If I had thought the silence was deafening before, it had nothing on the deafening void now.
North doesn’t attempt to speak but he stares daggers into the side of Nox’s head, as though he’s planning on dragging him out of this room and beating him to death. If you had told me he was capable of giving that sort of look to his brother a few months ago, I would have laughed you out of the room.
Gryphon can’t stop staring between the two brothers, his eyes darting between them as he assesses what’s going on. I’m sure there’s a level of mental communication going on that I can’t hear, but whatever it is, he doesn’t look happy about it.
I don’t need to look to know that both Atlas and Gabe are staring at me. I feel their eyes on me well enough.
I guess this explains why I’ve been waking up tired.
Gryphon’s eyes flick back to me and he says out loud, “Yes, that would explain why you wake up tired, Bonded. When did you find out that their bonds were separate beings inside them like yours is?”
I shrug and reply, “I kind of assumed, the same way I assumed that everybody knew. I’ve spoken to North’s bond before. I’m not scared of it, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Gryphon’s head tilts to the side a little. “I wasn’t expecting you to be scared of it. His bond belongs to you. Just because it’s a living thing inside of him doesn’t mean that there’s something to be afraid of.”
Atlas chips in, “Oli just thinks that way because her bond has such a vicious demeanor most of the time.”
Gabe reaches behind me to punch Atlas in the shoulder, as though I’m going to be insulted that he’s pointed out that my bond is a cantankerous murderous bitch. But there isn’t really any arguing with that point.
“Did you know?” North finally speaks, ignoring the rest of us and staying transfixed completely on his brother.
Nox doesn’t say a word, just brings his burger up to his mouth and takes another bite as though none of the outrage is happening around him.
“Answer me, Nox. Did you know?”
I don’t feel as though I should be here for this. It very much feels like a conversation between two brothers that I shouldn’t be present for, but when I flick my eyes back to Gryphon, he shakes his head at me.
“No, we are absolutely going to sit here as a group and have this discussion. Because this is big. The fact that these two have been lying to us about their bonds is a very big deal, and the fact that Nox has been a threat to you from the moment you have returned to us and then risked your life with his bond—”
Nox finally speaks, cutting Gryphon off. “If North’s bond isn’t a threat, then why is mine?”
He might as well have placed a grenade on the table and pulled the pin.
“Because you’re a fucking psychopath,” snaps Atlas at the same time as Gabe drawls, “Well, if you’re not happy about Oli being your Bond, then what’s to say your bond feels any fucking different?”
North loses his cool and snaps, “We know better than to trust them! We have experienced what happens when you trust them, Nox. Don’t pretend this isn’t an issue.”
What the fuck does that mean?
Gabe tenses a little and puts his hand on my knee underneath the table, squeezing it gently in a silent show of support. Atlas is practically vibrating with his own pent-up anger at what’s happening here, but he keeps his mouth pressed firmly shut, which is progress.
A lot of progress.
Nox takes another bite out of his burger, the picture of nonchalance, and then picks up the small whiskey glass from in front of him as though all of this is incredibly boring. “You experienced it, brother. I have not experienced anything of the sort. My shadow creatures listen to my every command.”
North squints at him and then a slow smirk stretches over his lips. Again, it’s another action I do not ever see him directing towards his brother. “Do they, though? Because I’m pretty sure Brutus wouldn’t still be with Oleander if you had complete control over him. You would never give one of your shadows away. Especially not to the Bond that you are so certain is a threat to you.”
This feels dangerous to me. It feels as though we’re standing on the edge of Nox’s issues, and any little movement is going to set him off again, the way that my snide comments had unintentionally triggered him at dinner weeks ago.
“My bond gave her the shadow. If you’re so concerned that my bond is going to attack her or hurt her in any way, then know that it gave her the creature. When she comes to sleep in my room at night, which all of you insisted on, even though I’d rather not have her there and I have fought from word go, my bond is the one who stays with her. My bond does not wish her any harm. I might, but the bond doesn’t. If you have concerns, it should be about me, not it.”
Is it weird that those words all seem like a romantic gesture to me?
I’ve always found North’s bond alluring, like a beacon calling out to me, and the thought that Nox’s bond might treat me the same way is incredibly tempting.
Gryphon gives me a very stern look, and my cheeks flush.
Don’t you dare rat me out right now, I send directly to him and pray that no one else in my mind link can hear it. He flexes his jaw as though he’s grinding his teeth, but he gives me the slightest nod.
He’s telling the truth though, isn’t he?
Gryphon sends straight back to me, no hesitation, The only thing he has any sort of a lie flagging for is that he might want to hurt you, and I think that that is the use of the word might, Bonded, so I think I will be chaperoning the two of you a little more.
I shrug, because I already knew that Nox has the capability to hurt me, he has in so many ways already, but I’m not scared of him, and I’m especially not scared of him now that I know his bond is in there and wants me.
I’m not particularly arrogant about the men that I have in my Bond Group. I don’t feel as though they owe me anything or that they are tied to me without their own consent, but there has been a small part of me that feels as though I deserve the vitriol that Nox slings at me at every opportunity.
They all deserve to have a Bonded that is not a danger to them and society. They deserve to not be tied to a freaking monster. I still can’t walk down the street in the Sanctuary, a place that I protected and saved from the Resistance without a second thought, without attracting the terrified looks and constant whispers of the people who live here.
I will always be on the outskirts of society because even though I may choose to use my Gift for good, I’m still a threat because people change. We know this from how many people have chosen to defect to the Resistance over the years, even after being brought up in good families and knowing better than to believe their rhetoric. I don’t blame them for being scared of me.
I’m scared of me.
North gets up from the table, leaving his half eaten burger behind, and stalks through the house until he gets to my room, pushing the door open and walking straight in as though it’s his own. I think it’s weird for about two seconds before I remember I’m the only one with working plumbing and assume that he’s gone either to pee or splash water on his face to calm himself down so that he doesn’t murder his brother.
Gryphon tucks back into his own dinner, chewing slowly and scowling around at random points in the room. I already feel sorry for any of his operatives who have to train with him tomorrow. He is not going to be a pleasant person to be around.
Nox finishes off the last of his burger and then pours himself another whiskey. For once, he doesn’t seem in a rush to leave, and I don’t know whether it’s the alcohol dulling his sharp edges or if he is doing it out of spite because he wants to stay in everyone’s faces while they digest the news of his bond.
“What did you say to North’s bond when you spoke to it?” Atlas says, and Gabe gives him another stern look over my head.
“It’s none of your business. That’s between the two of them.”
I shrug and dip one of my fries in ketchup before taking a bite. “North has always been really worried about his shadows. I wasn’t worried, but I wanted to be able to give him a reason to not be as well, so I spoke to his bond before we… completed our bond. It told me that it belonged to me and it couldn’t hurt me, that it was impossible for bonds to hurt each other.”
“Well, that’s not true,” Gabe says, shoving the last quarter of his burger into his mouth all in one go. When I roll my eyes at him, he squeezes my leg under the table again.
“What do you mean?”
“North’s dad—” Gabe says before realizing that Nox is still sitting at the table and that it was his dad as well, giving him a sheepish side glance, but Nox is happily drinking the whiskey and acting as though none of us are even sitting at the table with him.
North’s dad.
I glanced at Gryphon. He still has that thunderous look on his face, but he’s staring at me now as the pieces start to click together in my brain
“North’s bond told me that North believes the lie, and that’s why he thinks that the bond and the shadow creatures can hurt me.”
Gryphon’s brows furrow and he reaches out to North through our communal mind connection so that everybody at the table except Nox can hear it. You need to come back here. Something big is happening.
In a matter of seconds, North is striding back into the room, his jacket off and the top buttons of his shirt undone.
“Your bond said that you believed ‘the lie’ and that’s why you think that it can hurt Oli.”
“It’s clearly making shit up to get to her,” North snaps, running a hand through his hair and messing it up a little until I can see some of the curls break free.
I tilt my head at him, thinking it all over, but there’s too many questions here.
“How sure are we that your dad… hurt your mom?” I say very hesitantly, and North’s eyes snap back to me.
“I saw him kill her. I saw his shadows come out of him, and I saw them tear her apart, so I’m very sure.”
Nox pours another whiskey, and Gryphon takes the bottle out of his hands and sets it across the table where he can’t reach it anymore.
Gabe groans under his breath at the power play, but Atlas ignores them and says, “Well, what else could the lie be? I’m not going to just ignore what a void-eyed bond says. I know enough about them to know you don’t just write it off.”
I need to ask him about his research later, but there’s bigger things for us to be focused on.
Except then it falls into place in my head. Of course I already know what the fucking lie would be, because I’ve just watched my best friend have her entire life get turned upside down because of the Resistance messing with the blood work.
“They weren’t Bonds,” I murmur, and Gryphon’s head snaps towards me.
I swallow roughly, but the words tumble out of me, “If they weren’t really Bonds, then the shadow creatures wouldn’t know to not hurt her.”
North starts shaking his head, but Nox rolls very liquid eyes in his direction. “Would you look at that? The little poison girl figured it out.”
Gryphon snaps at him, “You knew.” Nox shakes his head back.
“No. But it makes sense. A lot of things in that household growing up make sense, if that’s the truth.”
I wake up before the sun and have to climb over Gabe and Atlas to make my way over to the bathroom.
After dinner last night, there had been a huge argument between Gryphon and North that eventually I’d had to walk away from. It was incredibly distressing to see the two men who had always been a united front leading the rest of us get into it in such a vicious manner.
Because my bedroom and bathroom are the only two rooms other than the kitchen that are finished, I had no choice but to hide away in there. Gabe and Atlas had both followed me straight in there when I’d left. Once I had thrown some pajamas on, Gabe had set a movie up on the TV to try and drown out some of the sounds of the intense argument.
I realized as soon as I’d seen the bed that it was made to comfortably fit six people if required, but I didn’t think that we would be testing it out quite so quickly.
Or in such a sedate way, if I’m honest.
I fell asleep between Gabe and Atlas only to wake up with both of them on one side of me and North still quietly snoring on the other side. I have no recollection of him coming in to join us last night, but my bond feels incredibly settled in my chest.
Bonding with Gabe has gotten me that much closer to completely level.
When I get into the bathroom, I find Gryphon standing in front of the mirror with a towel wrapped around his waist, so he must’ve stayed last night as well.
I still feel unsettled from the night before, and he’s still in a vicious mood about it, but when he opens his arms to me, I still find myself gravitating towards him. I tuck myself into his chest and listen to the steady beat of his heart to calm my nerves.
I’m sorry that we upset you. I’m not sorry for calling him out on his shit though.
I nod and speak directly back to him, conscious that the other three are still sleeping. I understand that it’s about trust, not the actual bond issue, but if it’s tied up with his parents and whatever happened to Nox, then I think you need to give him a break. I’m not ever going to be a person to throw stones over keeping secrets about things that are traumatic. I haven’t been the one to tell you guys most of my stuff… because it’s all just too much. If it wasn’t for Atlas, and the fact that my time in the Resistance camps was recorded so heavily, there’s a lot you guys still wouldn’t know because I just can’t talk about it.
Gryphon’s hands cradle the back of my head, his thumbs stroking over the soft tendrils of my hair, and it feels like being sheltered to be held by such a strong and deadly man with such care.
I know. I’m trying not to be an asshole about it, but when it comes to your safety, I have every right to hold them accountable. There is every chance that their bonds could hurt you and that we’re wrong about what the lie is. I’m going to get Sawyer to rerun the Dravens’ blood tests through the system so that we can see if you’re right. If it does come back that they’re Bonds, then we need to have a serious conversation about what we’re going to do now that we know that they have beings inside them too.
I pull back from him and stare up at him with a stern look on my face, my bond pushing to the surface a little in irritation at his words. I’m not going to be kept away from my Bonded. My bond is not going to be kept away from either of them.
Gryphon nods, but he also doesn’t back down. I know that. But you have to realize that we all take precautions because of your bond. There are certain things that all of us have agreed to, even Nox, and we do it because we know what your bond is capable of. It is our responsibility as your Bond Group to help keep your bond happy, safe, and out of the murderous zone, unless your life is in danger.
I nod and step away from him, happy enough to accept what he’s saying but needing a bit of space for a second to wrap my head around it. Why does everything have to be so freaking complicated?
I strip and climb into the shower, mostly to have something to do, not that I actually need it, and I let the hot water fall over my body and soak into my skin as I watch Gryphon get dressed for the day. He has early morning training sessions with his personnel and then a long list of security measures to go through. I already know that he has so much on his plate, and to add any of my shit on top of it just seems completely unreasonable to me.
When he’s strapping on his weapons, all of them pulled out from a safe underneath the bathroom sink that I was completely unaware was even there, I send through to him directly again, What does Nox do? You said even Nox has agreed to certain things about my bond. What has he agreed to?
Gryphon takes a deep breath, and I can tell that he is hesitant about my interest in the last of my Bonds. I think that even a week ago, if I’d shown this interest, he would have encouraged it and been happy about it because he wants the Bond Group complete and for all of us to have that extra security. But what was said last night at dinner, and whatever he saw in that tent between our bonds, has rattled him, and now he’s not so sure.
He agreed to sleeping in his room. He has agreed to give you any of his clothing that you might require to keep your bond calm and centered, and when you were rescued from the Resistance and needed skin contact, he agreed to that too.
Holy shit.
He agreed to the skin-to-skin contact.
My shock must be palpable because Gryphon nods, even with his back turned to me. North was with him the entire time. He wouldn’t let anyone else anywhere near him while he held you, but I wasn’t expecting anything different, to be honest.
You know what his reason is, don’t you?
Gryphon glances over his shoulder at me and keeps eye contact with me as he replies, I do. I can’t tell you what it is. No one can tell you except him. Even though I am furious at the two of them, I’m not going to break that. Because like you said, trauma is hard, and you don’t get much more traumatized than Nox Draven.
I nod and duck my head back under the water, mostly to get away from the intensity of the moment. Gryphon finishes up and then comes back over to the stall, opening the door and catching my lips in a quick kiss as he stalks out to start his day.
A few moments later, the door opens again and Gabe stumbles through, making a beeline for the toilet. Something I will never get used to, even with having five male Bonds, is the ease with which men happily wander into an occupied bathroom and pee in front of an audience. I can’t even comfortably pee with them in the next room over, half the time, without psyching myself up for it.
How did you sleep, Bonded? he sends through the mind connection to me in a soft and sleepy voice that comes through loud and clear. There’s a cheeky grin on his face as he revels in the perks of our completed Bond. I can’t help but give him one back, even with all of the chaos in my head.
Like a baby. The bed is perfect.
He moves over to the sink to wash up and he sends through to me, That’s good, because we are going to spend the day visiting with Sage and trying to figure that situation out now that we have some more information from Giovanna. Hopefully we can get her outta there.
My eyes snap over to him and I cut the water off, jumping out of the shower like my ass is on fire. “Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”
He shrugs at me and says out loud, “Gryphon just smacked me in the face to wake me up and told me that’s what we were doing, so you knew the moment I knew, Bonded. Now I’m gonna go wake Atlas up the same way, because I’m sure he’ll want to come too.”
Then he leaves the bathroom with a cackle that’s just a little too close to evil.
