in his eyes and that cheeky laughter back. God, I love him. He’s nothing if not persistent, and there’s a familiarity about that which makes me smile despite everything that’s gone on between us.
“You just had to go there, didn’t you?” Dax says, shaking his head, the tiniest hint of a smile pulling up his lips.
“Of course I fucking did. Mate, Xeno practically stabbed himself in the heart to show Titch how much dancing with her means to us. I figured she’s got the message by now…” He turns to look at me, a hint of hesitation in his eyes as he searches my face. “You have got the message, right? Because you never actually agreed to anything,” he asks.
“Yes. I got the message. We dance. We fight.”
“We, as in us?” York presses, pointing between us. “Not as in we, the Breakers. I gotta be sure, Titch. This time I need you to spell it the fuck out for me, because I feel like I’m losing my touch when it comes to reading you.”
“We, as in the Breakers… as in, I’m a Breaker too now, right?”
“Well, thank fuck for that!” Dax exclaims, beating York to it. In two strides I’m in his arms and being lifted up off of my feet as he hauls me close. “For a moment back there I thought we’d lost you for good.”
“You’ll never lose me. Never,” I say passionately, meaning every word. “I’m just sorry I got lost for a bit.” Shame fills me and I drop my head, averting my eyes. I pushed them to their limits. It was a fucked up thing to do even if it was unintentional.
“Kid, you’re human. Flawed, just like we are,” Dax murmurs, folding me against his chest in a hug, and almost squeezing the breath out of me. “We love you, regardless. We will fight for you, alongside you, against you if we need to, but we will never, ever, stop loving you.”
“Erm, what the fuck, big boy. Me and Titch were having a moment just then and you just had to sweep right in and wrap her up in your big tree-trunk arms so I can’t get a look in!” York complains, but the lightness in his voice and the rumble of laughter in Dax’s chest as he eases me from his arms, tells me it’s all in jest.
“Sorry, man. I was feeling a bit selfish just now,” Dax replies, shrugging his shoulders as he opens up his arms and gestures for York to join us. I twist around to face York, my arm wrapping around Dax’s waist and wait.
He rolls his eyes. “Really? I can’t hug our girl without you getting all up close and personal as well?”
“Not tonight, no.”
“Anyone would think you actually want my dick,” York says, raising an eyebrow.
Dax shakes his head. “York, shut the fuck up and get in here before I change my damn mind.”
“Fine!” York strides over, kisses Dax on the cheek in an affectionate—if not slightly domineering way—then drops a kiss to my forehead, sandwiching me between them both.
“What’s going on, Pen?” Lena asks me as I sit on the edge of the bed in my pyjamas a few hours later. She’s sleepy, and even though it’s almost two in the morning, she’s refusing to sleep. “Where did Xeno and Zayn go?”
“Something happened at Rocks. Nothing for you to worry about, Lena.”
“I’m not a child, you know…”
“Seriously, you just need to sleep. It’s been a rough few days. We’ll talk in the morning, okay?”
She yawns, burrowing beneath the blanket until only her head is peeking out from the top of the covers. Her pretty blue eyes regard me. “I miss her so much. Is that wrong, Pen? I mean, to miss Mum when she was so horrible to you.”
Her voice cracks and my heart squeezes at the guilt she feels. I never really thought about what it would be like for her, knowing she was loved when I wasn’t. I was only ever happy for Lena that she was loved because at least she didn’t have to feel as worthless as I did. Resting my hand on her leg, I squeeze gently. “Of course it isn’t wrong. You loved her, she loved you. Our relationship bears no reflection on yours. You feel any way you want,” I say.
“Do you miss her, Pen?” she asks quietly, a wariness in her eyes that makes my stomach turn over.
“She was getting sober. She was finally turning her life around. I’m sad that she didn’t get to show us how she would’ve been without the addiction,” I reply. It’s the only kind thing I can say in the moment. I don’t want to hurt Lena with my fucked up relationship with Mum. That’s between us. Was between us.
Lena sighs, swiping at another rogue tear. I know there’s more she wants to ask, but I guess hearing the truth would be too much at this moment, and she doesn’t pursue it. Instead, she changes the subject. I’m more than a little relieved. There are a lot of things we need to discuss eventually, but right now I don’t have it in me to have that conversation.
“How long are we staying here, Pen?”
“For as long as we need… Forever, if that’s okay with you?”
“We’re not going back to the flat?”
I shake my head. “Do you want to live in the flat after…”
“After what happened there?” she finishes for me. I nod and she shakes her head. “This place, it’s lovely…”
“But?”
“But it’s not ours. I mean, it’s more yours than mine. I’m just your little sister. I’ll get in the way.”
“The hell you will!” I reply.
“You’re not my mum…” It’s an argument she’s thrown at me dozens of times in the past when I’ve acted like her mum, because ours was too out of it to do the same. This time it means something different. She feels like a burden, that she’s not my responsibility.
Climbing on the bed beside her. I pull back the cover from beneath her chin so I can get a better look at her. “No, I’m not your mum. I’m your big sister and you have never been, nor will you ever be a burden. People you love aren’t burdens, Lena.”
“What about the guys?”
“They want to help. They want you here. Besides, we come as a package, you and me. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
She gives me a small smile. “They love you a lot, don’t they?”
“Yes, they do.”
“I’m glad, Pen. I’m glad you have people who love you.”
“Me too, Lena. Me too.”
Resting my head on the pillow, I lay down and smooth her hair back off her face. After a minute or so Lena’s eyes drift shut. “What about Gray?” she asks sleepily.
“What about him?”
“Does he love you too? Is that why he’s here?”
A smile pulls up my lips. “No, Lena. He doesn’t love me. Gray’s here to watch over you…”
Her eyebrows pull together in a frown and I instantly regret my words. If she asks why then I’ll have no choice but to tell her the truth. Fortunately, she loses her battle against exhaustion and finally drifts off to sleep, leaving me wondering how the hell I’m going to tell her the hardest truth of all, that David killed our mother.
