BLUE
Well, I was right. Everyone thinks I’m on West’s shit-list, which means I’m now on the whole school’s shit-list.
Great.
Monday was mostly dirty looks. Tuesday, I got shoved in the hallway and almost bit it in front of everyone, which was awesome. Wednesday, someone wrote ‘slut’ on my locker with permanent marker. Thursday, one of my textbooks mysteriously came up missing.
Then, today, some random ‘accidentally’ spilled her soda on my shoulder when walking by me and Lexi’s table during lunch. While everyone nearby laughed at my expense, West forced himself to smirk a little, giving the appearance of going along with the bullying. Typically, he’d threaten to rip off someone’s limbs for even looking at me the wrong way, but in our current situation, he has to sit by and watch.
To sum it all up, this feels like being right back at square one with a target on my back.
Did I mention how much this all sucks?
Now that I’ve officially survived the first week of the ‘break up’ from hell, I’m grateful for the weekend. What makes it even better is that there was no game tonight, only practice. Sure, I’m still getting home after dark, but I’ll take what I can get.
Rounding the corner, the house comes into view. I’m already fantasizing about climbing into bed and staying there until work in the morning, but when I pull further into the driveway and glance toward the back door, I have to do a double-take.
There’s a figure perched on the steps and I’m finally able to make out the features of the small blonde whose eyes just lit up seeing me. Shock has me convinced I’m imagining things because she’s made it a point to stay away so long.
“You’ve gotta be shitting me.”
As if she’s just heard me utter those words, my mother—The Great Houdini of Cypress Point, Master of the Disappearing Act—is on her feet and walking toward my car before I can even put it in park. Even from here, I can tell she’s pretty messed up. It looks like she hasn’t showered in days, if not weeks, and the scabbed over wounds on her face are telling of what her poison of choice has been this time around.
I stare at her and, surprisingly enough, I feel nothing. For almost a year now, I’ve waited for her to come home, but not like this. Not looking like this.
I step out and she puts on a fake smile. “Hey, Blue Jay! It’s so good to see you.”
She’s trailing me to the back door because I’m not stopping for her. I’ve chased her my whole life and those days are over.
“Aren’t you gonna say something? I’ve missed you girls so much.”
“So much that you’ve been gone almost an entire year?” I snap, spinning on my heels to stare her straight in the eyes.
She’s at a loss for words and I reel my emotions in. She’s not worth that.
“You can’t be here,” I say. “The last thing I need is for Scar to see you like this.”
She glances down, looking herself over as I do the same, realizing just how far she’s fallen in such a short time.
“I know I’m a bit of a mess right now, but that’s because I’m in kind of a bad way. And… I was kind of hoping you could help me with that,” she starts, and before she can even finish her speech, I’m rolling my eyes.
“Of course, that’s why you’re here,” I sigh. “Why else would you come back? It’s not like you’re supposed to be a mother or anything.”
She steps back, glaring with offense. “Supposed to be a mother?”
“There’s no way you’re offended by that,” I scoff. “You missed both mine and Scar’s birthdays, you abandoned her, abandoned me, and left me to carry everything by myself. And the only reason I’ve heard from you at all is because you need money.”
I try to walk away, knowing I’ll say things I can’t take back if I don’t.
“Just a small loan. Nothing you’d miss,” she begs.
I stop and pivot toward her again, feeling like there’s actual fire beneath my skin when I lay eyes on her.
“I hate you!”
Those words tumble out, echoing into the night and I know I should regret letting them slip, but I don’t. Because they’re true.
“You are the worst piece of shit I’ve ever met in my entire life,” I add. “What kind of human leaves her kids to fend for themselves in a world like this?”
Tears sting my eyes, but they’re steeped in anger and hatred, not sadness.
“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know,” she confesses, her timid voice barely louder than a whisper. “I failed you kids. No one’s more aware of that than me.”
“And yet, you continue to only come around when you need something.”
She lowers her gaze then, staring at the flip-flops that are doing nothing to shield her feet from the snow-covered ground.
“If I could take back everything with Hunter, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
She says those words as if they should mean something to me, but I have no idea what she’s talking about.
“I never should’ve gotten him involved. He wanted to help out more, bring more money into the house, but I had no clue what they’d do to him.”
I dash toward her, taking her unfamiliarly thin arm in my hand.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
She seems surprised by the hard look set on my face, but she needs to know I’m not letting go until she explains herself.
“He… he wanted to earn some quick cash. The kind of cash that could’ve changed our lives,” she says. “So, since Paul and I go way back, I reached out to him. Your brother was already working with the Ruizes, but I let Paul know Hunter was ready for something bigger—a more important role in the business.”
By her and Paul going ‘way back’, she means he used to be her supply guy back in the day, before he was promoted within the family ranks by Augustin years ago.
Tears slip from her eyes and she tries to squirm out of my grasp.
“Mom, what the hell did you do?”
Shaking her head like a terrified toddler, she tries pulling away again. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
I don’t have time for her antics, so I squeeze tighter. “What the fuck did you do to Hunter?”
This time, I scream at her louder than I mean to. My concern isn’t that I’m considering her feelings, but because I’d prefer for strangers not to hear our conversation.
“I talked Paul into taking Hunter in deeper, giving him more responsibility. Then, before we knew it, Hunter said Paul found him a spot moving cargo,” she explains.
Cargo—there goes that damn word again.
“Hunter was so, so excited. Paul wanted to train him in the new business, so he was supposed to keep him under his wing for a week to learn the ropes, but within two days, the cops were knocking at our door, saying Hunter got arrested for killing that Robyn girl.”
I can’t even see straight I’m so pissed at her. “So, Hunter being in jail is your fault?”
Suddenly, something Ricky said to me months ago made perfect sense. When I blamed him for Hunter going bad, he told me to look a little closer to home.
He was talking about my mom. He knew she was the one who got Hunter entangled in the circumstances that eventually ruined his life.
“No! I was just trying to get him some work!”
“You might be an idiot, but everyone on the southside knows what kind of work Paul Ruiz does! Don’t pretend you had no clue you were putting Hunter in danger. He went in deeper because you wanted him to! Because you’re a greedy bitch who’d rather have that damn poison in her veins than have her kids home safe.”
She attempts to take my wrist when I turn to leave, but I snatch away.
“You have to know I didn’t know this would happen. Please, Blue Jay.”
I ignore her sorry ass and start up the steps, but when I do the back door swings open. While I thought it’d be Scar coming to see what all the racket is, I’m staring up at Mike instead. And his eyes aren’t set on me. They’re on Mom.
I’m half-expecting him to go to her, try to bring her inside, so my guard is up. If he even looks like he’s thinking about inviting her into this house, I’m fully prepared to burn the whole fucking thing down before I’d let that happen. But to add to tonight’s surprises, Mike opens the screen to let me in, then closes and locks it behind me, leaving that woman and all her bullshit outside.
“You all right?”
I peer up when he asks, shocked by the sincerity in his gaze.
My body slumps against the door and I draw in a deep breath when I nod. “I’m okay.”
He continues to stare, like he’s unsure whether to believe me or not.
“She tried calling earlier today and I hung up as soon as I heard her voice. If I thought she’d try to stop by, I would’ve given you a heads up before coming home. You shouldn’t have to deal with that.”
I’m not sure how to feel. I have no memory of Mike protecting me, considering my well-being. Nor do I recall him ever not being Mom’s doormat.
“It’s fine. She doesn’t get to me like she used to,” I say.
After hearing that, he eventually nods and steps back toward the stove, then stirs whatever’s in the pot while flashing a look at me.
“You’re probably gonna say no, but I’d love it if you’d eat with me and Scar. I—”
“Sure.”
His stare darts toward me again, and I think the only person more shocked that I just agreed to share a meal with him, is me.
There’s a dim smile on his face and he goes to the cabinet to pull down a third plate.
“Wash your hands and I’ll set the table. And grab your sister on your way back.”
I nod. “Okay.”
Slow steps carry me toward the hallway, but before I’m out of his sight, Mike speaks again.
“Thank you,” he says gravely, and when I look into his eyes again, I don’t miss that they’re filled with emotion.
This is a small step, and I’m not sure if there will be others, but for tonight, it seems I’ll have a father for the first time in a long time.
And… I’d forgotten how nice that feels.
