Fractured Freedom: Chapter 14

“We’ll be good enough friends,” he’d said.

That’s all my brain heard, really, because Dante might have been talking of owning me one minute, but I knew his mind wanted to place me firmly in the friend category for the rest of time.

And then what would I do with my mediocre life? I’d lost his baby, wallowed in misery until I needed a shrink, and now I was trying to live a life that wouldn’t leave me spiraling.

I got ready for work, putting on my blue scrubs and tying my hair up. I’d dress for my night with Allan in one of the locker rooms—we both had crazy work schedules and had already been on a few dates, so we didn’t expect much primping from each other. I packed my makeup bag and a form fitting black dress. Simple and sexy was what I needed tonight.

A text came through that a black SUV would be waiting out front for me. When I got to the lobby, Leonardo ushered me right to it like Dante had updated them all on my new mode of transportation.

I sighed and typed out a thank you to Dante before my shift started.

The man knew how to make me feel safe, that was for sure.

He knew how to make me feel a lot of things. My heart was already starting a war with itself over whether I could take things further with him, even though I knew it wasn’t an option.

At work, we had an emergency C-section, a broken leg from a car accident, a man having a heart attack whom we lost, and another heart attack victim whom we saved.

By nine, my mind couldn’t focus on much. I’d been speaking a second language at work all day and, although I’d majored in Spanish in college, it was still difficult to speak it fluently during emergencies. Thinking of my relationship with Dante, or lack thereof, should have been the furthest thing from my mind.

He was mob. I was a nurse. He was my older brother’s best friend. I was the kid sister. He was my heart, while our lost baby was my heartbreak.

I pulled my black dress on and sighed at how simple it looked. Simple like this date with Allan would be.

Simple like Allan in his jeans and gray button-down standing at the doors of the locker room, offering me his arm.

Simple like my steady heartbeat not jumping out of rhythm to sync with his as it did with Dante.

“You look great, Delilah,” Allan whispered to me as we made our way to his car. “I’m excited for this little restaurant we’re going to. I hear the mojitos are great.”

I nodded as he opened his Honda’s black door for me. “Have you been there before?”

“No. The guys at work were talking about it, and I figured before we’re back home, we have to go.”

I nodded. Allan and I were both from the Midwest, and he’d come to do his residency here. I guess we’d bonded over the fact that we weren’t locals, that we could explore Puerto Rico together rather than by ourselves.

Except now I had Dante.

I shook my head and stared out the window at the colorful buildings we passed. A man played the guitar on the corner of a cobblestone street, and a few families stood around listening. I murmured, “San Juan has so many things I want to see.”

“It’s heaven, right?” He smiled and his straight white teeth that were most likely bleached showed a little too much.

I nodded but didn’t comment, because heaven had set off something in me that I didn’t need my body remembering right then. Dante and I shared that place, shared our own paradise away from the world. I hated how he’d done that to me, how I’d never share that place with anyone else.

We had to walk through a store to get to the restaurant. The figurines displayed on the counter had jewels molded into them. Just like the ones Dante would bring me from overseas.

I sighed, and Allan asked me if everything was okay as we sat down.

“Of course. Of course. I just had a long shift.”

“Right. I heard about the emergency C-section. Good work saving the mom and the baby.”

I chewed on my lip before the waiter came over to offer us drinks. “I’ll take a shot and a mojito.”

Allan’s eyes widened. “A shot? Wow, make that two.”

When the waiter left, I shrugged and said, “We have to enjoy the nights we’re given, right?”

“Absolutely.” He nodded vigorously like he couldn’t agree more.

When our drinks came, we ordered food, and gradually, Allan’s easygoing personality loosened me up. Allan was always nice to look at with his dark hair and dark eyes. He had a great face and was a bit taller than me too. I’d been attracted to him before Dante showed up.

Now, with a little alcohol to relax me, I found myself enjoying his face just fine. Plus, he wasn’t my brother’s best friend, he didn’t work with my sister, and we had no history together. I laughed at one of his jokes, and then Allan excused himself to go to the bathroom. As soon as he did, my phone dinged with a text.

His text had me jerking my gaze up and whipping it around the room. The restaurant was so small that I would have seen Dante if he were there.

I looked around for security cameras and saw a red light blinking in the upper dark corner of the restaurant. He probably wasn’t watching live but I still flipped it off in anger. I threw my phone into my purse when I saw Allan coming back to the table.

He looked completely normal, except that his finger tapped the table very fast and suddenly he wanted another drink and then to leave.

Our date went in fast-forward for the next five minutes. Allan downed a shot and offered me one, which I took as I glared at the camera. Then he was paying the bill and ushering me to his car.

That should have been the moment I told him I could take an Uber alone, that I didn’t want him back at the hotel. Instead, I told him the Uber would be better for both of us. “We shouldn’t drink and drive, right?”

“Of course, of course,” he mumbled.

Texts from Dante were blowing up my phone, and before I could even get my app to work, Leonardo pulled up and lowered the car’s window. “You Delilah for an Uber?”

I stared at him for a second as Allan went to open the car door for me, but Leonardo just winked. I sighed and folded into the car as I read Dante’s text.

He had some nerve.

That was very clear. He couldn’t cockblock me after saying we’d be friends. He had me on some pedestal, and I was about to jump off right into the arms of another man. I was ready for it. Except … I was texting him instead of making out with my date.

I scoffed out loud as I texted him back, and Allan shifted next to me. “Everything all right, Delilah?”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. Just a bit of family drama.” I shrugged.

“No worries. I have to get back to the new doc on rotation, anyway.”

Oh, God. I knew Dante was going to ruin this for me. How could I get over him when all I was thinking about was getting under him? It wasn’t fair. He’d practically helped mold my sexuality in the first place.

And as I stared at Allan, I couldn’t stop looking for a stronger jaw, bigger muscles, and tattoos on his arms that I knew weren’t there.

It was stupid, it was wrong, and it was everything I knew I shouldn’t be doing, but I grabbed Allan and kissed him hard, trying to search for any spark. He kissed me back rapidly, like he couldn’t bring himself to slow down.

When the car stopped in front of my hotel, I invited him up.

Not because we had chemistry, not because the kiss was so good, and not because his hands knew what they were doing under my skirt—they didn’t. I did it solely to piss off the man who did know how to do everything under my clothes.

He’d breached my trust with this whole stupid date night, and I was going to breach his.

Allan and I practically fell out of the car from the alcohol running through us both, and I invited him into the hotel.

“Ms. Hardy, are you sure you’d like this gentleman up on your floor?” Leonardo asked, standing near us by the bell station. Leonardo was obviously very loyal to Dante, or to the Armanellis or something, since his hotel job extended to chauffeur when needed.

I rolled my eyes at him. “Yes, Allan is allowed up any time he wants.”

We made out in the elevator and all the way down the hall to my room. I was going to go all the way with him just to prove a point … even if I had to imagine Dante between my legs to make it happen.

This was my story. This was my Eat Pray Love.

I was seizing the moment.

I would have done just that if I hadn’t fallen backwards as my own hotel door swung open from behind me. I toppled right into strong tattooed arms that immediately sent stupid sparks through my whole body.

“This not your room, baby?” Allan stared at Dante, confused. “Sorry, man. If we were loud—”

“Quite frankly, she wasn’t loud enough. Considering I know exactly how she sounds when she wants someone to fuck her.”

My jaw dropped along with Allan’s. Dante didn’t seem at all fazed as he righted me so I could stand.

I shimmied my black dress back down to just above my knees and turned to glare at Dante. “Excuse my brother’s best friend here, Allan. He’s a little overprotective and a lot crude.”

“Your brother’s best friend?” Allan squeaked. “Why is he talking about how you sound when—”

“Because I know her very well. I’m not just her brother’s best friend. I’m also the guy taking over your date. So thanks for getting her home safe. Next time you take a girl out, don’t do blow in the bathroom. Then you’ll know whether or not this is dream. Now, leave.”

“What the …?” Allan was already backing away, his eyes so wide I now believed he might actually have been doing drugs in the bathroom.

“I’m so sorry, Allan,” I whispered, but he was already tripping over himself like he’d been caught doing something illegal and didn’t want to go to jail.

When Dante yanked me all the way into my room, I spun on him immediately. “You ruined my date.”

“The date would have been done had you not wanted to prove a point.”

“I can’t believe you.” I ripped my elbow from his grasp.

“Me? You’re the one fucking around all of San Juan causing me a damn heart attack with your antics.”

“A week ago, you were barely aware of my existence! We were different people on opposite sides of the world, living our own lives.”

“And now we’re tied together again.” He crossed his arms over his ginormous chest and scowled at me.

“Well, I don’t want to be tied to you. You think I’m some good girl who shouldn’t do shit, and I want to do everything. I deserve it after college and …”

“And what?”

“Oh my God. It’s none of your business,” I shouted and shoved at his chest. “I don’t want you here. I don’t want Izzy here. I just want to cross things off my list.”

“You can’t cross things off that list like it’s a damn exam, Lilah. It won’t make you happy.”

I tossed off my shoes and screamed, “Just get out of my room. I need to shower. And I need you to leave me alone.”

He threw up his hands like he didn’t want anything to do with me at that moment either. He paced toward the adjoining room door and then froze, turned, and stalked back to stand chest to chest with me. Without my heels, I had to glare up at him.

His hand went to the base of my neck and gripped a handful of my hair. He pulled my head further back so my neck was exposed as we glared at one another. Then his green eyes dilated right before he lowered his head and dragged his nose across my skin. “I don’t like another man’s mouth on you. I don’t like that I smell him here when I know it’s one of the most sensitive parts of your body.”

The breath I took in shook my whole body. His whispers against my skin caused my nipples to tighten, my pussy to clench, my brain to short-circuit.

“I’m being patient because being your friend first matters.”

Then he stepped back and let go of my hair. I took one giant step away from him too. He spun and was gone in an instant.

He left me shaking with need, my hands quivering as they combed through my hair, as I tried to take in enough breaths to clear my head.

I counted to seven … seven times.

I tried my best to ignore what I was feeling, but my pussy couldn’t stand another moment without being taken care of.

I hurried to my nightstand and grabbed my little vibrator, waterproof and a godsend. I hurried to the shower and turned it up so high I knew it would scorch my skin. I wanted the pain with the pleasure, to burn away Allan’s touch.

I thought of Dante’s rough hands all over my thighs, skimming up to my pussy where I slid the vibrator inside and turned it on.

I gasped at the feeling, knowing Dante knew exactly what I needed. I rubbed a finger over my clit again and again, letting myself get lost in an addiction that I knew I’d never really gotten rid of.

I screamed his name, happy the walls of my bedroom seemed thick enough to keep the sound of him on my lips a secret.

When I got out, my body was finally relaxed, finally unwound, and finally satiated. I wrapped a plush white towel around myself and left the bathroom for clothes.

I almost lost hold of the terry cloth when I saw Dante at my nightstand putting Advil and water on it.

He smirked to himself without looking up and murmured, “Allan didn’t have the means to get you off, I see.”

Why couldn’t I get ahold of my temper with this man? “Dante, you can’t come into my bedroom uninvited.”

“Why not? I have the key.”

“I could have been naked,” I pointed out.

“Aren’t you naked under that towel of yours?” His eyes trailed up my damp legs and then hovered on my thighs. His perusal all the way up to my face had my whole body shivering in a way I wasn’t used to.

“That’s my point. A second earlier and my towel could have been off.”

“Nothing I haven’t seen before, remember, Lilah?” He lifted a brow.

“Oh, shut up.” I spun and walked to the other side of my bed. I needed to find a way to get my vibrator out of my hand because it was turning my cheeks redder and redder just thinking about him catching me holding it.

I wondered if he’d heard me in the shower. I always got a little carried away when I was doing it to myself.

Instead of him giving me any personal space, though, he followed me like he needed to be next to me.

“Lilah.” His voice was so close to my neck that I had to turn and see if he was where I imagined him. He was. We were so close I could smell his aftershave. “That vibrator of yours must work wonders if you’re using it as a substitute for me.”

“You want to discuss that right now?” My jaw almost dropped. “This is so inappropriate. You wouldn’t even know about this little device had you not come into my space without my permission. You want me storming in on you? What if you were with a woman?”

“If I was with a woman, you’d have heard her screaming.” It came out a whisper, but his words rocked through me and settled boldly at my core.

That confession of his had me wet and jealous at the same time. I wanted to be the one to scream his name again, even though I knew that wasn’t being offered here. “Well, good for her.”

He hummed as he eyed my vibrator in my hand. “You know, that thing can be used in a lot of different ways. Maybe if you invited me into the shower to use it with you, screaming my name would be much more rewarding.”

“I …” My brain was short-circuiting as Dante brought his hand up to the device and snatched it from me. It was just a pink little egg, but when you pushed the button, it vibrated enough to shake your whole body. “Wh-what are you doing?”

“Taking this with me.” He slid it into his pocket. He raised an eyebrow. “Unless you plan on retrieving it from me.”

“You can’t take my—”

“I can and I will. Next time you need help from this and want to use me as a fantasy, knock on my door for the real thing, Lilah.”

I stomped my foot. “You just told me last night I had to be done with other men if I wanted—”

“Oh, you’re done with other men.”

“I’m not.” I lifted my head boldly. Screw him. I would sleep with the whole island just to prove a damn point. “I want to enjoy myself here! I need to. Don’t you get it? That was the point of me taking this job!”

“Is enjoying yourself spreading your legs for every dumbass that comes near them?”

My eyes widened as if I’d heard him wrong, but he hadn’t stuttered. “Fuck you!” I shoved him, but he didn’t move even an inch. “You can’t talk to me like that. These are my goals. I need to accomplish them. I need to make sure I do it right or …”

“Or what?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

I stammered at his question, not sure why the list was so important, only that it was. “I need this.”

“Have you told your brothers and sister about this list?”

“My brothers and sister? Is that a joke? This list is for me!” Maybe I was too tired and tipsy to have this conversation, or maybe I’d taken the list too seriously and was only just realizing it, but suddenly I felt childish needing it to be done. “You don’t get to come here and change all my plans. You and Izzy are … I don’t want any of you in this part of my life. It’s supposed to be for me.”

“Do it with me, then.” He shrugged like his idea wasn’t totally and completely ludicrous.

He didn’t understand that half the reason I was here trying to find myself was because I lost myself to him and the baby in the first place.

“My family … my brothers would kill you.”

He glared at me, and then suddenly his mouth broke into a smile so big it put a dimple in his cheek that made my knees ache to buckle. “You think I’m afraid of your brothers, Lilah?”

“Well, no. There’s nothing to be afraid of. We aren’t doing anything. If we did, though, they’d give you hell.”

Suddenly, Dante’s gaze was dragging up and down my body, so slow I swear I could feel his touch somehow on my hips, my waist, my tits, and my neck.

He paused at my lips and then met my eyes before he said, “So you’re not done playing with men on the island?”

“What?” I whispered. My mind tried to keep up, and it almost responded with a yes just to get him close to me, but I mentally grabbed my answer fast, stomped it out, and then stammered, “No … I’m meeting Troy in a few days and …”

“When you’re done, just know that if that pussy still tastes as good as last night, hell, I intend to take a whole goddamn inferno from your brothers when the time is right.” He shook his head and said, “Lock your door, Lilah.”

And then he slammed it shut.