I slam my door shut and take off for Harnet Hall. I have two minutes to get my butt in my seat, or I’m going to be late. Most professors don’t care if you’re late, but Mrs. Randall locks the classroom door at 10:01 a.m., if you’re lucky. Most times, it’s locked by 10 a.m., when class begins.
My alarm was supposed to wake me up at eight thirty, so I could get Jack ready and get him to school. Then get me to school. But that did not go as planned.
I woke up at nine and had a missed call from my boss to stop in today when I have a chance. Which put a bad taste in my mouth as she has never made such a weird request. I skipped makeup, my hair went into a high ponytail, and I threw a hoodie over the bralette I had fallen asleep in along with some leggings. I even let Jack wear his Superman costume to school this morning—that was how behind we were.
He ended up being about forty minutes late to school. Mom of the Year award goes to me.
Then, with my nerves eating me alive, I drove to work. My boss told me that they were closing, that business hasn’t been good, and they can’t afford to stay afloat any longer.
I’m glad I didn’t put that conversation off, but dear god if that didn’t add a world’s weight of anxiety onto my chest.
I drove all across town to campus and found the closest spot to Harnet Hall I could, which, of course, was like a five-minute walk to my class since all the lots were packed.
I turn on the sidewalk that leads up the stairs and quickly close the distance to the double doors. A couple of students bustle out of them before I can reach for the handle. Pushing past them, I bolt for the staircase.
Second floor, room 215.
I hit the second landing.
Ten feet.
Rushing the last few feet, I throw my arm out, managing to get my hand on the door handle seconds before Mrs. Randall reaches for it from the other side.
I throw the door open and politely smile at her.
She raises one eyebrow. “Pushing it, aren’t we? Find a seat, please.”
I brush past her and sit in the closest seat I can find, practically top row—my least favorite spot. But it will have to do for today.
Setting my backpack on the ground, I unzip it, rifling through it for my notebook and pencil. Mrs. Randall locks the door and descends the steps to the front of the room.
I finally take a deep breath and settle into my seat. Tearing my gaze from my notebook, I look to the front of the room.
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
Nope, not today.
Not abso-fucking-lutely not.
I’ve dealt with enough, and it’s only ten a.m.
I throw my notebook and pencil back in my backpack and zip it shut.
I stand up and throw my bag over my shoulder as I shuffle out of the row.
My hand is barely on the door when Mrs. Randall clears her throat in the mic. I roll my eyes and turn around. Everyone’s looking at me and my cheeks flush a deep crimson.
When I let my gaze stray to the reason for my leaving, his eyes find mine instantly, and I can see the thousand questions he wants to ask floating behind his stare. But that’s a rabbit hole I will not be falling down.
“Ms. Young, where are you going? Late to class and then trying to leave a minute in? Enlighten us all.” Mrs. Randall locks her focus on me, awaiting my answer.
Are you kidding me right now?
I know I’m not every teacher’s favorite student, but is this really necessary?
I put no amount of effort into my vastly vague answer. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”
Mrs. Randall clears her throat once more. “Leave now, and you’ll receive an F on the pop quiz today, which is fifteen percent of your grade. Please sit and be respectful of our guests.” She smirks, knowing I can’t afford that F.
Dammit!
As much as I want to wave my middle finger to the front of the class and take the F, I can’t.
Sighing heavily, I drag myself back to my seat. I can’t help my eyes from drifting to Alec and his team. He can’t hide the little smirk on his face.
Annoyed, tired, hungry, and coffee-less, I sink into my seat, crossing my arms.
Mrs. Randall gives a brief introduction of the team and what they will be speaking about. They weren’t originally scheduled for my class, so I thought I didn’t have to worry about it. But the class they were supposed to be at got canceled at the last minute, so they came here.
Yay me.
One of the younger-looking teammates hands out a flyer to each of us for an upcoming game. I briefly glance at it, only out of pure adoration for the design and setup of the flyer. Whoever designed this knew exactly what they were doing. The black, white, and silver is beautifully contrasting combo is perfect, you can’t resist looking at it.
At the top are their team name and mascot facing off with the other team’s mascot.
The New York Nighthawks take on the Minnesota Mystics.
ONE NIGHT ONLY!
They have the starting roster listed, and to no surprise, Alec’s name made the list. Starting center, number 16.
My heart constricts when I see his name on the flyer. It feels like a lifetime ago that I was going to his high school games, cheering him on. And now, he’s playing for the NY Nighthawks in the NHL. I’m proud of him and the life he has built for himself. I just wish sometimes that he had brought us with him. Instead of leaving us behind to pursue his dreams.
But that’s not the reality. The reality is that he left us. He left pregnant me—and therefore adorable little Jack—to go play hockey. And that I can’t forgive and never will.
Some of the players speak on how they set their goals and how they achieved them. So exciting, thrilling even. But this is an advanced marketing class, not some class with kids who need heroes and goals to pursue.
We all have our goals and dreams. Everyone in this class is a senior, not a freshman. Our dreams are already almost realized.
Number 33 finishes talking about the upcoming game and what to look forward to. The Minnesota Mystics went undefeated last season. Well, until they played the New York Nighthawks for the Stanley Cup and the Nighthawks won.
He passes the mic to Alec, and I try to keep my eyes anywhere but on him. But the second his deep voice fills the speakers, my gaze is forced up to his. I have no control.
“As you know, my team and I are touring our hometowns right now. And this town is mine. It’s weird, being back here, all these old memories and old feelings.” His eyes never leave mine. “It’s like I’ve stepped back in time.” He lightly laughs, and then his sincere gaze settles into mine. “I feel like maybe I should grab my skates and go find that little pond back behind Al’s Barbecue.”
My heart drops to my stomach, and I suck in a breath that gets caught in my throat.
I almost forgot all about that little pond. We used to go there every single day. All of our free time together was spent at that pond. Skating, dancing, living.
So many memories flood my mind and vision, overwhelming me. We had our first kiss there. He taught me how to skate there. We fell in love there. And when he left, I never returned.
After a moment longer of looking at me with his nostalgic stare, he begins speaking again. “This is where I grew up, where I fell in love with hockey. Duluth was my home for most of my life. The Duluth Greyhounds was where I discovered my passion and drive. I owe this town everything I have.” His eyes never waver from mine. “It would be amazing to have all my hometown’s support at the upcoming game against the Mystics. All of you.” He pauses, his hazel eyes searching mine.
But it’s my turn to let him down. Because there is no way in hell I will be attending that game.
He passes the mic back to Mrs. Randall.
“Let’s give a round of applause to our speakers today.”
All the students clap enthusiastically, all the girls showing a sudden passion for hockey.
“Your pop quiz is on Blackboard, and it is due at eight p.m. tonight, no exceptions. Class dismissed.”
Okay, hold up. I stayed to take a pop quiz, which I didn’t even need to be here for! Ugh!
I grab my bag and storm off, cutting off everyone in front of me.
“Laura, wait!” Alec calls after me, which only makes my legs move faster.
I bolt out of the door and take off for the elevator instead of the stairs since it’s closer. I hit the button, and it instantly opens, empty.
Thank God.
I step inside and smash my finger into the button to close the doors. It finally dings and begins sliding shut.
“Come on!” I shout at it, trying to speed it up. “Come on, come on, come on!”
It’s two inches from closing when a hand slides in place, opening the doors back up. Standing outside of them is none other than Alec.
He’s out of breath from chasing me. I’m a little winded myself.
That annoyingly stupid, beautiful smile of his is stretched across his face. “You always were able to outrun me.”
He steps inside, and the elevator doors shut at a much faster pace this time around.
Thanks, universe.
“Which floor?” he asks.
I keep my eyes locked on the stainless steel doors. “One.” My tone is harsh.
He presses the first-floor button, and the elevator shifts into gear, slowly lowering us down. He turns to me, giving me his full attention. “How are you? How have you been?”
I take a deep breath to try to steady my rapidly beating heart. But it doesn’t work. At first, a part of me wanted to turn to him, let him hold me.
But now, I’m just pissed off.
Who does he think he is?
Anger floods my veins, boiling my blood.
This is what he says to me years later?
Years after he left Jack and me alone. Visions of Jack’s birthdays and holidays flash in my mind. Of him opening his Christmas and birthday presents and hunting Easter eggs. Images of my mom in her hospital bed burn into my eyes.
And I go rabid.
I turn to him and shove his shoulders hard, over and over, until he hits the wall of the elevator. His eyes widen as he’s taken aback by my physical response. They open so wide that they remind me of Jack’s, which only makes me madder.
My eyes find his, daggers in my stare. My words fly out, too personal and too vulnerable, ones that I will certainly regret. “You want to know how I’m doing, Alec? How I’m really doing?” I push his chest. “Let me tell you. Well, for starters, my mom’s in a coma. Has been for a while now. She is cold and so pale; she looks like she shouldn’t even be alive. She should be here with me, with us. I’m drowning in her bills, and they never stop coming. On top of that, I’m recently unemployed. So, now, I’m stressed out about paying for school, paying for my mom’s stuff, and paying for me.”
I leave Jack out. He has no claim on my little boy.
“And now, Mr. Knight in Shining Armor comes waltzing back into my life, asking how I’m doing. Who I haven’t seen in years, mind you. So, Alec, I’m doing just great! How about you?” I cross my arms over my chest and take a deep breath, feeling a little flustered from oversharing.
His crossed arms slowly lower, and he has to put effort into not touching me because of my closeness. I didn’t even realize I had gotten so close to him when I was talking—or rather yelling.
I stutter-step backward, putting some space between us. But I can’t ignore the tingles crawling on my skin from his contact. Even after all these years, he still has some magical effect on me.
His hazel eyes search mine, looking for something to grab on to. When he speaks, his voice is faint, full of pain. If only I cared. “Lu, I’m so sorry. I had no idea. Is there anything I can do?”
He reaches for my arm to give me comfort. But I pull away.
My eyes focus on the floor until the elevator door dings, opening to the sea of students moving between classes.
“No, Alec, there’s nothing you can do.” I turn to walk away but not before adding, “Actually, you can leave. That would make my life a hell of a lot easier.” I huff.
As the words come out of my mouth, pain erupts in my chest. I’m shell-shocked, being this close to him after all this time. I want to turn to him, run into the arms of the only person who has ever felt like home. But Jack deserves better than that. I deserve better than to chase a guy who abandoned me when I needed him most.
I step out of the elevator, and he doesn’t follow. I walk as fast as I can to my car, slamming the door once I slide into my seat.
Starting the engine, I’m frozen, unable to move. My eyes can’t stay still, bouncing between my steering wheel and my white knuckles. The floodgates on my heart break, and locked-away pain and sorrow pour down my cheeks, staining my shirt and my soul. But I don’t shed a tear for Alec, for my mom, I can’t. Because once I start, I genuinely don’t know if I will ever be able to stop.
