simsimma: Backwardz_Cap giving his baby snuggles to turn him less grumpy is all I want to see for the rest of my life
steph_be_simpin: what’s happening to my knees *kneeling emoji*
This morning, when I wake up, everything is different.
It’s not the first time I’ve woken up thinking about Avi… Not by a long shot. But it’s the first time I haven’t immediately pushed it down; stuffed it away into the back of my mind like old clutter.
It’s the first time having him in my brain right when I open my eyes has brought a smile to my lips and warmth to every inch of my flesh.
It’s the first time I’ve admitted inside my own head that I wish he were here right now.
My thoughts are overflowing with images of last night, feelings and sensations.
His lips dancing down my throat while he whispered, “I love you, Kyran.”
My fingers twisting in his hair while I purred, “I love you, Avi…”
The urgency that seemed to ding between us like a timer as we snuck off into a dark corner of the room and he fell to his knees.
I’m biting my lip, writhing in bed, remembering it…
Him opening my pants and stuffing my cock impatiently between his lips.
“I fucking missed you…” I told him through gasps, trying my hardest to be quiet while he sucked my cock slowly and hungrily, touching me everywhere his hands could reach. “God, I missed you so bad, baby…”
We were ravenous in the way we were pawing at each other, panting and grunting and knocking things over. Knowing someone could find us at any moment didn’t subdue my arousal one bit. As it does, it just made it that much hotter.
My fingers are trailing over my sensitive skin while I remember spilling into his mouth, and him swallowing me back with desperate gulps. Then he stood up and kissed me, feeding me his tongue coated in my own flavor while I shoved my hand inside his pants.
“I wish we could fuck right now,” I whimpered as he spun me around to grind his length against my ass through our designer suits.
“It’s probably good that we can’t,” he breathed hoarsely, sounding so fucking sexy I’m going out of my mind right now hearing it in my head. “I don’t want to rush, baby. And I don’t want to be quiet. I want to spend all night with my cock in you, making you scream how much you love me.”
“I do love you.” I pushed back against him, bumping him into even more furniture as I turned back around, dropping to my knees to kiss the shape of his big dick through his tailored pants. “So much…”
I’m whining for him now, my cock full and achy at the memories of him gazing down at me, eyes glistening in the dark, his long fingers sifting through my hair.
“Fuck my mouth until you come in me,” I pleaded up at him from the floor.
And he did. Oh God, he did.
It was so sexy, him fucking my throat up against the wall, his hand cupping the back of my head to keep it from bashing into the plaster. It was only a matter of minutes before he was writhing into my face, growling that he was…
“Gonna come… oh fuck, Kyran, baby, I’m coming.”
Reaching down to my cock, I palm it a few times, slipping my hand inside my sweatpants to stroke it slowly at all these illicit memories.
I should have just gone to see him at Frankie’s last night…
We could be waking up and doing this together, instead of me missing him like a phantom limb in my bed.
My phone pings, and I peek at it where it’s resting next to me.
Avi: Are you as hard as I am right now?
A crazed grin sweeps over my lips, and I start typing out a response. But then I delete it and call him instead.
He picks up on the first ring. “How did I know you were awake and probably fondling yourself…”
I chuckle, then groan, rolling onto my stomach with a pout. “I miss you…”
“I know. I miss you too… Like crazy.”
“Can I see you today? Before I leave?” My tone is downright pleading and I don’t even care.
“Baby, I think I’m leaving before you,” he huffs.
I’m pouting, but excitement still fizzles in my gut.
Avi’s coming to California for the Rose Bowl. But not as part of the team… He’s coming for me. He told me last night that he bought his ticket months ago.
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, superstar,” he said while we kissed over and over, slowly attempting to detach from one another so I could go back to the banquet before people started freaking out.
“Will you be okay with not… telling people about us until after?” I mumbled, feeling like a total chicken-shit loser for even suggesting we keep hiding it. “I just wanna focus on the game. I don’t want everyone spazzing and ruining my concentration.”
But Avi just grinned, that comforting, calming smile I used to hate because of how good it makes him look. “I can’t believe you’re even talking about telling people.” He shook his head while he straightened my tie. “I’m in no rush for anything, baby. I just wanna be with you. Nothing else matters.”
Biting my lip, I ask him, “What time is your flight?”
“Six. You?”
“Seven-thirty.” I frown. “We’re gonna just miss each other.”
“That’s okay,” he hums easily. “I’ve gotta go move the rest of my stuff out of the dorm and into Frankie’s, anyway.”
“Right… Well, when you see that asshole Ash Holloway, make sure to punch him in the face for me.”
Avi chuckles. “We don’t know it was him who told the dean…”
“Uh, yes, we do. He’s her fucking nephew… Plus, he’s clearly in love with you.”
“Then why would he want to get me kicked out of the dorm we live in together?” I can hear the grin in his voice.
“Because he sucks, and he’s jealous.”
“Because he knows I belong to someone else…?” he whispers, and my balls throb. “The person who christened that dorm room with me…”
My lips curl into a smirk, remembering all the good times we had in TMA room 446. It’s a shame he has to move out. But I’m sure we can christen all kinds of different places… Now that we’re stupidly in love.
“I don’t want to think about him anymore.” I flop onto my back. “Or the fact that you’re expelled.”
“You’re right,” he hums firmly. “No more stress. Let’s think about good things.”
“You’re finally going to meet Bridget…” I murmur, worrying my bottom lip.
No stress… Pfft. I know of no such concept.
“I can’t wait,” he croons.
“Avi…” I whisper, choking up a bit because this is all still new and confusing for me, despite how fucking incredible it feels. “My head is spinning, baby. Is this real? Tell me I’m not dreaming…”
He chuckles, a growly, sexy laugh that throbs my balls. “I think I’m the one who should be asking you that… ’Cause this has been real for me for a while. No offense, but I’ve been waiting for you to catch up.”
I swallow hard. “I know… I’m sorry I was pushing you away for so long.”
“You’re worth the wait, gorgeous,” he sighs. “And it hasn’t been that long. We’ve only been doing this for a few months.”
“Maybe it feels longer… because I liked you when I thought I hated you.”
“That’s what I was waiting for,” he hums. I can hear the grin in his voice, and it makes me laugh.
“Avi, I don’t know how to do this…” I confess my insecurities to him. And to be honest, it feels fucking great. He’s just so easy to talk to… You’d think telling him everything would be a piece of cake. “I’m kinda scared.”
“You have every right to be,” he murmurs supportively. “I told you last night, Kyran… No one has to know anything until you’re ready. I don’t care, I just want you.”
I’m nodding like he can see me… But in my gut, I feel like it’s not right. He deserves someone who’s strong enough to kiss him in front of the world. He deserves surety, certainty.
No doubts… And I seem to be full of them.
But not about him… About myself.
“Ky, I don’t do relationships either,” he breathes into the phone. “You know that. I’ve never done this before, with anyone. And you’ve never done it with a guy. So the way I see it, we’re going through this together. Again.”
My lips curl. “So you’re saying… I’m your first?”
He laughs, shivering my insides with how damn good it sounds. “Yes, baby. You’re my first. And I’m yours.”
I’m getting all squirmy again as I purr, “I’m so yours…”
The sound of Guty stomping back inside the dorm pulls Cupid’s arrow out of my ass, and I shoot up in bed, tugging the comforter over my waist.
“Yo, Nueve! Up and at ’em, baby boy!” Guty shouts at me from the living room. “It’s gym time! Then we gotta wrap that arm…”
“Was he in the room the whole time??” Avi mumbles.
“No, he just got back,” I whisper, sitting still for a moment, waiting for my dick to deflate so I can get up. But it’s not really getting the message. I blame Avi and his sexy morning voice. “I gotta go… Just being on the phone with you is making me hard, and I need not to be.”
He chuckles wickedly. “You better figure out a way to see me tonight. I don’t think I’ll be able to last until after the game…”
“Trust me, I need your dick just as bad.” I peer at the door to make sure Guty isn’t within earshot. “It’s my good luck charm.”
“Well then… I’ll be ready and waiting in California. At your service, superstar,” he croons.
“I’ll call you when I land,” I hum, finally sliding out of bed. “You should come have dinner with Bridget and me.”
“Nothing would make me happier.”
“’Kay…” I bite my lip, because I really don’t want to hang up, and it’s fucking ludicrous.
“Say it first, Kyran,” he whispers in my ear.
I roll my eyes, but my smile is seriously bordering on psychotic. “I love you, Avi.”
“Mmm… I love you, HGB.”
“You’re an annoying idiot.” I bite the grin off my lips, and he laughs.
“That’s my man.”
Hanging up the phone, my head is freaking twirling off my body like the Tasmanian Devil. I can barely process the revelation of the past forty-eight hours…
After everything Avi and I have been through, finally admitting that the hate was never really hate, and that the fear was covering up love… it threw me completely off kilter. It’s absolutely insane the way it just smacked me in the face. But as soon as it did, it was like a blindfold had been lifted from my eyes.
I can see it all so clearly now.
I’m gay, and I’m in love with my stepbrother.
There it is.
Wow… This must be what really great drugs feel like.
“What the hell are you smiling about in here, man??” Guty staggers past me into the room, going for his gym bag. “We’re burning daylight!”
“Sorry,” I grunt, forcing myself to sound normal, and not like someone who’s totally in love with his stepbrother.
Getting dressed in my workout gear, I follow Guty to the gym, looking to burn off some of this excess energy before we board our flight to Cali.
Tomorrow will be a huge day… Biggest game of my life.
And for the first time ever, it really feels like I have someone to win for.
By the time I’m settled in the hotel in Pasadena, the high from earlier has worn off a little, and I’m fucking annoyed about it.
I don’t want to be feeling all nervous and bunched up and uneasy, but I can’t help it. On top of everything else that’s happening right now, I’m seeing my sister for the first time in six years, and it’s fucking me up a lot.
Of course I miss her like crazy. Bridget and I were super close before she left… Especially when we were little. Sure, I was her annoying little brother, and she was my mean big sister who used to dress me up in her clothes and put makeup on me. But that’s just your standard sibling stuff, really.
Outside of that, she was my protector. My best friend. When it was clear that our parents were too involved in themselves, Dad with his work and Mom with her country club friends, Bridget looked after me. We used to play together every day after school, until she became a teenager and her friends took priority over family.
She’s never said it to me, but I think she harbors a lot of guilt after what happened. Because she wasn’t around to keep me safe.
But it wasn’t her fault. What could she have done, anyway?
That’s kind of why I want to talk to her alone first, before she meets Avi. I want to make sure she knows we don’t need to get into all that… stuff. The past. Especially with Avi around. I can’t have her bringing up things he doesn’t know…
Because more than any of the rest of it, I can’t deal with Avi finding out the truth. It’ll change everything.
Unfortunately, my Uber pulls up at the restaurant where we’re meeting for dinner at the same time that Avi is hopping out of his. Still, I can’t find it in myself to be bummed that I won’t get to see Bridget alone… Because Avi’s here.
And he looks perfect.
He’s dressed the way he always is… in ripped black jeans and worn Converse sneakers. A long-sleeved navy button-down hanging open to reveal a tank top underneath with holes in strategic places, allowing me to see little glimpses of olive skin and lines of muscle. His hair is its usual thick, silky mane of tousled strands, so dark brown it almost looks black. And my fingers are immediately wiggling with the desire to comb through it while he kisses me dizzy.
I can still barely believe how easily I’m registering him as fuckhot. I used to do everything in my power to stuff thoughts like that down; to keep from noticing him in his every inch of pure masculine, yet somehow pretty, perfection. But now they just won’t go… Because I don’t want them to.
He’s gorgeous, and when he spots me, the slight curve to his lips eases into a full-blown Avi smile; pearly white teeth, plush pink lips… The works.
And I feel lucky. I feel like the luckiest son of a bitch in the whole world, being the one he smiles at like that.
This is all so new to me… But sneaking out from the shadowed corners of my mind, it feels familiar. Because I think I’ve felt this way about him for a while, and the only difference is that now I’m not running away from it. I’m letting it envelop me, like his big, strong arms do when he wanders over and wraps me up in a hug that has my entire existence melting into him.
“God, I fucking missed you so much…” he whispers in my ear, decorating my neck in a few secret kisses while his hand cups the back of my head.
My arms lock around his waist and I hold him as close as possible, resting my head against his. This feeling is such bewildering bliss…
The muscles in his chest brushing my own, our shared height and strength, and his smell… The whole thing makes me feel drunk. Taking in a deep whiff, I hold it in my lungs, mesmerized by how familiar it is.
Amber, bergamot, sandalwood, and burnt hemp. He smells exactly like the candle Bridget sent me for Christmas. The one she used to burn in her bedroom, before she moved away.
The scent that calmed me and comforted me when I was choking and sputtering for air…
Except there’s one difference. Avi also smells like strawberry candy. And it makes the scent a million times better.
“Baby, you’re shaking.” Avi pulls back to lock his foggy blue eyes on mine. “Are you cold?”
I shake my head, forcing the anxiety and dread down with a heavy gulp. “I’m just… I’m so glad you’re here.”
He blinks, the worry on his face retreating into his comfortable little grin. I can tell from the way his eyes keep lingering on my lips that he wants to kiss me. And I really want him to…
But we’re out in the open. In public.
I’ve never kissed a guy in public before…
“Let’s go in,” he rumbles, releasing me with a slow sweep of his hands off my body, like he doesn’t exactly want to stop touching, but he knows he has to. “I wanna feed you, gorgeous.”
I bite my lip, because that sounds amazing. I’m starving and, for some unknown reason, I love the idea of him wanting to care for me.
It’s fucking insane… I’m a grown man. I don’t need anyone to fawn over me. Yet when Avi does it, it makes me feel so special. Like I’m being cherished by someone who loves me as a man, not just a football player, a student, or an… object.
“I’m… I’m a little nervous,” I say to him, the words coming up on their own, like they’re itching to escape the confines of my mind and take refuge in him. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen my sister.”
“Well, I’m sure she’s really excited to see you, baby,” he tells me calmly.
I nod as he slips his hand subtly onto my lower back, guiding me inside the restaurant. And all the while, I’m pleading with my subconscious to just give me a break.
Don’t dredge up the past, please. No unwanted memories, no panic attacks.
I don’t want Avi to see me like that.
Inside, Avi gives the hostess my name, which is what our reservation is under, and she alerts us to the fact that Bridget is already here. She walks us into the dining area, and my hands are shaking, reaching out for Avi’s to brush them in a frustratingly unfulfilled moment of contact.
I just want to hold his hand, goddamnit. But I can’t. I’m still too scared, and I hate it.
As soon as we’re in view of the back of the restaurant, I spot my sister. She’s seated at a table, typing on her phone, and my chest immediately warms. We don’t talk all that often, an occasional text or phone call here and there, but I keep up with her on social media, just to see what she’s up to. And because of that, I’m not surprised by how different she looks. Although to me, she still resembles the girl I grew up with.
Dirty-blonde hair, maybe a shade or two lighter than mine, and definitely longer than she used to keep it. She has Mom’s nose and chin, but Dad’s dark eyes. Her build is much more athletic than it used to be, because apparently, she runs a lot now.
Our approaching the table must catch her attention because she looks up, eyes locking on me instantly. Her lips sweep into a giant, delighted smile. But still, I can read the emotions on her face like they’re written in twenty-four point font.
“My baby brother…” Bridget whimpers, jumping up from her seat and attacking me, hugging onto me so hard I nearly topple over.
“Hey, Jeff Bridges.” I grin into her hair, squeezing her tight.
She giggles, sniffling like she might be crying. “How’s it going, Cobra Ky?”
I feel her trembling in my arms as she breaks down, gulping with her face in my chest. “I fucking hate how long it’s been… I’m so sorry, Kyran.”
“Stop,” I grunt, my gaze sliding to Avi, who’s smiling at this little scene of reunion, pouting and clutching his hands to his chest. I pull back to lock eyes with my sister, trying my hardest to convey firm sincerity. “No apologies. Everything is fine… I’m just so glad to see you.”
She untangles herself from me, wiping her eyes. “You look great, little bro. Seriously… You’re huge.” She grins, and I chuckle. But then her forehead lines. “Are you doing okay?”
“I’m better than okay,” I reply with certainty, my gaze repeatedly flicking to Avi.
Bridget peers at Avi, as if she’s actually looking at him for the first time, and her eyebrow cocks. “This is our stepbrother?”
I nod while Avi holds his hand out to her, one of his sweet smiles resting on his lips. “Yea. Avi. I’m so pumped to finally meet you…”
They shake hands, and I can see my sister assessing him the way she does. Bridget was never skeptical of people before everything… happened. I guess we both used to be pretty trusting and easy-going. But all that changed right before she left Boston, and now I can see it in her eyes. She’s trying to figure Avi out.
It’s gonna take a little more than a handshake to understand this one, sis.
“I’m glad to meet you too,” she says, tilting her head. “I’ve heard a lot about you over the years…” She glances at me. “In fact, it seems like most of our phone calls always end up on Avi-talk.”
I rub the back of my neck while Avi chuckles. “Well, if that’s true, then I’m gonna need to plead my case.” His eyes dart to mine, and I purse my lips to keep from smiling, glancing at my shoes.
“Come on, sit down.” Bridget slides back into her seat. “We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”
Without even a second thought, Avi and I sit down next to each other, across from Bridget. He scoots in close to me, his thigh pressing against mine. I can feel my cheeks flush, and Bridget narrows her gaze at me.
“I’m really sorry it’s taken this long for us to meet…” Bridget says to Avi, then she looks to me. “You have no idea how many times I wanted to come see you, Ky. But I just… couldn’t do it.”
She lets out an unsteady breath, shaking her head in obvious regret. Watching Avi, I can tell he really wants to ask why she’s refused to come home for so many years…
And the notion that he might twists my stomach up into an unforgiving knot.
“It’s fine,” I mumble, trying my hardest to brush it off. “Everything is fine, seriously. Don’t worry about it…”
“No, Kyran, it’s not fine. I’ve been sick over this.” She flips her hair to one side. It brings back so many memories. Bridget’s a nervous hair-fusser. “I should’ve come back for you… Just to check on you and make sure you were okay. But Dad is just—”
“Bridget, please,” I bark, softly, but still. It shuts her up quick, and she gazes uneasily at me. I clear my throat. “I’m telling you it’s fine, so just drop it, okay?? I don’t want to talk about Dad, or the past… I have the biggest game of my life tomorrow and I don’t need the stress, alright? So can we just drop it? I want to spend time with you because I miss you.”
I feel Avi staring at the side of my face, but I just know if I look at him, he’ll be able to tell something is up. This is what I was afraid of, coming to this dinner…
Avi’s always been able to read me; to see through my bullshit. It’s how he knew I didn’t really hate him, how he knew exactly what my body wanted when my head just wouldn’t let up.
He’s gonna know… He’ll find out the truth.
And then he won’t want you anymore.
Shaking the thought away, I grab a glass of water on the table, taking a large sip.
“Okay.” Bridget offers me a comforting smile, reaching across the table to squeeze my hand. “I’m sorry. You’re right. Let’s not dwell on anything. I’m just happy to finally be spending time with you again.”
I nod, my lips quirking in a brief smile to let her know it’s alright as my face tilts left. Avi is watching me closely, and when our eyes meet, it feels like hours go by in a split second.
Man, I really just missed being next to him. Isn’t that crazy?? How bizarre that I’m actually allowing myself to feel this way…
Bridget lets go of my hand as the server comes over. “You folks want drinks?”
“None for me.” I smile politely.
“Gotta stay laser-focused, huh?” Avi grins, and I chuckle. He looks to the server. “Water is fine.”
“Water it is,” Bridget sighs. “But you’re definitely eating, right?” She gives me a look, and I laugh.
“Oh, hell yea. I’m starving.”
“Good,” she says. “This place has amazing tapas.”
My sister proceeds to order a bunch of plates for us to share, and while she’s talking to the server, Avi’s fingers slip onto my thigh, dancing up and down until I’m shivering. I don’t think he’s trying to turn me on… I’m pretty sure he’s just being affectionate. But my dick is definitely twitching to life in my pants.
I desperately need to get him inside me tonight before I have to go back to my hotel room. It might have to be quick, but whatever. He can drill a solid orgasm out of me in five minutes that’ll feel like it should’ve taken hours.
“So…” Bridget leans in on the table as the server walks away with our food order. “I take it you two aren’t mortal enemies anymore.” She cocks her head at me, and my spine stiffens. “Since you’re here, hanging out willingly and all…”
My lips part and Avi’s do the same as we peek at each other.
I feel like we’re being super awkward just staring at each other, so I mumble, “I guess he’s not that bad…”
Avi bites his lip to keep his smile in check, then turns to Bridget. “I must have worn him down.”
“Hm… Seems like it.” She sits back in her chair, eyes bouncing between us.
She’s obviously suspicious of something, and as anxious as this whole thing is making me, there are words rising up from my throat like they can’t possibly be subdued for one more second.
Stop running. Stop hiding.
Man up.
“When I talked to him on Christmas, he mentioned that you two were getting along better,” Bridget says to Avi, who grins blithely. As usual.
“We had a really great holiday.” He tilts his face in my direction, that smile drumming up warmth in my chest.
He deserves this. He deserves something real.
“Did you see Mom at all?” Bridget asks me, and I falter once more.
“No,” I grunt, sidetracked by the mention of my thoroughly unsupportive parents. “I called her, but I just wasn’t in the mood to go over there and feel like an unwanted burden from her old life…”
Bridget nods, the same forlorn resentment I’m feeling being mirrored back at me in her shiny brown eyes.
Thankfully, she changes the subject with a smirk. “But you liked my gift?”
I grin. “Yea. I love that candle. It’s my favorite scent…” My eyes shift to Avi, who’s giving me a puzzled look.
And the words are on the march, like soldiers charging up a battlefield. My defenses are no use.
They’re going to win.
“It smells like you,” I whisper to him.
His lashes flutter as he chirps, “The candle?” I nod, and his face lights up. “Is that why you like it?”
“Well… Bridget used to always have one like it burning in her room,” I speak quietly, confessing just enough. “It was comforting when other stuff was… going on.” My voice trails and I clear my throat. “And now it’s comforting for another reason. Because it reminds me of you.”
Avi has never looked so thrilled before, and my nerves retreat just enough because I made the right decision. He’s happy.
His body turns in his seat, and his eyes fall to my lips, causing me to squirm.
“Kyran…” His tone is soft, but insistent. And I already know what he’s going to say.
“You’re gonna kiss me, aren’t you?” I murmur.
He nods. “I don’t think I can help it…”
Exhilaration sizzles inside me, bringing alive every neuron in my body.
We’re in public. In front of my sister….
But I don’t care. I’m waving the white flag…
I just can’t fight it anymore.
“Then do it.” I slide my hands onto his thigh. “Please…”
Without a moment of hesitation, his face slopes down at the same time that his fingers curl around my jaw. And he presses his warm, soft, perfectly unrelenting mouth to mine.
A small gasp breaks from my lips, and he devours it, breathing and parting wider to suck my lips just hard enough that I’m fast dizzy. His fingers glide back into my hair, and he holds me to him, humming as a sweet soundtrack to this romantic display.
It’s over way too quick, even though I get it. Making out in public is gross no matter how newly in love you are. But I can’t help leaning into him, not ready to let him pull away. I’m so desperate for more of those bewitching kisses that I’m actually gripping a fistful of his shirt, and I hadn’t even noticed.
When my eyes peel open, I catch his doing the same, our gazes locked as he puffs out a shivering exhale.
Wow… Who knew kissing a guy in public could feel so… exhilarating.
Avi clears his throat, and his eyes shift across the table, reminding me that we’re not just in public, we’re also in front of my sister. Who also happens to be Avi’s stepsister.
Because he’s my stepbrother.
Honestly, it’s reminiscent of how we used to forget the camera was recording. I guess that’s just what happens when the chemistry takes over…
“Holy fucking shit…” Bridget gasps, startling me when her palms slap down on the table. “I knew it! I knew you guys were a thing!”
Moving back in my seat, I squint at her. “You didn’t know shit.”
“I so did!” she squeals. “No offense, but it’s pretty obvious. You’re both smitten.”
“Are not,” I grunt petulantly.
“Yes, you are!” she whispers, her eyes round and sparkly as she beams like she’s overjoyed for us.
I know I’m playing stubborn, because it’s my thing, but I sorta love how excited she is right now.
“I am.” Avi shrugs, and when I glare at him, he winks at me, leaning in closer. “I told you, baby… I’m obsessed with you.”
My face must be the color of his damn Twizzlers as I purse my lips.
“Look at him trying to hide it!” Bridget shimmies in her seat. “Baby bro… You’re in love!”
“Stop,” I snap quietly. “Or so help me, I’ll move your seats to the nosebleeds tomorrow.”
She laughs, lunging across the table to take both of our hands. “Oh my goodness gracious, this is so exciting! Stepbrothers falling in love… How scandalous.” She wiggles her eyebrows.
Avi laughs. I roll my eyes.
“Does anyone know?” she asks, practically bouncing.
“Only my best friend,” Avi says.
She nods, then grins deviously at me. “Dad’s gonna flip.”
“Please… I don’t even want to think about him,” I groan, dropping my head into my palm.
“We don’t have to tell anyone anything.” Avi rubs my back. “Not until you’re ready.”
“Aww… he’s so freaking sweet.” Bridget pouts. “He’s perfect for you.”
“Alright, alright. We’re not in Green Bay. Enough with the cheese,” I grumble, and Avi chuckles. “I do want to tell people… It just sucks that it’ll turn into this whole thing.”
Bridget’s forehead lines, and Avi clarifies, “Because of the NFL.”
“Ah. Right.” She nods.
“Social media will have a field day.” Avi chews on his lip.
“But I don’t care about that,” I tell him.
“I care, Kyran,” Avi says softly, and my head tilts. “I don’t want your reputation to suffer because we’re stepbrothers. Or because of… any of the other stuff now associated with me.”
I’m taken aback. I didn’t know he felt this way. I had no idea he might be guilty about the way our relationship could look to the general public.
“What other stuff is associated with you?” Bridget asks, cocking a brow at him.
Avi stiffens and gapes at her.
“Nothing,” I jump in, shooting Avi a look.
“Aw, come on! Tell me!” Bridget whines. “I promise I won’t say anything.”
Avi looks like he really wants to just say it, and I kick him under the table, causing him to grunt.
“Avi, don’t you dare…” I hiss.
He blinks at me and bites his lip. Then he says to Bridget, “I have an OnlyFans.”
“Jesus…” I scoff, rubbing my eyes while Bridget gasps out loud.
“Oh my God! Really?!” Her mouth is hanging open, eyes all wide with fascination. “Like solo content or with… partners?”
Her eyes shift to me.
“I can’t deal with this right now…” I rub my eyes.
“I’ve been working with a… partner.” Avi chooses his words carefully, like he’s on trial for murder. “But currently the account has been… absolved.”
“What does that even mean??” Bridget shakes her head, grinning.
“It means don’t worry about it,” I snap.
Bridget squints at me, and I gulp. Yea. I was a lot less quick-tempered before she left home too.
“The point is that it kinda… came to light recently,” Avi goes on. “And I don’t want that affecting Kyran.” His chin tilts in my direction. “And your dad…” He frowns, and I hate that he seems so stressed over this. “Your relationship with him is already awful. I don’t want to make it worse…”
My eyes flick to Bridget, who’s staring at me.
“If we’re being honest, he’ll probably be more upset that you’re dating a guy than the fact that it’s his wife’s son,” Bridget mutters, scoffing at the ridiculousness of it.
And the saddest part is that I know she’s right. If Avi was female, my father would care infinitely less about me falling for a stepsibling. But because he’s a man, it’s going to turn up his Biblical hate-o-meter to full power.
Fucking asshole.
“Well, I don’t give a fuck,” I state firmly. “When we get back to Boston, I’m telling him the truth. I don’t care if he has a problem with it. He stopped being my father a long time ago, anyway.”
I pause when I realize what I said, eyes shifting to Avi, who’s blinking at me, once again, like he’s desperate to know what I mean by that.
“Ky…” Bridget jumps in before he can potentially ask. “I’m just so happy for you. You have no idea how ecstatic I am that you’re finally feeling comfortable enough with who you are to be with someone.”
My stomach twists almost violently at her words.
I know she’s only being supportive, but it’s whipping up a tornado of jitters inside me. Muscles tense all over my body, and all sorts of things start rumbling up from where they’ve been lying dormant in my mind.
Avi’s forehead creases, unease etching his face. I can only imagine what he must think… Based on Bridget’s words, I know how it might seem…
His mouth opens, but I speak before he can.
“You’re the only one, baby,” I whisper to him, my voice shaking a little. “I promise.”
Avi looks worriedly between me and Bridget, and I glare at my sister.
“I’m sorry… You know that’s not what I meant, Ky,” she says. “I’m just happy you’re happy. That’s it.”
I nod, swallowing and swallowing over the bile trying to rise in my throat.
The smell of smoke and fragrant oils… The bitter taste of it in my mouth.
“I… I need to… use the… restroom.” I stand fast, wobbling as I do.
Avi’s hand flies up to steady me by gripping my waist. “Baby… are you alright?”
“I’m f-fine.”
Brushing him off, I stagger away from the table, stomping toward the men’s room. I rush to the sink to splash some water on my face. Bent at the waist, I rub my eyes, slowly lowering my hands to stare at myself in the mirror.
This is you…
This has always been you.
Closing my eyes tight, I shake my head. No… Avi is responsible. He helped me find the real me… Him and his strength and his brutal openness. Just him.
He’s the… only one.
A voice thunders in my mind, rattling my foundation. You know that isn’t true.
I suck air into my lungs, breaking past the suffocation in my chest.
“He made you this way…
He made you for me.
Now beg for forgiveness.”
“Stop…” I gasp, heaving for breath.
“Baby, are you okay?”
Following the sweet, worried voice, I find Avi stalking inside the restroom. His hands are on me in an instant, rubbing my back and caressing my hair.
I can’t really speak. I’m quivering too hard, clinging to everything about him in this moment. The fact that he always seems to find me when I need him the most, no matter how much I push him away.
His familiar scent that I can feel, like arms wrapping around a scared, shaken boy. The way his eyes actually see me… The real me.
It’s terrifying, but I need it. I need him.
“Kyran, please talk to me.” His grungy voice is racked with emotion as he pleads. “Tell me what’s wrong…”
I can’t…
I can’t tell you because you’ll leave me. That’s what happens.
Confessing the truth drives people away.
“Nothing, I just…” I finally manage to scrape out some words, straightening and leaning into him while I breathe slowly. “I just got freaked out for a second. But I’m fine now.”
“Baby, you know you can tell me anything, right?” he says, pacifying me with soft touches. “Anything at all… You can say it, and I promise I won’t judge you, or freak out.” He cups my jaw, forcing me to look at him. “I’m here for you because I love you, Kyran. And nothing is gonna change that.”
Gnawing on my lower lip, I stare at him, swimming in the hazy blue mist of his eyes. I know he’s not lying… He really feels that what he’s saying is true.
But I also know that it won’t matter. He’d judge me if he found out. It wouldn’t be his fault; it would just happen. It’s a knee-jerk reaction.
The truth would change everything. That’s what it does.
And if I end up losing Avi the way I lost my family… I don’t think I’ll want to exist anymore.
Love is fragile… delicate as glass.
And my truth is a stone thrown.
So I straighten and rest my hands on Avi’s chest, pulling the mask securely back into place. “I’m fine, baby. I’m just stressed about the game.” His brows knit together, but I ignore it and press a kiss on his frown. “Come on. Let’s get back.”
Avi’s lips part, but before he can speak, a man bursts into the restroom, stomping over to the urinals. He pauses, giving Avi and me a sharp look before turning and going onto one of the stalls instead.
Avi’s gaze narrows in the guy’s direction, jaw visibly ticking with an obvious thought.
Homophobe.
“Don’t worry, we’re not interested in your shriveled old dick,” Avi calls out, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me along, out of the men’s room.
A strained laugh leaves my lips, and Avi peeks at me, showing me one of his cocky smiles.
I love this man… I really do.
I just wish it wasn’t buried under a hundred thick layers of complication.
