Fractured Freedom: Chapter 18

Ikissed her slowly that night because I wanted to relish my heart beating fast. Had she felt it too? Our hearts galloped toward something they wanted so badly, they’d pump blood through us faster with need. She was the only one who could cause that unsettling feeling in me. Delilah had essentially found a way to release everything I thought I’d locked down.

I was ready to give that girl anything she wanted, even if it meant I’d suffer through the whole damn thing.

“You know we got at least a thousand kilos about to be shipped back to Florida, right?” Cade sounded giddy as he lifted the barbell up, his tattooed hands gripping the metal tight.

I nodded as I stood over him in case he needed a spot. Cade had come to use the hotel gym for the morning, before I took Delilah sightseeing. She had the day off already and so we were going. “I’m not working today. I got stabbed last night.”

“So what? Remember when you got shot in Syria? You went home two days later.”

I had, but that was only because it had been Christmas and I’d thought I might catch a glimpse of Delilah. She hadn’t come home that Christmas, though. Or the Christmas after.

Now, I had her here, wanting to cause havoc everywhere.

“I’m going to Old San Juan to keep an eye on her.”

“That all you’re doing?” He waggled his eyebrows.

“Fuck off,” I said, my jaw working. Cade knew how to rile even the calmest horse in the stable, and unfortunately, I wasn’t anywhere near relaxed when it came to this girl.

“She’s Izzy’s sister. I have to know what I’m in for when that girl comes flying out of jail. You know she’s going to have her ass going twenty times the normal speed.”

“We’ll be ready,” I said as he let the metal bar drop into its cradle so I could switch spots with him.

Most days when I fucked a woman, sleep came easy, but I knew the woman I wanted for more than just a one-night stand was on the other side of my bed’s wall, and I had half a mind to drag her from her bed and into mine.

So I’d tossed and turned, wondering if she was doing the same. Early morning meditation hadn’t helped much, then I ran an extra two miles along the ocean before I told Cade to come lift with me. I needed to drain my body of its desire for her. The only way to do that was fatigue. Or so I thought. Nothing worked.

My lust and care for her had been embedded in my bones for a long time. It was part of the blood my body made, part of what pumped through my heart.

And it was going to be hell detoxing from her, absolute hell to filter her out of my blood.

“We might be ready, but is Delilah ready? She know what’s going on or not? Because I’m confused as to why she’s even still here.”

“She needed to stay.” I pushed over 250 pounds up and down, knowing I needed more weight if I was going to tire out.

“What for?”

“It would have jeopardized the mission to have her up and leave.” I gave my sorry excuse and then told him, “Get more weight. You’re getting too weak for me to even work out with.”

He chuckled, and instead of grabbing weights, he leaned on the barbell as he smiled at me like he enjoyed seeing me struggle to push against his body weight. “We both know that’s not true. Izzy could have wormed her way around that story with these guys. They ain’t that bright, Dante.”

Cade was right. I’d seen the crew operating the shipments of drugs here. They were underpaid, probably using the drugs they were shipping, and weren’t that smart. Their boss wanted idiots risking their lives, not his main guys.

“Wasn’t worth the hiccups,” I breathed and then lifted him and the weight so that my arms were fully extended. “That would have been one. We’ve had too many already.”

“If you’re keeping her here, you’d better break your damn contract and let her know the situation.”

“Don’t you have some computer to be staring at?” I lowered the barbell again.

Cade smirked at my biceps starting to shake. “Your girl’s in her hotel. Nothing worth looking at now.”

“If you’re looking at her like that …” I growled and shoved the weight all the way back up so fast that Cade had to step back off it from the momentum.

He shook his head. “You’ve got it bad, man. I’m not staring at your girl. And you didn’t correct me, so I’m assuming she’s basically an Untouchable at this point.”

It was a coveted title to have among the mob—a woman who was married into the family, or at least seen as a person other families couldn’t touch. It would be the same as touching the boss himself. Bastian Armanelli was the head of our family, and he didn’t take kindly to anyone disrespecting us. He’d murdered two men for even contemplating hurting his girlfriend at one point in time.

“She’s the one,” I admitted out loud for the first time.

He sucked loudly on his teeth. “When’s the wedding?”

“There isn’t going to be one. We’re not going to be together. She’ll be protected always, though.”

He hummed like he disagreed. “Izzy know?”

“It’s not about Izzy or anyone else. It’s about keeping her safe. Other than that, it’s nobody’s business.”

“Damn. You’ve known this family most of your life, man. You can’t hide whatever relationship you have with her. I saw you going into each other’s rooms enough times to know. I know you’re fucking her, and if Izzy finds out—”

“Stop watching my goddamn room.”

“You told me to watch that hallway, dumbass. I have an alert for motion.”

I wanted to punch the wall. We were already having a hard time hiding our relationship, and it wasn’t even one. “I gotta go.”

“Tell your Untouchable that we’re about to bring down a large drug operation, and she’d better not fuck it up.”

“Delilah doesn’t fuck anything up.”

“Yeah, neither do you. Except last night you got stabbed by a guy who can’t even hide his face from hotel cameras.”

I sighed and rubbed a hand over the scruff on my beard. The man had been idling by Delilah’s old room then had waited in the staircase for hours for her to come home from work.

Cade let me know he was in the same cartel that Izzy was undercover with. They were scoping out Izzy’s sister. It had me on edge, so I went to confront him in the stairway, and when he lied to me about what he was doing there, I should have left him to it.

Leonardo would have had him removed quickly enough, and there would have been no issue. We would have gotten better security and made sure Delilah was protected.

All the training I’d had, how I’d always prided myself on my restraint, all of it seemed for nothing when I threw him up against the cement wall of that staircase and demanded he tell me why he was there.

His eyes widened in fear. “You’re not just some guy Izzy’s sister’s fucking. They’re rats, aren’t they? You’re a fucking cop or something.”

I slammed him into the wall again, and he got one good stab in my trap before I broke his arm and disarmed his weapon.

“I’m going to kill those girls. Kill them. But first, I’m going to torture them. You won’t catch us. We’re too big. Too—”

When I put more pressure on his injured appendage, he screamed. Then he swore and taunted me with the idea that he and his boys were going to take good care of Izzy and Delilah.

So I took good care of him instead, and the information died with him. I couldn’t let him go back to the cartel and tell them that we had eyes on Delilah everywhere, that Izzy wasn’t really a part of their crew.

“A knife wound is barely something to write home about.”

“You were distracted,” Cade pointed out, following me to the corner of the gym to get my bag. I was done working out for the day because Cade was right. Delilah’s news had distracted me, torn me apart, and made me want more than I had all at the same time. Suddenly, being a man in control, a man who had access to all the world and knew how to extract information from anyone, wasn’t enough.

Nothing would be enough when I didn’t have her, and I knew I never could. I was able to kill a man with my bare hands and walk back to my room to fuck a girl who was so sweet she should be given a ticket to heaven without hesitation.

I didn’t deserve that, and she didn’t deserve me sticking around to remind her of the pain we caused one another.

I got her for another week or two and that was it.

“I’m going to go enjoy Old San Juan, Cade. Make sure that no men come near us,” I grumbled.

Cade had been watching us long enough for me to know we were safe exploring, especially when most everyone thought we weren’t tied to Izzy’s operation.

I got ready and texted Delilah.

I didn’t invite her because I would have fucked her in the gym. My cold shower put me on my best behavior to knock on her adjoining room door, though.

“Coming,” she announced and whipped the door open with a bright smile on her face. Her hazel eyes twinkled with mischief, and when I looked down, I knew exactly why.

“Delilah Hardy …” I murmured as my eyes tracked down her body. She wore what looked like one yellow strap which wrapped around her neck, crisscrossed so that one side covered each breast, and then I guessed it tied in the back.

No bra.

No coverage of her midsection.

Her skirt was long and flowy and yellow and so thin I knew her ass would jiggle just right under it when she walked.

“You like it?” She spun in the doorway, and her dress flared out around her. “I bought it at a shop downstairs and thought it was something I’d never wear back home, something no one would expect me to wear. When I tried it on, the cashier said I looked beautiful.” When I didn’t say anything, her face started to change. “Is it too much?” she asked, her hands wringing in front of her bare stomach like she had anything to worry about.

Would it have been wrong for me to tell her it was too much for the world?

Being a friend and doing this Eat Pray Love shit was going to kill me. I already knew it.

“You look beautiful, Lamb. If you see me glaring at a man today, I’m just keeping them in line, okay?”

She beamed and waved me in. “This isn’t going to be weird, is it? We probably shouldn’t have slept together.”

I smirked at how she let the words tumble out of her as she packed up her purse to head out.

“You nervous we can’t be friends after we shared our secrets and I licked your—”

“Dante, that’s not allowed,” she cut me off.

“I joke with my friends.”

“You friends with all the girls you’ve slept with?” she inquired, her cheeks flushing.

“If you’re jealous, the answer is yes.”

She rolled her eyes and asked what was on the agenda first. I guided her through the hotel and told her we would go shopping. She needed to see the little places I’d shopped while searching for her trinkets over the years.

The girl I’d lusted over was finally shopping with me for things I had to guess she’d like when I was overseas. She stopped at every little knickknack to ooh and aah over it, but she surprised me when she picked up a small gold wolf with green eyes.

“It’s you,” she murmured and proceeded to turn to the cashier and haggle over the price.

The piece was inexpensive to begin with, but she got it down to what she wanted by smiling and telling the guy this was the only thing she’d wanted to find today and he had it, that his shop was exactly what she’d been looking for.

The shop played Puerto Rican music and connected to a little restaurant in the back that smelled like sweet plantains and olive oil. At one point, a girl about the cashier’s age came to the front to smile at us both and offer us a lemonade drink, one that was more sour and authentic than the sweet lemonades back home. Of course, Delilah had no problem paying full price for that.

When we left with our drinks, she squealed, “I always wanted to do that. It’s so rude.”

“What’s rude?” We walked down the cobblestone street, and she stopped to pet a stray cat.

“To haggle. I left a big tip for our drinks, so I’m hoping that made up for it.”

“You left a … You got your wolf fair and square, Lilah.”

“Even so, I wanted the experience.” She smiled and walked on.

It was that part of her that made her better than anyone I’d ever known. She wanted to be good to everyone and wanted to be her best self always—even when no one was looking.

“Anyone ever told you that you might be too sweet?”

She hummed and then shrugged. “Anyone ever tell you that you might be too charming?”

I smirked and pointed down the road. Homes colored green, pink, light blue, and yellow lined the street. “Maybe a time or two. I’ve been called just about everything with the life I’ve lived.”

She nodded and stared down the road. “I’m jealous that you’ve had so much experience in just one life.”

“Sometimes it feels like I’m living about ten in one.”

“Can I ask why?” She stopped to look at me, and her hazel eyes peered up at me like she wanted to know every secret I had, like I could tell her anything. “Why did you hide your name from me all these years?”

I stopped and chewed my cheek, not sure if I should burden her with my shit, let her know what I didn’t tell anyone. Not even her brothers knew what she did about me.

“My name isn’t one you throw around. My dad was revered by some but hated by most.”

She nodded, and when she let the silence grow between us, I smiled. “You use that silence to your advantage as well as I do.”

She shrugged. “Some of my work with patients has taught me that people will disclose a lot if you keep quiet and let them.”

“Silence is a technique with a lot of men I’ve worked with.” I nodded, thinking about how I could quietly clean a tool behind a tied-up man and he would start talking faster than an auctioneer.

“Do you get tired of all the lives you live and all the men you’ve had to work with?” She’d known exactly what I was talking about when I used the word technique, and I sighed, pulling her over to a bench where we could let time pass as we talked.

A cat immediately ambled over to Lilah, who took no time at all to pet its orange fur.

“You know they aren’t all that friendly.”

“Of course they are.” She rolled her eyes. Lilah always had a knack for animals even back on my mother’s family farm back home. “They just need love.”

I hummed and took my time mulling over her question. To Lilah and her brothers and our whole town, I was someone very different. I’d always been reliable, always been sweet instead of vicious, and I always did the right thing when it came to her and that town. My mother made sure of it. She used to tell me a mixed little boy running around the suburbs was bound to run into trouble if he didn’t act right and that an Armanelli man was just a walking, talking target without his family beside him.

So we’d hid my name and I’d channeled anything bad in me into the military and mob.

There were only a few men in the military who could get answers the way I got them, and there was only one guy like me as an Armanelli. I was trained in torture, in extracting answers, and I did it with finesse. That took control, patience, and restraint.

I tried to have those traits in every life I lived now, but Delilah was seeing my work and my personal life get all jumbled together in a way I didn’t want it to. She was seeing me lose control and restraint with her time and time again.

“I’m not tired of who I am. I’m proud most of the time. Normally, I enjoy the work I do. It’s for the people I care about.”

“The Armanellis?”

“They’re my family, yes. They take care of most of this country, Lilah. It’s not all bad. What we do is the lesser of two evils.” I waited a beat. “And it’s difficult, dangerous, and takes a shit ton of training. I meditate, I work out, and I keep my mind clear most of the time to make sure I don’t mess up.”

She nodded and let the cat curl up on her lap as she continued to pet it. “I hope you know I’m still as proud of you now as I was when you told us you were going into the military.”

I knocked my shoulder with hers. “And I’m still as proud of you for being a nurse and getting through college. Maybe prouder now I know what you went through alone.”

She rolled her lips between her teeth and nodded. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Don’t be sorry, Lilah. Just be sure it never happens again.”

She blinked once, then twice, then whipped her head toward me with wide eyes. “Of course it won’t happen again. I’m not … We’re not doing that again.”

I smiled at her and grabbed her hand to take her to the next place I wanted to show her.

Our day was filled with all the things she’d wanted to do but hadn’t yet. I took her picture under colorful hanging umbrellas down the Calle de la Fortaleza, got her gelato, and fed her until her stomach was full.

My lamb was happy, bright-eyed, and bushy-tailed for all the world to see.

It was a perfect day between friends.

Or lovers.

I don’t think either of us knew which.